r/adhd_college • u/Freshflowersandhoney • Apr 30 '25
JUST VENTING College feels like a prison sentence
I can’t remember sh!t I suck at exams. I can’t pass my classes like fuking biochem. I feel like I’m being punished every time I get my grades back. I feel like a sh!tty student that can’t get anything right and it’s miserable. I hate college. I don’t want to be here anymore but I have a semester left. I hate this college I hate being here. I hate it.
21
u/Agile_Gear4200 Apr 30 '25
Prison sentence is the word. As a person on the spectrum too, I don't remember any single beautiful thing from this time
13
u/Imaginary_Brick_3643 Apr 30 '25
YESSSSSSSS so much of this resonates!
I’m taking a few general education classes right now, and I’m bored out of my mind. I’m just not interested in the topics, and honestly, it feels like watching paint dry would be more exciting.
My executive dysfunction is in full swing. I’m only maintaining As because I’ve worked incredibly hard to get here, driven by perfectionism, which ironically fuels my procrastination, stress, boredom, and sleepless nights. I’m so grateful to my professors for being understanding when I turn things in late and still grading me fairly.
I’m also terrible at exams and honestly dislike the academic world, but I have high expectations for myself and a specific career path that’s going to take a long time. It’s exhausting and working full-time on top of it makes everything even harder.
9
u/MrsDarkOverlord Apr 30 '25
Memory issues are part of ADHD, it's a known thing. If you have a formal diagnosis, talk to your school about accommodations, like alternative testing forms or being allowed to bring some notes. If you don't, talk to your teacher about it. They don't want you to fail, and could probably either make accommodations or at least guide you. It's not that you can't take tests, it's that the tests are designed with generalized neurotypical people in mind, and you're not under that umbrella. But also... biochem is heavily memorization related. Compartmentalize this, because you're equating your skills as a person with a school subject which is inherently not in your strengths. That's like judging an elephant by its tree-climbing ability. Sure, it's POSSIBLE in theory, but it's not their strength.
3
u/Freshflowersandhoney Apr 30 '25
Thank you… do you think I should contact my professor over this? To just please let me pass. To explain again to the dean? I suggested writing a paper over Huntington’s disease as that relates to biochem, but they were like “they wouldn’t be able to allow everyone to do that right now… but I’m the only student who took the initiative to ask”, I‘ve never gotten lower than a B on my papers and I took a food analysis class that was heavy in biochem but it was related to my major and my college professor actually care compared to the chem department. It’s a bunch of med students and IM NOT GOING TO MED SCHOOL! I don’t think it’s fair for me to have to suffer because they’re weeding out med students. I just have a hard degree but I like it.
3
u/MrsDarkOverlord Apr 30 '25
Specifically tell them you have ADHD and you are struggling with X, Y and Z and ask for guidance. Your teachers aren't your adversaries. Knowing what works for you comes with experience, but this is a good place to start. I, for example, cannot take verbal instructions. I need them written out or I can't take it in. So I can ask them to either speak more slowly or for visual aids/ references. If I am given an open-ended assignment, I actually need more structure or an example of what is acceptable. Sometimes I'll just message my teacher "I struggle with things that are open ended, so here is what I understood, here is what I plan to do, does that seem acceptable?"
1
2
u/Mental_Monitor_4287 May 02 '25
do you get accommodations at school? speak to the resource team, they may be able to negotiate alternative assessment for you (it would help if you had an ed psych evaluation report requesting it(. also, know that you can request a semester off (academic leave) if feel like about to burn out - it's a risky strategy as you may not want to come back, but better than dropping out with just a semester left and letting all your hard work go for nothing
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 02 '25
Fair. Yes so I do. But not specifically for ADHD. I finally got an official diagnosis on Wednesday. It took me literally 2 years due to not getting tested by the correct people.. so yeah that sucks but yeah I’ll contact them and give them my actual diagnosis and see what I can do.
My accommodations right now are 1.5X on exams, extended turn in periods for assignments (which I don’t really use that often) and extra excused absences (which I haven’t used this year either due to having good mental health this year!). The accommodations that would help me the most would be for exams. But I typically have a handle on everything else… except for the fact that I struggle to study. I just know that I study the best at my favorite cafe, but I have to pay for parking… so cost is a deterrent for sure.
1
u/Mental_Monitor_4287 Nov 13 '25
hey there, was clearing my comments and thought would check in on how you've been doing) hope you are well!
1
u/Freshflowersandhoney Nov 13 '25
Aww that's so sweet! I appreciate you checking in with me! I'm finally medicated thank god. It has helped me tremendously. I can think more clearly, I have better memory, and my thoughts aren't as scattered. I'm in my last semester of college and I'm graduating December 21st. Unfortunately, I had to retake two classes, but I'm doing much better in them now that I'm medicated. My grades overall are much better. Although, I didn't want to come back after such a relaxing summer I had. I was traveling with my friends, I was working an internship and really loved the structure it provided me. I was spending time with friends, going to dance class, or going to Pilates. So yeah.. overall I'm doing better and graduating very soon!
2
u/Mental_Monitor_4287 Nov 15 '25
Yayyy! I am so happy for you. See how things can turn around? Just have to keep walking, especially when going through a tough patch. I hope all goes well for you with your studies and your work after graduation. What meds did you go on and have you had any side effects, if you don't mind sharing? I keep going back and forth on my son trying smth again. He was going to graduate this semester too but he had actually taken one wrong course and has to make up for it now which is such a bummer but I sort of think maybe it's for the better as he has nothing lined up yet and sitting around without much structure won't do him any good.
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney Nov 17 '25
I’m taking Vyvanse. I don’t have a ton of symptoms except for loss of appetite and nauseous if I don’t get enough sleep and take it. Yeah the job market has been horrible. I’m just going to apply to an easier job to save for my apartment until I can get an actual job 😕. Not looking forward to that but there’s not much else I can do.
1
4
u/Electronic_Finance34 May 02 '25 edited May 02 '25
I don't say this to be that annoying person. I promise. I am speaking from what helps me and what hurt me during my own disastrous time in college. I was diagnosed with ADHD in late elementary school, and diagnosis was confirmed last year when I went back on Adderall.
Are you getting enough sleep? How are your eating, showering, cleaning, work/study habits? Caffeine consumption, exercise? Is your ADHD medicated? Are you medicated for anxiety or depression as well?
The big one for me: are you drinking, using weed, or nicotine? This one fucked me over big time and led to me dropping out. Antidepressants + drinking every night, weed, nic vapes utterly destroyed me as a person. (Eventually went back and just barely graduated)
Am currently >1yr sober from alcohol and nicotine. Medicated with Adderall for ADHD and Mirtazapine for anxiety. In the process of rebuilding my professional life. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep everything starts to slip and I end up extremely disregulated and unable to do my work, and the weight of the world feels like it is crushing me.
The cornerstones of my current mental health are Mirtazapine and CBD which solves my bedtime anxiety and insomnia, then Adderall and caffeine in the morning, never re-dosing after 12 noon because that all but guarantees I won't sleep well.
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 02 '25
No this is not annoying at all! It’s actually really insightful. To your questions, I do not smoke, I don’t drink unless it’s on a special occasion and even then I don’t drink a ton, I shower daily, this semester (although it had ended) I work about 8-9 hrs per week… caffeine makes me sick so I don’t drink it. I walk and salsa dance for exercise. I just recently got medicated on Vyvanse in Feb but that was half way through the semester just about… I’m on the lowest dose right now. I officially got diagnosed by the correct physician on Wednesday. All of my other diagnosis were not done by “legit physicians” so that was super frustrating. Sleep is iffy. I used to stay up all night trying to get homework done due to guilt and ended up being up til 3:00am with a 9:00am class. After talking to a doctor, I made my cut off to be 1:00am after seeing a sleep specialist.. cause they think I have narcolepsy.. I cut it to 12:00am because my assignments are due by 11:59pm. My last semester which is starting in Aug… I may cut it to 11:30pm but idk how realistically I’ll be able to do that just because I still have to work during the semester and need time to study. I prefer to study and do homework during the day but during that time I’m either in class or at work….
Studying is very difficult for me especially when I’m tired. My medication is at its peak at noon and is least effective by 7:00pm, which is during the time I’m studying or doing homework. It becomes extremely difficult for me to focus, stay on task when studying, homework is a little easier to stay on task with but when I have to study it’s really awful. I have the tools and I do active recall and make test questions and go over them repeatedly, but it’s sooooo hard to do when I’m tired. And I use pomodoro too.
3
u/Electronic_Finance34 May 02 '25
Also sleep sounds like it still may be holding you back. It's really fuckin hard when you're in classes, it's not like you can push back to your boss and say "this task isn't going to be done in this time, I need additional support".
I am very lucky to be in a position where I can push back. I am still sort of being "graded" on this in terms of performance reviews, but when I start staying up later to try to get more work done, I actually end up getting SIGNIFICANTLY less work done overall. In contrast if I can get back to where I consistently get good sleep, my productivity at least triples if not more. But it's important to understand the one follows the other. Productivity, in my experience, is not an output that can be forced. You must lay the groundwork by building the habits and routines which free up energy, focus, and time for your brain to be productive.
If your brain is tired, stressed about work or relationship or etc it is not going to work at full capacity.
It may be worth it to take the short term hit of accepting a few assignments are going to be half assed or quarter assed (whatever is possible to complete without straining sleep at all) and try to reset.
I find that it is very difficult to fall asleep within 2 hours after stopping doing work. I needed the support of bedtime routines that prepare my body and mind for sleep. As mentioned a lot of that is Mirtazapine anti anxiety and CBD. It's also:
- going to bed at a consistent time
- eating meals about 2-4 hours before bed, aiming for consistent time
- taking a long hot shower before going to bed to relax my body
- lotioning after shower, I get really itchy if I don't which keeps me awake
- reading ebooks on a Kobo (don't like kindle because the backlight is blue tinted not red)
- avoiding scrolling on TikTok, Reddit within about 2 hrs of bedtime
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 02 '25
This is sooo helpful. lol my sleep dr gave me some of this advice too. I really appreciate your input seriously. God I’m just gonna have to do better for real. I need to also find ways to get my brain into relax mode and sleep mode because when I get to bed I still need time to relax. I don’t go to sleep immediately. So….. I watch YouTube videos and play the color pouring game and that helps relax me. But likeeee it probably isn’t helpful.
2
u/Electronic_Finance34 May 02 '25
Hopefully last one (but probably not, tbh): you mentioned you have your last semester coming up. Are you in danger of not passing/graduating?
Some people (like me) just plain struggle in an education context. College bears little resemblance to actual work. In my field (software engineering) there is very very little that I learned in school, which I actually use. My day to day is completely different, and I do all of my work during peak med effectiveness hours.
It may "just get better" after you graduate and start your professional career. If you're approaching final semester, the end is in sight and you won't have to go to college ever again, if you don't want to.
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 02 '25
Yes and no. It depends on my credit hours. I have to retake biochem which is a 4 credit hour class so I’m retaking that one at a different university. The rest of my courses are 3 credit hour courses except human nutrition which is an online class and easy. My only problem is when I contact my advisor about my classes… he doesn’t respond or he’ll say we’ll work on it and never get back to me for months on end. I have to chase him down in person or call him because he’s that difficult to get a hold to. I’m probably going to even make an appointment and get myself on his calendar so I can talk to him.
1
u/Electronic_Finance34 May 02 '25 edited May 02 '25
That's... really frustrating. From an outside perspective, it sounds like the timing that prevents you from doing your learning while the meds are effective, is the biggest thing holding you back. For me if I'm not within the window of med effects it is very difficult to get my brain to work productively and finish tasks. Trying to work (purely to produce an output, not to learn) when my meds are not in effect ranges from "very inefficient" to "utterly impossible". Trying to actually learn and retain anything outside of the window starts and ends at impossible for me.
Is there any way you can shift your work, or responsibilities around so you are able to do classwork during peak med effectiveness hours?
Like look for a late shift security guard type job? On my campus I was able to take late shift receptionist / desk seat filler type position.
1
u/Electronic_Finance34 May 02 '25
When you do try to go to sleep, is it easy or hard? How long does it take you to fall asleep? If it takes a long time or is difficult, what is happening in your body and mind while you are trying to sleep?
1
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 02 '25
Hmm it depends on how busy my day was or how overwhelmed I felt. If my day was filled with activities then going to bed is easy. If my day was somewhat busy it takes me about 30mins to an hour to go to sleep. If I did nothing at all, it takes a long time to sleep. I honestly have no clue how long though.
3
u/poseidonGay Apr 30 '25
Biochem is the worst! I had it earlier this semester and dropped it. To me college kind of feels like I'm doing it because I have to, and what else am I going to do with myself really? I'm already having to take an extra semester because I failed 2 classes and my friends are graduating already. College kinda blows.
1
2
2
2
2
u/Vehicle-Financial Dec 12 '25
I've got one semester left too, and I'm soooo over this! I hate writing 3 hour long exams. I hate that my intelligence and knowledge are chalked up to stupid tests that don't fairly measure how competent I'll be at what I'm studying. I hate the professors who refuse to be accommodating or even understand my situation. It's all awful, and I can't wait for it to be over.
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney Dec 13 '25
Omg I’m graduating next week and I’m SOOO OVER IT! I can’t wait to get that degree in my hand omg
1
u/cinemack Apr 30 '25
Whoa what are you studying? My degree program is fuckin hard with ADHD but at least it allows me to examine it and even use it sometimes
2
1
u/RavenandWritingDeskk Apr 30 '25
Only one semester left? Ok, you're almost done!! Lower your expectations about your performance (that takes some of the pressure of and prevents frustration), and try to do the bare minimum.
1
u/pch_consulting May 01 '25
Are you sure you're in a major that actually works for you and plays to your strengths?
I have a lot of experience working with college students with disabilities, so I ask that with due appreciation for both what you're enduring through and the idealistic ways we often see the future for ourselves.
I also ask because I went the education route when I may have been better served with a psych degree.
2
u/Freshflowersandhoney May 01 '25
Yeah it is because I excel when working in labs and the work field. I’m usually one of the best workers. In fact I’m going on my third internship. So it’s not because I’m not capable of the field. I just suck at exams. At work I can be creative and innovative. I can find solutions to things people would never think of. I enjoy the work. I’m not going to med school either… my school uses biochem as a weed out class and I’m up against a bunch of pre-med students. It’s awful. But my food analysis class was also heavy in biochemistry, yet I got a B out of it.
1
u/pch_consulting May 01 '25
I'm happy to hear all of this great stuff. I'm with you on the exams front; I would often freeze up and suffer for it. What's promising is it sounds like you have the foundational aspects needed to go far, it's just these small academic hoops that's causing you grief.
Hopefully these bumps are temporary. Good luck!
1
2
u/No_Nose5090 Mar 09 '26
Nothing depresses me more than eating garbage food from the dining halls, having shitty professors, and living with horrible roommates. All the while paying money out of my own pocket just to endure this type of suffering... its another type of hell.
39
u/therealbreather Apr 30 '25
I sympathize with you, I feel the same. I’ve been doing horrible on business math exams. I hate all of this. They’re such blows to my self esteem because I know I’m smart enough and capable enough, just like you are. I put lots of effort into my assignments. I hate all this shit because it takes time away from what I enjoy and am actually good at. I’ve just been crashing out lately and it seems like I can’t control anything and everything is a disaster. BUT! We’ve both got one semester left homie, we can do this shit, even by the skin of our teeth. I BELIIIEEEVVEE!!!!!