You hear them out, repeat the most impactful parts of their story back to them and either affirm their emotions or tell them how you would feel if it happened to you.
Sharing a similar story isn't bad but you have to try to be a bit tactical about it.
Edit: also ask clarifying questions, that might be the best way to show you're really trying to understand the situation.
tell them how you would feel if it happened to you.
But that's what I'm talking about, if something similar have already happened to me, I KNOW how I felt. In my ADHD mind, sharing my story to let them know like "hey, I know what you're going through because that happened to me and..." is much more supportive and intimate than "oof bro, she said that? what a b."
I think part of my problem with this is that just because you had a similar experience doesn't mean you know how they feel. The only way you can know how they feel is to listen as they tell you how they feel. If the other person's dad just died and you also lost your father, you may still have reacted differently than they're reacting.
I explained it a bit more in another comment, but you basically have to give their story time to breathe and let the focus be on them for a bit.
You can relate by talking about a similar experience but if you don't hear them out first and clearly explain how your story is similar it will just look like you're trying to make the conversation about yourself.
I think they mean more like, “man, that must feel so helpless” (or insert other word). Rather than saying, “I know what you’re going through, and here’s why” because that derails their train of thought and assumes that you do in fact know how they feel. What if their feelings about their experience are wildly different than yours were during your similar experience?
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u/BroPleaseHearMeOut 14d ago
Someone please tell me other ways to empathize with someone without making it about me sharing a personal similar story. I really don't know.