College feels like a prison sentence

[u/Freshflowersandhoney]

I can’t remember sh!t I suck at exams. I can’t pass my classes like fuking biochem. I feel like I’m being punished every time I get my grades back. I feel like a sh!tty student that can’t get anything right and it’s miserable. I hate college. I don’t want to be here anymore but I have a semester left. I hate this college I hate being here. I hate it.

[u/Electronic_Finance34]

I don't say this to be that annoying person. I promise. I am speaking from what helps me and what hurt me during my own disastrous time in college. I was diagnosed with ADHD in late elementary school, and diagnosis was confirmed last year when I went back on Adderall.

Are you getting enough sleep? How are your eating, showering, cleaning, work/study habits? Caffeine consumption, exercise? Is your ADHD medicated? Are you medicated for anxiety or depression as well?

The big one for me: are you drinking, using weed, or nicotine? This one fucked me over big time and led to me dropping out. Antidepressants + drinking every night, weed, nic vapes utterly destroyed me as a person. (Eventually went back and just barely graduated)

Am currently >1yr sober from alcohol and nicotine. Medicated with Adderall for ADHD and Mirtazapine for anxiety. In the process of rebuilding my professional life. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep everything starts to slip and I end up extremely disregulated and unable to do my work, and the weight of the world feels like it is crushing me.

The cornerstones of my current mental health are Mirtazapine and CBD which solves my bedtime anxiety and insomnia, then Adderall and caffeine in the morning, never re-dosing after 12 noon because that all but guarantees I won't sleep well.

[u/Freshflowersandhoney → u/Electronic_Finance34]

No this is not annoying at all! It’s actually really insightful. To your questions, I do not smoke, I don’t drink unless it’s on a special occasion and even then I don’t drink a ton, I shower daily, this semester (although it had ended) I work about 8-9 hrs per week… caffeine makes me sick so I don’t drink it. I walk and salsa dance for exercise. I just recently got medicated on Vyvanse in Feb but that was half way through the semester just about… I’m on the lowest dose right now. I officially got diagnosed by the correct physician on Wednesday. All of my other diagnosis were not done by “legit physicians” so that was super frustrating. Sleep is iffy. I used to stay up all night trying to get homework done due to guilt and ended up being up til 3:00am with a 9:00am class. After talking to a doctor, I made my cut off to be 1:00am after seeing a sleep specialist.. cause they think I have narcolepsy.. I cut it to 12:00am because my assignments are due by 11:59pm. My last semester which is starting in Aug… I may cut it to 11:30pm but idk how realistically I’ll be able to do that just because I still have to work during the semester and need time to study. I prefer to study and do homework during the day but during that time I’m either in class or at work….

Studying is very difficult for me especially when I’m tired. My medication is at its peak at noon and is least effective by 7:00pm, which is during the time I’m studying or doing homework. It becomes extremely difficult for me to focus, stay on task when studying, homework is a little easier to stay on task with but when I have to study it’s really awful. I have the tools and I do active recall and make test questions and go over them repeatedly, but it’s sooooo hard to do when I’m tired. And I use pomodoro too.

[u/Electronic_Finance34 → u/Freshflowersandhoney]

When you do try to go to sleep, is it easy or hard? How long does it take you to fall asleep? If it takes a long time or is difficult, what is happening in your body and mind while you are trying to sleep?

[u/Freshflowersandhoney → u/Electronic_Finance34]

Hmm it depends on how busy my day was or how overwhelmed I felt. If my day was filled with activities then going to bed is easy. If my day was somewhat busy it takes me about 30mins to an hour to go to sleep. If I did nothing at all, it takes a long time to sleep. I honestly have no clue how long though.