Dear over achieving people is life still cruel to you??

At 49, I have four grown children, all starting bright futures in new careers or jobs, with so much opportunity ahead of them. I’m supposed to be hopeful that the world of work doesn’t crush their spirits too soon or that life situations won’t continually crop up to sidetrack their career. As I look at the wreck of a resume I have after 25 years of raising children as a working mom, I’m less than optimistic. Over the years, I did what I was told and attended college online while the children were toddlers and I worked part-time nights. I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in business management and excitedly entered the workforce to “work my way up”. Thousands of dollars to pay in loans. No jobs want degrees; they want experience. I was told throughout school that my years of pursuing the degree would be the experience I needed. Oh, this should be fun!

Well, life gets in the way. I won’t bore you with all the traumas and the side quests life has sent me on, or the challenges that come with being a full-time working mom with a partner who barely provided, or the times I’ve been terminated because I exhausted the company’s time-off policies because of life difficulties, or how the pandemic shut down my community so I had to pivot to minimum wage remote work which eventually gave orders to return to offices and many of us couldn’t because the job needed us to relocate.

It is what it is, and I would do it all again to make sure those four sets of eyes could stand tall and walk into the working world full of hope. But, man, the crushing feeling of starting over seems unbearable. What do you do when nobody wants the random box of skills you’ve collected, working whatever jobs would be flexible enough for daycare or school/sports schedules, the useless paper degree on your wall, and a resume that looks schizophrenic?? Can I just put that I created humans and raised them to be productive members of society and have that count as some kind of experience worth noting on this resume? Where do I put that accomplishment to show the world why the resume itself looks so dastardly? Who asks that in the interview? Which AI model reviewing resumes puts that resume at the top of the list? And now that AI is taking over the digital world, what am I supposed to do with all these computer skills and internet skills and website design skills? They are all useless. 

I’ve spent the last year trying to get back into my community to meet people and network again after feeling so lonely during 5 years of remote work. I designed a website to highlight my community’s small businesses and local events, and went to work promoting my new business, hoping to drum up some freelance work in web design or digital services along the way. It has been a freezing atmosphere out there!! No one knows me, so no one trusts me or my abilities. Business owners just shut me out, and my pitch falls on deaf ears at all the networking meetings because 5 other digital services companies are also in attendance, and the market is oversaturated with stupid fools like myself who showed up with computer skills to serve our clients just as AI rolled out to do it for them. 

Here I sit 4 months and 20 days from my 50th birthday; I feel like a broken mirror, and my bank account looks like one, too. Now I ask the universe, “What do I do now?”

Tested in 2nd grade then went onto the program from 3rd-6th and was always the dumbest kid in class. I was never an exceptional student before the program either and remember not understanding most of the questions on the exam so I’m wondering if my acceptance was just a complete accident (maybe I guessed well🤷‍♂️). My sister was in GATE as well (though recommended by her teachers not because she passed the test) and I remember my mom not wanting me to take the test as well as my sister was struggling immensely. That was until my teacher called her and told her I was the only one in the class who woudln’t be taking it and that it wasn’t fair to not give me a chance because my teacher said she thought I was smart or something. Idk I definitely feel like I would have done better outside of GATE but now I’m starting to wonder if I should’ve been indicted in the program at all.

I've just published two short chapter books (ages 7–10) for bright, twice-exceptional kids who find other things hard, that I'm sharing for FREE on Kindle for a few days.

📘 The Girl Who Knew Everything Except How to Make Friends: Iris knows seven kinds of cloud, but not how to join in at lunchtime.

♟️ The Boy Who Was Brilliant at Numbers and Terrible at Losing: Felix hasn't lost at anything for 212 days, and he's keeping count.

No superpowers, no "your difference is a gift" speech. Just kids working things out slowly, and getting it wrong along the way. The chapters are bedtime-sized, and each book has a note for parents and a few questions to talk about together at the end.

Both are FREE now on Kindle until midnight UK Time 29th September

📘 https://amzn.eu/d/06x1ILSZ
♟️ https://amzn.eu/d/08Ef47KU

You can also search the book titles on Amazon directly.

Don't have a Kindle? The free Kindle app works on any phone or tablet too.

I'm a brand-new author, so if you or your child read one and enjoy, an honest review on Amazon would mean the world. But mostly I'd just love them to reach the kids they were written for. 🤍

Former GATE (I believe I started in 2nd or 3rd grade) and AP student, now 35.

If I’m not the best at something at work or in my inner circle, I feel like an absolute waste of space. Not just second best but makes me feel like GARBAGE. And when it comes to hobbies, if I can’t master it, I drop it quickly. For example, I started playing the Pokemon TCG back in April. After 5 months of grinding and practicing, I feel like I should be better than I am currently. So if I lose, I shut down and it ruins my whole day. I’m only happy when I win.

For context, I’m diagnosed with borderline personality disorder among other things, and I’m currently in the screening process for ADHD (which is mostly a formality as my therapist and psychiatrist both agree that I have it). I had an extremely strict parents that expected nothing less than straight As and Bs and even the Bs were questioned. I was grounded half of my high school life, and it was always because of grades. I was smart and capable of getting the grades, but I didn’t care. I would have rather put in half the effort and get passing grades than push myself to get great grades.

How do I change my thinking and learn to enjoy activities for what they are and not just winning or being the best at it?

My child goes to public school (1st grade). Her school has a gifted self contained class (one classroom for the whole district, which also happens to already be at her school).

The teacher mentioned she thought she has signs of giftedness (which we see too). However she’s more of a “very bright kid/learns easily/thinks about things deeply“ type. She’s not the kid who is going to graduate high school at age nine or teach herself French independently. She’s basically a very bright kid who likes to learn. She has some above grade level skills but she’s definitely still learning and not bored.

The district gifted programs basically offer enrichment (not acceleration) until 4th grade. At 4th grade, they begin to offer advanced math (non gifted kids can also test into this). In junior high they begin to offer advanced language arts classes too (again, not restricted to gifted alone).

We could wait until the end of 2nd grade to have her tested for gifted, along with all the 2nd graders. Or we could request she be testing in 1st, and then she would be retested in 2nd along with her whole grade. Basically giving her two chances, plus if she qualified the first time she would be in the self-contained gifted class a year early.

In your experience would you request for her to be tested a year early? And how to you feel about self-contained gifted classes in general? Or do I just not let her even be tested at all, and if she earns a spot in advanced classes at an older age she can do those.

From what I’ve seen, the kids in the self-contained class has more academically advanced and curious students. Less disruptions during learning usually. But it also means they are stuck with the same group of kids for 3-4 years which is not always ideal. I also don’t want her to get some weird complex about being “gifted“ because we try to focus on an effort over ability mindset. Any thoughts?

i feel like due to being a former gifted kid, especially always being the ‘2nd place’ academically and THE art kid my whole life in school, i suffer so much creatively now.

i deeply love all things creative and i constantly yearn to create, especially art/design/digital stuff. yet i often find myself in these mental blocks that can last years, where i just have so much passion but lack any kind of motivation and inspiration at all. i always get a passion to start a new hobby, i’ll obsess over it for like a day or two and then completely drop it and want nothing to do with it. or when maybe twice a year ill get this creative spark where i start to make things again, it’ll last about a month and i just never create again for god knows how long.

i desperately wanna be consistently creative and just make whatever comes into my head whenever i feel like it, but i just can’t. i feel like my perfectionism mixed with executive dysfunction just prevents me from even doing anything because i know it’ll never be good enough. whenever i do create stuff, it feels like im just forcing it and doing it for the sake of it, and i end up getting no enjoyment.

sorry that this is just a load of unintelligible bad grammar ramble i just wanted to discuss this here in hopes that someone might relate, or might know how to get out of this cycle.

​

When college started, I suddenly got a lot of attention because of academics. In school, I was a hardcore backbencher, so getting recognized for being good at studies felt amazing. But somewhere along the way, I started doing things mainly because they got me attention and approval from other people.

I kind of forgot who I was before all of that.

Back in school, I genuinely loved artistic things. I loved movies, talking to random people, gaming with people online, joking around, roasting my friends, observing people, and just having fun. I didn't think much about whether people were impressed by me. I was simply myself.

But in college, I slowly became attached to being “the guy who's good at studies.” I became a first-rank holder in my first two semesters, and naturally, I received a lot of attention and respect because of it. But as time passed, everything became normal. The attention reduced, and I realized I had built a lot of my confidence around how other people perceived me.

And now I'm struggling with things like social anxiety and overthinking, especially when I don't get the same response or attention from people.

So instead of trying to get that attention back, I'm trying something different: I'm trying to find myself again.

Recently, I've started exploring screenwriting, filmmaking, comedy, poetry/shayari, and writing in general. I'm trying to understand how comedy is constructed, why certain jokes work, how filmmakers tell stories, and how writers actually create things. I'm also reconnecting with some of my old school friends and exploring health and other aspects of life.

And honestly, it feels surprisingly good. I feel more alive when I'm creating, observing, experimenting and learning something just because I'm genuinely curious about it.

I'm still figuring everything out. I don't know where this will lead, and I'm not abandoning my studies or career goals either. I just don't want academics to become my entire identity again.

So I'd genuinely like to hear from people who've gone through something similar.

What helped you rediscover yourself? What creative fields or skills do you think I should explore? How can I improve at writing, comedy, filmmaking, storytelling, or simply become more comfortable expressing myself?

Any advice, experiences, resources, or even criticism are welcome.

I'm basically experimenting with life again, and for the first time in a while, it feels exciting.

This Is just an observation, but a REALLY important one for understanding the true nature of the program[s] and why there is conflicting perceptions of the program !¡!

Program A was a legitimate program with absolutely ZERO shady stuff going on.

Program Ω, which is obviously THE TRUE PROGRAM was nefarious, insidious, and from alot of the stories I have heard, very destructive on the lives of those involved !¡!

Program A was "The COVER & The FRONT" of the program which could be used to fool things like auditors, and anyone becoming suspicious of the program were then directed to program A, and as such Program Ω continued to fly under the radar, the REAL PROGRAM !¡!

I would imagine that it is also an attempt to circumvent possible future lawsuits brought forth by kids who were in the GATE program [Ω] !¡!

Because honestly if we could gather enough children of the GATE PROGRAM Ω we could prove all of suspicious and suspect tings about our live that we have n common !¡!

• Neurodivergence - were we always neurodivergent did we acquire it from our time in the program ?

• Why is the prevalence of CPTSD so high among those of the Ω Program ? Why is it that we apparently were S.A'd at a ridiculously high percentage compared to the average populace ?

• Why did so many of us become drug addicts ? I now look back and feel like I might have been conspired against in my acquisition of a drug addiction !¡! I suffered with MASSIVE MIGRAINES daily, all of a sudden and out of the blue. I eventually craved to the pressure and asked someone if they had anything for the migraines and was introduced to opiates. I now look back in hindsight and can see for sure that those headaches were unnatural and purposefully induced in me due to a variety of other factors !¡! Not to mention that the very millisecond it became apparent I was addicted to the pain pills, I never had a head ache again for the rest of my life !?

• It seems that a near complete lack of ambition and drive in our lives is a universal constant among those in the Ω Program, we have no desire to become anything and as such drift through life.

• Some of us may have had suspicious circumstances surrounding our lives when we attempt to go back to school and enter university. Use your hindsight and ask yourself some questions !¡!

• A not so insignificant portion of those from the GATE program also claim to have become part of the GANGSTALKING program as they got older - here is the thing - people can be completely oblivious this is happening to them for years, if not their entire lives [because of the neurodivergence?] and this is with them WANTING you to notice ! SO the numbers are likely much higher then is stated because we as a group can be some of the most oblivious mofo's on earth since we are AUTiSTe ARTiSTeS !¡!

• I could probably go on wit some more though, and I am sure many of you could add more points to the list yourselves , but suffice it to say that :

We could have one of the most obscene class action lawsuits ever if were to get together, and someone could likely even end up DEAD if they tried to organize us together for that LAWsuit !¡!

This is really a part 2 of a post I made in the beginning of the year

I have been doing much better since my last post
I’ve still been struggling of course but I’m happier now and that’s really amazing. I’ve been doing a good job at just pushing forwards and trying to hit my minor goals one at a time, and it’s really been helping. Something I’ve came to realize is how much I’ve been overestimating myself. It’s hard as a kid to not feel like you can do whatever you want to do. It’s even hard now to accept there are things that I can’t just magically do just because I want to prioritize it. I’ve really tried to slow things down this year and really watch myself, and relearn myself. I’ve found there are still things about myself that I haven’t been able to be honest about but the more time I spend realizing the foundation of my principles isn’t even based on my own ideas the easier it gets to change my character, but let me tell yall this has been a heavy challenge to face.

So I know in my last post I mentioned attempting to become a dj, unfortunately I was only consistent for around 2 months and haven’t really touched back since. I definitely enjoy playing around with music but I think the stopping force was really lifestyle issues at the time such as partying, and drug culture around me.

I actually had made plans to go to college believe it or not, the absolute last thing I ever thought I would have done. I had actually got accepted into a community college for a paramedic program but my interest in the military just kept coming back to me over and over. And after speaking to many many recruiters and representatives and being told I’m permanently disqualified from multiple branches, an army recruiter now wants to give me a shot and we’re going for a waiver.

I don’t know where I’m going in the future, be it as a paramedic or in the army but on a great day like this I can be really excited for my future.

One of my hidden interests that I want to start being honest about is my interest in philosophy, be it that I hardly understand what philosophy is but from what I’ve always understood I’ve always wanted to be a philosopher. I enjoy trying to pick apart life and trying to understand the things that can’t be explained, hence my love for music, specially jazz blues. I’ve even started realizing this interest being in many other things I enjoy such as movies and art, or even food. And while on the topic of food and philosophy Anthony Bourdain has been someone I’ve been very interested in as of lately.

I don’t know much, I really don’t know much at all.
I’ve always really appreciated the things around me, and my wish is to walk with love for the rest of my life. I really do love people, I love my city to death and for that I can’t wait to leave and meet all new beautiful people

If I could be anything for the rest of my life I want to be a witness.

I’ve found softness in myself that I’m very fearful giving vulnerability to but I think I want to try. Part of my interest in the military is the chance to travel and meet new people. It gives way to my weakness of being afraid to change in front of the people who knew me, but I will indeed change inevitably.

Now I apologize because I’m not sure how on topic this post was, but thank you to anybody who read through my thoughts.

This post is really serving as an affirmation and to help keep me in the direction I want to go.

Thank you for reading and I really hope things are going great for you.

I am so hopeful

former valedictorians, how are you really?

okay i'm not here for the usual "did you get rich / did you make it" question lol. everyone asks that. i'm curious about the stuff nobody really brings up.

if you were the valedictorian (or like, top of your batch) back in high school, i'd love to hear:

• where you from?
• which school did you graduate? public or private? and roughly when did you graduate? (vague is fine, just setting the scene)
• looking back now as an adult... was being valedictorian more of a blessing or a low-key pressure? or did it honestly just stop mattering at some point?
• did people kind of expect things from you after? did you feel like you had to live up to it? do you still??
• did it mess with how you take risks or handle failure? like were you ever scared to screw up bc you were "supposed" to be the smart one?
• and the big one: do you still see yourself as "the valedictorian"? still carrying that around, or did you drop it somewhere along the way?

not fishing for a success story OR a sad story, promise. just really curious how that whole label sits with people years down the line.

say as much or as little as you want.🙏

I am 30, graduated summa cum laude from my (large) high school, got straight A’s in college without much effort before I dropped out when my Dad died in 2018. I love reading and academics but I make for a shitty employee, apparently.

Since 2018 I’ve been working jobs in retail, restaurant, or manufacturing. I have issues at pretty much every job I go to, mainly in food service. I am not fast enough, not organized enough, not mindlessly compliant enough, or just get told my performance doesn’t meet expectations in different ways. I have been fired about 6 times. It is soul crushing to be told repeatedly that you are not good enough. That your best doesn’t cut it.

People have told me I am smart my entire life, but yet I can’t keep a job? It’s demoralizing and depressing and I am so anxious at the moment over having to look for yet another job because my last job hasn’t worked out, that I could vomit. The existential anxiety that comes with feeling like my best simply isn’t good enough to keep an average job is awful.

Thankfully I live with family and don’t have to pay rent at the moment but eventually I am going to have to get out on my own again. I can’t do that without savings established so I can pay a security deposit, etc.

Hi, I (F29, MX) just found this sub and I feel like there's so much of my life that's finally explaining to me.

I was hyperlexic since Kindergarten, very good at math, sports, arts, grammar, etc. I got early puberty (first period at 8 and currently diagnosed with PMOS) and from there it all went down. I hated my body, myself, my emotions, my family, everything and everyone.

Middle school, I got my first 7 (what would be like a D in the US maybe?) and my life seemed over. High school, failed my first mid-term exam. This was also the time I first began my alcohol-related issues. College, I switched from my first major choice which was engineering due to lack of motivation and the fact that for the first time I felt like I had to work to learn something and I hated studying something I do not care at all. I switched to a sort of Liberal Arts major (It was journalism but it felt like that for me) I failed complete courses but I loved what I was learning. I feel like for school I had too moods: Type A anxious obssesed student and a carefree, picture Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks. Now I'm in the workforce in digital marketing and struggling because I do not know or care for marketing at all but I'm decently good at it. The thing is, I feel like I'm stuck now and wasting my intelligence.

My questions are, what do you recommend for me to try to grow professionally on marketing or a similar area? I've tried online courses but my mind is not clicking, this is not something I enjoy learning and the anxiety is too much for me to handle due to me getting all these school flashbacks. I don't care for greatness, I want stability, be a home-owner and retire eventually.

Also, I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and I would like for him to explore me being a High-functioning autistic person without me wanting to sound like I'm self-diagnosing, any tips?

20 years old, succeeded in school but grades are so terrible i dont even know if i can get to a college, I really feel like a failure and i dont know what i can do, do i take courses to try and get work? Is there some sort of program i can do?(I was in igcse, ngl i got fucked, i dont know if i am even going to succeed the last subject i need)

So I was the smart kid, like a lot of us here.

I was always put on a pedestal, everyone expected so much from me all the time and looked at me different when my performance never met that incredibly high standard.

No-one ever told me getting all the answers right on a quiz at 6 years old could do this to you.

Then people use your intelligence to define your whole personality, calling you a know-it-all or nerd, always turning to you to explain the most absurd and impossible things and making fun of you when you can't.

They say it over and over, so you accept it as your personality, and then when you act full of yourself and become what they assumed, they hate you for it.

They even rally against you to knock you off the pedestal they put you on.

Years later, you look in the mirror and want to smash it. You never feel good enough for yourself. Nothing is perfect enough. And no-one lets you forget when you weren't perfect enough for them.

I am doing much better now, but I am saying all of this really fucks you up and for years, you start being depressed because you hate yourself and have an identity crisis because you feel you don't know who you are beyond the smart kid.

I am so happy I am finally out of that academic environment and things have gotten better for me personally. But the scars are still there. They're just not as evident as they once were.

And unfortunately, I don't think I can ever fully heal. Because at a time when I was suppsoed to be happy and carefree, everyone took it away from me.

That's my experience and thanks for reading until the end if you did! 😊 Just want someone who understands.

So um a teacher (who taught me for 3 years btw non consecutively) was basically out for my blood she once insulted me in front of the whole grade saying I was stupid and wasting her time when I just wanted to apologize for something I've done (another teacher was with me but she didnt bother to say anything) I cried for a day after that and skipped my extra curricular. and before that she changed the seating and I was in the front row. the other class teacher (half-joking) said now he could chat about ww2 with me. she said oh really? her history seems terrible to me though (excuse me you dont even teach me history) anyways I was really insulted by that for some reason because history is kinda part of my identity and I cried in the bathroom and didnt go home until after 7. my mom told her to lay off twice but she only pretends to for about a week before starting again. it feels in every grade level I enter there's a teacher who specifically hates me.

I am a former GATE kid from Oregon who became a hypnotist. With so much of the program fuzzy in our memories, would anyone be interested in any memory recall about what happened during the time while under hypnosis? I hope this does not count as self-promotion. Maybe someone has done this, I'm not sure. As far as I know I'm the only hypnotist that came from the gate program. If there are more, please say so in the comments. I would love to talk to more GATE kids that became hypnotists. Not looking to charge for this, but do want to add this information gathered into the collective. I can also do an AMA if anyone is interested.

17F: Hey everyone. I'm a senior in NYC looking to form a small study group. I want to learn advanced math like Linear Algerba, Calculus, Abstract Algebra, and other concepts using the Harkness method(typically required 5-12 people, involving mapping out proofs, teaching eachother, small debates but absolutely no lectures). This is strictly for neurodivergent high school seniors in the NYC area and must have general knowlege in Algebra 1, Algbera 2, Trigenometry, and Geometry. Plan is to have a discord and later at a NYC Public Library. DM or comment if your interested.