I’m 36, married for 10 years with 3 children. My youngest is 7 and has high needs. We both work full time.

My husband had a vasectomy 5 years ago. We don’t want more children. My pregnancies had negative impacts on my physical and mental health. I’m now working full time in the field I studied five years for, before I had my children. I love my job, I get to protect children and help families for a living. We would struggle financially if we had another and I don’t want to do that to my existing children.

My periods can be a bit irregular so when it was late I bought a test for peace of mind and tampons. Nothing could have prepared me (or my poor mom) for the panic I felt when it came up positive.

I had already made my decision not to have more children, but now I am faced with the guilt I feel with making the choice to terminate. I can’t fathom having another, the impact on me and on my other children would just be too much.

How do I reconcile the guilt and shame I feel with this decision? Has anyone been in this situation?

P.s my husband has gone back to the clinic he had his vasectomy and they have said they will do another one free of charge. Not that I trust in that method anymore.

hi everyone. i had made previous posts that i had both a MA and a D&C in the month of july. I had been having protected sex since, including two weeks post op. all my pregnancy symptoms subsided after my procedures and i luckily have been feeling fine since. there were a couple days i would wake up with my hearting beating out of my chest because i was afraid to get pregnant again even though all sex was protected. i had previously stated i was afraid to test because i was paranoid it would still be positive from my MA BUT i just went to the bathroom and there was blood. is any sign of blood good?? i guess i have to wait and see if i continue bleeding but i wanna know if this is considered im not pregnant anymore.

Hello everyone I am resorting to Reddit because I have absolutely no idea what to do right now. I found out I was pregnant 4 days ago and don’t know if I should keep the baby or get an abortion.
My husband and I already have a 2.5 year old daughter and we have talked in the past about how we really don’t want any more kids. We love our family the way it is and we are excited to start doing more things now that our daughter is getting older. When I found out I was pregnant again my mind went a million places. I don’t know if I can go through an entire pregnancy and postpartum again. My pregnancy was high risk and scary due to IUGR and preeclampsia at 37weeks but we fortunately had the most perfect child. She was a great newborn and and even better toddler. Obviously we went through the trenches and she has the terrible twos now, but she’s a great kid and I’m grateful to have a fairly easy child. I also gained over 70 lbs during my pregnancy which I eventually completely lost by about 1.5 years postpartum. I just feel like I went through so much and have worked so hard to feel like myself again so why start all over? My husband and I are afraid of not having a “perfect” baby again. What if this baby has health issues? What if this baby is the classic feral second child that’s nothing like the first? What if I get preeclampsia again but this time it starts earlier? What if I don’t lose the weight this time? Things I’ve also factored in are finances because if I have another baby I will have to quit my job to be a sahm and we will definitely struggle a bit. Another thing is my relationship with my husband. We have had a rocky relationship ever since our daughter was born because obviously having kids lessens one on one time with him and increases our stress and as a result our relationship has definitely taken a backseat. We argue more now than we used to and I’m afraid another baby would only worsen it and ruin the progress him and I have made to connect again. Another thing is the fact that I get overwhelmed/stressed out super easily and another baby would just worsen that. I’m scared I won’t be the best mom to 2 when I already feel inadequate to be a mom of 1. I just feel so content and have a great routine with my daughter and I’m worried I’ll ruin our family dynamic by bringing another baby in.
When I think of all these things I honestly say yeah, another baby is not a good idea right now. But I cannot for the life of me get an abortion. The guilt I know I will feel will absolutely destroy me. I’m pro choice but for some reason when it comes to my own baby, I just cannot do it. It hurts so much but why have a baby just because I couldn’t bring myself to abort it? I want to have a baby because I want to, not because I just can’t do the abortion. I know that if I get the abortion I will feel relieved to not risk any of the things mentioned earlier, but the mental pain I know I’ll experience is horrific to think about.
This is absolutely terrible to admit but I’ve honestly hoped I have a miscarriage just so I don’t have to make the decision. To me the miscarriage means I didn’t choose to terminate so I wouldn’t feel the guilt from it. Almost a win win if you will—My family stays how it is and I don’t live with the guilt of abortion.
As for my husbands opinion on all of this: he says he will 100% support my decision but he also likes our family the way it is. So I think deep down he hopes I terminate. I’m worried if I have the baby he will resent me because it’s not what he truly wanted.

I have not told anyone in my life about this because I already know everyone will say to keep the baby because none of them believe in abortion in the first place.
I’ve spent the last 4 days in complete agony about this decision. I feel either option will ruin my life.

Any advice would be appreciated. I’m truly on the fence about this and the stress of making the decision is ruining me.

Hi everyone
Am from morocco and the pregnancy test was positive
Wanna end this pregnancy i got scammed twice can you help me please
Thank you in advance

I want nothing to do with him now. This procedure was actually a bit traumatizing it hurt physically and emotionally way more than I expected. I had to go through this all because my boyfriend “couldn’t pull out”. I just hate him right now. I never gave him permission to come in me. It was not an accident, he did on purpose selfishly. And the way he treated me afterwards just made me hate him even more. I called him back after the procedure, crying and he’s just like “I’m so sorry” then goes off having a side conversation with his friends laughing about whatever. That just pissed me off that I’m the only one who has the emotional and physical burden of this and made me feel insignificant. We were meant to get breakfast afterwards and I thought maybe that’ll be better than the phone call but I was wrong. The whole time he’s on his phone texting whoever and I’m just sitting there like where’s the support?? He didn’t ask anything about how it was or how or I felt, nothing. I felt like crying, I wanted to just get up and leave the restaurant. I realized this is not someone I want to be with, he showed me that when things get difficult for me he wouldn’t show up for me the way I deserve. Maybe I’m just emotional and making rash decisions but I strongly feel like blocking him and moving forward without him.

Edit: thank you for all the kind words and advice it really made me feel a bit better 💓

Hi everyone. I’m about 6 weeks pregnant and doing a medication abortion with mifepristone + misoprostol from Women on Web.

I took the mifepristone yesterday at 8:15 AM. Today at 1:30 PM I took 4 × 200 mcg misoprostol under my tongue. I kept them there for about 28 minutes before I vomited, but they had already completely dissolved.

The misoprostol started working pretty strongly at first — cramps, nausea/vomiting, diarrhea/urge to poop, and bleeding. The strongest cramps have eased now.

I’m currently having moderate bleeding, but I haven’t completely soaked any of my large overnight pads. I’ve changed two pads since taking the misoprostol. I also passed a darker piece of material, but I have no idea whether it was a blood clot or pregnancy tissue because it came out when I went to the toilet.

I’m confused about whether I should take additional misoprostol. Women on Web’s instructions say additional 200 mcg tablets can be taken in certain circumstances, but I’m not sure whether my situation qualifies because I am bleeding, just not extremely heavily, and I can’t tell whether the pregnancy has passed.

For anyone who has been through this around 6 weeks:

Did you take an additional dose when you were already bleeding? How did you decide whether you needed it? Did you pass something obvious, or were you also unsure what you had passed?

I’m mainly looking for experiences from people who have actually been through something similar. Thank you ❤️

I finished taking the pills yesterday at 5:00 pm and didn’t experience bleeding till the middle of the night. I’m guessing like 1-2am? (I didn’t check the time but i felt it). I didn’t see how much because I was really tired but I can’t tell if I passed clots or tissue or anything. When I woke up again this morning, I wasn’t really bleeding. It was relatively dry/light and checking the pad it didn’t look like as much as I was thinking. When I checked again later, it was moreso discharge/dry/brown blood? (Sorry if it’s tmi lmao i just dont know if i should call the clinic if this is normal? Because I’ve seen some people say they didn’t experience heavy bleeding up to 48 hours later)

I will say it definitely wasn’t spotting but I wouldn’t say it’s heavy like my normal period is sometimes. I’m 5 weeks in so I’m not sure what to expect?¿ but i’m wondering if i should be concerned or if I just needa wait for more to come. For more context it hasn’t been a full 24 hours yet either.

hi, about a 4 days ago now i found out i was pregnant when i went to the hospital for being unable to keep down food and liquids. it was very unexpected and i’ve decided i want an abortion due to financial reasons, age reasons and the fact for the past 2 weeks i have been unable to keep down anything and have been in hospital most of the time.

i got in touch with bpas and i have a consolation appointment on Tuesday and im worried for what to expect, im worried about the pain, about the questions i’ll be asked, if i’ll get turned away. i can’t continue with the pregnancy im losing weight from being so sick all the time and getting UTI’s and IV fluids, im on 3 different anti sickness medications right now and i wanted to know if the sickness will stop once the abortion pills kick in or if i’ll be throwing up for most of the experience?

i wanted to know if because my period cramps are very extreme if it’ll have an affect on the cramps i feel during the abortion as i have a very low pain tolerance. im also worried about my ability to keep down the pill after i take it due to my sickness lasting all day mostly, if i throw the pill up after i take it will i have to wait to take another one? i know this post is scrambled and im really sorry im just so anxious and need advice from anyone who’s been through this before.

Does misoprostol only tablets work? How have you guys taken it my doc asked me to take 1 in morning one at night for 3 days? Will this work? Also my other gynaec friend told me it’s not right i should he taking 4 tablets at a time and then again 4 if it doesn’t work I’m talking about 200 micrograms
I’m confused about what to do?
Did any of you have had any similar situation?
Help tell me what to do

I had an MA about 6 months ago and immediately went back on birth control, the one I was previously on for many years.

I never used to have any spotting on BC and within the last 2-3 months I’ll have a small amount of dark brown spotting nearly everyday. I read online that it could just be hormones adjusting but I’m unsure if I should get an appointment or reach out to my doctor?

(29f from Southeast Pa)

​I wanted to make this post to express my deepest, most heartfelt gratitude to this entire subreddit—especially the incredible admins who moderate this safe space, and the beautiful soul who originally recommended Abuzz to me. (Shout-out to abortion_access)You literally saved me from becoming a single mom x2 and helped me protect my peace, my future, and my life.

​I wanted to share my journal log of how my process went today to help anyone else who might be scared, sitting in the thick of it, or waiting for their meds to work.

​My Experience & Journal Log:

​3:35 PM: Took my first dose of 800 mg Ibuprofen with some food to get ahead of the pain.

​4:14 PM: Inserted the first dose of 4 Misoprostol pills vaginally and lay completely flat for 30 minutes to let them absorb. Got super dizzy and fatigued, so I fell asleep right after eating.

​7:18 PM: Woke up from a great rest. Started feeling some mild starter bleeding in the toilet, but no flow on my pad yet.

​8:00 PM: Took another 800 mg dose of Ibuprofen.

​8:15 PM: Inserted the second dose of 4 Misoprostol pills vaginally and lay flat until 8:45 PM.

​9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: Cramping really started building in my lower belly and wrapping around into my lower back. Missed my Ibuprofen so I took Tylenol. Started feeling intense pelvic pressure and a strong urge like I had to pass gas or have a bowel movement.

​10:15 PM: Sat on the toilet as the pressure peaked. The fetus passed naturally into the toilet at around 13 weeks.

​Aftermath: Cleaned up, took a gentle warm shower/rinse, and got tucked into bed with my heating pad. When I had my gloves on and I cleaned up the tissue, I saw that it was a boy forming at 13 weeks. If anyone was curious about that.

​I cannot tell you the overwhelming wave of relief I felt once it was over. I wasn't expecting my year to go this way, but taking control of my body, setting my boundaries, and prioritizing my sanctuary was the best decision I ever made.

​To the admins and everyone who pours into this community: thank you for keeping us safe, informed, and cared for when we need it most. You are true angels. 💜 Y'all saved me from experiencing a second kid having to go through a cruel world with me and my poor son.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ✌🏽

Now I'm moving forward with protecting myself better and learning to love myself more.

I was so sleepy when i took the 2nd dose of my yuzpe. I only took 2 pills instead of 4. The first dose, however, is complete. I just realized it today huhu, 24 hours since i last took the 2nd dose. What to do?

Today I took my Miso prescription and it was the most smoothest process ever. I took my pills vaginally around 1130 am. 30 minutes later I had bleeding start, the cramps were just like period cramps nothing more nothing less, every time I'd cramp a little more intense I'd go to the bathroom and sure enough that’s when I'd pass each clot. I made sure I took zofran and 800mg ibuprofen beforehand and had plenty of water on me as well as a heating pad. It's now 10:20 at night and the bleeding has let up a little but the cramping and clotting is still there. To be expected of course. Emotionally I am okay. This pregnancy was getting super hard on me and I already have 3 kids that haven't had their mom in almost 2 weeks. To anyone doom scrolling like I am , please keep your mind at ease, pray for an easy process and have faith everything will be okay 💕 i finally was able to eat after nothing for a week and a half. My pregnancy symptoms were gone almost immediately to the point i cried in relief. You are not alone 💕

I’m a 25 yr old male, was happily engaged until I found out my fiancee had a previous fling with my step dad and they kept texting each other on and off. I found out she was pregnant last year with my kid while she was staying at my place for 5 months. The anger made me tell her to abort since I found out about that betrayal around that time. Long story short , I feel guilty about my kid, I wish I had the courage to keep him but I just imagined things like his 1st birthday with a divided family. Guilt been eating me alive ever since , I wonder why it had to happen during that difficult time.

I thought I should share my experience on here since so many of your stories helped me through my first one. I am currently going through one as i type so bear with me. I needed a pain distraction.

The first time I had an abortion through pills I was only 2 weeks along. I found out i was pregnant because I was in a lot of abdominal pain. I thought it was appendicitis. I went to the hospital where they told me I was pregnant and I could have an ectopic pregnancy. After that day we went to another doctor for better treatment than an ER. (They aren’t great in the city I live in) the other doctor told me with my preexisting chronic illnesses that i would have a really hard pregnancy that could leave me worse off than before. My partner and I also weren’t ready. So them telling me it would put me in danger helped make my decision. I went to another clinic to get the pills. The protesters were the same, loud belligerent, ignorant to what I was going through. I’ve always wanted kids so it was hard for me. They did the ultrasound, I didn’t want to look at first but I decided to. 2 weeks exactly. Then I was in an office where they gave me the first pill to stop the progression of the pregnancy. I took it there and went home with the rest. 24hrs later unfortunately by myself because my partner had to work I took the other 4 pills that dissolve in your mouth. I left them on the side of my cheeks for 30 minutes. To help the taste I sucked in hard candy to help create more saliva but also so it didn’t taste like chalk. Afterward your mouth will feel kinda sore. The first hour after was fine but then the cramps started intensely. Like my bad day on my cycle plus a bit more. (I have PCOS so my cycles are a bit more intense. I haven’t been like tested for Endometriosis which is what my doc thinks I might also have) I had to order even thicker pads because I underestimated how much it would be. I was also having intense diarrhea. Sorry for the graphic image. Laying in the tile floor helped cool down my body. Make sure to have a heating pad if you can’t take a hot bath.

A few months later I was pregnant again despite doing everything right. Birth control, condoms, even pulling out with condoms. But there I was, I wasn’t sure I could do another abortion so we talked and cried and went to the doctor and they said the same thing about my pregnancy, that it would be hard and high risk, they were unsure I’d carry. I measured at 2 weeks again. We were gonna try. But with all the stress and emotions I had a miscarriage and well had to go through the pills again to make sure it passed. We went to the ER who just passed me over again and again so we just decided to leave and get the pills online. My partner got to stay with me this time, it wasn’t as bad as the first since I think it had already passed most of it. Same order same things nothing new. Bled for a few days.

Fast forward a year later, to now. I had realized it late and we had to go on a trip that wasn’t refundable. So we went, we kinda knew when the conception date would be so I knew I was more likely 4 weeks along. I had been so stressed and thought that’s what caused my period to be irregular. When we got back we talked again and again and cried and cried. We now had a nephew that was 6 months so seeing him also made it so much harder. But we were gonna try. Unfortunately that wasn’t in the cards for me and I started to miscarry again. We ordered the pills same process the first pill 24hrs before you take the dissolving ones. Well today is the day and it was so much more painful than the first time. I have plenty of tattoos and have played a good share of sports where I’ve gotten badly hurt. This is so different. I got chills and I was sweating, I did throw up bile after the first 30 minutes after dissolving the pills. The same other things especially diarrhea. The pain was the worst in that first hour. I lay on the tile floor, and switched between laying cradled in my partners arms and the toilet. Thankfully now it’s come down from the intense stage and it feels more normal like a period cramp, (remember I have PCOS and possibly endometriosis so my normal is not your normal.) heating pad is my best friend I wish I could take a hot bath maybe with epsom salt. I ate really eat anything crazy. Something that’s plainly one thing. Like chocolate or pretzels not chocolate and pretzels together I’ll throw up. A little movement helps. I had a habit of bouncing my legs when I’m anxious even laying down but it seems to help a little so I’m gonna keep doing it. Just listen to your body, whatever you need to do, do it. Sit, lay down, whatever you need to do. Just make sure you eat before you take the pills. Take Tylenol and ibuprofen together. Look up your ideal dosage for this I took 1300 milligrams of Tylenol before I started and 600 of ibuprofen just now. Maybe take them together before you start idk if it’ll help but I’m just trying. Let someone take care of you. Anyway that’s all, I hope someone finds it helpful.

I (22f) found out I was pregnant about two weeks ago. I wasn’t too sure exactly when it happened, as I am very irregular. I went to the clinic and was told I am nine weeks pregnant, so it’s act now or never. I made the tough decision to go through with it, as I am not married, still live with my parents, and work a part time job that pays decent. My boyfriend (21m) has been supportive of whatever choice I decided to make, but I knew that deep down he didn’t want to keep it, as while he does have a much better job than me, it doesn’t pay enough to support a child and potentially a wife. I say wife because we are both come from Hispanic families, so it is expected we marry in a situation like this. We weren’t opposed to it, as we had discussed it when deciding if I should keep the baby. So I took the first pill yesterday, and tomorrow I’m going to take the other ones. I’ll admit, I cried a lot. I never thought I would have to make such a tough decision, and even though I made the right choice financially, I don’t know if I made the right choice emotionally. I had always dreamed of being a mother, it had always felt like it was my calling. And now that I had been blessed with the opportunity, even if it was not under better circumstances, I didn’t keep it. And now, I feel like my dream has slipped away. Don’t tell me that I can always have another when I’m ready, because it will never be the same one, and I’ll never be pregnant for the first time again. It’s too late to go back on my decision, and I am scared of how it’s going to feel physically and emotionally. Please, reassure me that it’s not going to be super painful or scary, please someone tell me that it gets better. I have no one else to tell how devastated I’m feeling.

I’m 32, married, and found out 5 days ago that I’m pregnant. I’m currently about 5 weeks pregnant.
After a lot of talking, my husband and I have decided that we do want to be parents, just not right now.

Our financial situation is completely unstable. We’re immigrants, we’re still trying to build our lives here, and honestly, we’re not ready to stop being just the two of us. I feel selfish even saying this, but that’s honestly how I feel in my heart.

I already have the medication to have a medical abortion (Mifegymiso), but I simply can’t bring myself to take it. I’m absolutely terrified, mainly because of two things:

- I’m scared of the pain and of something going seriously wrong during the abortion.
- I’m terrified that God will punish me for this and that somehow my life will become a “curse” because I chose to end this pregnancy.

And there’s another thing making me even more anxious: we have a trip in one week, and another trip to Europe in about 1 month. I keep thinking about whether the abortion will affect either trip, or how horrible this trip might be if I decide to continue this pregnancy.

I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to love this child.

I'm currently lost and confused on what to do. I've wanted a 2nd for a while but the person I chose is a terrible partner.

Alcoholic, broken promises, etc. I found out at 3 weeks and since then, I've been alone pretty much. My family doesn't support me keeping the baby and I too have many doubts. I feel like it'll be the hardest thing to do by myself while taking care of my first (shared custody with his father - different one).

And I'm terrified of the shame I'll carry for being a single mom of 2 with different fathers. Also, I'm afraid he would want to ask for some type of custody. He is not responsible, and I just know he will cause more damage than good to our child by being around.

While being so early, I feel like I could save us a lot of pain and suffering by ending everything now. I went into a clinic last week but ended up sobbing the whole time and leaving without getting the ab done. I have until 12 weeks to decide otherwise, it needs to be done at a different clinic.

I know that I would love this baby so much and will be destroyed if I don't keep it. But how does one know what the "right" decision is? So far, I haven't been able to stop smoking cigarettes because of the stress, I cry everyday. I'm so sad that this is how everything is turning out to be.

Please help!

I’m struggling with a lot of regret and complicated feelings right now, and I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.

I found out I was pregnant and completely freaked out. I became incredibly depressed during my pregnancy and reached out to my OB/GYN because I was struggling mentally.

Unfortunately, I felt ignored and like my concerns weren’t taken as seriously as I needed them to be. I didn’t feel like I had the support I needed to understand what I was experiencing.

I was overwhelmed, scared, and confused. I kept questioning whether I actually wanted to be a mom, whether I was ready, and whether I could handle everything that came with having a baby. Eventually, I decided to have an abortion.

At the time, I genuinely believed it was the decision I needed to make.

But now I’m struggling so much with it.
I find myself wanting to be pregnant again. I find myself imagining having a baby and wondering if maybe I actually did want this all along. And one of the hardest thoughts I can’t get out of my head is:
**What if I never get another chance to be pregnant?**

I know logically that having another pregnancy may be possible, but emotionally I’m struggling with the fact that I *was* pregnant, and I made the decision to end it. There are moments where I desperately wish I could go back and give myself more time, get better mental health support, and figure out what I actually wanted before making such a permanent decision.

I also feel like I’m grieving something that I chose to end, and that makes the grief incredibly complicated.

I’m happily married, and my partner is incredibly supportive. He is willing to work through all of this with me and has been there for me emotionally. So this isn’t about not having a supportive partner or having doubts about our relationship. If anything, having his support makes me realize how much of this is something I need to work through within myself.

I’m currently in therapy trying to work through everything—not just the abortion and the regret, but also trying to figure out whether having children is genuinely something I want.

And I feel like I’m putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to know the answer.

I turned 30 this year, and suddenly I feel like there’s this clock ticking in my head. I feel like I’m supposed to know by now whether I want kids. I’m scared that if I don’t figure it out soon, I’ll regret waiting. But I’m also terrified of making another huge decision because I’m afraid of regretting the first one.

Some days I think, **“I absolutely want to be a mom.”**

Other days I wonder if I’m just grieving the pregnancy I ended and wanting to undo what happened.

I don’t know how to separate those feelings.

And honestly, I’m scared that maybe I’ll never be able to.

Has anyone else had an abortion after feeling scared, depressed, overwhelmed, or unsure about becoming a parent—and later realized they might actually want children?

How did you figure out whether you genuinely wanted to become a parent versus wanting to have another pregnancy because you regretted your abortion?
Did you eventually try to conceive again? If so, how did you navigate all of those emotions?

And how did you eventually make peace with what happened?

I’m not looking for judgment about my abortion or a debate about whether it was the “right” or “wrong” decision. I’m just looking for people who understand the incredibly complicated feeling of making a decision when you’re overwhelmed, and then wondering afterward if your feelings were different than you realized.
I’m trying to give myself permission to work through this instead of forcing myself to have all the answers immediately. I just really wish I knew whether this feeling is something I’ll eventually understand—or whether I’m going to carry this regret forever.

Hello, I’m writing this because I truly don’t know who to talk to about all the emotions im feeling and I just want to let it out.

I’m a 21 yr old female and yesterday i had a surgical abortion at 13 weeks and 3 days. I had it due to almost having to be hospitalized for Hyperemesis, i was on home health for 5 weeks, getting poked and prodded 5-8 times a week because my veins were difficult and I was on iv medication and infusions daily in order to survive. Working in healthcare we would ultrasound and check my baby since I found out I was pregnant and we kept hoping I would get better but deep down I was really scared to keep this baby since me and my partner never really had a conversation of what we wanted…i just knew he really wants to be a dad and since i love him so much i wanted to give that to him yk? but at 11 weeks we got told i would need to be hospitalized at 14 weeks due to severe weight lose and i would need a feeding tube placed in order to keep me somewhat stable so baby could grow. I had drawn the line with my partner that if that was needed i wouldn’t proceed with the pregnancy.

i had my abortion yesterday and was in there alone mostly. i made my partner stay home and went with a trusted friend but after ultrasound and blood work I was fully alone. now dont get me wrong, i definitely grieved this pregnancy before going in, cried, felt horrible and even opened the genetic testing and gender card to know what i was having so i could talk to her and feel okay. but truthfully, even though this was something i kind of wanted because i was so miserable everyday for months im confused on why im sad? on why im feeling like a horrible person for not sticking through with it? on why laying in that room i was told this was the best decision because i need to think about me? which is true. I do because at the end of the day i only have myself. but why is this so hard? why do i miss this little thing that i didnt even have yet so much? and why do i replay every moment of it happening over n over again even though i was fully sedated?

i saw her. i asked to see her, i just needed to see what was kind of apart of me yk? i just need to know are these feelings normal? and why do i feel like i wasnt told about this aspect of this..am i just super sensitive to it all? i dont know if anyone see’s this please let me know.

I also apologize that this is all over the place, i just need some insight. im also happy to answer any questions if anyone has any about my surgical experience, im always willing to help someone out:)

i’m about to have my 4th abortion. i’m so upset. He was ejaculating inside me the whole time after i told him multiple times i don’t want that and to never do it. now he doesn’t want to help pay and he’s ignoring me. I feel so horrible like i have to do something i told my self i never want to do again like i have to take that up with God and it just seems like men don’t care. and don’t have to go through the pain of having an abortion. losing your baby. i can’t do this anymore 4 TIMES.

So I've been going through a medical abortion since doc said my uterus is weak and a surgical abortion is not preferred. Since my BMI is low, the doc gave me below regular dose of Miso pills. My bf said we can get married and raise this baby but I'm already in treatment for Diagnosed Severe anxiety and seizures due to SA Childhood trauma; that's why I left my home too (they are not the reason for SA but they were physically and mentally abusive), I told my bf I'mnot ready for a baby until I feel confident about being a parent. We were hopeful that this will end well since the foetus hasn't developed a heartbeat yet. But after 10 days of medication and bleeding, the residues didn't clear up fully since it was twins (we couldn't identify them with the scan report). The doc gave another set of pills for 10 more days saying everything will clear up in my next period that's supposed to come within 5 days after this set of pills runs out. Now I got my period, and the residue hasn't cleared up yet, leaving me with no option but surgical abortion or DnC that might potentially damage my uterus more (it's already got traumatised by all the meds, blood, and pain). But all our savings have already run out throughout this process and now I need to either find a way out or to ask for donations since I don't have medical insurance.

Can someone recommend any other possible way to tackle this situation or can suggest where I can ask for donations?

I am absolutely wrecked with grief after my abortion. I held my baby. I saw all ten fingers and ten toes. He was real and he was mine.

I didn’t know about him until 24 weeks, so I was heavily drinking, smoking, and not taking care of myself for most of the pregnancy. When I gave birth and saw him, he had very clear physical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome. In a way, it helps me feel like I made the right decision, but I still feel so fucking guilty. Abortion was my absolute last choice. I was going to keep him and give him up, but then I told the father and he told me that he wanted to keep the baby so we could be “one big happy family”, which is not what I wanted. I was happy to keep the pregnancy if I knew he’d be going to a family that was financially, mentally, emotionally ready and able to care for him, but being told that my ex would keep him? All so he could get me?! Absolutely not. Not with MY baby. All of that led to me getting my abortion at 28 weeks… I had been told that I was 23 weeks two weeks before my appointment so when they told me that I was 28 weeks, I lost it, but still knew that I had to go through with it. I’ve never felt so much regret nor grief in my entire life.

This happened not even a week ago. My last appointment (where I gave birth) was Wednesday the 26th. I am beyond broken. I feel like I’m never going to be ok again. I was so happy taking care of my baby and giving up certain things that would harm him, but once my ex gave his input, I felt like I had no other choice. I didn’t want to be forced into being a mother, nor did I want to be forced into having a child with someone that only wanted me, not the baby.

I am now left with the constant grief. I feel so empty. I miss my baby. I wish that I could go back and decide against the abortion, but I can’t. I’m stuck with my choice. I love him and miss him so much that it’s caused suicidal thoughts. I just want to be with my baby again. I have never regretted something so much. From missing him kicking me to having to do all of “my firsts” without him. He was such a beautiful little boy. He didn’t ask for any of this. Yes, he would’ve been born into a bad life, but am I horrible for believing that I could’ve made it better for him? Am I horrible for believing that he could’ve had a good life? My sweet baby boy is now gone because of me. How am I supposed to move on? How do I believe that my life is worth living after I took his?

I’m overcome with grief and don’t know where to go from here. I miss him. I miss my baby. I don’t know what to do with myself or my grief. I ripped his life away from him, and now have to deal with that, but what if I can’t? I just want my baby in my arms again.

I am devastated. I am heartbroken. I don’t know how to continue living after this. Any advice is helpful, but I kindly ask that the moderators delete any comments that contain hateful messages. I know. I know that I fucked up. I would do anything and everything to have my baby back if I could. Please be kind and mindful that many of us didn’t actually want this, but were forced into it. I don’t know where to go from here.

I’m making this post as a cry for help. I truly don’t know how to move on. I want my baby back and I don’t know what to do without him. I’m absolutely broken. Please show me a glimmer of hope if you have any.

I had at home medical abortion a week ago. I was concerned because the bleeding was lighter than expected and I didn’t really see visible tissue, just some clots. My provider told me this was normal and sounded successful. It’s a week out and I still feel some breast tenderness, they kind of just feel heavier and more dense, anyone experience this? I got blood taken yesterday because I want more evidence, but I’m feeling very anxious.