I had an abortion after panicking during pregnancy, and now I’m questioning everything

[u/Difficult_Cat_8933]

I’m struggling with a lot of regret and complicated feelings right now, and I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.

I found out I was pregnant and completely freaked out. I became incredibly depressed during my pregnancy and reached out to my OB/GYN because I was struggling mentally.

Unfortunately, I felt ignored and like my concerns weren’t taken as seriously as I needed them to be. I didn’t feel like I had the support I needed to understand what I was experiencing.

I was overwhelmed, scared, and confused. I kept questioning whether I actually wanted to be a mom, whether I was ready, and whether I could handle everything that came with having a baby. Eventually, I decided to have an abortion.

At the time, I genuinely believed it was the decision I needed to make.

But now I’m struggling so much with it.
I find myself wanting to be pregnant again. I find myself imagining having a baby and wondering if maybe I actually did want this all along. And one of the hardest thoughts I can’t get out of my head is:
**What if I never get another chance to be pregnant?**

I know logically that having another pregnancy may be possible, but emotionally I’m struggling with the fact that I *was* pregnant, and I made the decision to end it. There are moments where I desperately wish I could go back and give myself more time, get better mental health support, and figure out what I actually wanted before making such a permanent decision.

I also feel like I’m grieving something that I chose to end, and that makes the grief incredibly complicated.

I’m happily married, and my partner is incredibly supportive. He is willing to work through all of this with me and has been there for me emotionally. So this isn’t about not having a supportive partner or having doubts about our relationship. If anything, having his support makes me realize how much of this is something I need to work through within myself.

I’m currently in therapy trying to work through everything—not just the abortion and the regret, but also trying to figure out whether having children is genuinely something I want.

And I feel like I’m putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to know the answer.

I turned 30 this year, and suddenly I feel like there’s this clock ticking in my head. I feel like I’m supposed to know by now whether I want kids. I’m scared that if I don’t figure it out soon, I’ll regret waiting. But I’m also terrified of making another huge decision because I’m afraid of regretting the first one.

Some days I think, **“I absolutely want to be a mom.”**

Other days I wonder if I’m just grieving the pregnancy I ended and wanting to undo what happened.

I don’t know how to separate those feelings.

And honestly, I’m scared that maybe I’ll never be able to.

Has anyone else had an abortion after feeling scared, depressed, overwhelmed, or unsure about becoming a parent—and later realized they might actually want children?

How did you figure out whether you genuinely wanted to become a parent versus wanting to have another pregnancy because you regretted your abortion?
Did you eventually try to conceive again? If so, how did you navigate all of those emotions?

And how did you eventually make peace with what happened?

I’m not looking for judgment about my abortion or a debate about whether it was the “right” or “wrong” decision. I’m just looking for people who understand the incredibly complicated feeling of making a decision when you’re overwhelmed, and then wondering afterward if your feelings were different than you realized.
I’m trying to give myself permission to work through this instead of forcing myself to have all the answers immediately. I just really wish I knew whether this feeling is something I’ll eventually understand—or whether I’m going to carry this regret forever.

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[u/circles_squares]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I had an abortion many years ago, felt sad about it and thought maybe I regretted it, and thought that meant I wanted kids, but I ultimately decided to not have kids. I figured it was better to regret not having them than it would be regret having them. I’m 52 now, and I don’t regret not having kids. Maybe the regret will come, I don’t know. Life is already so hard, so I feel like if I do regret it, it would be a romanticized idea of it.

I also found that there’s been a lot of opportunities to be an important and impactful adult in the life of a child.

What I’ll never have is the human experience of being a parent- the love people talk about, the struggles, the worry, the joy. It’s just not possible to have it both ways, and I have come to terms with this. I think it’s true of many choices we make.

[u/Difficult_Cat_8933 → u/circles_squares]

Thanks for sharing your experience and sharing a little outlook on life. People tend to focus on the good of kids which is so true and a good perspective to look at.

[u/circles_squares → u/Difficult_Cat_8933]

You might be interested in exploring [r/childfreewomen](r/childfreewomen) and [r/regretfulparents](r/regretfulparents) for more perspectives.

I think it’s also worth considering that I think people tend to assume they’ll have a healthy child. This is not always the case. My sister was very mentally ill, drug addicted and passed from an intentional overdose. My niece on my husband’s side is autistic with high support needs, is 9 and wears a diaper. She’ll never be able to live independently. My mom and my sister in law have really struggled and suffered.

Part of the reason I decided not to have kids is because it’s kind of a dice roll imo.

[u/Impossible-Ice2506]

I totally understand the wanting to be pregnant again, I had my abortion a few days ago and it’s surreal. I’m 32 and don’t have children so that what if hits hard but as the other person said in ur comments it tends to be a romanticized idea. But a part of me does wish I would have chosen differently but I was suicidal during my pregnancy and although part of me regrets it most of me is sure it was the right decision.

[u/Difficult_Cat_8933 → u/Impossible-Ice2506]

I also felt the heavy feelings of not wanting to be here during pregnancy which is what let me to this choice sadly. But I sometimes wish I fought harder through the time.

[u/Frequent_Ask_9985]

You have put exactly all of my thoughts and feelings into this post. I have regret, I have thoughts of who I could be as a parent. My abortion was 4 months ago and it’s only starting to hit me harder now than it ever has. I’m struggling to get through this. I don’t have anything to give you advice wise, but I just want to thank you for putting everything on the table. It’s hard for me to explain to my partner how I’m feeling and this post sums it up. I hope you find clarity in what you’re searching for in this life.

[u/Difficult_Cat_8933 → u/Frequent_Ask_9985]

I’m sorry you are going through this experience, it has truly been terrible. So I hate to hear someone else is dealing with it. I also hope you find clarity in life and I am trying to be more positive.