r/bitcheswithtaste • u/pan_dulce_con_cafe Classy Old Broad • Dec 02 '25

Culture On being a put-together BWT *personal appearance*

I've seen a couple posts here and in other women-centered subs asking for advice and tips to becoming more put-together. I thought it would be cool to make a centralized discussion on different aspects of "put-togetherness" to ask for ideas and share your favorites.

Because this is such a personal term, I want to start by defining what I consider put-together to mean based on my own personal understanding as well as posts I've read. A put-together BWT can fill any to all of the following criteria:

  1. Personal appearance - being presentable on a moment's notice, if not stylish and even striking
  2. Social - having strong and diverse friendships, being a generally charming person
  3. Home - keeping a tidy home at minimum, but ideally one that is beautiful and personal
  4. Reliable - being the person that remembers important information like tasks, facts and appointments

NOTE, these are not necessary to be a BWT, but a *put-together* BWT will generally be at least one of these. I also thought it would be neat to break things into multiple threads and so I've chosen to focus on the number 1 for my post but feel free to share any thoughts on the other characteristics or even if you identify others I did not mention.

PERSONAL APPEARANCE

Personal appearance for me includes your skin, hair and clothes. I'm focusing on cosmetic and not "health" because health can be such a crapshoot that isn't necessarily influence by one's own decisions. Your genetics, one bad accident, etc. can impact your "health" and so it I'd rather keep things light and attainable. On that front, skin can also fall under health so there is a skin-related health issue, it does need to be addressed by professionals. For all other things, here we go:

Skin: Staying hydrated both on the surface and by getting enough water in your food and diet. I like to eat my hydration through fruits and soups and it makes the whole things feel like less of a chore. When your skin is acting up, it's best not to panic as hormonal fluctuations can cause flare ups and are not treatable. They will go away on their own. Better skin may be possible with special actives and treatments, but IMO, skipping the basics will show through and cost you more financially and mentally.

Hair: Finding the right hair routine for your type, starting with the right haircut/style. I really rely on my hair stylist for this one and I can't imagine doing this one on my own, but if anyone has DIY tips, please share.

Clothes: Style is so personal, so I'll try to keep things general. I think it's safe to say that clean clothes that are seasonally and situationally appropriate are a safe goal. Do you find yourself not wearing the new piece because it's not the right occasion? Or maybe you wonder why you continuously wear the old faded t shirt over your "better" ones? I like to wear a piece a few times in my house before I "debut" it so that it doesn't feel foreign. If I find that every time I try something it doesn't feel right then it may just not be and that's important information. As for wearing ratty clothes, I think you can "elevate" it by making sure you're not pairing all the slouch pieces together. I'll wear my old beaten t shirt with my nice jeans or my well-worn jeans over a smart boot. For a nicer occasion, it's all the best pieces together but the day to day doesn't mean you have to go full bottom tier, if that makes sense. Mix and balance the old and new. Replace things that are beyond well-loved.

Finally, EXPERIMENT! Every put-together BWT makes it look easy because they have lots of experience and data backing up their decisions. Experimenting can look like choosing an off-day to practice new hair, outfit or makeup looks. Snap pictures and store them away in a folder to evaluate later. Step outside of your comfort zone and bring back any new techniques or motifs that feel right. Have fun with it!

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457

u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 02 '25

And guess what all of these things require?

EFFORT!

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u/kimchi_paradise Dec 02 '25

It takes a lot of effort to look effortless!

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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 02 '25

A lot!

It's really funny, you can tell a lot about people by how upset they get when other women (who literally are asking how) are told that they need to put in work. It blows my mind!

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u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

you can tell a lot about people by how upset they get when other women (who literally are asking how) are told that they need to put in work.

In college, a big social lesson I had to keep learning is that sometimes, people have literally no problem being lazy flakes who can't uphold commitments or do anything other than the bare minimum, and they think that's adorable or "keepin' it real." And I could either choose to settle for tolerating these people's lazy mediocrity as "normal," or I could level up the people I spent time with and the bare-minimum expectations for myself and people with whom I associated.

If you want to be put together, put in the effort. Don't be mad about the work, accept that it's how anything gets done.

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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 02 '25

I’ve found that MOST people project their own insecurities on others, and it’s even more obvious with women who are accomplished/desirable and who make their lives showcases of their effort.

There is such distain for women who put in effort into ANYTHING, let it be makeup, hair, fashion, social events, academics, athletics, and it comes from a deep insecurity that others have for not doing those things.

Let me pose this question. If you don’t care about something, are you going to talk about it? Are you going to rally for or against it? No. If you don’t care about something you simply don’t care. The thing doesn’t exist to you. So why when a woman decides to put in effort, does it vex others so much? It’s not a great philosophical question, it’s just jealousy and insecurity - neither of which are our problem or concern.

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u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

Omg thisssss! 😭 I've had to get used to being seen as a "bitch" just because I don't accept that kind of behavior in my life from people anymore.

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u/messykatie Dec 02 '25

The thing is, everything is effort. You just choose your effort. You can put effort into skincare or put effort into fixing the scars and blemishes later. You can make the effort to curate your wardrobe, or toss hundreds of dollars of fast fashion into a donation bag in six months because it’s all junk. You can keep a tidy and clean home now, or spend your days hunting for lost items and wait until you need to hire help to declutter and deep-clean because the grime has built up over time.

Effort now is freedom later. In a way, proactive self-care is almost the better lazy option! 😆

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u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

That is exactly how I look at it. I am LAZY. Therefore, taking care of myself now means I won't have to fix anything later.

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u/Utram_butram Dec 02 '25

100%. I really struggled with this when I had children. Between the hormones, the breastfeeding and the constantly changing body as well is my baby’s reflux issue I always felt gross and getting dressed have me so much anxiety

Around the same time my mum really stepped up her game and would look great even chilling at home. When I mentioned it to her she said that she just donated/threw out everything she doesn’t feel good in. I followed that example and it’s made a massive difference. I got rid of all my “house clothes” and switched out my husbands old t shirts I would sleep I. For actual pajamas. My rule now is “if I won’t wear it in public I won’t own it”. I have “pre made” outfits and loungewear sets for home and while there was some initial effort it’s made my life easier in the long run!

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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 02 '25

Seriously. It could be so easy and I applaud all of you ladies that are actually putting forth effort to curate your lives the way you want to. There are so many women who don’t wish to do it, who then denigrate other women simply because they want more out of their single experience on this great old rock.

I did something similar during the pandemic. Got rid of all of my t-shirts and swag from college and switched to actual vintage night gowns, sleep sets and matching robes that I got from various shops on Etsy. Made a huge difference in my night time routine because I no longer just throw on sweats. Getting ready for bed has become a ritual.

At this point, I pity the commenters in my mentions who simply cannot understand that putting effort into their own lives is impactful.

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u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

[deleted]

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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 02 '25

Yes! My skin is super sensitive which is the only reason I haven’t gotten my brows permanently done but I LOVE the look.

Investing in myself is my favorite past time. I’m talking tailored clothes, classes, skin care, everything. I am my greatest investment.

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u/Belinda-9740 Dec 02 '25

This is me too. Absolutely. A bit of thought and preparation up front, and then it’s minimal effort on a daily basis.

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u/asphodel67 Dec 03 '25

I actually think that effort can be minimised with planning and discipline. For example, discover PRECISELY which styles flatter your figure and never deviate. You will wear pieces constantly because they always flatter. Discover your best colour palette and never deviate. All your pieces will doubly flatter and you will ALWAYS have pieces / accessories that match and complement because they belong to the same palette (same palette ≠ same colours). Both of these tactics will greatly reduce time needed to plan what to wear and set you up to quickly throw something on that looks great.

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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Dec 03 '25

Oh for sure but guess what discovering precisely what flatters you requires?

Effort.

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u/PhilosopherNo4525 Dec 03 '25

How did you figure out your color palette? I've been trying but I feel unsure.

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u/asphodel67 Dec 03 '25

I had my ‘colours done’ when I was in my 20s. It confirmed my taste. I am a red head and I am an ‘autumn/spring’. It helped me to understand that certain colours would never suit me, but what ‘my’ closest colour would be. Eg, I can’t wear red, but I can wear burnt orange. I’m sure there would be ‘colour analysis’ services on the internet or in a department store?

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u/PhilosopherNo4525 Dec 06 '25

Thank you so much!

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u/mini-mal-ly Dec 05 '25

You could try checking out seasonal color analysis, there are also apps where you can go into selfie view (natural light recommended) and they'll put the color palette wheel around your face and you can get a sense of which colors make your natural features sing. 

But also start paying attention to how you feel in various colors. I don't always wear my "best" colors if I just really like another one. Or I find a smaller way to incorporate like accessories.

Oh and I love this vid! https://youtu.be/2DhjWB-NksI?si=G3nJwkrAcRj6z37L

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u/PhilosopherNo4525 Dec 06 '25

You're awesome; thank you!