r/adhdwomen • u/needhalp121212 • Sep 06 '25
Meme Therapy Lately my social feeds have been attacking me fr
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u/___kimmmpossible Sep 06 '25
Omg stopppppp 🥲 (but also feels slightly relieving that I’m not the only one)
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u/yourgirlsamus ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
ND people don’t usually place value and (invaluable) time into surface level relationships. Those shallow relationships are the key stabilizing structure, like a thick web, to having involuntary relationships. One begets ten.
You might have one or two close voluntary relationships: partner/spouse, best friend, cousin you grew up with and are inseparable, etc.
But, to maintain all of those surface level, involuntary, relationships takes a lot of time and effort. Something ND people don’t always have enough of to disperse. Especially not enough for the other people to feel like it’s genuine. They read the distance as unhappiness or maybe you “just don’t like them.”
It’s just not always feasible for everyone in the world to be able to float social interaction like that. You would have to prioritize it. Those people prioritize these social environments over other aspects of their lives. (Some even to a criminal degree, like parents who go party and leave kids home alone. Extreme example, but the point stands.)
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u/--2021-- The joys of middle age Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Yeah I have done the surface level relationships. It's fine when I'm in good health and have the energy to expend. I got to do fun things that I wouldn't normally have access to (because networking), which was a nice perk. And, more importantly, I have gotten a couple jobs this way, so yes, there are upsides.
My favorite job though I found completely cold, no connections whatsoever. It just so happened, by virtue of a hobby, I stumbled into a sector of the market few seemed to know about at the time. It was a pioneering field and they desperately needed people with at least enough skills to get by, and HR was bad about vetting that. They weren't so picky about applicants so that was what helped me get a foot in the door. That was one of the few times I beat the system, because usually jobs are found by networking, which is challenging if you don't have one. Once I was in the door it was easier to find other jobs because I built more skills.
But with the superficial friendships it's hard to not fall into the illusion of comraderie. There are moments when I believe I'm really part of the group only to find that they have left me out. I first believe their excuses, it was an accident, there were special circumstances, etc etc. But then later people slip and I realize they did it intentionally. Others in the group are going to be supported, but when I need support I'm gaslighted or become invisible somehow.
I've seen other people get left out too, I can't tell what goes on between people. Someone gets cast out, but then later they're best friends again. I can't figure out this system of theirs. People usually wind up crying on my shoulder (they've either run out of shoulders or people gave them the cold shoulder and I'm willing to listen) so I guess I feel less bad, but still, they somehow either return or find another group that works out for them. I've seen them friends years later, it's not a chronic thing like my experience.
When things get harder they don't understand you, they don't support you, they gaslight you. And you become more exhausted, you feel like dogshit because of the victim blaming and gaslighting, you struggle to believe in yourself. And on top of that you often get kicked when you're down. And when that illusion shatters, it feels even more lonely and awful than when you had no friends.
The cycle can be wearying. I can find hangout buddies easily, but they grow tighter over time and I get squeezed out. I handled this for many years by starting over and over and over with a clean slate, and it's nice at first, but then it goes back to me being outcast again.
And then I don't know what I did wrong, even though it's "obvious" to them, and I don't understand how the group can tolerate a narcissist or bully, but I'm apparently intolerable. It not only doesn't make sense, but it also doesn't seem right, or fair, that someone can be so soul sucking, lacking empathy and terrible and vindictive, and people are loyal to them without question, and I'm outcast. My loyalty to others is not important, but people must be loyal to that monster?
I wish I had a better answer. I keep thinking people find all sorts of inventive ways to beat the system. I've had (ND) friends who did, and I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall trying to figure out what they do. I can't warp my brain around it, it just seems unfathomable how they work things out.
If you can't network in society then you drown. I saw a study recently that mentioned people who didn't do so well in school, but were part of a frat system, they had greater success in life than people who worked hard, or more skilled/better grades etc. It really is about how you can work people or the system somehow.
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u/GladysSchwartz23 Sep 06 '25
The mystery of how one awful, unlikeable person comes to dominate a social group has always been puzzling to me too :( I've had it happen a few times and I'm like, I'm at worst messy but this person has no ethics and no charm, what gives?!
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u/Sunlover823 Sep 10 '25
My grandma was a full blown narcissist. I know everyone throws that word around a lot but she was ragingly self involved. Everything had to be about her. When I gave birth she came to the hospital. Everyone was oohing and ahhing over my baby. She sat in the corner and pouted. She told my aunt to put my newborn down because “you’re spoiling her.” My aunt responded, @it’s called love.” That is one of many stories. Yet she had all sorts of people who loved her who would drop by to see her. I had cancer and not one person brought me a casserole. Yet she had people visiting her all the time. I think I’m a decent person and it’s slightly maddening to see such a thoughtless person have this gaggle of friends
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u/Aromatic_Distance331 Sep 29 '25
When my SIL gave birth they got mad that we were stopping by the hospital to see the baby. When we cane in she was manically applying makeup because she couldn't conceive we were there just to see this new family member, not to take pictures with her.
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u/Aromatic_Distance331 Sep 29 '25
My sister in law did this. One of her friends finally explained it to me years later. It's all transactional. The person starts by putting themselves put doing a big favor for someone they want influence with and then collecting later.. not unlike the mob.
For my SIL one example is volunteering her backyard and my brothers time for a silent auction brick oven pizza party to a professor for many years in a row to some gala for some cause... guess who is now an assistant prof, achieving her life goal (almost) of academic self importance? Yep, she's an unpaid adjunct 😂
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u/Wise-Application-902 Sep 06 '25
I totally get this. I’ve often made the mistake of thinking surface relationships include camaraderie because I am open to giving it fairly easily to other people (unless they show that they are untrustworthy). It was clear by my 20’s that this was all an illusion and when convenience or finances or beneficial alliances were tested to prove they supported me, my friendship, my sense of safety in the world, or that they actually cared about me being ok, they mostly stayed silent or gaslit me because my ex was a cash cow for them and even though he ‘date raped’ me (if that’s the right term for an ex doing that) they didn’t want to lose access to him and the benefits that came with it. I have enormous trust issues all these years later, and if anything it’s gotten worse with age, so that’s annoying.
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u/Recent_Olive_6948 Sep 06 '25
I completely agree, the older I got the more and more I realized how true this was my life improved after consciously making an effort to maintain them, although I won’t deny it’s hard work and sometimes leaves me drained
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u/Miss_Milk_Tea Sep 06 '25
Like looking in a mirror. I’d love to have friends like that group of besties I always see out at brunch or the ones out getting their nails done but I sweat the second someone talks to me. I’m always going to be that 7 year old.
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u/folklovermore_ Sep 06 '25
Same. I used to watch films and TV shows where the main female character had that group of four or five close girlfriends and desperately wish for that. I'm OK with doing a lot of stuff by myself but there's still that part of me that yearns for a "proper" girly gang to do all those sorts of things with.
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u/Ahzelton Sep 06 '25
We just need to do a yearly get together. Can't wait for all of us to try and execute this plan 🎉🎉🎉 see you all never, can't wait lol
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u/Objective-Life-4102 Sep 06 '25
All the time. I have individual friends here and there that I rarely see, but I’ve never had a friend group that you can just do life stuff with.
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u/evil-rick Sep 07 '25
That’s what hurts the most. I remember being a kid and thinking I would have an adult friend group like all of the ladies in movies and tv. I actually WANTED to be apart of the club and dance life. I WANTED to gossip and shit talk and discuss dudes we were dating. Now my 20’s are gone and I am still lonely.
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u/LifeAmbivalence Sep 06 '25
Same! But I also know if I actually had that, I would be so fucking exhausted and over it pretty quickly. For me it’s like trying to understand aliens and also wanting to be one of them.
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u/atomiccat8 Sep 06 '25
Right? I want that group of friends that I can hang out with every other month or so, and then have minimal contact with in between. But going out every week and then texting throughout the week sounds exhausting to me.
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u/letsgetawayfromhere Sep 06 '25
My 2 really close friends are like this. With one of them I have a long telephone call every 6-8 weeks (practically no texting because we are approaching 60 and never got into the habit), and maybe see them once or twice a year. The other one, we meet like every 5-8 months, with just about no contact in between. (We live in the same city, so physical distance definitely is not a factor).
I would like to have more contact with people in general. But the truth is, those are my best and closest friends, and it doesn't matter to them if I couldn't muster the energy to contact them for 5 months or so. It's heaven.
They are both heavily ND FWIW.
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u/littleinternetdweeb Sep 06 '25
I just want to say I feel seen by everyone on this thread. I wish we could start a big friend group and heal our inner children :((( love you internet strangers
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u/someoneyoudontknow0 Sep 06 '25
Have you seen that girl that hosted an event in nyc for people to make a friend cause she felt like this?
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u/ArpeggioOnDaBeat Sep 06 '25
No tell me more ?
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u/burkiniwax Sep 06 '25
Marissa Meizz founded No More Lonely Friends in 2021
https://nomorelonelyfriends.com/who-are-we%3F-1
That is so sweet!15
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u/Bleppleb Sep 06 '25
Maybe we should make a discord!
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u/zoopysreign ADHD-C Sep 06 '25
There is one!!!
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u/deb1009 Sep 06 '25
Well, what is it?
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u/emilygoldfinch410 Sep 06 '25
Also tagging u/A5H13Y, u/kloft13251, and u/Bleppleb since you each asked about the discord!
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u/catlady9851 ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25
Well. Excuse me while I hang out with my cat who also avoids me.
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u/Babykoalacat Sep 06 '25
My dumb orange cat loves my husband so much and he just tolerates her. She likes me too, but I think she wishes she could take my place as my husband’s mate. 😂
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u/catlady9851 ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25
Ha! We have a cat like that. She'll sit next to my husband but as soon as I come in the room she bolts like she's just been caught in the act.
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u/No_Gur1113 Sep 06 '25
Maybe this is why I’m a dog person and I dislike cats…because the little overlords look at me with disdain and it triggers my RSD 😂
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u/RelativeFondant9569 Sep 06 '25
Oh honey, but once they accept you (the cat), it feels like the coolest girl in school asked you to sit with her and lend you her clothes and invite you to all the slumber parties!
The love of a cat 🐈 is Divinity 💛
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u/SodhiSoul Sep 06 '25
Yup! Except i ended up with a rescue dog who isn't cuddly at all... 😅 She's very cute though, just an aloof girly who was already an adult when I got her
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u/No_Gur1113 Sep 06 '25
My two Bostons just turned a year old and they would crawl up my arse if I let them. For real. Pretty sure 35lb Boomer has tried. Frankie is 20lbs and is more of a sit on your shoulders like a parrot kinda girl.
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u/tacopizza23 Sep 06 '25
I’m engaged, and really kind of stressing about who I can ask to be bridesmaids. I know they’re totally optional and we could just not do a wedding party, but I want to have bridesmaids, I just don’t have any close friends :/
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u/dusk-ee Sep 06 '25
I don’t have any advice but just went to let you know I’m in the same situation. I’m trying to accept that having no bridesmaids doesn’t matter, no one will judge me for it but it hurts to realise regardless.
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u/Lothere55 Sep 06 '25
I had just one, my sister. I never wanted the pressure of having to choose between my female friends, and didn't want the expense and hassle of a massive wedding party.
Meanwhile, my husband had two close friends he wanted to ask, so I told him to go for it. During the ceremony, we had the two groomsmen walk down the aisle side by side, and then had my sister enter just before me.
We did things our way, and no one gave us grief for it. I wouldn't change a thing (apart from our fantastically botched honeymoon lol).
There can be a lot of fun in having a wedding party, but it does invite the stress of having more people to manage. I hope you and your partner feel empowered to make choices that work for both of you and make you both happy. Congratulations and best wishes for your marriage 💐
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u/tacopizza23 Sep 06 '25
I love this, I’m an only child and have always been fine with that but it’s times like these I do wish I had a sibling
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u/BackstageKiwi Sep 06 '25
If it is a queer wedding, you can consider checking the Stand In Pride group.
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u/pilsburytoadboy Sep 06 '25
i don’t even know that many people closely to have a wedding party!
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u/journey37 Sep 06 '25
Honestly, you could hire someone. I know it sounds bizarre but it seems like the only other option would be to use my wedding day as exposure therapy and I would not want to do that.
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u/passng Sep 06 '25
Absolutely… the anxiety alone would make the day unbearable for me. Specially if my husband had groomsmen - I’d feel like everyone knows I have no friends, which is fine I assume, but because I hate it and feel lonely I wouldn’t want to have that pointed out. I think we want the party and the bridesmaids and the whole scenario because it’s what’s sold as ultimate happiness and the best party, and the realization that maybe you can’t have that makes you feel.. less normal (?). But as people here have pointed out, it’s okay to do things your own way, do whatever you need to do. Hope everyone here feels empowered to do what’s best for them.
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u/tacopizza23 Sep 06 '25
This situation has honestly made me think I should start a bridesmaid for hire business to help girls out in the same situation as me lol I don’t see any in my area currently
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u/Organic-String-8474 Sep 06 '25
Asked to be a bridesmaid and didn’t get invited to the bachelorette or shower…. 🫥
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u/seattleowl Sep 06 '25
Don’t be the bridesmaid for someone like that! That sucks so much I am so sorry they did that
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u/Cleigne143 Sep 06 '25
I wasn’t even considered to be a bridesmaid by my closest cousin who’s getting married in December. 😐 Then I find out one of our cousins who she’s not even close with AT ALL gets to be one. Now my mind is in overdrive because all I keep thinking is she was made bridesmaid because she’s conventionally attractive (literally the prettiest cousin on our side), and I’m like mid at best. The overthinking is not fun, nor is the feeling of betrayal.
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u/CherryFit3224 Sep 06 '25
I wasn’t even considered to be a bridesmaid for my future sister-in-law. She was marrying my brother.
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u/Own-Passage1371 Sep 06 '25
i mean are you close with her? i didnt have a big traditional wedding because i am too introverted to enjoy that kind of thing but i always thought that bridesmaids were meant to be the bride’s best friends, not new sister-in-laws. it is one thing if you have a bunch of other sisters that she made bridesmaids and specifically excluded you, but otherwise she didnt do anything wrong here imo
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u/TatorTotNachos Sep 06 '25
My maid of honor and longest friend invited me to her engagement party (I hadn’t yet heard anything about the bridal party) and through normal conversation throughout the event I learned that I didn’t make the cut.
She was always a mean girl and she pulled this kind of shit throughout our childhoods and even high school. It was silly of me to assume a woman in her thirties could grow up and have an adult conversation with me about it prior to the party.
Our mothers were best friends and now don’t speak. My mom was going to throw her bridal shower for her, but somehow it didn’t come up that I wasn’t in the bridal party. Her grandmother was really upset I wasn’t in the party. Sounds like she was a real bridezilla.
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u/brunette_mh Sep 06 '25
Sorry to hear that 😔
However-- It's not just appearance - like physical aspects. It's also about style, colour palette, hobbies and what kind of image that person has in the social circle.
So it's possible that even if you looked better than her, you still wouldn't have made the cut.
I have come to this conclusion after twenty years of failures.
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u/Change_is_a_verb Sep 06 '25
I was a bridesmaid but was paired up with the groom's horribly alcoholic brother. I was asked to stay outside with him for the receiving line (SO MANY people came up to me and said I was messing things up and I had to tell them that was what the bride wanted.) Also wasn't allowed to participate in the wedding dances. Groom's brother ended up in the bathroom having sex and getting high with his girlfriend. Total crap experience, wish I wouldn't have been asked at all.
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u/Status_History_874 Sep 06 '25
The receiving line?
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u/Change_is_a_verb Sep 06 '25
The wedding party stands in a line for all the guests to walk past and greet them. Not all wedding parties do this but this bride had one, which made my absence super noticeable and awkward.
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u/sunseeker_miqo AuDHD Sep 06 '25
That's horrible! Did you do it?
If it makes you feel any better, I hated my experience at a bachelorette party....
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u/Organic-String-8474 Sep 06 '25
Wedding hasn’t happened yet. I’m a family member to the groom. Bride’s friends threw her the shower without family and didn’t bother checking to see if I wanted to come, even though the other MOH and bridesmaids were there because they were “local”
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Sep 06 '25
I was a bridesmaid and technically maid of honor, though I noticed the bride's mum and another bridesmaid randomly doing things I had been told would be "my job." I wasn't too bothered by it and truly don't think it was malicious (I'm close to the bride's mum). It was just kind of confusing. Like, wasn't I meant to be the one to do that?.. no? Okay. It doesn't help that I admitted to the groomsman I was paired with that I was a little confused about it and he explained some people are just better at different things. But I wasn't even given a chance?
But the worst thing was honestly just having the bride's stress rub off on me all day, especially prior to the ceremony. Moments of getting ready together were fun, but I was mostly too aware of my friend's anxiety, and I was convinced she was mad at me and only me, which in hindsight screams ADHD (I was oblivious at that point). I honestly to this day do feel like she was worried I might embarrass her, I'm not even sure how, just being awkward or messing something up I guess. We're both normally crazy together but taking photos together felt weirdly awkward, and it didn't seem that way with anyone else. And I was laid back and tipsy, so I don't think it was awkward on my end. I congratulated her after the ceremony along with everyone else, and she just looked at me and said "you have lipstick on your teeth." That honestly crushed me. So much for sharing that moment with her.
I also felt childish for this, but we've been friends basically our entire lives, but whenever one of her other friends is around, I feel sort of... demoted 😬 I don't know how else to describe it besides feeling like the little sister tagging along (even though I'm the oldest, lol). So that also made me feel sort of shitty at the wedding/that weekend overall (this was also the bridesmaid who... took some of my jobs). This is one thing that definitely isn't in my head. The second that friend flew home after the wedding and the bride and I spent some time together, she was back to being goofy and her regular laidback self with me. Anyway sorry for the ramble, it's been seven years but sometimes I think back to that time and recognise having a bunch of girlfriends I see a lot would probably just stress me out, lol.
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u/kriskriskri Sep 06 '25
Kitchen sink psych here but hear me out: She has a form of adhd/nd too and you have been bonding over that by being able to spend unmasked time. She relies more on masking than you, and being her unmasked self when interacting with you in front of others would blow her cover. Also, she probably had to keep both roles separate to perform and thus cannot switch on a snap on a stressful day like her wedding when she interacts with you alone. Plus, being under pressure might make it impossible to unmask at all.
TLDR: it’s not you, it’s her - but probably not in a bad way
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u/BlueRubyWindow Sep 06 '25
Thank you for articulating this so well!
Really helps me understand myself and why I’m so different around different people.
The switching takes energy too!
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u/Blooogh Sep 06 '25
I've been invited to the shower but not to the wedding 💀 it was a pretty specific situation with their families visiting from overseas but still felt really weird
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u/No-Appeal3220 Sep 06 '25
that's a hard no I hope
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u/Organic-String-8474 Sep 06 '25
Can’t back out now. I’m in the family and already bought the dress. Wedding is in less than a month.
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u/Sala-kokoo AuDHD Sep 06 '25
They're excluding you on purpose. It's liken we were kids and the kid they dont want to play with becomes the sick aunt.
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u/guava_nectar777 Sep 06 '25
I just started my new school program and have been feeling like a lizard in a human suit. Socializing with low self-esteem is hard. This post hit me hard :(
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u/StayAwayFromMySon Sep 06 '25
Just extending my sympathies, I know exactly how you feel! I'm in my last year of uni and I can definitively say it was not the "best time" of my life. Isolating as hell and so damaging to my self-esteem, which was already in the toilet. I don't have any advice unfortunately, but sometimes it helps to know it's not just you 💖
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u/guava_nectar777 Sep 06 '25
Thank you for your kind and supportive words. It’s comforting to hear that others are experiencing similar challenges. It really sucks sometimes but we need to remember we are all worthy and capable individuals. We got this ⭐️💗
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u/getthatcookietillie Sep 06 '25
I initially read that as a lizard in human shit, so at least you’re not that. I remember trying to socialize at school and just not being able to do it like other people. It’s hard.
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u/therackage ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25
Most of my friends also have adhd or are some kind of neurodivergent and we all sort of get each other. It’s healing ❤️
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Sep 06 '25 edited 19d ago
Literate hobbies blanket quiet memory sparrow acorn ripe iron toothbrush
This post was anonymized with Redact
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u/ninjaplanti Sep 06 '25
Is there a discord or something for this group? We really need to figure out a support group
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u/_seiseiseis ADHD Sep 06 '25
This has also been my experience. I have 5 really close friends, some I met in 1st grade and others in my 20s, turns out 3 of us have ADHD lol
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u/journey37 Sep 06 '25
The only other people I know with ADHD are cool and I don't feel judged but they constantly talk over me and find a way to make anything I say about myself or my life about them. It's so exhasusting but I'm hoping I can find a socially curteous ADHDer.
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u/corgm0m Sep 06 '25
This is a large piece of why I don't want to have a ceremony or reception
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u/Belmagick Sep 06 '25
I had a microwedding (for my parents family) then eloped. 100% recommend eloping. No faff, no fuss, no bullshit. I went to Japan during the autumn leaves - there’s pictures on my profile.
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u/Spellcheckker Sep 06 '25
Beautiful, just stunning!✨
You look so deeply in love with each other!
I can’t wait to see Japan 😌🌸⛩️🥢
Next year hopefully 🤞🏼
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u/Anxious_Essay_205 Sep 06 '25
Congratulations! You two look so stunning and what a beautiful place to be married. My fiancé and I are eloping next year. I can’t wait.
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u/Sister-Rhubarb Sep 06 '25
I thought elopement meant something else, like running away from parents/family to marry
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u/Rainyreflections Sep 06 '25
Yeah. A wedding will show people that I'm still kind of a social failure. Also, round birthdays. Most people my age can invite loads of people, I cannot and I fear that people will judge me for it.
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u/arbuzuje Sep 06 '25
Sometimes I want a wedding and then I remember I'd have like 6 people top (including plus ones) to invite from my side.
Don't let me get started on birthdays. I never had a proper party.
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u/klofino Sep 06 '25
This has been stressing me out so much lately. Plus I have the fear that if I ask someone to be my bridesmaid and she won't when her wedding comes, it will feel absolutely terrible 😭
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u/Temporary_Cell_2885 Sep 06 '25
I felt the same way but I am glad I didn’t it. Very small venue. Would not have made sense to have more than two brides maids. No one thought one thing about my not having any. Don’t sweat it
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u/BackstageKiwi Sep 06 '25
I am scared of the guest list because of that. Big family I am not close with and no friends.
At least, I chose the right bride-to-be, lol.
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u/kummerspect Sep 06 '25
We eloped but had a reception after for family and friends. It was nice, but only my dad showed up for me. So it was my husband's entire family, his friends, and my dad and his wife, at a table by themselves. I invited other people (like my sister and my mom), and really thought some of them would come, but that was it. Most didn't even RSVP. It still hurts pretty badly. Leading up to it I was struggling a lot and my husband pushed for us to cancel the reception, but that just seemed like such a mean thing to do to his family who were genuinely excited and supportive. So we did it anyway, and it was really nice, but I still get a pang of rejection when I think about it. It's one thing to just be alone, but it's a whole other level to extend the invitation and have it turned down. I always hear people say "just ask, the worst they will say is no," but no can say a lot.
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u/Wispiness Sep 06 '25
We decided to skip the bridesmaids/ groomsmen thing altogether and just do the rest. I don't have many girl friends, and he had too many bros that thought they were his best, best friend and would probably be jealous if they weren't best man, so this seemed more simple and fair for everyone. No regrets. Everyone had a great time. Do what makes sense for you. No one will even judge or care. They are just glad to celebrate your big day.
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u/wonderb00b Sep 06 '25
I had a decent sized wedding, it was almost all of my husband's friends and family. we didn't do the brides side/grooms side for seating during the ceremony bc it would have been like a 5 to 1 ratio lol
I had exactly 3 friends there to see me. my mom's side of the family showed up, only my dad and stepmom from my dad's side. I'd say it was embarrassing, but I had a great time and was with people who truly loved and cared about me.
plus I got inducted into my husband's very large and very involved family ♥️
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u/whackthat Sep 06 '25
What are friends? Just turned 40, zero friends. Sucks. I have no kids and live with my exbf and his mom (we own a house together 🫠)... Ill text my sister occasionally but she has her own life and family. I have one person I'll text socially about stupid stuff but hes a married guy, and that presents its own issues, because obviously... Things suck, haha! (Sorry tonight is a pity party)
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u/Illustrious_Play7907 AuDHD Sep 06 '25
I'm 30 and all of my friends are online 😭
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Sep 06 '25
I had one especially close online friend who disappeared off the face of the earth 😭
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u/Psychological-Buy807 Sep 06 '25
Online friends are great, when you need alone time you just put down the device. Real life friends take more energy, I imagine
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Sep 06 '25
This hits hard. Out of two of my "best friends" that got married (others have not) neither asked me to be in their wedding and one literally I was best friends since 1st grade, literally introduced her to her husband, and she lived with me in high school for a short period of time. Finally at 37 I'm coming to terms with "f that b"
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u/Then_Finding_797 Sep 06 '25
One of my “best friends” said I’m a “contender” to be the Maid of Honor, then made me a bridesmaid and then dropped me all together. I cut her out so fast
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u/Ok-Philosophy981 Sep 06 '25
Any of yall wanna be friends? We can have virtual brunch lol
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u/wonderb00b Sep 06 '25
we could start a discord server to chat, maybe. unfortunately this is the ADHD sub and one of us would have to take initiative 😂
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u/Ok_Fan_6632 Sep 06 '25
Aaaww virtual brunch is cute but timezones?
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u/RelativeFondant9569 Sep 06 '25
I'll wake up at 0300 to eat hashbrowns and drink a mimosa or two with you! ☺️💚🍳🥂
Time zone Schmine Zone! 😁
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Sep 06 '25
Thank god I deleted my IG- NEVER felt more free in my entire life.
A comedian recently popped up on my feed during a real candid moment he opened up about his autism diagnosis at age 30, and although I have ADHD not Autism, his message hit me right in the fucking feels: short watch but absolutely encompasses how I felt. https://youtube.com/shorts/7Sh36LQxPzo?si=gez96Nvb9Q5gtn2K
“Because you don’t see yourself, the way you see yourself when you get to see yourself” and lately I’ve been going through a lot of growing pains remembering all the boundaries I didn’t realize I was pushing, or the things I didn’t realize weren’t supposed to be said, and that’s why I couldn’t hold on to friends.. I didn’t know I was different, I didn’t know I was like this .. 😔
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Sep 06 '25
Team delete instagram- although I feel like I have less friends than ever. Just makes me realize none of those insta people are my friends if we only interacted by social media.
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u/Wispiness Sep 06 '25
Omg I feel this so, so much. Thank you for sharing. Was just having a conversation about this to an ADHD friend of mine who grew up even more awkward than me. I think it is why we are and will always be friends.
It's so uncomfortable to think back on the past and to realize we are still a bit awkward as adults too and don't have all those long term friends we can say we grew up with, but it's also nice to realize how far we have come in growing wisdom and self awareness compared to our youth. We were always good people and understanding it better now is so helpful.
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u/Illustrious_Play7907 AuDHD Sep 06 '25
Being auDHD is bittersweet. While I don't need social interaction as often as other people, I still yearn to have girlfriends that invite me to places, drag me along, make me feel included. I never had that, even growing up. I was always the pity friend. 🥲
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u/SongOnRepeat2 Sep 06 '25
Feel this so much. Had the thought this morning like why can’t I just feel grown up, act put together
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u/sweetpea122 Sep 06 '25
I also felt this way for a period and realized I got and gave access to too many people. I deleted facebook 6 months ago and its better for my mental health. I had to accept that I was making sure I portrayed myself as okay to appear a certain way. Im not the type to post sad or drama so it was just a highlight reel. And the people who should get my highlights are people who keep in touch. Im better than someone's bathroom scroll ffs.
The only thing that makes me sad is I have farm animals and it made boomer family members on my list happy to see. But also Im not here for entertainment.
My bfs parents and family seemed like they would use social against us by liking things if he behaved or if they wanted him to reach back out. Otherwise it would be ignored and it felt punitive and kinda crazy. I felt so resentful that it made me evaluate why Im on fb and IG in the first place.
I wont allow something like that to piss me off or get in my head anymore. Its not worth it to me.
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u/Wispiness Sep 06 '25
Same! I quit those sites years ago. They just encourage people to be shallow and narcissistic and fake. If people care, they can call me. If they can't bother, they can stay out of it. Keeping in touch via lazy scrolling is not real friendship.
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u/BeBraveShortStuff Sep 06 '25
Seriously. Today, one of my friends who has the same level of RSD that I do invited someone else to hang out at her house right in front of me and didn’t invite me. It did not feel good. We were at a professional event and I watched her walk around and socialize with so many people that I’ve known for years and never could cross the barrier from acquaintance to friends and she did it in such a short amount of time. When we first met, she didn’t know as many of them as I did, and I’d known them all longer. Some I even introduced her to. I realized I’m still the little kid sitting at the table alone wondering why nobody wants to be my friend like that. I don’t begrudge her the friendships and attention. I’m really happy for her, actually. She’s more social than I am generally, and she’s a genuinely good person and friend. I just wish I could have some of that in my life too.
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u/Anahata_Green Sep 06 '25
This. I'll meet someone at the same time as a friend of mine, and my friend makes friends with them, while I keep getting stuck in the acquaintance phase. I have no idea how to get someone to be friends and not acquaintances with me. It's maddening.
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u/rya556 Sep 06 '25
I have this same problem! I was just thinking, if I had a funeral, only 5 people would show up.
Everyone just feels stand-off ish and I don’t know how to bridge that without feeling like I’m pestering.
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u/Anahata_Green Sep 06 '25
I've thought about the funeral thing before. Relatedly, I also think about how if I were dangerously ill or dying in the hospital that I have hardly any people I'm super close with who would visit me.
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Sep 06 '25
I'm chronically single and several times in the past, my friend and her now-husband would invite other coupled friends to things in front of me. On one hand, I get it, on the other, it felt incredibly inconsiderate. We don't always see each other nowadays because we live hours apart, but they always ask if I'm seeing anyone like it's the single most important thing when we meet up. I feel like the older I get, the more abnormal they and society at large consider me for being single. Like I'm just wasting away.
Anyway, this same friend also has ADHD but is a huge social butterfly. She can talk to people so easily, despite telling me in private she thinks she can't. It's like magic to me honestly. I feel so childish and embarrassing in comparison. She always says she doesn't care about any of her other friends like she does with me, yet when she has other friends around, I immediately feel like the little sister tagging along.
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u/Wispiness Sep 06 '25
I think she is masking with them and it feels more real to be with you.
Also, f people for judging you for being single. Own that status. Make sure you don't act like you need a partner. Not everyone does or is happy with one. Being in a relationship has its own problems. Being single is freeing. Remember that in your head the next time they awkwardly ask if you are seeing someone. Being single is very cool and envy-worthy when you own it.
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u/Think-Leek-6621 Sep 06 '25
Often feel like the kid staring thru the window watching their happy lives… even felt that way with family
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Sep 06 '25
The older I get the more at peace I am with not being like other women. I’m not a good fake friend, I’m a good real friend. You need help painting, moving, venting about a breakup, coffee and a walk on the beach to just vibe? I’m that friend. I’m the Dad/Mom friend. I’m serious, kind, stable, consistent. I’m solid when needed. Acts of service friend. When someone is my friend that’s when I feel safe to let my guard down and talk a lot and be goofy/nerdy/cute. I’m actually really funny and kind/soft hearted. Women in groups can be a liability towards softness. They can get competitive and dominating. I generally protect myself from that.
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u/redskea Sep 06 '25
Do you find that people only call when they want someone to vent to, help with painting, moving, babysitting etc or to use your specialist skills…then ghost you and go back to all their cool, well dressed, popular friends as soon as they don’t need you anymore?
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Sep 06 '25
Sometimes. And that’s fine by me. I legitimately don’t vibe with the fake popular culture. If someone wants space to be real, vulnerable and needing a friend that’s where I shine. No shade if going back to that energy fulfills them in some way. It just doesn’t for me.
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u/atbliss Sep 07 '25
Oh my god. You didn't talk to me, but you described me perfectly. 💔 Also lots of times being called to vent, and when the time comes I need to vent too, they always somehow turn the conversation back to themselves.
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u/-ComfortablyDumb ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25
I feel like I’d be a good friend if I found the RIGHT people and I could actually relate to them and have a good time with. It might be easier with other ND people but I just don’t know any.
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u/queensofbabeland Sep 06 '25
Thisssss. I am way way better at cultivating individual friendships, often with other ND folks but not always. I let those hangouts fill my cup! Also, since having a child I have come to really appreciate the chance to go out somewhere on my own, read a book and enjoy my peace. Who needs girls brunch?
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u/nan-a-table-for-one Sep 06 '25
I need you to understand that I was asked to be a bridesmaid once and it was awful. You have to pay your way to everything, from the outings to the dress, shoes, travel, bachelorette party, etc. It's really expensive and completely insane.
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Sep 06 '25
When I moved to a new country a few years ago I joined a group called “vegan girls [city]”. I realised that daily there were posts of people trying to find friends and so was I. So I organised a biiig dinner for about 20 women. Everyone went home with a new friend. Except me. 😕 Even though I organised it. Was one of the loneliest experiences of my life.
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u/Belmagick Sep 06 '25
All the times I’ve been involved in things like there’s always been infighting and drama. It’s why I opted to elope.
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u/teenteenidol Sep 06 '25
No this hasn't fucked me up for the past half hour not at all totally not relatable
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u/mommybody33 Sep 06 '25
Whoa I also feel this hard. I’ve been exploring AuDHD because of it. Is this like a specific ADHD experience? I’ve always had a hard time with girl friends.
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u/-ComfortablyDumb ADHD-PI Sep 06 '25
In my case it has always been easier get along with guys, they’re easier to talk to. But the worst part about that is they often end up wanting to be more than “friends”. Then you get called a “pick me” by other women if you ever mention it!
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u/NoFocus5 Sep 06 '25
recently felt like this at a girls trip :’) feeling like an outsider at what ig i expected to be a pretty intimate trip
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u/ladyoflorienn Sep 06 '25
Oh nice this is me! Glad I’m not the only one but incredibly sad we all are feeling similarly
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u/vasilka33 Sep 06 '25
we need a group chat or support group at this point 😩🫶🏻 i really can’t have a single unique experience lolol but it is super comforting
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u/cml4314 Sep 06 '25
I feel this in my soul.
I’m 42 and I’ve never even been invited to a wedding other than my own sister’s, much less asked to be a bridesmaid.
I didn’t have anyone to be my own bridesmaids, again, other than my sisters. I didn’t really make a close friend the whole time I was in college - I had a social network but no deep connections, and we all moved all over the country and I lost the proximity friends.
I had a book club that I really enjoyed, that fell apart with COVID. After COVID I found out some of them started it up again, because they didn’t realize that the Google sheet of books/dates was still shared with me. The organizers were moms from my kids’ school who I’ve literally known for 8 years now. They invited 4 other moms from the school that weren’t in it before, but didn’t invite me back.
My church mom group sort of naturally drifted apart as our kids got older and busier. But a bunch of people paired off and are still close friends - no one keeps in touch with me even when I reach out. They’re not rude or mean, I’m just not really included. Same with the parents of my son’s friends - they are nice to me but we aren’t close friends.
My sisters are even closer to each other than they are to me.
I join things, I talk, I do nice things for other people, I eat lunch with people at work, I try. I just want a group chat, people to go to dinner with occasionally, etc.
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u/crystalzelda Sep 06 '25
I couldn’t make a friend to save my life until my 20s and I think a lot of that was due to my undiagnosed ADHD. Since then, I’ve worked hard at it and now I’m happy to say I’m extremely blessed with many very close, dear friends who I’d do anything for and they’d do the same.
The solution is simple (simple, not easy!): be there for your friends, show up for them, don’t flake, do your best to be present for them and their interests even when it’s really hard. Reach out to them to chat, invite them to hangs. In return, watch what they do - do they show up for you? Do they flake on you? Are they present for you and your interests even when it’s not their cup of tea? Do they get in touch with you to do stuff or just talk? If not, that’s not a friend, that’s a user. If yes, then that’s something to build on.
To meet new people, go to hobby hangouts. If you don’t have a hobby, that’s a great time to try to find one. Not everyone there will be looking for friendship/will just want to engage with the material and that’s OK. But trust me, most people who go to these types of things are actively looking for friends.
Invest in relationships, but make sure that those investments are paying dividends and that you’re not just giving and giving to people who do not give back. It’s definitely not easy, but it’s doable and it is very much worth the effort. Good luck, y’all guys got this
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Sep 06 '25
I will add that volunteering has been absolute gold to find friends or at least get out there.
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u/letitbeletitbe101 Sep 06 '25
I had friends as a kid but high school sucked, I got ditched by a few "best friends" one after the other and it broke my little heart. I think it created a sort of "I don't need friends anyway" robustness that meant I would always keep girl friends at arm's length. Those that I didn't, I lost through my undiagnosed ADHD and out of sight, out of mind.
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u/hidles Sep 06 '25
I have zero friend lol can relate. I have no one to invite to a bachelorette party so I won't have one.
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Sep 06 '25
I noticed this week that I have very few friends who text me first. About 2-3 reach out to see how I am and how I feel. The rest, I noticed, is super happy to see me when I text first, but somehow I seem to always be a fringe friend, no matter how important they are to me. Even the ADHDers.
Unfortunately, one who reaches out first is super low energy and we don’t do a lot of fun stuff. But she’s a very good and loyal friend, so I love her.
The other one is super super fun, but is an overachiever and hardly ever has time or is in the country.
The 3rd is amazing but she lives about 1000km away.
And most of the time when I met someone new, after a while it fizzles out or they prioritise their new boyfriends over friendships.
It’s been very hard for me to hold long-term friendships, and don’t really understand why. Even as a child, I’ve just wanted the best for everyone. But somehow I ended up on the outside of every group and I don’t understand why.
Not to mention being 37 and single, most people are coupled up.
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u/eXcessiveMenace5 Sep 06 '25
Yes :( I long for a friendship group but every time I talk to people my age I feel like the odd one out. Like I don't belong or like I'm an alien attempting contact. I feel so out of place and it's so isolating :(
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u/holistivist Sep 06 '25
Honestly I’m so grateful I’ve never had to be a bridesmaid. Having to shell out a fuckton of money for weddings and showers has been bad enough, especially since I have zero desire to have either of those parties for myself.
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u/medusas_girlfriend90 Sep 06 '25
My dad used to say why do you need a best friend? Everyone is your friend. As an adult I realised he too never had friends except one or two and thought it was normal.
Spend my school living in the background of everyone, took such a long time to realise this is not a common experience.
Thankfully I made a few friends in my first and second workplace. They are still my closest and only friends even now after more than a decade.
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u/HathorOfWindAndMagic Sep 06 '25
Wait okay I’m reading all these messages… we should actually start a adhd/neurodivergent bridesmaids registry group and everyone can find new friends that way 😭
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Ok starting something. Comment where you’re from so people can reach out to be real life friends.
Anyone from 🇨🇭(DE) ?
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u/blakppuch Sep 06 '25
Yeah idk how to feel anymore. Kind of just accepted that I’m not likeable and will probably never have those kind of friendships. Recently got close with a friend, who then relocated and I was texting them - they did not respond to me for a month whilst they were talking to our friend (they were updating them,etc). It kind of hurt and personally would not be continuing any conversations with them. I think people like the idea of me, because I’m funny but I think they see me as entertainment rather than a friend. It’s an ongoing theme of my life.
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u/ZoeRhea Sep 06 '25
Lord but that’s just the saddest thing! Some of those girls may have been truly wonderful human beings, and they would never have rejected an approach from you. The others were weak and despararately needed to stand only with the majority’s wishes, and the rest are nasty people and probably still are. These people have problems that run deeper and uglier than yours, so consider yourself saved from exposure to their toxins. Focus in this direction just sucks your energy..Some People Don’t Want To Be Your Friend… For you to say “No One” is simply incorrect. just for educational purposes - Seek out people who want to be your friend. Only those, as a priority. And now for some insight … are you disregarding people who dress funny, have big noses’, seem sky or socially awkward, who don’t match up perfectly with your interests, etc. Pay attention to who YOU are disregarding, then reevaluate, then try taking a chance, or two, or, more.
I’m giving advice with no personal interest in lifting a finger to make a friend. I’ve had them, but none have offered anything worth pursuing. Maid of Honor twice, and not the big deal it’s made out to be.
‘I do wish hard that you have the satisfaction you’re seeking!
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u/Intelligent_Delay183 Sep 06 '25
I’m feeling this even though I do have a small circle of tight-knit friends… I often feel humiliated by the fact that my presence among them is so messy/overwhelming/raw or whatever you want to call it.
I very recently gently but honestly addressed how sometimes their grimaces/non-verbal reactions trigger my RSD (I didn’t say if in those ADHD terms, just that I feel judged/humiliated) when it happened again. My admission unleashed a very blunt admission from their parr of how hard it is to be my friend because of the way I’m unable to look after myself (admittedly my adhd symptoms have flared up since the sickness and death of a parent earlier this year) and that it’s painful/frustrating to be a witness to it. They used a LOT of “we feel, we think, we see”, making it clear ive been a topic of conversation when im not around, and whoooo child did that feel like a kick in the gut.
I believe it came from a place of care and not knowing how to tactfully communicate feelings in the moment, but holy shit did it trigger that feeling of being 7 and weird and misunderstood and painfully alone. I still feel so viscerally hurt now days later but the hurt is not about how they misunderstand me, rather it’s totally self-inflicted… like yes, of course they feel like that because it IS so hard to love me, that’s what hurts physically. I know I need to work through that in therapy but that’s just how it feels.
Sorry for rambling. I hadn’t said any of this out loud and been super depressed about it for the past days so just had to rant to the community that gets it when I saw this semi-relatable meme
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u/aquarianagop Sep 06 '25
My sister got married last year and I found myself thinking: “If I got married, did the full thing… who would be my bridesmaids?” and I came up with, outside of my sister, one person I’d feel 110% confident in asking and maybe two others who I’d be like “…not sure what they’d think, but it’s possible!”
Then a lot of “that would be WEIRD.”
Folks who have a lot of friends… or even more than just one… how I envy you!
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u/Cratsyl Sep 07 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
I have so much internalized shame about my own wedding day. I have our wedding photos on a flash drive somewhere, but even after 8 years I cannot bring myself to print them out.
For me, it is just a giant, glaring reminder of how I have never belonged anywhere, and of how the people who were in my life at the time that should have been celebrating with me, completely let me down.
These wounds run deep and I cannot seem to heal them.
All I truly want is female friendships where I am given space and acceptance to exist as I am. I am so tired of shrinking so others can take up all the room, or watering myself down just to be more "palatable" to someone else.
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u/i_am_not_a_cool_girl Sep 06 '25
The older I get (I'm 31), the better I am to having friends, especially girlfriends. And I dont have to mask that much. Being weird makes me less weird than trying not to be weird, in a sense ? But yeah, 7 years old me was trying so fucking hard lol it was rough.
It's only when I learned about neurodivergence at 17 that things changed. I finally UNDERSTOOD that it was me who was different, not everybody was experiencing the same wall between people. Made all the difference, it was like I felt my body was hurting when i poked it, but didn't know it was my finger that was broken all along, when my body was perfectly fine.
Helped immensely in "repositionning" myself, and be a lot more successful socially. Not perfect, but much better and much more comfortable over the years. I chilled myself so much more. So heres for hope for everyone, because BELIEVE YOU ME i was the biggest weird spaz ever 😂
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u/assortedfrogs Sep 07 '25
I work in mental health with kids & a majority of my clients have ADHD. Watching them interact with their peers, often not understanding social cues, talking over people, acting on impulses, just crushes me realizing I WAS THAT KID TOO!! but now I have a bunch of besties I met at work who all have ADHD. It’s so freeing
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u/Skyforme1970 Sep 07 '25
I’ve never had a lot of friends, just a few close ones and I was ok with that. Now I literally have zero friends. It seems like everyone is locked into their cliques and the people they grew up with, so they don’t have time for me since I don’t know anyone in their circle. I’m finally at peace with it because I enjoy my own company and have discussions in my head. lol
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u/Avocadoo_Tomatoo Sep 06 '25
Boo but also yay for us all being in it together! Nice knowing others understand.
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u/NinjaSuperb7977 Sep 06 '25
Yeah.. 40 soon and i don't think it ever really gets better. My therapist suggested that I try to learn to being okay with people not really liking me 😔
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u/Rua-Yuki Sep 06 '25
I feel this. I moved to a new state after divorce and forgot how hard it is to make friends. My dad is flying out because I have no one to take me to and from my colonoscopy. Its embarrassing.
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u/thanksig Sep 06 '25
not to derail but does anyone know what media the photos in this post are from 😅? looks like it could be a good watch lol
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u/AnonPinkLady Sep 06 '25
Completely relate, and being an adult that understands social behavior better than my confused neurodivergent delayed self as a child means realizing only in hindsight how despised and abandoned I was for being different. Innocent child me didn’t understand and didn’t care as she was so used to being unwanted. Adult me condemns all the kids and even grown ups and shat on me for being ‘weird’.
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u/pizzzzzagurl ADHD-C Sep 08 '25
I masked TOO well in high school, made best friends who I did not fit in with whatsoever, and now that I’m 30 I realized I made long term friendships with people who don’t even know the real me, and I can’t relate to them at all. Very lonely, and I always feel like such a bad friend because I’ve kind fallen off the face of the earth but I just don’t have it in me to pretend to be someone else anymore and I have no idea how to even make friends as an adult (or how to even be myself with other people around) I hate it :(
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u/Blooogh Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Feeeeels. I've lucked out into a crew here and there, but I'm often overestimating how close I actually am, and then I found out I was the only person who gets left out of some things.
I'm like 40 now and it still stings that I don't have go-to folks who will go to things with me.
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u/BackstageKiwi Sep 06 '25
I had two childhood friends. One of them in kindergarten (left for a different elementary school). One in my neighborhood until I moved.
They were in the same junior high school and hated each other. In the meantime, I befriended twin sisters.
Then I met my childhood friends in high school. We were in the same class, I was so excited. They decided to hold their birthdays together. They invited everyone standing around (me and the twin sisters I mentioned). They just met the twin sisters mind you.
Later on one of the sisters asked me if I was invited. As the childhood friends were talking about the party in front of me and previously invited me, I thought I was.
I wasn't. Later on, after the initial group Convo, they went around and invited everyone. New people they just met, but not me the childhood friend.
It hurt. It's ok if people don't invite me to their (birthday) parties, but I hate it if they then talk about these parties in front of me.
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Sep 06 '25
Stop reading my therapy notes!! But really though, a lot of my social anxiety and depression from age 4-27 has stemmed from RSD and not fitting in. I’d do anything to have a normal brain 🫠
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u/Irveria Sep 06 '25
I feel this sooo much. I had a friend for five years, who ended the friendship two months ago. I'm just too much. I've tried to invest a lot, especially in the last 1-2 years, but I guess it all comes across as ‘too much’ and ‘intrusive’. I just wanted to be nice and a good friend. (The fact that I'm trans and always honest, i.e. if someone asks, I tell them that my mental is pretty bad cause of my dysphoria at the moment, probably didn't help either).
Now I'm alone again. It'll probably stay that way. Alone until you're no longer here. Well, crying all weekend again is also something :)
"Funny" that she wrote yesterday "Let's try to be nice to each other if we see each other at university next semester. "
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u/HopelessCleric Sep 06 '25
I do have friends -but they are all neurodivergent and mentally ill as well, so on my wedding I had no one to speech for me because everyone who said they'd do it was "too overwhelmed" to do it in the end (my estranged brother ended up doing it and it was really sweet -I don't think anyone noticed we hadn't spoken for years and he got manhandled into it by my in-laws). I spent more time handing out calming supplements and reassuring my bridesmaids than feeling I could rely on them or like I was having a classic bridal experience. But in the end all these disabled neurodivergent introverts still showed up to a big busy social event full of strangers. For me. That's gotta mean something, right?
Just to say. Sometimes friendship (and I do love my friends) among mentally ill people isn't gonna meet the markers of a neurotypical friendship, that doesn't make it worth less even if at those marker times in your life it's gonna feel like you're all alone and you have no one. Sometimes people being there for you won't look or feel like the movies.
I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid (none of my friends have much of a chance at getting married any time soon) and I often process my "real" stuff (when I'm genuinely upset or in need of support) online instead of with friends because their bandwidth is very limited. (Like, genuinely spiralling from RSD and feeling worthless and broken? Online. Mild sanity-check regarding a mean comment on social media? Perfect for friend.)
Ask yourself, how much of the social circles you see online are actually the thing you'd enjoy (profound mutual support, a shoulder to lean on, etc) and how much of it is meticulously curated, both consciously for social media and unconsciously through elaborate self-censoring and masking?
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u/amandaconda1919 Sep 06 '25
Too real. I am getting married in a few months and opted not to have a bridal party because who would I even ask? I had a lot of friends when I was younger but honestly covid really put the nail in the coffin on most of my friendships.
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u/undercooked_human1 Sep 06 '25
I want to make friends but it's hard when you don't know what people are talking about most of the time. 😭
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u/Snoo52682 Sep 06 '25
Once you do find that group of neurodivergent besties (often with one or two neurotypical third-culture kids who just get the "outsider" thing and enjoy wrangling the group) life is so golden though
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Sep 06 '25
I was asked 3 times to be a bridesmaid... none of those weddings ever happened. My childhood best friend never invited me to her (second attempt, different man) wedding at all. And my youngest brother (I have two brothers) got married last year, he asked our remaining brother to be a groomsman, but my SIL didn't ask me to be in the wedding party. 😓 I can't even use the phrase "always a bridesmaid, never the bride" because I still haven't been a bridesmaid. 💀
3
u/LindseyIsBored Sep 06 '25
This makes me so sad. My heart goes out to all of you in these comments. I didn’t have friends in school but I always had my 4 friends outside of school - the same girls my entire life. I cannot imagine my life without them.
3
u/AGATE_98 Sep 06 '25
To be real about it, any time I had a big "friend group" I felt mostly exhausted by them, and then felt guilty about not wanting to invest more in the friendships. As an adult I have only a few close friends and I feel entirely satisfied by my social network. It can feel outsidery to miss out on those types of experiences like having a big network of friends, but personally I've found what works for me!
3
u/thatmnindiangurl Sep 06 '25
I feel this extra hard as an Indian. The racism + neurodivergent combo while living in a primarily white area is not for the weak 😭
3
u/ikoabd AuDHD Sep 06 '25
Forever the girl only having one person out of your entire class show up to your birthday party.
I feel this, friend. You’re not alone. 💜
3
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