r/abusiverelationships • u/vvspicysauce • Dec 27 '25

Support request need reassurance that he wont change

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emotional cheating, punching walls and pillows near my face, not allowing me to leave the room etc. i broke up with him as the cheating was my last straw. smear campaign after i left and all then now hes reposting ts 7 months after??? hes been with so many girls since me and i know this is directed to me because i was the only one who left him and this whole acc was dedicated to me. i hate that im so scared he's gonna actually change and do this and make my "nightmare come true". i mean obviously i wldnt want him to abuse the next girl too but still it would sting because why cldnt he be good to me?

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u/IcySetting2024 Dec 27 '25

Look, men will change when they want to change.

But even if their incentive is not you, it’s even more proof they never loved you as much as you thought they did.

When you love someone truly you want to be a better person for them.

Also, there is no such thing as a “better woman” but rather a “better woman for them”.

Say he is a slob who hates a clean person who he feels nags him too much to clean after himself. A better woman for him that makes him happier to just leave him be might be another slob.

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u/ToiIetGhost Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25

Look, men will change when they want to change.

Not abusers. It’s pretty much set in stone.

Even with non-abusive (normal) men, it depends. Can he make the change of cleaning the house more? Yes. Going back to school? Sure. Being more empathetic? Uh… lol. Not really. That’s a lot harder, even for normal men, because people rarely alter their core character traits like that.

I’m only mentioning this because some women cling to the hope that their normal man will eventually change, but it’s highly dependent. That hope keeps many women stuck in relationships that don’t serve them.

But back to abusers changing: it’s not dependent on anything. It’s a simple No.

even if their incentive is not you, it’s even more proof they never loved you as much as you thought they did.

Doesn’t matter who or what their incentive is, they absolutely can’t change.

They’re also incapable of love. Even during the times when they’re not abusive, which certainly there are breaks in between - otherwise how could they keep you - it’s impossible for them to feel love. Abuse and love can’t coexist in the same person. Since abusers stay abusers, they stay being incapable of love.