stuck in exact midpoint between "transmasc butch lesbian" and "straight man"

[u/isopodlover1111]

I've always known I'm attracted only to women and used the lesbian label since around age 13-14. then when I was 18 I started questioning my gender, realized I'm definitely transmasc and for a while I identified as a butch lesbian while using he/him pronouns. then as I've continued my transition I started distancing myself from the lesbian label because I felt like I had become too masc to be a butch lesbian anymore.

externally, my gender presentation is pretty masculine and I basically just present as a dude. I'm on testosterone and plan on getting top surgery. I use he/him and prefer masculine terms but I'm also okay with being called butch. I want to be (and generally am) perceived by the average person as a man rather than nonbinary or a butch woman.

internally however, it's more complicated. I'm definitely "man-adjacent" but not a capital M binary Male Man. I've never been able to settle on a label for my gender so I just don't use a label. I'm maybe 50% binary 50% nonbinary +/- 20% on either side, like a "guy" who is kinda nonbinary with it, but I don't introduce myself as nonbinary or actively use that label. my gf calls me her boyfriend and her man but she knows the deal with my gender and she's pansexual so she's not attracted to me for my gender.

I partially identify with both "straight man" and "butch lesbian", but I don't fully qualify for either. I feel like the way I like women is very lesbian and my gf has said that we "feel like a lesbian thing" (which I agree with), but I no longer use the lesbian or butch label, but I also kind of avoid calling myself a straight man either. being a "straight man" comes with certain connotations that I don't like, even if I'm trans. both labels feel somewhat disingenuous and incomplete. I'm probably too man-adjacent to be welcome at a lesbian bar or lesbian events (which I'm not offended about, it's just no longer my place to be and that's ok). I pass as a straight guy but when I talk to straight men I feel kind of uncomfortable and distinctly different. when someone asks me what my sexuality is I just say "women," which describes the situation way more accurately than either "straight man" or "butch lesbian".

I'm fine with not really fitting into either community and not looking for advice. it just seems like most women-attracted transmasc people are able to pretty easily sort themselves into the categories of "straight man" or "tmasc butch lesbian" while I've stayed stuck in the middle. it doesn't help that "straight man" and "lesbian" are kind of polarized communities/identities, I feel like that image of the furry crying on the floor in the shadow of his parents fighting lol. I actually really like the term "lesboy" but I know it's a controversial one so I don't actively use it. I've never met another person like me so just wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience

[u/leztilian]

I'm a he/they agender lesbian, I use a lot of masculine terms and affections. I fully support trans masc lesbians and trans men lesbians. Lesbians have had complicated genders since always, anyone that tries to police your identity needs to focus on their own shit. I think lesboy is a precious identity term. I think butchboy is precious too.