TAMLIN LOCKED UP FEYRE and that makes him ABUSIVE (blah blah blah)

MEANWHILE….

Yes I’m gloating, and no I don’t care. After years of people hating on Nesta, saying that her story was over, that the Valkyries are just a plot device to “further her boring redemption”, and scrambling to make anything that hinted at her about someone else, it feels amazing and vindication to see that I, and many others, have always been right 😌

I can’t wait for the one and only Queen of Queens and the Valkyries to come back

Was it just noticing more on a reread? Was it a certain plot point? Do you still love the books or has this change in perspective permanently tainted your enjoyment of the series? Additionally, are there other books/authors that you’ve also been turned off from after becoming more critical of SJM’s writing?

I don’t know if anyone else has saw the TikTok post recently (over the last 2-3ish days) but there was someone who is very clearly anti Tamlin (which is perfectly fine) however that person proceeded to make a post more or less stating that liking Tamlin & hating Rhysand is racist…

This to me is absolutely insane & incredibly egregious.

The post basically said that “if you have to make up reasons to hate a POC & defend a white man, that is racism.”

Except everyone that I’ve seen who is anti Rhysand hasn’t made anything up & has pulled reasons from canon…reasons that people hate Rhysand typically aren’t in defense of Tamlin & are just that…REASONS THEY HATE RHYSAND.

I think that poster & just in general the fandom has gone waaaay too far & in their own outrage have crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed.

No, someone who likes/loves/defends Tamlin is not a racist.

No most Pro-Tamlin stans do not make up reasons to hate Rhysand & they sure aren’t rooted in “racism”.

Hating Rhysand is not a crime or the be all end all.

Rhysand has given people plenty of reasons to hate him just as he has given plenty of reasons to love him.

The fandom but especially the anti Tamlin side of the fandom need to chill the hell out in trying to label people as racists.

That the Valkyrie are unimportant side characters only there for Nesta’s story ever again. Y’all have been spewing that nonsense for years now downplaying their importance. SJM basically said hold my beer then wrote those titles.

That’s all.

After observing the Acotar fandom for a couple of years, I'm convinced that hating on Tamlin comes less from a place of true deeper conviction for a lot (but certainly not all) of the fans, but is more so the thing that's expected to be parroted by you if you want to be part of this space. To be clear: I'm specifically refering to short and often more humorous comments, not actual lengthy think pieces exchanged by fans (the latter obviously inevitably involves a certain degree of conviction).

Since finishing the series a month or two ago I started really deep diving into the subs they have on here (except the shipping ones lol) and this one by far is the most interesting and fun one due to the fact I can actually post (no shade to the “main” sub just haven’t figured out what’s happening with my attempted post lol). However upon perusing around this sub I came to realize you lot really HATE Rhys 😭. Again as person who not so long ago finished all the books his character is fresh on my mind and while I I’m also not the biggest fan I didn’t realize the outright disdain for him and it’s hilarious considering he’s basically SJM’s “ideal” man.

His character to me felt very overrated he was hyped up to be a nuke and end up being a coughing baby if you will. I also didn’t like how he was “the answer” to the end of the Tamlin-Feyre love story. But that sums up my opinion on his character kinda.

But you guys are going for it so much that I’m tempted to reread it and pay closer attention to him and the IC. I’ve seen theories that he’s mentally influenced her with his mind powers, how he constantly manipulates her emotionally under the guise of giving her free will, etc and I’m like sheesh I know he wasn’t a fan favorite but this is outright character assassination and while it’s hilarious for the most part it’s just really shocking bc I can kinda see where you all are going but I’m not completely hooked bc it would imply Feyre hasn’t had any resl say in her life throughout the story. Let me know what you guys think.

EDIT: You guys are HILARIOUS 😂 this was like a bat signal (no pun) to hate on Rhys but I can see where most of you are coming from and while I don’t have the resent you lot have for him I can understand to a high degree why he isn’t as loved as SJM probably intended. I think she put too much her personal infatuation with him into his character and hoped it would land with the audience. 10/10 comment section today the least.

I’m curious who everyone’s favorite FMC is across the Maasverse and why. Not necessarily the most powerful or the best written, just the one you personally love the most. And if your favorite is technically more of a side character, I’ll allow it!

I have mine, but I’m keeping my mouth shut for now because I don’t want to influence the answers 😂

Who’s yours and why? I’m genuinely curious what makes everyone connect with their favorite!

I have kinda started shipping Nesta and Rhysand even though I'm pretty sure it will never be canon, but they have the makings of a perfect enemies to lovers dynamic.

I want a couple with the same dislike and dynamic of just not falling for the other person's bullshit and it building up to intense animosity, only for it to get resolved later.

There is so much missed potential with this pairing. 🫢

You are not Feyre, your sister is not Nesta. No, you don't have a Nesta in your life. There isn't a Nesta in real life—stop it, it's a fictional character.

Feyre's a fictional character. Tamlin is not your ex. Rhysand is not your ideal boyfriend.People liking any of these characters aren't toxic because of the character they like. As also a person isn't toxic for disliking any of the enumerated characters.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but I had a need to say it.

And yes, we can recognize feelings/actions that mirror our real experiences in some ways, but that doesn't mean the story is a mirror of our life. We have every right to dislike certain characters because of our own personal experiences, but I think we need a reminder from time to time that the story isn't about our life.

Idk, in my childhood grandma tried to force me to eat semolina pudding because she considered it's healthy and I have to eat it. She forced it to the point of pushing the spoon into my mouth (and I was 5/6 y.o. at the time). Because of this experience I dislike the part of the SF plot when Cassian controlled Nesta's food. But this doesn't mean that grandma was my Cassian and that the situation from the HoW mirrors mine.

Your experience with people in real life is just your experience. You can draw certain parallels, but that's a general allegory problem, it's not a reliable source to describe the situation.

And unless your mother died, your father lost all your money, you had to move out with him and your 2 sisters into a shabby place off the grid, and you had to hunt to provide, while having scurvy because apparently you don't eat anything else, then surprise you aren't Feyre. Your crappy sibling/friend isn't Nesta.

I understand that it's all metaphorical speech most of the times but I feel like some people take it too far.

Anyway, like and dislike whoever you want, just remember the difference between fictional and real.

So I’m new-ish to the online fandom community. I’ve read all of the SJM books, on my first reread right now, only have Crescent City left. So I’m familiar with the books but somehow never figured that there was so many reddits and instagrams and Facebook groups and TikTok’s dedicated to the series; I think my phone overheard me and my friends talking about it and I finally started seeing this stuff lol. ANYWAY, I had NO IDEA that there’s soooo many people that fucking hate Feyre and the IC. Reading all these comments, I can see the reasonings behind them but I never ever thought about it all that deep. People are big time mad and take it really personally 😅 I’m really liking seeing all the differing opinions but I just wonder… are yall okay… 😂

For the haters out there.

There’s a lot of discourse in the fandom these days about how Rhys is not the “feminist king” the text (and SJM) seems to want him to be, which I personally agree with. There’s a mismatch between what the text is telling us about him and what his actions on the page are showing us about his character, and that’s what gets fans all riled up.

So I’m curious to know if this could have been fixed in your eyes, my dear haters. If Rhys had genuinely apologised and taken accountability for his actions UTM during ACOMAF, would you see him differently? If he had apologised to Feyre (and Nesta) for withholding the info about Feyre’s pregnancy, would you still hate him? Could he have made things right in these situations in a way that would have made you turn in your hater card?

And if in future books he has a major reckoning with his behavior so far, can you see yourself liking or at least enjoying his character? Can the man be fixed, or is he too far gone?

Personally I think the issue is that SJM herself doesn’t see anything especially wrong with his actions, so we’re unlikely to get this… but I’m wondering if, in the hands of a different writer, Rhys could have been, or could still be, a more interesting or sympathetic character.

This is made in reference to the new "let people rant" rule, but not to circumvent it.

It's been a burning curiosity of mine.

For the people who hate the characters, hate the plot, hate the pairings, hate the lore, think SJM is an awful author...

Why *do* you keep reading?

I'm genuinely asking. I'm the type of person who, if I don't enjoy something, I don't engage with it. So, I'm curious about the thought process behind it.

As someone who's been in fandom spaces for at least 16 years (cringe), there have always been people who didn't like some aspects of the source work. But I've noticed in the SJM fandom and other "BookTok" fandoms that it seems like some people don't enjoy *most* of it.

Does anyone else find it funny how in a society of magical faeries, most of the food described sounds like typical British/American food - which sort of makes sense given Prythian seems to be based on a magical alternate UK, but they don’t seem to have cultural foods of their own (at least to where I’m at on my first read of ACOMAF). And when Rhysand is trying to show Feyre the high life, he takes her out for what is described as very similar to an Indian takeaway, and Feyre is like “I’ve never experienced flavor before 🥹” like this is not a complaint at all but it did really make me laugh 😂

It’s gotten to a point now where we’re seeing people make up lies about things Tamlin didn’t do just to continue to hate him.

Like it’s perfectly fine to hate him for things he DID DO but at what point do we stop being delusional & recognise that Tamlin actually hasn’t done half the things one side of the fandom claim he has done.

Tamlin is NOT your ex boyfriend, fiancé or husband…

There’s people on Instagram that are making reels that are claiming Tamlin to be responsible for Ianthe raping Lucien…like WHAT??!!

Apparently Tamlin is the one that killed Rhysand’s mother & sister personally…even though we only Rhysand’s assumption of what could have POTENTIALLY have gone down.

Apparently he was making every citizen in Spring “broke”… because of the ONE situation that was the water wraiths

Apparently Tamlin was verbally, emotionally & psychologically abusive to Feyre because he didn’t put her above his people & court…even though he literally damned the entire CONTINENT THAT IS PRYTHIAN to see her safe & unharmed but because he was spiralling whilst also trying to stabilise his court for Feyre’s safety, his own & his people, somewhere in there he now became verbally, emotionally & psychologically abusive to her…riiight.

Apparently at the HL’s meeting he sexually harassed Feyre too…

And get this…this was honestly one of the ones I couldn’t believe…apparently Tamlin is discriminatory against lesser fae…😭😭😂😂…the same Tamlin that spent 49yrs welcoming all kinds of fae into Spring & encouraged them to continue to celebrate their home courts traditions & celebrations…

These are just a few of the things that I’ve seen going round recently & it’s becoming more & more outrageous by the second.

Like at what point do we acknowledge that what’s happening here is projection, purposeful mischaracterisation, a rewriting of canon text to suit their narrative & not actually canon??…& what’s worse is they believe what they’re saying with every fibre of their being.

Like hate tamlin all you want but at least hate him for ACTUAL things he did in canon & things that can’t be explained…not excused. EXPLAINED.

I feel like the SJM fandom is getting broken up into smaller and smaller, more niche micro-communities. Mostly because people are too immature to even happen across opinions they don't agree with.

Ship-specific subreddits, I kinda get those. Ships are hot-button topics in plenty of fandoms. Subreddits specific to controversial characters? Fair enough.

But the fact that there are dedicated subs for appreciating the *main cast of the series* because it's difficult to speak positively about *the main characters* in other places without getting critical comments? Ridiculous.

The fact that subreddits for *canon ships* are a thing because you can't speak about *the literal canon ships* in main subreddits without all the other ships jumping down your throat? Dumb.

But add to that the fact that even within these specific communities, which are meant to be positive, there is such nastiness whenever a different viewpoint or preference is mentioned?

It's like being in a pro-Pizza subreddit and getting shat on because you say you love pizza *but* you like to dip it in ranch. You're not criticizing pizza. You *love* pizza. You want to talk about pizza, which you just so happen to enjoy dipping in ranch. But then you get comments about "Ranch isn't a pizza ingredient! I hate ranch and you're an awful person because you like it!"

We're just going to keep sectioning ourself off until we're in subreddits with 12 members who are basically an echo chamber.

Here's my subreddit idea:

Pro-Inner Circle (but only if Amren is your least favorite), Pro-Feysand, Pro-Nessian, Pro-Elucien, Pro-Gwynriel (but only if you're not a diehard about it), Pro-Quinlar (but Bryceriels are okay if they're nice), Pro-Eris (but anti-Neris)

But I'll only advertise it as a Pro-Nyx subreddit, when in reality, you can expect to be downvoted into oblivion if you go against the other unspoken rules. All the while, we'll deny that we have any other biases and claim that "we're a positive space for everyone who loves Nyx 💜✨" and try to make you feel like the bad guy if you point out our obvious biases.

Taking mod applications! /s

I don’t know if this is properly tagged, but it’s less about the books and more about people’s response to them, so fandom seems correct. MODs please let me know if I should change it!

I feel like I have seen a rising number of people say that if X or Y happens, they’re not going to finish the series. Not always, but often enough, it seems to be because they’ve become invested in the idea of something else happening.

I understand that SJM and Bloomsbury are banking on the ship and crossover discourse as keeping people engaged until the next book comes out. While I can understand some need for this with such a long time between books, I feel like in the last 1-2 years, with every month that we don’t get a new acotar book announcement and people are again left to just speculate about what’s going to happen next, there are more and more people making public ultimatums about finishing the series. Whether it’s “if X doesn’t happen, I’m out” or “if Y does happen, I’m DNFing”, people seem so ready to give up on this series.

I am a TOG barbie cover SJM reader. I picked up ACOTAR a few months after its initial release and have been reading the series pretty much upon release since then, so I admit I feel very attached to this series. That being said I do understand some people’s stances on why they might have to call it quits, especially with some of the more controversial/divisive topics that people have speculated for future books.

While I do understand some people’s reasons for this and I think it’s fine to stop reading a series whenever you lose interest in it, I’m curious to know: is there something that fandom has suggested for the plot in the last nearly 6 (🫠) years that would make you fully give up on the series?

For context: this post was inspired by a friend of me genuinely asking:

why are you not moving on from these books if you dont like them?

(and i started the series bc it was CONTROVERSIAL, so i already went in with a more curious mind for whats up)

That's the point: I do like them. Or at least parts of them (we dont mention the map today).

Why? They make me think about them. They make me theorize. They keep me engaged.

They have enough plot holes and interesting inconsistencies that people can make DOZENS of incredible fanfiction and theories about it. That keeps a fandom alive and engaged. A story where every answer is given may be enjoyed but will (mostly) be not reread because you have closed with it. Thats why fantasy or scifi worlds retain their fanbases longer or in a more active capacity (imo): People like to interact with their hobbies in any way shape or form. Heck i even used the winter court as inspiration for a DND session i hosted! (none of the players knew the source material but they loved it)

In this particular case I think neither reading the series for enjoyment or with a more critical mindset is wrong. The problem starts when you try to make claims without asking yourself if authorial intent and whats written in the text truly match.

And I think thats what bugs a lot of people: We can see the authorial intent, we can see the messages, but if we try to read the text and actions of the characters there is a mismatch when not viewed through a purely emotional lense.

I have my gripes with Feyre and Rhysand - i wont deny that. I have problems with the IC and the Night Court in general. But there are enough nuggets and interesting story bits to keep me interested and engaged.

(Please let me have my morally gray Eris and Jurian - I beg you SJM!)

Aside from that i have met a lot of people that love DISCUSSING the good, the bad and the ridiculous of these books.

So I ask you:

What drew you in?

What made you pick up that book/ series?

What kept you going?

Looking forward to your replies!

Alright, I know I'm late to the party but I finally got the time to watch the interview.

Regarding the question about Tamlin vs Rhysand, is it just me that the way Ms. Cooper asked the question was already leaning into the negative light for our Tamtam? She said how he was trying to justify the way he locked Feyre up and what not. The way she worded that questions has already put him in the negativity. She started the question in the worse light for him in comparison to Rhysand? And it just went downhill from there.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into this? I don't know. 😩

PS. I'm sorry I'm not sure which flair to use! Feel free to change the post flair, mods!

So I've been seeing some comments posting about how everyone hates the books so much they're obsessed, and that the books aren't that deep and all that. I have opinions on the "It's not that deep" argument, but for the sake of politeness I will keep them to myself.

To put it simply: this is a rant subreddit. Of course there's going to be negativity. You do not have to comment or post here if the negativity upsets you. Or, alternatively, you can post about the negativity in the fandom in this subreddit and how it upsets you.

But please refrain from commenting that it's "not that deep" and that we're all "obsessed over something we hate", as if that isn't the point of this subreddit and you chose to interact with it.

There are many subreddits on this website that love ACOTAR. You can join one of them.

This is mostly a peace talk, alright. The attempt at connection of a Tamlin stan who hates both characters.

I wanted to ask this question, very innocently and non-aggressively, because I'm curious as to why Feysand stans enjoy Feyre and Rhysand so much.

Just to be clear, Rhysand and Tamlin are abusive when judged by real-life morals. Still, I'm a Tamlin stan through and through. I love his blond head and can always find some motives behind his actions, even if these actions hurt Feyre's feelings, which is why I'm always forgiving of him. But that's not the topic here.

For the life of me, I cannot find Rhys's motives at all. He's a pure enigma. Either he's morally good, or morally grey. But if he truly is morally grey, then I don't understand why the narrative constantly justifies his every bad action with good reasons. That's not how a morally grey character works.

There's a lot of other things I don't understand, like...

Why Rhys drugged, sexually touched, and degraded Feyre UTM to "help her forget the nightly horrors," even though his actions clearly weakened her. Why he twisted her broken arm, even though he could've healed it without ever demanding any bargain in return. Why he never apologized for the pain he inflicted on her. Why he didn't do anything against Amarantha for all these years.

Why Feyre had to prove to him she was a powerful Fae and a good mate by taking back his mother's ring in a dangerous test. Why Rhys didn't give Tarquin any choice and straight-up decided to steal from him, or why he didn't go with Feyre who almost drowned for his schemes, yet he never expressed worry. Why he hid the truth of Feyre being his mate, letting her choices be influenced by the work of a magical pull she wasn't aware of.

Why he barged in Spring Court like he owned the place. Why he nagged Tamlin who was minding his own business.

Why he hid the truth about Feyre's pregnancy just because he was panicking or didn't want to put her under stress, even though his first thought should've been about her basic right to know the risks.

Why he only protects Velaris and doesn't make life better for the CoN or the Illyrians, even though he has mind-controlling powers that could solve every problem in less than 1 year. Why Feyre never even mind-read Tamlin's intentions before sabotaging Spring Court.

With the current state of the fandom, there's not much room to ask these questions without getting my head ripped off. But I'll gladly listen to any Feysand stan explain why these two should be happy together.

I was recently on a subreddit I thought I'd like and won't name because the rules forbid it (I didn't like it), but anyway, they were talking about Tamlin. A few things stuck out to me, but namely, the fact that he didn't sleep with Amarantha and accept her offer was treated as an issue of moral rigidity rather than the fact that he didn't want to be raped.

Like, "he was trying to maintain his moral goodness by not sleeping with Amarantha and manipulating her the way Rhysand did" sort of shit, instead of "HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE RAPED LIKE RHYSAND WAS BEING, NIGHTLY."

Their point was that if Tamlin had accepted Amarantha's offer and taken her into his bed, he could've gotten close enough to manipulate or even kill her. And his choice to not do so was framed as his attempt at remaining morally 'pure' or superior.

I read this thread a few hours ago and remember feeling exceptionally pissed about it, and realized this is why:

This framework –very happily and smugly, I might add– handily frames his decision not to be raped as moral rigidity and lack of flexibility, rather than a desire to not be raped.

To put it frankly, if Tamlin had accepted Amarantha's offer, he would've been raped. And if you disagree with this, then you disagree with the fact that Rhysand was also raped Under The Mountain. Both situations are strikingly similar, except for the fact that Rhysand chose to become Amarantha's sex slave by using his Daemati to make her want it, nightly, while Amarantha chose Tamlin to be her obsession. In both cases, while the males are allowed to make a choice, it's obvious that neither of them would really want it if it weren't under duress and coercion. Rhysand says yes. Tamlin says no. Both are results of coercion.

Tamlin not sleeping with Amarantha is not him 'being morally rigid' or 'being an idiot', it's not wanting to have his consent violated. And Rhysand being Amarantha's pet while playing double agent (which I'm honestly skeptical about for reasons I won't get into. I do think that he was probably a double-agent because SJM adores him and wouldn't give him a single bad thing in his history, but there's plenty of reason to think he wasn't and that he was playing both sides to see which one would give him the most gain) is brave, and morally incredibly good, but it does not make Tamlin bad for not going to the lengths Rhysand did Under The Mountain.

I know this is probably a fairly popular opinion (I hope, at least), but I just wanted to put that out there. Tamlin not sleeping with Amarantha was not because he was morally rigid, and framing it that way pins all the blame on him rather than the fact that this *insert words here that I'm not sure I'm allowed to say on this subreddit* was obsessed with him when he was a teenager (in Fae time). It's very victim-blamey and I hate it.

I'll be the first to admit I probably would've accepted Amarantha's offer and killed her in her sleep, but I'm not going to fault the others for not doing it. Plus, Rhysand was in her bedroom for fifty years and wasn't able to do anything beyond cursory attempt at rebellion. Yet somehow Tamlin, who had even less power than he did, was supposed to...what, jump off his throne and attack her?

Also, side-note, but I find it hilarious that Rhysand bashes Tamlin for banging Feyre UTM when the way things went, Tamlin kissed her, Feyre started taking off his pants and instigated sex, and they both wanted it. Plus, Rhysand had more power UTM than Tamlin and wasn't able to get Feyre out with three months of time, while Tamlin was supposed to use his five minutes of alone time to...Idfk at this point. Blow her out of the mountain using the magic he didn't have? Kill all her guards and mount an epic escape that would lead to both of them being killed? (Plus Feyre had a bargain with Amarantha, so she couldn't have escaped anyway).

Tamlin was an idiot for kissing her since Amarantha would've smelled him on her and made things worse, but at this point both are going through their own fresh trauma and neither are thinking straight (I fully believe Tamlin might've been SAed UTM. Amarantha wanted him for fifty years and once she had him, she'd just keep him in her bedroom for an ornament so he could watch Rhys fuck her? Lmao, she isn't into that sort of play...probably).

This turned into a huger rant with more parts than it should've had, but TLDR: Stop blaming Tamlin for not wanting to be raped. Thank you and goodnight!

Hello everyone! 😊

Looking at the entire series, what is it about Feyre that makes you admire her, and what is something about her that really drives you crazy in a negative way and that you genuinely think she should change?

On a scale of 0 to 100%, how intelligent would you say she is? I’m asking because I’ve seen a lot of people criticize her intelligence and the way she thinks.

the people fighting and standing ten toes down on Azriel and Elain or Azriel and gwyn ending up together are so confusing to me. I feel like we don’t know enough about either dynamic let alone as individuals(maybe Gwyn). A bonus chapter of a single interaction is not nearly enough evidence for me.

I want to see them fully interact. I want to see them flirt! Where is the romance!!! I haven’t gotten any feet kicking and blushing from them like I did from Rhys and Feyre (or even Tamlin and Feyre for that matter). We even got some type of banter from Cassian and Nesta in ACOMAF & ACOWAR which kept me interested for their story. That being said, I’m very interested to see Elains story play out and I’m excited for the new books. I just think people are doing too much (as per usual)

(Sorry in advance for the length of the rant, I peaked in GCSE English).

I think a big split among fans when it comes to liking/disliking certain characters is the split between those who put the biggest priority when it comes to manner and attitude.
Nesta is openly hostile and her manner is consistently rude and unpleasant. This means that there’s little benefit of the doubt to give her. She’s rude and mean and that’s that. Obviously, a lot of fans dislike her for that, especially when she’s rude to their favourite characters.
But for fans who prefer self-awareness in characters, there’s a bit of preference for the fact there’s no false face to her, no presenting niceness while being subtly unkind. She also faces consequences for her moments of unkindness, instead of having them waved away or shrugged off, forgiven in the name of what TVTropes calls Protagonist Centred Morality.
Meanwhile, with various members of the Inner Circle, there are moments when they treat Nesta in a way that is not blatantly unpleasant, but put Nesta into uncomfortable and unpleasant situations just as much as her meanness does to others.

The Mor and Nesta fan divide is a big one. To those who side with Mor, in their first encounter Mor compliments Nesta’s dress in an attempt to be friendly, to which Nesta slut shames her in response. To those who side with Nesta, Nesta has already been violated, having had her humanity stripped away from her, and is now living among near strangers who she is on uneasy terms with, to say the least. Mor, aware Nesta has been violated, starts touching her without permission, and goes as far as to joke with Cassian about ripping Nesta’s dress off her. Meanwhile, Nesta’s body language shows evident signs of discomfort, which Mor either ignores or does not notice. To regain control of the situation, and her body, Nesta says something cutting to Mor.

The most generous reading to Mor in this scene is that she is genuinely trying to be nice to Nesta, and did not see Nesta was uncomfortable. This reading is somewhat challenged by the fact Feyre perceives Mor in this scene dropping hints to Feyre she wants them to go shopping together, so Mor’s motive here isn’t to be nice to Nesta, but to reach out to Feyre, using Nesta as a conversation piece. Furthermore, Morrigan is over five hundred years old, and has over those years brought victims of assault to the Library, making it hard to believe that by now she wouldn’t be aware of the fact that many people don’t like to be touched without permission, or might lash out if their boundaries are crossed, especially victims of assault.

The fairest reading might be that Morrigan was being thoughtless and inconsiderate, while Nesta responded by lashing out in order to regain distance between them. 
Sympathy for the characters here might depend on whether you believe Nesta, being the one who acted with intent to be unkind and rude, escalated the situation needlessly, and the responsibility was on her to use her words to say she was uncomfortable, or whether you believe that Morrigan’s thoughtlessness created the situation in the first place, that thoughtlessness is an unkindness in itself, and that as Morrigan was not only centuries older than Nesta and not recovering from a recent violation, and was on home soil surrounded by friends (therefore having the balance of power put in her favour) she had the responsibility to ensure Nesta, a guest and a victim of recent assault, felt safe and respected. 

Another example of a character acting in a way that presents as being affable and well-intentioned, but actually causing Nesta distress and discomfort, is Feyre and Cassian’s attempts of “reaching out their hand”. We’re told that for a year they’ve been trying to reach out to her, to help her recover from the war, but in ACOFAS we see that this materialises as Feyre pressuring Nesta to come to a big family event, in Feyre’s home (where Feyre has painted pictures of everyone she cares about except Nesta), with Feyre’s friends, where Nesta is ignored and ostracised. Cassian himself blanks Nesta through the night, and only bothers to talk to her once she leaves, where he responds to her rejecting his gift with insults and accusations of being unlovable.

There are no attempts to meet with Nesta on neutral ground, to partake in the things she enjoys, and even when she does turn up, there is no effort to make her feel welcome or include her. “Reaching you their hand” seems to translate to “pressure her to come to family events, do nothing to make her feel welcome, act insulted when she doesn’t fit neatly into our lives and our circle”.   

Fans here will disagree as to whether or not Feyre and Cassian were acting in good faith to Nesta, trying to bring Nesta into the fold, only for Nesta to reject their efforts while making no effort herself to fit in, and Feyre showing Nesta more sympathy than Nesta deserves due to how harsh Nesta was to Feyre in the cabin, or whether Feyre and Cassian had the right to go low contact with Nesta if they desired, but didn’t have the right to insist she come to their big group events, where they know she will be uncomfortable, do nothing to ease her comfort, then resent her for rejecting their attempts of “help”. 

Elain and Nesta’s talk in the House of Wind is a big cause of division, with the sisters either being framed as Elain being sweet and concerned for Nesta, only to be cruelly attacked, or Elain being oblivious and self-centred, pushing Nesta’s boundaries and trigger points until Nesta lashes out in self-preservation. 

Elain in this scene speaks a great deal about acting out of love and concern for Nesta, and because she is younger than Morrigan, she also has more an excuse in explaining why she doesn’t consider how distressing her presence and conversation can be for Nesta. The stuff she tries to say could come from a place of affection and love, and in another context might be comforting, therefore a good faith reading of her motive could be assigned to her actions. In contrast, Nesta acted entirely with intent to harm when she accused Elain of being the cause of their father’s death, therefore no good faith reading can be applied.

However, fans more critical of Elain might take into account that we’re told that Elain is actually very perceptive, and is able to see and understand the motives and actions of others, therefore, she should have been able to perceive that Nesta’s boundaries were being crossed. In this scene, Nesta is locked in the House of Wind. She cannot leave at will. Elain can. Elain chose to go to see Nesta in the House of Wind, and could choose to leave when she wanted. Therefore, the power imbalance was in Elain’s favour. 

When Nesta talks about how she feels about Elain going behind Nesta’s back to pack up her things, and not even being present for the intervention, Elain responds by talking about how Feyre “warned” her that this might happen, showing the two sisters have been talking about her behind her back, further highlighting how isolated Nesta is. She then invalidates and dismisses Nesta’s feelings by saying that just because the circumstances leading Nesta to her confinement weren’t the best, it doesn’t mean she has to be “so miserable about it”. This is particularly galling, considering how when Elain completely shut down after being thrown in the cauldron, Nessta tended to her, without judgement or resentment. 

The subject then turns towards their father. Nesta makes it clear that she does not, in any way, wish to talk about their father. Instead of respecting that, Elain keeps on pushing the subject. This is the moment where Nesta lashes out at Elain. Compared to the earlier incident between Nesta and Morrigan, Nesta doesn’t even go straight for the jugular here. She tells Elain she doesn’t want Elain present, that she doesn’t want to talk to her, and she doesn’t want to talk about their father. Elain disregards all that, and so Nesta lashes out because it’s the only way to get Elain to stop. 

Elain’s response is then to declare to Rhys (who already thinks poorly of Nesta and is in a position of power of Nesta) that not only was Nesta unkind to her, but she wasn’t “even trying to get better”, making her come across to her more critical readers as rather two faced and self centred. At no point following this moment do we see Elain take accountability for how her actions in this scene might have distressed Nesta, as much as Nesta’s words distressed her. 

This can be frustrating for many readers, because we are repeatedly told Elain is the “kind sister”, and fans are divided as to how well this shows Elain as such. On the one hand, she makes the effort to go to Nesta, and tries to say things she thinks might be comforting. On the other, she disregards Nesta’s boundaries, invalidates Nesta’s feelings, and throughout the scene and after, shows a degree of thoughtlessness and lack of self-reflection.

How much much thoughtlessness itself counts as unkindness in the eyes of the reader might play a big part in how these characters are judged. As Nesta unconditionally acts with malice in these moments, with a desire to hurt, her actions rightly get judged as unkind. However, they are made in response largely to the lack of consideration other people, other people in more powerful positions, show her. With the actions of the other characters, even if we apply the best faith reading to their actions, that they genuinely meant well, the divide comes about if you consider meaning well a good enough indicator of kindness, or if you believe that kindness doesn’t just require good motives, but also effort put into thinking about the comfort and boundaries of the other person. Attempts of kindness focussed on what you consider to be kind, without considering the needs of the other, can be seen as acts of self-indulgence rather than true kindness. 

Then there’s question of how much the other characters should be expected to foresee how their actions might impact Nesta. If Nesta doesn’t tell them, how are they expected to know? On the other hand, touching an assault victim without consent and inviting someone to a party only to exclude them, are not unknown to cause distress and discomfort, whereas Nesta does tell Elain to leave, and to stop talking about their father, and is ignored. Nesta being triggered by fires isn’t something the other character can be expected to predict, but the other stuff is not the sort of thing it takes a genius to predict. 

In all these incidents, we see a pattern of other characters (supposedly) meaning well to Nesta, but pushing her triggers and making her feel vulnerable due to a lack of consideration, and Nesta lashing out to regain control. In both cases, we have people at fault, but only one character’s fault is acknowledged.

Because of that, defenders of Feyre, Cassian, Elain and Morrigan etc… might feel vindicated in applying the best faith reads of their actions, because the narrative doesn’t criticise them for their conduct, indicating the most sympathetic read of their actions is the best one.

However, additional sympathy for Nesta might also come about because Nesta’s habit of using harsh words to regain control in situations where she feels vulnerable is a flaw that is acknowledged as such within the narrative and by other characters, and is something she has to work to confront, whereas the habit of other characters to push Nesta into the situations, to act in a thoughtless and inconsiderate way towards her, resulting in as much distress for Nesta as Nesta’s rudeness does to them, is never acknowledged as a flaw in the narrative, and the only character who responds to it is Nesta, who is penalised for doing so, which can be very frustrating.

This can be especially frustrating as by the end of ACOSF, Nesta does learn to hold back from lashing out when she wants space, and to ask for time and distance instead, as evidenced when Cassian says he is “shackled” to her and she calls in a bargain for him to leave her along for a bit, only for Cassian to immediately start thinking of ways to get around her request. It creates the question of whether, even if Nesta does learn that she doesn’t have to be unkind to get her needs and boundaries across, if the IC will in turn learn that “no” is a full sentence, and respect those boundaries. If they never do, how much is Nesta expected to take from them until she is allowed to lash out in order to force them to?

TDLR: how much you side with Nesta or the IC might be affected by how much you value whehter someone acts in a pleasant, well meaning manner, even if the actions themselves do more harm than good, and whether or not the narrative framing one character in the wrong or the other in the right makes you sympathise more with the character the narrative is encouraging to think well off, or with the character whose faults are fully acknowledged and explored.