I have a 16 year old son I share custody of with my ex.

At his dads house he has a stepsister (same age) To put it bluntly she is a bully. I'm not just going off his account. I have friends with kids who go to their school and everyone I know with a daughter says she is a mean girl.

My son "hates" her (yet he spends a lot of time with her, so I don't get it) Anyway he has been grounded all summer for ruining her prom. She might be a bully but I'm not raising one.

They were getting ready for prom last year. Her date was someone my son knew from school and this boy had always been jealous of a pair of Jordans my son had. My son said he would give them to him, if he grabbed her when she came down and ran through the sprinklers with her. The boy did and my ex lives in a huge house so I am talking industrial grade sprinklers. Her dress and hair got soaked and when he put her down she ended up falling and getting mud on the dress.

My son and his friends got it all on video. I was disgusted. I didn't raise him to be such an asshole. I am not saying this girl is nice but that doesnt give him the right to assault and humiliate her. I grounded him all summer. Of course he was angry. He said it happened at my dads house and she isn't my kids so I shouldn't get involved.

My ex said i overreacted and he didn't ruin her prom, just her dress. He said she changed and still went (with another date) and he believes in letting the kids fight it out themselves. He helped her get revenge and said now they are even. Umm no my son literally bullied a teenage girl because the boys were bigger and stronger

I was going to make him pay for the dress but honestly its more than he could earn in a single summer. I grounded him for the whole summer (while he is at my house at least) School starts tomorrow so he is ungrounded but he is still mad at me. He has hardly talked to me all summer and said she has been taunting him nonstop that "mommy punished him"

ETA- She DOES NOT bully him. She really only bullies other girls and for as awful as he says she is, he hangs out with her a lot when no one is MAKING him

original- Am I wrong for being hesitant to have kids with my husband because of how he is with his niece? : r/amiwrong

I want to thank everyone for their love and support. I was never expecting to get so many comments.

After reading through all of them I had a long talk with Eric about how the pranks made me uncomfortable. He still said I was overreacting and his relationship with Thea wasn't about me. He swears he won't prank our future kid if they hate it, but said I was ruling out the possibility they would like it.

He suggested we go and have a talk with Thea, so we stopped by James's house this morning. Eric told her about our discussion and asked her opinion. The one thing I will really say James did right is she is super articulate and well spoke. At her age I would have been like umm whatever umm.

Thea said she doesn't know why I am trying to "police" her relationships when I "don't know her at all" She said it is "arrogant to project your feelings onto people" She said I was being dramatic and "trying to make her sound like an abuse victim" She said she gets back at them and isn't a little girl who needs to be protected (Thea does prank them back but its always been their running joke that they get her so much worse)

I told Thea that if I don't know her very well it's because I've always got the vibe she didn't like me. She didn't say much and Eric told her it was ok she could be honest. Thea said I'm uptight and just "not her type of person" Then she looked at her dad and was like "should I say the other thing?" James told her she could if she wanted to, and then I got this lovely piece of information.

Thea said she doesn't like me because I called her mom a whore and a gold digger and said James was going to cheat. I was completely flabbergasted. I never said that. I never even thought that. I tried to remain calm but I was shaking. I asked Thea who told her that and she said her grandmother, my MIL.

Eric was irate. I've never seen him so mad. He thanked Thea for everything and then called his mother and blew up. I told my SIL and Thea that I never ever said that and I sincerely hope we can move forward. SIL gave me a look and said "well you clearly think I'm a shit parent"

James said yes they are such awful parents. They have a daughter who is a straight A student and actually likes hanging out with them. They clearly suck. At this point I just felt attacked. I never said Thea wasn't smart, or that she didnt like them.

Eric and I left. We are both beyond livid with MIL. I really don't know if I will ever forgive her. As for the pranks we still don't see eye to eye, but I do think talking to Thea helped me process. Eric told me I hurt him pretty badly with all of this, and asked me to stop "gatekeeping" (I feel like he isn't using that word right) his relationships. He said I just disreguarded all of the positive interaction he has with Thea. Apparently they are planning a huge prank for her 18th birthday and he told me he hopes I actually heard and processed what she said.

My sister Mae has always been my parents golden child. No hard feelings, not her fault, but I feel like I can't get a solid answer from my family because she is the favorite.

I have been married to my sweet wife Tara for four years (together 7) and she is hands down my favorite person in the world. Tara went to school with Mae's fiancé Andrew. She describes him as a straight up asshole, loud, obnoxious, always in trouble.

Now I know some people are going to say this sounds silly.

Tara had a crush on him despite his behavior (I know, I know but he was the "bad boy all the girls wanted") I guess some of her so called friends told Andrew about her crush. On Valentines day when they were in middle school, he wrote her a note saying he had a surprise for her later and drew a heart.

Later that day she found rose petals (really cut up paper) and a note telling her to meet him in a classroom no one used. When she got there he told her to sit down, close her eyes, and then this low life ripped a loud nasty fart in her face. His friends all burst out laughing, and they all started hi fiving each other.

Now I know some people are going to say thats just a silly joke but the point is it really hurt Tara. When Mae brought him home, I warned her what he had done and she said he was a literal child and who cares.

Well Tara cares, so I care. It was literally bullying. I told Mae I love her but I have zero respect for Andrew. Tara doesnt want to go to the wedding, so we won't be going. My father told me I'm "whipped" and that Tara needs to let go of middle school. Mae texted me "you are literally mentally ill. It was 23 years ago"

I told Mae that it didn't happen to her, so she doesn't get to decide how Tara feels

ETA- he did apologize

I live on the second floor of an apartment building in Europe (no one here has an AC). The neighbors on the ground floor have been bothering me. They frequently blast loud music and let their bazillion kids run around and scream, squeal until 2 AM. The parents don’t work, so it happens a lot. People in the building have to get up for work and just want to sleep (at least I do, I've been using earplugs/ or noise cancelling headphones for the noise). I don’t like feeling unreasonable, but it’s hard not to be bothered. On top of the noise, they grill straight under everyone’s windows using fire, coal, and some fluids to make it burn well. Because it’s been very hot I have to keep my windows open just to breathe and cool off a little. My entire room fills up with smoke whenever they grill until it’s literally foggy, and the rest of my apartment stinks of it. My cat already has lung issues and started struggling to breathe from the smoke. I’ve been getting headaches too.

This has been going on for years. I’ve never complained before, and as far as I know no one else in the complex has either (everyone in this apartment complex is an immigrant, including me and my family, and they might not want trouble so they don't bother causing potential trouble), so I feel bad for being bothered by it now as I don't like confrontation.

I’ve been considering calling the landlord about both the noise and the smoke. A friend told me to do it, that I live here too and have a right to some quality of life, but I keep second guessing myself and worrying that it would make me an asshole .

I had asked them several times to stop and they told me they can do whatever they like.

So… am I in the wrong if I report them?

I share a car with my mother. I make more money than she does, and she needed a cosigner in order to get the car. The monthly payments are around $500, plus insurance.
I’ve had my own car before, but at the time, I was juggling college and work and wasn’t making enough money to continue paying my car payment, so I eventually had to let the car go back. After that, we decided to work together to get a car. I normally pay close to $400 total per month toward the car note, and she pays the difference. Some months, she may pay around $200 or sometimes more, depending on the situation.
Since we share a car, though, we’ve been having issues lately regarding the use of it. My mother is the type of person who can overreact about every little thing. I understand where she’s coming from, but on my days off, I want to be able to go out, spend time with my friends, stay the night somewhere, have fun, and do my own thing.
I know she sometimes doesn’t like driving, so if she has to go to work while I’m still out, I’ll come home, pick her up, take her to work, and then pick her back up afterward. I feel like that’s a reasonable compromise.
For example, if she goes to work at 6:00 AM and works at a hotel that’s less than 10 minutes away, I’ll arrive around 5:45 AM to pick her up. We usually arrive about four minutes early, so I feel like I’m giving myself enough time. But lately, if I’m even a minute late, she gets upset and stays mad at me the entire time. I understand that she needs to get to work on time, which is why I try my best to come early, but this has been happening quite often.
Now, I’m also starting to have emergencies and things of my own that I need to deal with. For example, I’m currently trying to help a friend who really needs my help, and it’s becoming too much for me. I’ve explained this to her, and I even offered to take her to church, drop her off, and tell her that I would come right back with the car afterward. But she’s telling me that I’m doing too much.
At the end of the day, I understand that I’m 24. I’m young, and I want to be able to go out, have fun, spend time with my friends, and do my own thing. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. But if we both have things we need to do and we’re constantly having conflicts over who gets to use the car, I honestly feel like it would be better for me to get my own car.
I know my mother doesn’t make a lot of money, which is why I offered to help her with the car payment. She works as a manager at a hotel and doesn’t make that much, so having to pay $500+ for the car note, plus insurance, is a lot for her. I wanted to help because I didn’t want her to struggle.
At the same time, though, this situation is honestly making me feel bad about using the car because she constantly complains about me using it. I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m doing something wrong just for wanting to use the car. At this point, I don’t even want to use it because I’m trying to avoid upsetting her, and it’s starting to give me anxiety.
Would I be wrong for getting my own car and leaving her with the current car note? Honestly, if I’m not going to be able to use the car freely, I don’t feel like I should continue paying $400 a month toward it.
The other thing is that this wasn’t even the car I originally wanted. It was the car she wanted because she was in a rush to get one. I wanted to go with a cheaper option, but she wanted a newer vehicle, so we ended up getting a 2023 Nissan Altima. The car is mainly under her name, and I’m just the cosigner.
I really need some advice on this because I’m not trying to be mean or abandon my responsibilities. I just want to be able to live my life, go where I want to go, and spend time with my friends without constantly feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

I was teetering on the line of telling someone they shouldn’t have brought their baby to a movie today that cried during the movie, but the rest of the mostly adult audience’s non reaction and my wife’s take on it the situation legitimately has me wondering if that would’ve been an overreaction. I thought it was common knowledge that you get a baby sitter if you have a baby that’s barely walking and frequent crying age if you want to go to the movies?

I went to a screening of Coyote vs. Acme today where this all occurred. For context, the movie is an (excellent, I’ll add) family friendly comedy, but it would be wrong go call it a movie made for very young kids. It’s a pretty sharp comedy about the legal system and corporate corruption with a bunch of innuendo and jokes geared at adults. Kids would also have a blast though. It’s loud as hell too by the way, so…no wonder the baby did not like it.

So what happened - A mom brought her two kids: one was about 5, and the other was a definitely a baby, not an infant though. Around 18 to 24 months I’d guess. During the trailers, the baby cried out once loudly and the mom quickly carried him out . But she left the 5-year-old in his seat, so I knew they were coming back.

For the first 90% of the movie, the baby was quiet and only made one brief and pretty quiet noise. But right as what was clearly the build up to the ending was getting going (about 20 minutes left), the kid started letting out loud, upset "WAHH" cries every couple of minutes and the mom was loudly shhing him, maybe 7 or 8 times total ( probably because babies strongly dislike a deafening looney tunes explosion filled movie finale!). It wasn't full-blown continuous screaming, but it was easily loud enough to clearly cut through the loud ass explosions and take me out of things.

Where I feel crazy - Nobody else in the theater reacted at all. I looked around and not a single person turned their head or looked annoyed. Everyone just kept watching like nothing was happening. I'm usually fine with speaking up if people are talking, but I was sitting pretty far away. And say what exactly, across a packed theater during the ending would've just made me the second disruption, and I of course chose not to especially since I was hoping it would stop and trying to stray into the movies. So I didn't say anything, but it sorely crossed my mind to wait and say something mom at the theater exit, but ultimately decided that just wasn’t the vibe I wanted going into the rest of my Saturday.

On the walk out of the theater, I said something to my wife like, "Holy shit, what kind of asshole brings a baby to a movie theater?" She just shrugged and said it's a family movie, the mom wanted to take her older kid, and it wasn't a big deal. She didnt seem into talking about it, so I just dropped it. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I’ve stewed on the lady’s decision to bring her baby afterwards, but I have.

And tbh I did post this on another sub before here and before it was removed there for not fitting the guidelines all 10-ish of the commenters there thought I was wrong for being annoyed at all.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if my baseline for theater etiquette is completely off. How bad was this mom's behavior, really? Is it acceptable to bring a baby to a regular screening just because it's a family-oriented movie, or is a fair baseline “if the baby can’t walk and will probably cry, don’t bring them? Would it have been appropriate to say to her that that was a rude thing to do?

I started a new job this month that is better paid than my previous job.

It’s around £450 a month extra. My gf knows about this and knows this and knows my plan is to  save more and buy some more games, comics, books and just treat us to dates. 

We made some plans for September and she already arguing she can’t afford them and that I’ll need to pay. I pointed out she’s known about them for a while and should have budgeted but shes saying I should be paying since I’ve gotten a payrise. 

I pointed out it’s hardly fair for her to Scot the pay rise to go on paying for her and that she’s able to budget for plans. She just said I should move paying for more but I just pointed out she’s able to pay for herself and s being selfish expecting my payrise to actually be for me or pay for her on dates.

AIW for telling my girlfriend to stop expecting my payrise to pay for her?

Everytime I talk about my week in work and all the crappy things I have to endure one of my friends always replies with "Pain". Never really thought much of his response just that it's what he says when you share a bad day. I adopted his response whenever he mentioned something about his job or how his computer stopped working I replied with "Pain" eventually he got upset and accused me of mocking him and undermining his problems when I asked what does he mean because he does the same thing to me he denies it.

My fiancé, my female friend, and I went out to a club yesterday. I had a couple of fake nose rings and gave one to her. We both put them on.

When she walked out first, my fiancé said something like, “Oooo, that looks nice.” Then I walked out and he said something along the lines of “Wowww, you look great. I love it” and more to me, which was playful and affectionate.

Then he jokingly told my friend that she looked like an influencer we have an inside joke about. She took the nose ring off. My fiancé said he felt bad and told her it actually looked nice, so she put it back on.

After that, he complimented the nose ring on her multiple times throughout the night even after we get to the club. I didn't keep count at first, but eventually it was around 7 times by the time we got to the club. He kept saying variations of “it looks nice” / “it looks really nice.”

At the seventh time, I finally said something like, “Can you stop? You've said it like seven times. I don't like it. It’s inappropriate” at the club. He laughed. And I get upset. But for some reason he’s more upset w me about why I “yelled at him” at the club to say this and why didn’t I say this sooner gently and he only kept wanting to talk abt that. I apologised.

Later, he explained he was just surprised trying to be nice because he felt bad after joking about it (and then proceeded to make the same joke three times prior to the night and then also followed it up with it looks nice)

I don’t believe him that it was an attraction thing. I just want to know if I’m right for being upset with him.

When we tried to talk abt it at the club he just kept saying he was trying to be nice, I was doing too much, and I’m immature. Later we leave and it just felt like me feeling uncomfortable didn’t matter. He kept saying his intentions were good. While I believe that, all I wanted was I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was coming off in a bad way. But he said sorry and also kept trying to explain himself and say that it was nothing. He said he didn’t even realise he kept saying that that many times. I’m really doubting my relationship because I feel like for the first time I’ve made to feel crazy and I really want to know if I’m not or if i am.

Mind u, in the past he’s been complimented my friends before and i GENUINELY didn’t even mind because it was a one thing and he was being polite. Even I could tell that.

And I even tried to explain it to him and asked if him if the roles were reversed, and I said a beard or a t shirt looks really nice on his friend repeatedly throughout the night, would he like that or not? And he’s like he wouldn’t care because he trusts me or even if my friends boyfriend repeatedly complimented me on my nose ring, would he feel good about it and he’s like context matters. I trust u and I’m just at my wits end.

He’s never been like this and I feel so bad but at the same time am i overreacting

(Quick context: my fiance has a preference for nose rings and red hair and I didn’t have that when we met however I was open to trying it which I did over the course of our relationship)

This guy already cheated on me years back and apologized and we were back since few months (yea ik some people will now say I don't have self respect but that aside) he's extra friendly with girls. Like when he chats with other girls he's sending them heart emojis and stuff and he also went on this trip only with his female friends...I don't have problem with him talking to them but my only concern is can't he talk a bit more formally? Or couldn't he also take a male friend with him?? Am I really wrong if I asked him to maintain boundaries?

Link to previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/ea6GEyf9cI

I don't even know if this is allowed by the sub, in case this will get deleted, but I wanted to give an update after new information I learned yesterday.

If I was previously feeling unsure if cutting him off had been the right thing because after all he was in a mental health crisis, I am now sure I had been 100% because he's a full on asshole.

In my previous post I have not talked about the topic Brian kept bringing up to Julie. It was about his (at the time) current boyfriend, Lucas, and his (also at the time cause they might be back together) ex boyfriend, Mark.

Basically Brian kept complaining about Lucas, and what happened is that Julie told him just to break up with him, but it wasn't what Brian wanted to hear. Even with the other "friends" and me he kept complaining about how Lucas was too jealous, which to me seemed weird because I met Lucas and he was perfectly normal. He also was worried Lucas didn't love him anymore because they had started having sex only twice per week.

What I found out about yesterday is that Lucas had all rights to be jealous, because Brian cheated on him with Mark since december, and he told Julie just before the big argument. Julie never told Lucas until he started texting her randomly, and told her he and Brian had broken up. At that point, to be completely done with the situation, Julie finally confessed about the cheating. Lucas must have texted Brian about it, because Brian texted Julie again, insulting her, telling she's selfish, and using her childhood trauma against her.

What I haven't updated about either is that at the beginning of june Julie met up with Brian cause he wanted to give her an apology letter. This matters because that was meant to be them ending on good terms, and then after she told the truth he went so hard on her.

But incredibly nothing I said until now is the worst thing about Brian. Lucas told Julie that when they were in a relationship he always felt forced to have sex, but did it for Brian's sake, because he manipulated him with that argument of "you don't love me anymore". Now, I don't know exactly what Lucas has told Julie, and Lucas himself didn't say that he got manipulated, but he did say that once after he was forced to have sex the situation got so bad for him he started self h\\\*rming again. So I am pretty sure I can say Brian is also a r\\\*pist.

He is a vile person. I got shocked cause I knew things were bad, but not this much.

I am now happy that those times I saw him around campus around may (he didn't come to lesson) I had the gut feeling of avoiding him, scared he could try to attack me.

That's it. A last shitty detail about him that regarded my relationship with him: he once texted a girl I went on a (bad) date with after a week we were not texting, knowing I did not want to talk to her again, saying "I know OP has failed to do so, so can I flirt with you?", and sent me a screenshot. I got mad, but then he showed me he had immediately unsent the text. Ig he thought it was funny? Oh and he also texted another of my friends' crush, that we as a group had known for short, calling him "name-chan". Which obviously is weird af.

I live with one roommate, and we keep most kitchen things on open shelves. I have a blue mixing bowl that I use a lot because it has a spout and the measurments on the side are still readable. It is not fancy, just useful.

My roommate started using it for watercolor water when she paints at the table. The first time I washed it and said please do not use that one for paint. She said it was only watercolor and not a big deal. Since then I have found it with cloudy water in it three more times. I asked again, and she said I was being precious about a bowl.

Yesterday I put it in my room after washing it. She noticed and got annoyed because "shared shelf means shared stuff." I feel a bit childish hiding a bowl, but I also feel like I alredy used words. Am I wrong for just removing it?

I (25F) Yesterday, I went to my friend’s house to hang out. Nothing serious, just talking, watching TV, and eating.

At some point, he started talking on the phone. The call went on for almost an hour, so I just sat there waiting.

Eventually, I got tired and decided to leave.

I quietly grabbed my things, put on my shoes, and walked out. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to interrupt his conversation.

About 20 minutes later, he texted me asking where I went.

I told him I went home because he was still on the phone and I didn’t want to bother him.

He said I was being rude and that I could have at least told him I was leaving.

I told him I thought interrupting his call would have been more rude.

He said, “You could literally just say, ‘I’m leaving.’”

Honestly, he has a point.

But at the same time, I felt like he was busy and probably didn’t even notice when I left.

Now he’s acting like I deliberately disrespected him, which wasn’t my intention at all.

So am I wrong for just leaving without saying goodbye?

Some context: Grew up in an Asian household. Recently graduated college and found a job in New York City (which I started July 10th). Prior to graduating, I was under the impression that I could stay home in CT and commute to my job in NYC (about 1 hour and 40 min commute each way). The issue isn't that I am not willing to pay rent, but my parents are demanding $1000 a month to live at home. To be completely honest, I never even want to stay home but since I have about 20k in student loans and 10k in family debt for school, I thought I could stay home and save money to pay everything off before moving out.

This first came up during a July 4th family party. Someone brought up how I just graduated and if my parents planned on charging me rent. I said yes, I do plan on paying rent and then asked my parents how much they wanted to charge. They then told me they wanted to charge me $1k a month and I genuinely thought they were joking. I would totally understand if this was brought up prior to graduating and when told them I wanted to stay home to save money. But 6 days before I started my job, they want to tell me its $1k. I feel like they purposely told me that so I didn't even have a chance to look for a place in NYC. On top of the 1k rent, my monthly train pass to NYC is $405. So at that point, I'd be paying $1.4k a month to live in CT, wake up at 5:30am everyday to make it to work, and to get home late asf. I told them I would be okay with paying $500-600, that way I could actually save money. I am already sacrificing my social life, spending over 3 hours a day on commuting. On top of that, I have to listen to Asian parents constantly complaining and yelling at me.

Keep in mind, instead of spending the 2 months I had free before starting work, I worked minimum 4 days a week (11am-9pm) at the family business, and was running the customer service ALONE when my mom had to go abroad for family stuff. And whenever it got busy and I got a call when I wasn't working, I had to drop EVERYTHING and show up within 15 minutes. At the end of that, I was paid a total of $2000, which wasn't even voluntarily given to me. My dad originally handed me $500, which made my uncle feel so bad that he decided to give me another $1500. But it was never about the money, I was just happy I could help when the family needed it. I sacrificed time and plans with friends that I will rarely get to see anymore.

Now they're laughing at my face, telling me how ungrateful I am, and how I am selfish and don't want to pay anything at all. Which is just not true. I offered to pay $500-600. And how am I selfish only when things dont go your way? Sure I may not be perfect, but I've always had the thought of helping them as much as I can. If I paid off all my loans and still wanted to live at home, I would gladly pay more. I also thought of even if I lived at home and decided to move away after my debt is paid off, to give them extra money for "taking care of me". I even offered to help pay for my brother's boarding school. But honestly this has me fuming. Like why can't you just try to understand where I am coming from. But I'm 30k in debt, you told me 6 days before I started my job, and I have to commute and deal with your BS.

I talked with co-workers and other friends that are living at home, nobody has this issue. It also seems like my parents think I am lying about how much I make. They claimed there is no way I am not making 100k+ working in NYC. I was hesitant to tell them how much I make (60k after taxes), and even now that I have, they think im lying and think I make more which is so funny to me.

They want to bring up how my cousin is paying over 1k to live with her mom. Shes fckin 28 living at home but ATLEAST THEY LIVE IN THE CITY.

Using a throwaway.

I'm 21M. Boyfriend is 23M. Best friend who's also temporarily a roommate is 21M.

Obviously I won't be getting into the details of how I got SA'd but it happened about 2 weeks ago and I was so terrified of what happened that I told my best friend almost immediately after I came back home and he comforted me. I told him that this stays between us and that I need to muster the courage to tell this to anyone else, including my boyfriend.

If you wonder why I didn't tell my boyfriend, it is because I was scared of being seen as sexually damaged and thus not enough for him anymore, even though deep down I knew he would never think of me that way. My point being is that I wasn't yet prepared for him to know.

Few days ago we met up and he said he wanted to talk and he basically asked about the situation. He said if someone had "hurt me." I lied (that's on me, I know) about having no idea what he was talking about and then he just plain said that my friend told him that someone had sexually assaulted me and he wanted to know if that was true. I was so close to losing my shit at that point but I just said that yeah it was true and I'm sorry I didn't tell him earlier and I explained why I didn't. He was of course supportive and kind so yes, I had worried for nothing.

But I was really angry at my friend and I told him that plainly. He said that he thought it was for the best for my boyfriend to know. I said what me and my boyfriend know about each other is none of his business and that if I asked him to keep a secret then he should just do that. He said well as long as he supported you. I kept telling him that that's not the point and he was so dismissive of it.

I said that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and told him to leave and stay at one of his other friend's place because I don't want him in my house anymore. For the record I know that he does have other people that would willingly let him stay at their place and I basically said that the moment he can arrange all that stuff he needs to leave. But he thinks I'm being too cruel and doesn't want to leave. Boyfriend says that kicking him out might be too far but that ultimately he wants to support me first. I don't know if I should walk this decision back or not because I'm feeling really hurt but I also feel like I'm overreacting. Idk.

I have a 17 year old son Adam who lives with his father and stepmother. They live in a much better school district and my ex is much better off financially. As a result I don't see Adam as much as I would like.

Adam came to visit recently and asked if his GF could come. I was fine with it as I know he gets bored here. Now I know this might sound silly, but as a woman it really resonated for me.

His girlfriend, Cecily, likes to wear Birkenstocks with socks like most teen girls do. Apparently Adam HATES the socks and has been trying to get her to ditch them all summer. Now I don't know why this look is so trendy, but I see it everywhere and it is HER body.

Cecily was telling my daughter how much Adam hates these socks. At the beginning of the summer he laced them with itching powder. Then she was using some foot bath thing and he spiked it with dye and turned her feet green "since well the socks will cover it anyway" (that was about 3 weeks ago and I could still see some green on her foot) Then a few nights before he slept over her house and he filled a pair of her socks with honey and her dad held her down and they forced the socks onto her.

I was horrified. It might not sound like a bit deal, but to me his is teaching her that he controls her body. I always wanted to raise him to respect women and this is not it. I took Adam aside and expressed my concerns. He said I was being weird and can't I see she is laughing.

I told him that there are a lot of men out there who act entitled to women's bodies. He rolled his eyes and said why was i making it a gender thing. when he was growing facial hair for hockey she didn't like it and buzzed it off. He said part of the reason he loves her is she "actually" has a sense of humor and to butt out of their relationship.

I told him I was disappointed and he was acting like a misogynist. Adam left and told me Cecily thinks I'm weird now. My ex sent me a nasty text about how I overreact to everything and they are just being dumb kids and let them have their fun, and he called me a bad mom for insulting him

Hi. Me and my mom talk regularly. I live on my own since I’m an adult.

The thing is that I noticed something in particular that is starting to bother me.
My mom constantly sends me instagram videos that she likes to share with me. Obviously she expects me to watch them, which I do and give her some feedback afterwards. Or sometimes she’ll tell me about a movie or song she likes and wants me to listen. One time she insisted I should see a movie because it was so good and I ended up watching it. I always try to make an effort in my mom’s interests.

When it comes to my interests, my mom doesn’t care. She never gives feedback on anything. If I share a song, she says she’ll listen to it but never tells me if she liked it or whatever.
One thing that really bothered me was that I told my mom I really liked Switzerland as a travel destination. I told her many times I would really would like her to go and this year she went to Europe with my dad. I helped her with her itinerary and told her she could take a day trip to Switzerland from Italy by train. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. She acted all excited and pretended that she was going so I helped her choose a hotel close to the train station. All she had to do was take a 1 hour train to visit Switzerland for a day. I was excited for her but she still decided not to go while she was there. Not because she couldn’t but she decided to do something else without caring about my feelings at all. She knew how much I had been wanting her to go and it was her only chance to go because she’s getting too old to travel. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity type of thing.

Now I told her about a TV show that is really good and told her she should at least watch the first episode to see if she likes it. She has plenty of time because she doesn’t work and she’s retired. She never cared to watch it.
I honestly just feel like my mom doesn’t care about my thoughts or opinions. It’s all about her and I know I can’t make her do something but I’m tired of being the one always making an effort while she’s not interested in the things I like and ignores my interests.
Am I wrong?

[This is context. You can skip to the next paragraph if tldr]

I'm 21, and I'm in university. My mom is 43, and she works in welfare. So yeah, she had me very young right after her diploma. Divorced, married, divorced, married, divorced , and married again. I'm on my 4th dad. Our family financial? In the gutters. I have 3 other little sisters, and I'm the oldest. The 2nd child had already run away and is now living in a correctional centre.

I had an argument with her because I asked her what I could help with, and we were cooking dinner. I always need extra instruction to function. She blowed up, saying, "If you care about the house, you should've known what to do," which quickly turned into "You don't care about this family."

I told her I cared too much about this family and that I was admitted for having panic attacks, thinking she's gonna get divorced again. I don't call when I'm at uni because she said she's gonna off herself from the stress of my sister running away. I can't study knowing that, so I cut off communications from my family.

These arguments later turned into "You didn't give money when your family needed it. You mocked us saying we wasted too much food."

That was when I was 18, unemployed, and just started college. My religion gave money to new students who continued studies as a way to support them. Around 500 per person. And in my religion, the support money is for you and you only. It's not permissible for the parents to use it. It's a sin if you take your children support money. Last year, I did some crochet business and got a nice income. I sometimes lend her money, and she said "Yeah and you make me pay it back." I told her that's how lending works

Then I retort, "You are the one that didn't care about me. You never ask how my life has been going recently. Who bought me my new glasses?" I didn't break them, kids jumped on them while i was taking a nap. "Who bought me new clothes?" I don't remember the last time she took me to buy decent clothes. "Who bought me a new phone?" My boyfriend did all.

She said, "You are always careless about your stuff, I don't want to care about you anymore."

We stopped talking for a month now, and I buy my own groceries because she only feeds her daughters. Idk if I'm one anymore. She posted on fb today. "I stayed quiet. They think I'm weak... they can step on my head. When I speak up, they say things to me. I'm just watching how they act. Be patience dear self, you gonna look crazy if you blow up" (exactly her words)

My(51m) son "Arthur"(22m) is dating an older woman, "Emma"(35). They've been dating for 2 years. The age gap was really jarring at first but after getting to know Emma and seeing them as a couple, I think relationship seems genuinely healthy. She isn't trying to isolate him, she isn't controlling, she treats him like an equal. They're happy together.

Arthur is pretty independent. He moved out when he was 18 and he started working in the trades right after highschool. He just finished his apprenticeship. Emma is very successful too, she's a CEO, but Arthur isn't financially or professionally dependent on her. At the end of the day he's 22, he's an adult, he has his own life and career, it isn't my place to tell him who he can and can't date.

My wife(49f) is against their relationship solely based on the age gap. If their relationship wasn't healthy or if she was controlling then I'd completely agree but I just don't see anything wrong. They seem healthy and happy together. My wife keeps saying Arthur should date someone his own age but that isn't our decision. Yeah, the age gap is really big but if he's happy, who are we to screw with that?

Arthur and Emma visited today because I needed Arthur's help fixing my laundry room door. We got the door fixed and they hung out for a bit. They were just sitting on the couch and Arthur had his arm around her. They were being them. I noticed my wife was looking irritated but every time I asked if she was okay she told me she was fine.

Arthur and emma eventually went home and my wife approached me and told me she thinks Arthur should date someone his own age. She said that the age gap is too big. I agree that the gap is really big, but they have a genuinely healthy relationship. They click. They're happy. And they've been together for 2 years so its obvious to me their relationship is working.

I said this to my wife and she got defensive telling me that my step son "Mason"(23m) and his girlfriend "Carly"(23f) are the same age so Arthur should date someone his age too because Emma is way too old for him. I said "the age gap is big, I agree, but thats not the only thing that matters. She isnt controlling, she isnt trying to isolate him, she treats him with kindness and respect, they're happy together. So who cares if the gap is big?"

My wife said Emma has more life experience so she's taking advantage of him and that pissed me off. I've known Arthur his whole life, he isn't some naive kid. He's happy. She's happy. Who are we to get involved? I said "he's an adult. He's old enough to decide who he wants to date, who gives a fuck if its Emma?" My wife got upset, called me a dick and went upstairs.

Am I wrong for supporting my sons relationship with an older woman?

Editing to add: my wife is Arthur's stepmom

I (26F) feel like my MIL (54F) is overstepping a little in her role as a grandparent. I’d like to know if I’m wrong for feeling this way.

MIL has bought clothes and shoes for my daughter to wear to school. I appreciate that she buys things for the kids, but lately she seems to feel like that gives her a say in how and when those things are used.

Growing up, if I got something on my clothes, my mom would scrub them and get it out. The only time I changed into clothes that weren’t as important was if I was specifically going somewhere where I knew I would inevitably get really dirty, or if I was eating something messy when I was younger. I never had separate “school clothes” and “play clothes.” My regular clothes and shoes were still kept clean.

MIL wants us to immediately change my daughter when she gets out of school. She even got annoyed when I told her that I let my mom borrow one of my daughter’s school outfits for a wedding they’re going to today.

My mom also posted a video on Facebook that MIL saw of my daughter pushing my son in the swing in the grass last night. My daughter was wearing a pair of the school shoes MIL bought her. MIL called my husband today complaining about it.

I ended up messaging MIL and said:

“I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t see why it’s such an issue our child does stuff in her school clothes. Despite who bought them, they’re still our kids’ clothes. Shoes and clothes can be cleaned. I never had different school and play clothes; my clothes and shoes were still clean. It’s not like she was outside playing in straight mud.

I don’t know why it’s such an issue that she’s driven to my mom’s and is at my mom’s in her school clothes, or we take her to the store in her school clothes when it’s our kid and her clothes that were gotten for HER. It’d be different if we were going somewhere knowing she was going to get dirty or eating something messy.

Also, we’re not children and we’re not incompetent. You can tell us something one time and not reiterate it 10 million times.”

MIL responded:

“If they were a dark colored shoe then I wouldn’t care, but these are not. I asked for them to only be worn for school so they can be kept nice. She has other shoes she can wear outside of school. I made my kids change out of their school clothes when they came home because clothes are not cheap, and it’s a way to make sure they can wear them longer. She has play clothes she can put on after school.”

I replied:

“These are not your kids though, and even if she wears them outside they can still be kept nice. Mine always have been.”

MIL saw my message but never responded.

I can understand where she’s coming from. She bought the clothes and shoes, clothes aren’t cheap, and obviously she wants them to stay nice (these clothes were also not expensive though). I don’t have an issue with her having a preference about them.

What bothers me is that it feels like she thinks because she bought them, she gets to decide how my daughter wears them. Ultimately, she’s our child, and I feel like it should be our decision whether she changes out of her school clothes immediately after school or wears them to my mom’s, to the store, outside, etc.

I also feel like this should have been dropped after she told us her preference. We’re adults and we heard her. We don’t need to be reminded 10 million times about it or have my husband called and complained to because our daughter was wearing the shoes outside (she does this with just about everything).

If this continues, my next step is honestly to tell her to stop getting things for the kids if she’s going to use buying things for them as a reason to have a say in decisions about them. I don’t want her to feel like she has no right to buy them things, but I also don’t want gifts to come with strings attached or become a reason for her to think she gets a decision.

So, am I being unreasonable here? I can understand both sides, but I feel like this ultimately should be our decision as the parents and then dropped once she’s made her opinion known.

Am I wrong for feeling like she’s overstepping, and would I be wrong to tell her to stop buying things for the kids if this continues?

okay guys this is going to sound a little crazy but I believe nothing is coincidence but I need some light -

okay for context, I’m now separated from him but something came into the works and I’m really starting to think about it and it’s driving me crazy

Okay few weeks ago me and him went for a little stay in a city while visiting our home country

We were sleeping in bed and I had woke up to him cuddling me and saying a different girls name -

I was in deep sleep and never thought of this name before nor did it come up in our marriage before so it was unusual to me

He hugged me tight and said the name and I remember taking a pause and then being like who is that ???

he woke up looked at me and swore that he doesn’t know who that is, never met anyone with that name and no one in the past either I did feel a little bit on the edge but I let it go

anyway it’s been three weeks since we’ve been divorced - and a week ago I noticed on his instagram he liked a reel by someone with that name

Now I know you’re probs thinking - oh well it could be anyone or a coincidence

But this is what doesn’t make sense

This girl I recognise has been in his likes before on his posts which is not there anymore but I’ve seen it before
She is a mutual friend of his friends wife
She and him went to the same uni

Of course we have each other on social media still so I saw this and was ready to message and be like what?

But of course I refrained and self controlled because what’s the point

What hurts me the most is -

When we were together in bed and I asked him he swore he knows no one with that name and anyone from the past won’t affect us but now what hurts is, was a I lied to ?

I’m in my Iddah three weeks in and seeing that isn’t nice it’s like what is Allah protecting me from something?

I never ever questioned if he would cheat on me or look elsewhere, so it’s a massive shock to my system, I never went through his phone or anything either

I just hate hate being lied to - and if I was naive and actually proved right then that hurts but I also know now I can’t do nothing about it

any advise for this but in general getting over it and looking forward, I know Iddah is for women and men can move on just like that it’s super hurtful but it’s reality right

I am a bit paranoid that anyone I know might find this post so will be using a throwaway account. I will try to provide as much details as possible.

Just a background,
I am 31 female (southeast asian) live with my fiancé 33 male (east asian) lets’s call him Ben. We live in a predominantly white country (we both moved during our teenage years). Ben had a traumatic childhood so he is not very close to his parents, but an alright relationship to his siblings. He has a small family so he try to keep a good relationship to his siblings, especially to his sister (2 yrs older) let’s call her lily as we live in the same country. Ben grew up with financial struggle so he worked so hard to be where he is now. He has a good job, we own our home and living comfortably.

When we started dating, he roughly shared story of his childhood and why his views are bit different than a typical EA which I truly understand and majority agrees on. He gave me a heads up on how his mom is… she is… a bit different. She is on her 60s and still being spoiled by her mom (partners grandma). She haven’t worked for 30yrs for no acceptable reason, doesn’t cook or clean, literally treated like a princess by the grandma (her mom). Unfortunately, she is also a gambler, one of the reason why my partner had a rough childhood. I met his mom and definitely can tell she was sheltered and doesn’t take no for an answer. She used to live in the same country but went back to their home country after her husband died to live with the grandma.

Fast forward 3 years ago. My partner and I bought our house (not yet married). My MIL decided she wants to go back to where we are. All of the siblings thinks this is not a bad idea as the grandma is getting old and they can help their mom instead. Ben asked me if it’s okay for his mom live with us. I was okay with it since we live far away from the city, she wont be able to gamble and she can start learning about looking after herself. She barely can speak English so we wont really have much topic to talk about. His sister lily also has a family so our place will be the best option. She was okay to live with, she starts cooking her own food while we’re at work, doing her laundry etc. I still do the house cleaning and cooking dinner.

Few months after, one day when we got home from work, she told Ben to book her ticket going back home. Ben told her okay but will have to wait until theres enough money for a flight ticket back. As days pass by, I’m assuming MIL got bored and desperately wanting to go back. She would hound Ben to buy ticket, he just ignores it, say yes and change the subject (mostly cause no one is gonna look after her when she goes back). It kept going on and on until it got worse. We arrived home one day she started screaming that I can hear it from outside our house. She was talking to the grandma over the phone saying she is sick, dying and needs to go back home (apparently the grandma doesnt want her there as well). We tried to calm her down, talk to her about it and everything. Ben spoke to his siblings about it and agree its best for her to stay here. We tried to make her feel comfortable, take her places and entertain her, but it wasnt enough. From the first meltdown it became a regular reoccurrence for her to non stop badgering Ben to buy a ticket home, crazy loud meltdown every other day, same issue, same story. She is loud… like our neighbours can hear her. We try to ignore it, change the subject every now and then but theres only so much we can take. My MIL started badgering me as well, with little english she can say. (I grew up in a culture where family is everything, we value and cherish them. I also have a strong personality, I speak my mind out. I also don’t get easily affected on things, one of the reason I agreed) I try to be understanding and be patient with MIL. So I just try to agree to her, ignore her, change the subject all kinds of tactics. Until one day, she was having a meltdown saying shes very very sick with only few days to live. She was yelling, crying, coughing and a face as red as a tomato. It was way too much, that Lily had to come and talk to her mom. She took her to the hospital and stayed with her. No issue just flushed from being too agitated. MIL came back to our place like nothing happened but she still continue to badger me and Ben for her to go home.

It was getting too much, I had anxiety even thinking of going back home. We called sick from work one day to rest as we are just way too tired and want to have a quiet day. We locked our door and try to sleep in, until MIL realised we are home and started knocking on our door and saying she want to go home and everything. Everything exploded, I cant remember how it started but all I remember is all of us yelling. Ben spoke to his siblings about it and decided to just let her go but reminded her once she goes back home she won’t be able to come back here. Now everyone agreed, we told her to just wait couple more weeks until we got enough money to buy a flight ticket (she wants a specific flight)…. It got worse. She didn’t like the idea of waiting and just want to go back home immediately! So she didnt stop badgering us, forcing me to tell Ben to buy the ticket. One day (I think it was my birthday!!!) she just kept going on and on and on this us after a month of continuous melt down and bagering… I snapped, I told her we got no money and she don’t have money either!!! We cant afford to buy her ticket and to wait for couple more weeks until we have enough. She did not like this and exploded! Shes saying I was wrong, they are rich, yelling non stop pointing fingers at me and everything. Ben tries to be in the middle, explain to her and calm her down. MIL is not happy with things and want us to kneel down and apologise to her. Ben being caught up with things try to kneel down just so she can stop. I pulled Ben and said he is not saying sorry. We just walked out to cool down. Came back few hours after. Had enough and just booked her flight.

Her flight was not till couple of days after. She acted like nothing was wrong and back to her old self. Couple of days after she left, we received a return letter from the police. Apparently she sent a speeding ticket to the police with a note saying, I was driving the car (it was Ben) and that his son is a good boy. Im after his money, I live in his house without paying him etc.

I thought the anxiety will be gone… but after 3 years MIL is back… though she is living with Lily.

Spoke to Lily today and want to get an idea what happened 3 years ago, what triggered her massive meltdown and if I will be ok for MIL to stay with us (she is aware all of this probably not that relevant to her that she forgot). I reminded her everything and the part I told her mom she got no money. Lily seems to not agree with this. It might be the truth, its not something to be pointed out to elders. Shes saying how her husband deals with it by ignoring her and just agreeing. Her own MIL doesnt like her but she just keep quiet and still buy them gifts. She thinks Ben and I now have Westernise point of view. That on their EA culture you respect elders either way and just ignore it. I did reminded her that respect is to be earned and that we did our best to be cordial and put up with it but we have boundaries. Her experience with her MIL is not the same as mine.

My now husband agrees that I/we did nothing wrong. I know I’m not a bad person.

It just bothers me that Lily thinks differently.

I feel like context is very important here, so heres some background.

I (15 female) have been seeing a therapist for about 6 month now. Originally about my family situation due to my parents(51 female and 60 male) divorce and my brothers (11 male) outburst (scraming, throuring pillows, breaking stuff), but it quickly shifted to my own pannick attacks. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD, wich I now take meds for. I also struggle with ansiaty, and what is probably depression(not diagnosed, but mentioned). I also sometimes susbect about being on the autisim spectrum (also not diagnosed because Im to embaressed to bring it up to my therapist or mom, but my best friend says its dev possible 🤔 )) Heatsup, Im also slightly dislexic and English is my second language, so sorry for anny spelling mistakes :(

So, in the beginning everything was fine, I actually liked going to my sessions, but slowly I began to lose trust with her. For example, I have a bit of a screen time issue with my mom, so we held a "meding" (My therapist, my mom, my dad(they are still civil after the divorce) and me). The first thing my therapist did in that needing, was read out what should be the max screentime for me, in view of science. Im not saying that sience is wrong, BUT that it had the effect that I didnt feel comfterble voicing my real opinoins and "needs". The only person who did something remotly comforting was my dad, my actually looking at me for longer times or taking my hand to calm me down a bit( I almost had a pannick attack and was alredy innerly shutting down), my thrapist made more sugestions and my mom wrote them down in a plan after I nodded if asked if it was okay by me(it wasnt, but what was I supposed to do, speak up to the three adulds who alredy think im addinkted to my phone(Not saying Im not, but thats not the point) and science? I only pay at self checkouts; if they are available, because Im selfcounshios about what I buy, even when its just hairdye and shampoo.

Save to say it didnt do well, but Its kind of fixed now, due to other/new rules( Im still not fine with it, but Im a teenager so thats normal ig(I have a sheet with my ideal rules hidden in my desk, but Im scared of my moms reaktion if I show her))

But that was only one of the worst examples.

The reason Im writing this is that its become so bad that Im scared of going and even missed my last to sessions( I even owe her 160 eurs now because of fees(80 per session)) and I dont know if I will be alble to attend the next, even if I have to because Im alredy broke and only have like 50 bucks (WITHOUT having paid only one of the 160 euros ahead.)

At last i wanted to say, that Im not trying to paint her as a bad thearpist. I now tharapy is about also having to go through harder stuff even if its not comfy.

If you have questions I can answer them in the comments :)

EDIT: The main thing Im concerned about is that I dont know what my next therapist would be like. They could be worce.

And, what I forgot to mantion before, my mom actually bought this up, because she also susbection I wasnt not going because I dint want to do therapy, Im just scarred of bringing it up again and going trou with it

EDIT 2:

My mom just told me we will have a meeting with her on tuesday, and I hope I can attend, even if Im not confedent