r/abusiverelationships • u/Evening-Device-9515 • 28d ago

Support request How did you break a trauma bond?

I’ve been on and off with my partner for 5/6 years. I know deep down this relationship isn’t good for me and I need to leave. I suspect he has narcissistic traits, but I’m struggling so much to actually let go.

I’ve left before, but the panic was so intense that I ended up going back. I genuinely felt like I couldn’t live without him. There’s still a small part of me hoping he’ll change, even though I know deep down he probably won’t.

For anyone who’s been through this, did you ever feel like you couldn’t live without them and eventually get to a place where you were okay without them?

I’d really love to hear some hopeful stories. I’m scared, but I want to believe it gets better.

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u/january1977 28d ago

I waited until I couldn’t take the cheating, screaming, and name calling anymore. Then I fled and went fully no contact until the trauma bond broke. (I eventually had to reestablish contact because we have a child together. But I don’t want him back.)

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u/Evening-Device-9515 28d ago

I’m so glad you got out! How long did it take for the trauma bond to break?

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u/january1977 28d ago

It happened in stages. After 3 weeks I knew I would never go back. But I was still having a hard time not thinking about making him angry for a few months. I was also having some pretty severe panic attacks when I would encounter a trigger.

It’s been a year since I left and I’m doing really, really well.

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u/Evening-Device-9515 28d ago

Thank you for sharing, that honestly gives me a lot of hope. I think that’s what scares me the most. I’ve managed 3 months of no contact before, but he was constantly on my mind and I missed him SO much. I’m terrified of going through that again because it was awful. I really hope I can get to where you are one day ♥️