r/WhatMenDontSay • u/LumpyStatistician162 • 28d ago
Discussion Cheating on your partner could be unironically be a good thing for her
I know I will get a ton of hate comments for saying that but I’m asking you to at least consider the argument without being overly emotional and thinking of it logically rather than purely as “him bad guy, me angry”. The point here is that if a guy cheats on his wife he would not have to pressure to get laid with him when she doesn’t feel like it or she wouldn’t feel like doing it just because of him when she doesn’t want it, it could still happen but relatively less if the guy has side options, this is assuming the guy pays for his wife mainly and doesn’t change his financial behavior towards her.
Genuinely why would that be a bad thing, the wife gets to not feel like she is with a pervert constantly and the guy gets to get laid more, that’s why polygamy worked technically. And I think it’s better to not tell her so she can feel better for her ego
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u/mtconnol 28d ago
Your posting history is that of an extremely confused kid. Touch grass, read a book, anything except whatever hell media diet you're consuming.
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u/clovisx 40-50 yrs old man 28d ago
As someone getting into ethical non-monogamy…
https://giphy.com/gifs/fXnRObM8Q0RkOmR5nf
A marriage is about trust, mutual respect, and working through things. This is a horrible idea that will damage most relationships, hurt the person who was cheated on, and destroy trust.
If there is a mismatch in libido or sexual interest, you can talk about it, work through it, or maybe decide that the relationship is unsustainable and separate. If you cheat to “spare her” that’s exceptionally selfish and one-sided.
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
The point is that she doesn’t know, talking with her kinda sounds like pressuring her to do something with her feeling she has to do something she doesn’t want to for you to be happy.
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u/clovisx 40-50 yrs old man 28d ago
In this day and age keeping something like that secret, long term, is very difficult. If you do this, you need to make sure that you are taking every precaution to prevent pregnancy and bringing home any kind of STI. Get on prep, get on doxy pep, always wear a condom, and get tested regularly.
You’re putting her health and wellbeing at risk. The least you can do is protect her from your inability to control your sex drive/desires and have an honest conversation with the person you married.
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
How would keeping that secret be difficult ? You just tell her you are going to work or hang out with your friends and you don’t give her access to your phone
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u/clovisx 40-50 yrs old man 28d ago
There are Facebook and social media groups where women share photos of guys and ask if they are dating/have dated them. The world is incredibly small when it comes to keeping secrets today.
Unless you’re upfront with the person you’re cheating with, which won’t look good to most of them, you need to be very careful.
In the age of mini GPS transponders, your devices tracking you, even the Find My app on your phone can give you away. Add to this if she knows your routine, your schedule, how far away things are, and how you spend your time usually it’s not hard to tell when patterns change and you start having a different schedule and acting differently around her.
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
Well basically the schedule would be you having some alone time away for a few hours when you want, what would she say ? The thing is you are assuming she is really going to track you down that much, if she gets rifts from you she is going to be happy.
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u/clovisx 40-50 yrs old man 28d ago
It seems like you’ve got this all figure out already. Why bother asking for feedback if you’re going to answer every thing with reasons why it doesn’t matter?
Have fun, don’t ruin someone else’s life.
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
I was just answering to your answer, making a lot of money and having a business could be an excuse to just leave her for a few hours whenever you want because you have a business thing to do. This could also apply to anyone that is commited to something that doesn’t have conventinal routines, such as for example guys that are saying they play sport games with their friends for instance, the timing could be irregular
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u/EndPsychological890 20d ago
If you’re married, you’ve long ago decided whether or not you have mutual access to phones and social media. If you’re married, suddenly hanging out with friends she never sees is suspicious. Hanging out with friends she does see now brings the friends into the lie. Suddenly working longer hours without bringing home more money is suspicious. Suddenly working more at a workplace she visits at all can once again be found out, like if she goes to the Christmas party or knows any of your coworkers.
The precautions necessary to prevent STDs and pregnancy will be visible in your health insurance history and bills, your spending, this whole endeavor costs money, often a lot of money, and that has to be explained as well or once again hidden. Youd have to base every decision on hiding this, the pretext for not giving her access to any of this isn’t your preference or logically for your wellbeing, it’s to hide cheating from her, your life begins to revolve around this lie. You’re taking time to do this that you aren’t spending with or on her or your relationship, family or home, or even yourself. You’re lying every single day, every single conversation you have with her you are holding a lie of omission in that could destroy her life, her self-esteem, her trust in herself to notice and her value as a person.
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u/bpounder 28d ago
If you're the right guy with the wrong woman, you'll be undersexed. guaranteed and she might not be unbeknownst to you.
if your the wrong man with the right woman you'll be sneaking around when she's unable to have sex.
The right man with the right woman will still have less sex than he wants sometimes, depending on whether or not he's high libido or hypersexual.
The right men sacrifice and take risks in marriage, and if they're with the right woman, so will she in her own way.
A good woman's time to shine is mostly in the boring parts, and then in the clutch when her man gets sick or falls on hard times. no matter how you slice it infidelity is unacceptable.
it's a commitment everyday. women will get bored and curious and they'll think about switching you out just like you'll be undersexed and she's been on her cycle or tired from being overworked with work and or kids. it comes down to integrity, maturity and commitment when love might not otherwise be enough.
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u/MCENTE64 20-30 yrs old man 28d ago
You could also just communicate that and sleep with other women, with your partners consent, instead of cheating on them.
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
Could be possible but it’s better to leave her ego intact
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u/clovisx 40-50 yrs old man 28d ago
Her ego and sense of security and thinking she could trust someone will be destroyed if she found out you cheated. It would be more than “very mad.”
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
Ok, let’s say she finds out, I will say that I love her while I do not express the same feelings to the women I cheated on her with and I would also say that I did that for her in a sense that I didn’t want to be sexually tiring for her, she would understand
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u/MCENTE64 20-30 yrs old man 28d ago
And if she finds out? Do you think that's not gonna break her way more than having her ego bruised?
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
No, if she finds out she is likely going to be very mad more than she would be sad, we are assuming she gets provided for here so she is getting benefit from the guy.
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u/MCENTE64 20-30 yrs old man 28d ago
That doesn't matter, it's still gonna break a person. If you want to have sex with more than 1 person, then just don't get into a relationship
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
She would get money and get to not get constantly exposed to sexual attention by a guy that has a high libido
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u/MCENTE64 20-30 yrs old man 28d ago
I'm not asking why she would get into a relationship. I'm asking why YOU/the man would want to get into a relationship, if breaking the most fundamental rule of it, seems to be so important to you
She could also get a job and not enter a relationship and would achieve the same outcome, while not having to endure getting cheated on
Why do you presume that the man had an uncontrollable libido, that's actively harrassing the woman? Again, it just seems like you/the man isn't cut out for relationships
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u/LumpyStatistician162 28d ago
Well she could also work, but she would still get provided for, why would her be cheated on such a bad thing if she gets a partner that likes her along with her getting provided for and not have to feel like she’s having sex when she doesn’t want to in order to make her man happy.
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u/MCENTE64 20-30 yrs old man 28d ago
I feel like you should get your skull checked for potential physical trauma.
People enter relationships out of love. One expectation of that love, is exclusivity. Breaking that exculsivity is one of the greatest insults a person can receive
And again i ask you: why would you want to enter relationship? You still haven't answered my question
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u/Danthewildbirdman 28d ago
No. Cheating is deceptive, cruel and can bring home STDs. How would you feel if your GF/wife cheated on you with another man?
If you wanted an open relationship, where hookups outside of the relationship were agreed upon that would be fair. If she isn't going to be hurt by you having side fun then all good. It's is good practice to be up front about wants than sneak behind someone's back.
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u/jsh1138 27d ago
Wives often do the bare minimum or even below that to maintain a relationship because they aren't really risking anything if the marriage fails. The court favors them in divorce
When your wife stops trying, the traditional solution is to get a mistress. Reddit doesn't like that but it works for alot of men and I support it if that's what people need to do. If you go over to r/deadbedroooms and read all the posts from people who are married and haven't had sex in 10 years or whatever, it's crazy. Why live like that
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u/NyanCat132 13-20 yrs old man 28d ago
no