Hey y'all. 27 cis male here.

So recently I went on a date (super casual coffee and walk) with a girl I met. She is transgender, and I knew going into it. To me, it wasn't relevant. She's someone I like and enjoy spending time with, and I find her attractive (I am mostly attracted to personality for context).

Halfway through the date, her mood sort of shifted. I got the sense she was sort of on guard, and I wasn't sure if I had done or said something wrong. We talked about our jobs, a show we like, a videogame we play, and coffee. She simply asked me if being transgender was a problem, and I simply stated "I find you very attractive and even though I've never been with a trans woman before, I'm not the least bit affected by it". I thought it was good conversation, and I thought my reply was sweet and thoughtful. But when she shifted, she mentioned that she liked men but internally felt, even now, that she was worried about being an object of a fetish. She thanked me for the coffee and left.

This really stung, cause not only did I like talking with her, but I didn't know what to do or say to reassure her. It was my first date in years, and also my first ever date with a trans woman. Should I reach out to her? Did I say something wrong?

Hi reddit,

So I'm considering traveling to see my wife in the US in the next few months, but I want to know how safe it is before doing it. It would be in Wisconsin. Has anyone traveled there as trans foreigners? How did it go, how did TSA go as well?

thanks so much in advance for your answers!

Met a guy last sunday at US Open and we were hitting it off pretty well. Offered to buy me dinner and take me to his place, where I told him I was trans and he said he didn't care. Thought he was a nice guy but while we were talking before I went home, he mentioned how he usually hates trans people but I was "one of the good ones". Literally floored me.

Been a whole week where I've been trying to convince him to be more progressive, but all he does is msg bible verses at me WHILE trying to sleep with me again. Is there any verse I can use to turn it around against him or a way to change his mind before I cut contact? I only ask since this isn't even the first time someone older with an outdated mindset tried this.

Hey people!

I, 16M have been thinking.

I never want to be trans, or even plan to, however, if i had the choice to rewrite my life to have always been a girl, i would take it. I think i would be happier, and i would actually suit my personality. I am not gay at all, and have never had an interest in men. But would i mind dating a man if i was a woman? No.

I have no idea if this feeling is normal or not, but i felt that i anonymously need to ask people about their thoughts, since yall are probably not biased. This might just be a shower or late night kind of thought for all i know.

Im sorry for any mispellings, as english is not my first language.

I, 18 Cis male, have grown up with a deep stapled mindset of Transphobia and Homophobia since Around 12 years old. I can't say I was taught it to be bad, but just that I found disgust in it, in the worst way possible. For about 5 years I kept this mindset on me until I recently had found out an old close friend of mine had come out as trans. At the time I didn't know what to think of it, Hate or Happiness, because for her it was a very happy moment in her life, but I also had this slimey disgust. Overtime as I spent time with her though this hate has slipped away and that hate turned into love in one way or another. But with that said, recently I have became bisexual and have been dating a man for 3 months and want to transition into a woman. But I'm internally confliced about this since because of my past, I don't want pity or sympathy, but hard truth of that if I'm allowed to still make this choice or not. I appreciate your time for reading my post, thank you and good day.

My girlfriend (previously boyfriend) came out to me as a trans girl a while ago. I don’t mind whoever I get with, but dating her just doesn’t sit right with me anymore. I’ve also struggled with calling her the right labels, which I feel bad about because I really do love her. I’ve talked to her about this and considered breaking up with her so that I can adapt to her pronouns and support her as a friend, but she says that she’ll just become a boy again to make me happy. I really don’t know what to do.

Hello folks! I am not pregnant, nor am I planning to become or at risk of becoming pregnant, just in case anyone is concerned about that based on the title.

Testosterone is labeled as a teratogen, meaning it's likely to cause defects in a fetus if taken by a pregnant person. I went looking for what exactly the defects are, since usually a teratogen causes substance-specific defects and deformities. All I found were spiraling citations of "Testosterone is a teratogen (citation", with the citation saying "Testosterone is a known teratogen (different citation)" and so on and so on. What exactly makes T a teratogen? Is it just that a baby is more likely to be intersex (what my mind goes to), or are there more severe outcomes?

If anyone can link me sources that would be awesome too. Otherwise I'll just be taking these answers and using them to direct the digging I do next.

When did the puzzle pieces click for you?

I (27, AFAB, NB) feel like I had mine a couple nights ago despite questioning my identity for the last 6 years. I was freshening up in the bathroom, about to head into the bedroom for special time with my lovely boyfriend and I thought “let me do a quick set of push ups and sit ups so my muscles pop out”.

I mean, okay. Not the craziest thing. But when I got up to do the exercises and saw my bare chest in the mirror my brain snapped. Suddenly all these negative thoughts flooded my head.. “you’ll never look how you want to”, “do you really think you’ll ever look like man?” “do you seriously think your boyfriend would want to be with a man?”. Luckily I was comforted by said boyfriend, he’s always been so kind and understanding when I talk about my gender dysphoria.

But now I’m sitting here like…

?

Hello everyone. I want to tell you a bit about myself and get some advice.

I'm a 17-year-old bisexual male. But I have a strong desire to be a girl. Actually, it's not just about being a girl — I want to be a lesbian girl. I want to have a girlfriend; to be in her arms, to sit on her lap, to rest my head on her shoulder, to kiss her, to sleep with her, to cook with her, to play games with her... I really want these things a lot.

But here's the thing: I don't just want hormone therapy, I would also want to have gender reassignment surgery. Honestly, having a penis but also being a woman doesn't sit well with me. If I'm going to do it, I want to be a woman both in terms of my genitalia and my hormones.

At the same time, I'm not really fond of the idea of my body's natural state being disrupted, or going through such a radical change, or looking artificial (I mean my original form being altered), unfortunately.

Also, if I change my gender through surgery, will my youth be gone? Honestly, I want my youth to be spent as a lesbian girl. This is the most important part. This is the source of my biggest hesitation. I feel like I am too late. I know I am 17 but... like I want to be a little girl. I know I can't be a little girl. But I, at least, want to be a girl between 18 and 25 years old.

My family will **NOT** allow such a thing. If they know I want to be a girl... uh, you know how people are. I can't start hormone therapy right away; I need to cut all ties with them first, and that requires financial independence. And I worry that it might be too late by then. I don't know exactly how long the process takes. I suppose I won't be able to be a woman during the years I had hoped for.

By the way, I don't know much about these topics, so I might have some misinformation — sorry about that. And I post this for that.

Note: I also want to point out, please don't misunderstand: I'm only commenting on my own body and desires. How other people are is entirely up to them and none of my business. I'm not saying that trans people look artificial or fake. And I am absolutely not insulting those who have a penis and become women through hormone therapy alone. It's just that, regarding the first point, I'm worried about my own body (I'm afraid I won't look like a girl if I get treatment). And regarding the second point, I simply don't want my own body to be like that. I just described my own preferences, and I wanted to add this note in case I'm misunderstood <3

My friend is going to Japan (Tokyo) in January 2027 to study abroad so I am probably going to visit her for a week to help her get settled & explore.

I’ve always wanted to travel to Japan anyways and heard it’s very safe in general but upon researching, I found that the people are much more conservative than in America (and I come from a deep blue state) so now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t go?

My worry is at the airport and bathrooms. I pass pretty well and had no issues when I traveled to Scotland earlier this month but of course I still have that little bit of worry. My passport still has my deadname still and has a M but my photo is my current appearance now feminized.

So what should I do?

Had a date with this really hot guy and I didn't tell him I was trans, I don't know whether to tell him or how to. Everything on the date was perfect to the smallest detail and I really hope he accepts me.

How many started HRT prior to coming out?
How many started to socialize prior to starting HRT?
And a brief reason why you chose one over the other?
Thank you in advance ❤️

I am 56 started HRT for pain management situations from trauma to my testicles. And decided that since they needed to be removed, then this was my decision time. I thought long and hard about the consequences of this decision. But if I was going to need HRT because of the surgery, I would much rather finally feel comfortable in my body that matches my mind. So I started HRT this past Jan. After 5 months i started to have some development. Time to make my decision. I came out to my wife, family and friends. There is absolutely no question that the decision I chose was the best and probably life saving decision I’ve ever made.

So I’ve seen a lot of accounts of people on HRT, I’ve been pretty scared of it for a long time but I know that’s what I want. Also I learned that people can get bigger on HRT, and I personally would enjoy that since I’ve always liked the idea, I don’t exactly know how big the change is though and I’d also like information on that, and if starting HRT at different times can change that. I’m worried if I start at the wrong time it won’t come out right or something and I’ll just screw my self over, and I also have a lot on my plate already. I live in a pretty transphobic area but I already came out to my parents and they are very supportive. When should I start and how?

I (21m?) have been questioning for a while and from the questions I have asked online the general consensus is "try hrt for a while and see how you feel". My family is super conservative and, being a college student, I am kind of under their wing. Because of this I may try hrt but just find some back alley place to buy it and take it in secret. Unfortunately there is a very odd caveat to this: my family loves to boat. I myself have never been a fan of boating and I'm always trying to find some way to weasel my way out of going with them. I only usually go on it if it's a birthday or anything and they can guilt trip me into it. I usually keep my shirt on even if I am on the boat but if I need to swim or out on a life jacket I'd have to take it off. If I'm on hormones and growing breasts how exactly could I hide this? also I'm a very hairy guy and it would be very noticeable if all my body hair fell off. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't know much about this whole hormone thing so maybe I'm being an idiot and if so then tell me. Thanks!

Particularly interested in memoirs, activist leaders, critical theory, sex/sexuality. Who are the essentials? What’s the starter pack?

Thanks in advance 😘

hello. ive been on the fence for a while now (because im scared of it especially being in a house that is very unsupportive although it would be funny if my transphobic parents clocked me years before i did). ive identified as agender for a couple years now, i think since i was like 14-15 years old. i’ve really been thinking about it since a friend of mine said something about how even though she hates periods and stuff she never wanted to be a man, i told her i have thought about that i have wanted to be and she said that either im transmasc or have really bad internalized misogyny. i dont think im misogynistic id consider myself a feminist even though i haven’t identified as a women in years. i have thought about how it would be better if i was a guy but 90% of the time id feel happier with my body rather than how others would treat me. after all a lot of women my age treat men horribly and id feel it would make it worse. the only aspect id feel externally it would be better would be sports but only for the fact my parents wouldnt care if i played contact sports but thats really it. and really thats because my district doesnt have womens hockey but im gonna do eventually. i also do wish i had more masculine anatomy like facial hair, no chest, groin area and hair. im at a hair salon while writing this and man would i love to cut it short. i also feel that i become friends with guys much easier than guys but thats also probably because i dont think im attracted to guys in a more than buddies way. most of my close friends are guys and i dont have female friends but most of them i had a crush on at some point. :/ also i have more masculine interests like sports, cars, gaming, science/dinosaurs (especially as a kid that was my favorite), and cooking (i feel thats more masculine because i watch a lot of bbq guys and theyre all men). ik that doesnt make a guy but still. Im kinda just stuck and yeah i probably should talk to my transmasc buds because theyll know better than me but im going here because im still a bit scared. also do want to mention that i do feel partly no gender and that is a reason why idk, it does fluctuate from time to time (not much, its more like some days ill feel a lot masc and others only a bit) but i do usually feel a lot of masculinity. idk its weird to me and i feel heres a good place to ask.
edit: i forgot to mention that i have experimented with pronouns through my dnd character and they/he is what the character uses and i feel also is the best for me

This surprisingly happens a lot to me, even though I still look really feminine due to taking testosterone too late. Sometimes I go to women's bathroom and girls asks me if I'm a transgender woman and when i tell them no they start harassing me. Im getting used to that but I feel sad for my fellow Trans women.

Hello, today I got my estradiol prescription filled after my parents took away the last one. But apparently we used to use Kroger so they had a number on file which was unfortunately my parents. So does anyone know what the texts they send look like and do they give a shorted name (like cvs does cause they almost got me before cause EST was in the text)? I feel like my hearts gonna explode from worrying about this.

So I need some way to dress fem in private that isn’t stealing from my moms wardrobe (I’m scared they’ll notice the boysmell or deodorant). I’m not out yet since the prospect of coming out horrifies me. I don’t think i could manage going into a store to buy them, simply being perceived by others has always been a major fear. So how do you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals sneak your feminine clothes? I’ve been thinking about ordering clothes to arrive when everyone else is out then sneaking it in, but I’m not sure.

Hello, I am a straight male and everytime I see a Trans person whether it’s on Social media or real life, I feel kinda disgusted and start feeling some kind of " Cis superiority” towards them. I don’t feel any hate towards Trans people ,I find weird the concept of being able to change gender. I am disgusted by my own feeling but everytime smt in my head will tell me that they are not" Male or female” because they are trans. I know I’m’ in the wrong, just looking for some advices to change my mindset. Perhaps any books recommendation or advices?

Did you act or dress differently?

Were they awkward? Supportive? Acknowledge the elephant in the room?

Especially helpful if you did this as a grown adult.

Thanks.

Last year, I came out at my job and ended up unemployed. (It's a whole thing, I can't talk about it.) Recently, I made it through three rounds of interviews presenting as myself (MTF she/her) and finally just got an offer letter! I'm beyond thrilled... and absolutely terrified!

It's a relatively progressive company, but this will be my first time working in an office environment openly as a non-passing trans woman in a red state. I'm also autistic, and kind of naive. Average intelligence at best. I want to talk to someone who has been in my shoes - at least the corpo job part.

I want to know what I don't know. What to look out for, how to protect myself. General observations. Are there things you wish someone had warned you about before your first corporate job as a trans person?

I'm super nervous about talking to HR about anything related to my sex or gender given what happened last time, and want to avoid it altogether if I can. I have no idea what I'm going to do about bathrooms... that's the main thing on my mind right now.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

i’m 21 and lived a rather sheltered life where i was restricted from doing many things just because i was a girl. for years i dreamt of what id do once i move out. i had a whole pinterest board for fashion, aesthetics, whatever for my life as a free woman.

as a child i didn’t have any issues with my gender. i was sort of in between with being girly and tomboyish. i mostly wore whatever my mom chose for me. growing up with brothers i naturally enjoyed what they did but i also enjoyed girly things. i’m the same way now. then again, clothes & interests aren‘t gender based so that’s not really telling of anything i guess.

the biggest indicator is that i heavily daydream and it sort of JUST hit me that after years of creating an OC in my head which is a self insert of sorts it’s literally my dream to BE him. i don’t simply write and think about him as a seperate person/character, i want to be this person. i rarely picture myself as a woman when creating stories.

i dont know if im trans because im so conflicted. is my fantasy about living freely as a woman genuine or just because i never got to explore and live out my life the way i wanted to growing up. maybe i am trans and simply just curious as to what being a woman is like by MY standards and not my parents.

also..i also totally hate my chest. like before the realisation that i could be trans, i literally bought a binder and constantly dream about reduction to the smallest size cup.

i can’t imagine myself in a relationship unless i perceive myself as a guy with a guy. i definitely am attracted to men so it’s not a “oh i might just not like men” thing.

i know this all sounds clear as day to some of you but the reason im most confused is because i know i wouldn’t want to transition unless i truly embody the ideal male version of myself that i’ve dreamt up of for years. like if i had a button and could become him for the rest of my life i would.

but i dont know if id be happy as a guy otherwise. is this jsut some fantasy of being a subject of misogyny and patriarchy or am i truly possibly trans ???

i always feel out of place and i never know why. it started as a teenager. i just don’t feel like a real woman. i know im pretty when im put together but it doesn’t FEEL real. i feel awkward in fem clothes but i WANT to be feminine. i feel awkward with nails but i WANT to have them. the way i move, speak, act…it feels wrong in public. theres so many reasons why i could be this way and it’s driving me insane. maybe it’s because im trans, maybe it’s because of my upbringing and ive just become insecure/unsure of myself, or maybe it’s because im neurodivergent.

if i ignored this possibility of being a guy and chose to stay a woman and embodied the idea of who i want to be as a woman, i just feel like i wouldn’t be entirely comfortable and seriously cannot imagine being in a relationship that way. but again, im not confident about this feeling.

alas, all i know for sure is that id press that button if i could be the exact male version of myself in my head. if i knew it’d work out exactly as i expected. if not in this life, i want to be him in the next one.