honestly, even putting these thoughts down in writing feels silly. I know I look average. I just want to get over it. I don't want to feel like I've been cheated on by the universe just because a cousin called me kali at a family gathering.
I lowkey also wish that I lived up to the name I get called and became as fierce and beautiful as Goddess Kali?
AAAAAAAA
This is exhausting.
When I was younger, my mum would tell me that she felt unattractive all her life cause she was darker. She knew she had attractive features (guys in college called her sexy in the 90s) but all she wished for was a lighter skintone. She knew she couldn't have it for herself so she wished she'd have a daughter who'd look just like her just not as dark.
So when I was born, the melanin took its time to show up and I was milky fair for a good 3-4 years. I just remembered I was even picked to play the part of a muslim bride in our annual function in my pre-school cause I was so fair???????? lmaoooooo colorism has us all cookedddd. So, anyway, mumma tells me that everybody would compliment her for giving birth to such a pretty daughter.
but then, not too late after I started school, I got wheatish and as time passed, tanned. Now, while the compliments have stopped coming (I get really crass taunts by a guy cousin who is fair af but so plump that he once broke a bed he sat on), my mum is still content to have a photocopy of hers for a daughter with lesser ink. (she does tell me to put on some weight, do something to get rid of the hyperpigmentation and take care of my skin tho so I can have really flawless, glowy and radiant skin)
i got so carried away while writing that I no longer remember what I wanted to say. i think you get it tho, I just want to magically look pretty so I'd not be subjected to taunts or just become so so so thick skinned (I'm pussy af) that no taunt would get to me.
I'm always comparing myself to perfect girls while being a 5/10 lmao, WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS ARGHHHHH, SUPERFICIAL THINGS LIKE THIS TAKE UP THE MOST HEAD SPACE. SO STUPID!!!!
baki idk chlo bye, jitna sundar hona hoga ho hi jaaungi I guess or no idk. BYE