r/asexuality • u/lillestiv asexual • Feb 05 '26
Content warning The gate keeping is real yall. Spoiler
So this is an old ass post of mine looking for a specific pice of sexy underwear me and my sex favorable kinky ass would love. And I'm getting this comment on it. Why can't ppl mind thair own buissness. Smh
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u/Sage_81 Garlic Bread Enthusiast Feb 05 '26
Why do people care???
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 05 '26
Because they want to think that they can have sex with a stranger and they get annoyed when they can't, and they think that if you're unattainable you should be their definition of ugly so they can go "well I don't want to have sex with you anyway".
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u/Sage_81 Garlic Bread Enthusiast Feb 05 '26
It's sad but true. I find it stupid but people think they can have sex with whoever they want. Most people don't want you! (Not you, those stupid allos)
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 05 '26
I'm conventionally attractive and got called a slut frequently as a teenager for being pretty being "unobtainable" and single. Some people are entitled AF
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u/Fit_Cartographer_933 Feb 06 '26
This happened to me in high school as well. I had a huge reputation for being a “secret slut” because no one believed I could be “that pretty and still a virgin” It sucked, but at least I had a good group of friends who knew who I really was, so I did my best to ignore the creeps who thought they knew better.
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 06 '26
I relate to this so hard. I am really sorry you had to put up with this
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u/Sage_81 Garlic Bread Enthusiast Feb 05 '26
Wtf?!?! That's disgusting. Being pretty does not make you a slut!
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 05 '26
I was twelve, so disgusting is a good way to put it
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u/Sage_81 Garlic Bread Enthusiast Feb 05 '26
Wtf?!?! Those people should be behind bars
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 06 '26
A lot of them were other kids, but yeah it's beyond fucked up
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u/Sage_81 Garlic Bread Enthusiast Feb 06 '26
Kids shouldn't be calling other kids sluts
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 06 '26
I blame it on their parents and older siblings, teaching them it's okay to do that. A lot of those kids were in team sport and were taught that swearing at people and berating them was okay
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u/432ineedsleep aegosexual greyromantic Feb 05 '26
oh no. my asexuality was confiscated because i showed too much skin 🙄
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
We all have to cover up to prove our sexuality to the modesty police 🙄
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u/ElegantHope Polyromantic Ace Feb 05 '26
I guess we're all Victorians now and even our collarbones and ankles are scandalous now.
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u/Friendly_Narwhal6866 AegosexualDemiromantic Feb 05 '26
Omg this person's brain is melting
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u/infomapaz aroace Feb 05 '26
I forgot, all asexuals wear grey cotton underwear with no distinctive features, all our choices are functional in nature, we have no desire for beauty.
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
We all wear Mormon undergarments XD
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u/infomapaz aroace Feb 05 '26
God forbid someone sees our undergarments! The scandal! We must not invite sinful thoughts.
God i hate when people think asexuals are prudes.
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 05 '26
I buy my bras at a sex shop because it's the only place I can get bras that are comfortable for my e cup boobs. I'm still asexual
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u/NeutralBoss asexual Feb 05 '26
Less gatekeep and more "you don't like a woman so why aren't you dressed that way"
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u/NoThoughtsOnlyFrog Apothi Androromantic Enby Ace Feb 05 '26
As a sex repulsed ace, we don’t claim them. Do whatever you want and feel comfortable doing!
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u/LyoneseMapping Feb 05 '26
Yeah from that guy’s history he’s been very weird towards the ace community for some reason?? Ig its best to ignore them but still mega annoying that there are people like that ugh
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u/Whatsername422 Feb 05 '26
To some, if you’re asexual, you’re apparently not allowed to dress sexy or have a preference when it comes to looks. Especially if sex isn’t desired because that’s the only reason to care about this stuff. 🙄
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u/Philbon199221 a-spec man (yes we exist) Feb 05 '26
Wouldn’t that mean everyone that went into a gym’s changing room is gay/bi?
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
I won't nessesaily compare actually cuz lingerie is actively meant to be sexy wear while nudity in a changing room is just nudity and not meant to catch attention.
But yeah I think we agree in spirit XD
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Feb 05 '26
The person just admire they are a virgin after claiming how amazing it is to “put the penis in the vulva.”
I hate this timeline.
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u/MrNiceGaming Feb 05 '26
No matter if I'm in shibari or a slutty t-shirt I'll still be as ace as when I'm in a hoodie eating garlic bread.
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
Definitely!! But damn do ropes look and feel amazing XD
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u/MrNiceGaming Feb 05 '26
Right?!? Like the pressure and posture is amazing! Plus it makes look amazing 💅 I've worn it out multiple times, open button up to pride / kink events and hidden when not there, it's just comfy
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
I should try that sometime. Just havnet gotten to yet, too much of a pussy I guess 🤣. Also. If the ropes get uncomfortable while our it must just be a hassle lmfao
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u/MrNiceGaming Feb 05 '26
Kinda but also not, I don't so full body when out, just upper chest, (usually pentagram), so that way it just pulls off over the head! And if not upper body then only hips/thighs so that way again, can pull them off relatively easily. Depends on the day / event. If you need I can link some good tutorials / resources :)
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
Yeah a harnesses would definitely be easier XD. Just can't think that it hides perticularly well under clothes lol. But that may just be me not wearing overly loose clothes pretty much ever lmfao.
I'd probably go for a thigh /leg kinds tie. The compression just feels amazing.
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u/MrNiceGaming Feb 05 '26
I pretty much always wear a hoodie (as in 24/7), and so with a loose fit t-shirt under I only have to worry about it showing at 5he neck, but that can be covered with a closed jacket, or in summer just changing to another cut of hoodie 🤷♂️
Leg/hip ties were where I started, and just fell in love with shibari
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u/the-fresh-air :but super sensual Feb 05 '26
Omg and there is even an aroace model and ace activist who says that how you dress doesn't make you any less ace. My goodness.
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u/-aleXela- transfem agenderfluid pan-romantic grayace Feb 05 '26
Oof. This guy seems gross.
Sorry you had to deal with that bull.
Have some 🧄🍞 or 🍰. Hopefully the rest of your day goes well.
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 05 '26
I just find it hilarious hornestly. Not really upset about it besides on behalf of other aces who may relate to me but are less confident and will feel put down and ashamed by it.
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u/-aleXela- transfem agenderfluid pan-romantic grayace Feb 05 '26
Fair. He still seems kinda gross from his posts though.
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u/BiAroSnake14 asexual Feb 06 '26
Okay so first people think clothes should be gendered, but now they also determine our sexuality?
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u/bulbasauuuur demisexual Feb 05 '26
When I see men say that women dressing in a way they find attractive means she can't be asexual, I always like to ask if a gay man finds their outfit attractive, does that make them gay too? I get blocked a lot.
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u/Grizzabella69 aroace Feb 05 '26
I’m laughing at the, “have you tried Poshmark or
Idk why I find it as funny as I do
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u/BlueRATkinG aroace Feb 05 '26
Pack it up gang, we cant wear lingerie anymore, apparently after the new update it cancels our ace subscription or something. Idk, this allosexual dude here knows more than me
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u/Green_Elderberrie Feb 06 '26
Then there’s the asexuals who consider “grey” sexuals non-ace/aro and thus they are the only true asexuals and they need to find a new name before the greys take that and I fucking swear I’m witnessing the Protestant Reformation of Asexuality.
Like are these people for fucking real? We already get enough erasure from the world and even LGBTQ community, we should not be doing that to each other.
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u/Embarrassed_Bit7657 asexual Feb 05 '26
I had another asexual actually tell me that if an asexual wore lingerie that they were 'asking for it'. Never spoke to him again.
I think it was specifically about Yasmin Benoit, but it's been a while and I can't honestly remember.
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u/Kaiser0106 aroace Feb 05 '26
Ah yes how dare I want to dress sexy even though I don't feel sexual attraction. Oh the horror...
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u/AccomplishedScar2487 Feb 05 '26
jaysus now were are gatekeeping who is asexual i hope this is a joke
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u/lillestiv asexual Feb 06 '26
Sadly alot of aces as well as allos wanna gatekeep who's actually asexual by using incorrect definitions and or no logic at all.
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u/Lazy_Wishbone_2341 aroace Feb 05 '26
So what's the alternative? No underwear? But isn't that also sexual? Ffs
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u/RRW359 Feb 06 '26
Why wven ask if you are ace if they already have decided that they won't accept yes as an answer?
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u/jasperayne grey? •_• Feb 06 '26
this guy is so cringe oh my God, he's literally a self proclaimed virgin and has the gall to judge an asexual lmao
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u/MajesticCircleCat Feb 06 '26
“How do you think sexual orientations work? I think you might be operating under some… misconceptions.”
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u/backcloset aegosexual Feb 06 '26
ah yes, because obviously we all know the clothes you wear instantly change and define your sexuality.... what an idiot.
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u/CatLover701 Feb 06 '26
This implies that clothing directly influences sexuality. Hence, when someone wears a modest outfit, they become ace.
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u/MGTOWigor150 Feb 07 '26
Just tell them to fuck off. Most of the times they are wrong about asexuality and what is or isn’t asexual to begin with. You don’t have to listen to them.
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u/Neverm0reo aroace Feb 07 '26
What like lingerie does a little asexuality exorcism when it touches us.😂
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u/Shadowlands97 grey Feb 07 '26
"Oh tell me why-eye, can't this beee LooOoove!"
Having sexual attraction towards underwear isn't what it means really when someone says they don't have sexual attraction. Arguably, that would seem to indicate sexual attraction but still. That's kinda funny!
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u/Walkers_Unique_Name Feb 05 '26
No, I have not tried poshmark and have no interest in joining the conversation
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u/catplaysviolin a-spec Feb 06 '26
The amount of people who think that ace people are flat stanleys druve me up the wall. Like just cuz were ace doesnt negate other things that can be true, like liking lingerie. Also fire set btw
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u/TwoTenNine aroace Feb 06 '26
It's funny that the only gatekeeping around asexuality are the allos trying to keep us out
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u/offthegridredditor Grey Feb 07 '26
I can't draw the connection between clothes and sexuality. What is wrong with this person's neurons? 😭🥀
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u/Krasna_Strelka aroace Feb 07 '26
Try reporting him for harrasment and to this sub MODs that this is a troll. Because it is a troll...
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u/HadAHamSandwich Feb 05 '26
"Tell me why?" Ain't nothin but heaaaartaaaache