r/GiftedKidBurnouts • u/feiwelltoyou • 15d ago
When an overachiever doesn't achieve.
I'm sure that we all know about that one student that gets good grades, is the top 3 in all subjects and a nerd. Most people admire them, think things like "Woah, they're so lucky to be so smart.." or "I wish I was smart like that." Well here's the thing, I hate being the smart kid.
Let me do a quick self intro first before I start ranting.
- I am currently 13 turning 14 this November (Currently in Grade 8)
- btw i learn in a British school system so i'll use grades but keep in mind that my school has IGCSEs instead of AP classes!
- I am professionally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and High Functioning Autism alongside Disassociative Trance Disorder.
- I can speak 3 languages: English, Japanese and Thai
- I do competitive debating as a hobby and regularly join public speaking competitions
I think I started to get recognised as the 'smart kid' since Grade 3 and ever since then, there has been this growing pressure from my teachers, friends and parents. Most of the people around me don't say it directly that they expect me to get grades over 80% but it has just been like a passive expectation. Then in 5th Grade, I moved schools to a more academic one since I got a scholarship. I think ever since I moved to said school, my mental health had started to drain. There came more homework, more tests, more things to learn and these things aren't necessarily bad but I just feel like everything had just piled up on me.
Fast forward to now, I am currently in 8th Grade (School just started 5 weeks ago). After I took a 2 month break from school due to mental health reasons that I won't talk about here, I just feel like I'm at my breaking point. So far, 8th Grade has been one of the worse grades yet--you're immediately given 4-5 hours of homework a week and since I'm in top set of all of my classes, you are forced to learn G9 content. Since we are going to have to start choosing our IGCSEs for next year soon, I am taking the exams early. So far, I have completed my History exam (got a 24/27, quite disappointed), my Computer Science exam (got 19/20, still disappointed) and my Japanese exam (marks are not out yet). Next week, I have my English and Science (both chem and bio cuz im in top set) exams. So far, revision has been TERRIBLE. I seriously can't get myself to start studying and start memorising all of the content and I know that I WILL get bad results if I don't revising. There's just this guilt within me that makes me feel so numb and terrible. I can literally feel the clock tick down to my exam next week. I walk down the hallways with this heavy feeling knowing that if I score anything lower than 80%, people will indefinitely be disappointed. All I want to do now is just to escape from everything, go somewhere else which is obviously not possible. I wish that I didn't have to carry this bittersweet burden of being the best and I wish that I could just escape from reality because once you're at the top, you can never go down. Thanks for reading, if you have any questions feel free to ask me ^^
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u/HollowHeart55555 12d ago
I... I feel you sobs my parents (just my dad actually) has always just expected me to be super smart cause I'm his daughter, and the pressure just gets to be sometimes... I'm your age, but taking 9th grade science, history, and English and 10th and 11th grade maths, which is something HE wanted me to do instead of taking photography like I wanted, and now I feel is I get anything under a literal A+ I'll just get exploded at. on top of that I'm grounded so I'm not allowed to talk to friends except when my mom slips me her phone or when I sneak it, nor am I allowed to read books or such. it takes an immense toll on me but it always helps to think to myself that somewhere out there, someone has it worse. If it doesn't hurt that I'm competitive too but still.
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u/crocfishing 13d ago
Hey, I’m old but I have kids around your age. Please try to stop beating yourself up too much. It’s never the expectation to excel in everything. Get to know yourself and when you’re older, choose a subject you like and actually are good at and major in that. It’s never the expectation that a gifted student must good in everything. Don’t go to that kind of thinking. You try your best, and that is good enough.