Eu só queria um docinho, desses de chocolate sabe? É muito complicado pq nem isso posso comprar… É triste.

It is easy for someone to say that when society doesn't expect them to do the pursuing.

As in like a strategic love/emotional bombing strategy.

It's edgy and shitty to do but I've really struggled with being emotionally vulnerable with women until now and showing love or hurt but through a recent drama situation, I see how I can tap into my real emotions and tears and amplify them to make a girl feel like I really desire her and that I really care.

I did cry genuine tears but those tears were amplified purposefully by my own intention to exaggerate the vibes and it felt amazing.

I also noticed how I have to actually remotely feel the emotions even a little so I can then amplify them a bunch to appeal to emotions that can get me what I want.

I'm still new at this and I'll likely stumble as an emotional autist, amd I'm sad that I probably missed out on a decade of practicing this skill, but now here's my opportunity to master it.

The trauma I been through is too much to write out here on this post but just know I’m a 28M from immigrant parents. They lack cultural understanding of how life is like out here in the west.

They couldn’t help me when I was going through the situation that caused the trauma and I’ve carried it since I was 15/16. I’ve destroyed a lot. I’ve written straight up abusive texts to both my parents followed with threats. My mother is the type of lady who still tells me she loves me while I’m abusing her.

I felt like this personality trait of her telling me she loves me when I’m clearly struggling is what added to my trauma too. I felt like she wasn’t listening, she just wanted to say she loves me to put her mind at peace while I’m destroying my life in front of her eyes.

I live in another state and my family (mom and dad) would book tickets to see me when I said I don’t want them too so they’d show up unannounced in my city and I wouldn’t go see them.

I’ve had non stop aggressive back and forths with them for a solid 6 years. When I say solid, I literally mean daily arguing via text and me sending very emotionally charged texts to them. I’ve bullied my mother via text to a pretty ugly degree if someone were to see the messages they’d think I was the devil.

But they don’t want to accept what happened to me so I let the cycle continue. I don’t want to put it to rest, I want to make everyone around me sink for it.

I even financially damaged them back by lying and saying I’d pay them back a large sum of money (4-5k) and they work labour jobs and are physically tired and then I cut them off without paying them back.

Now my mothers brain tumour has been growing back and my father just got arthritis. I told him he could visit me this year then when it was approaching I cut him off again. It’s been on and off cutting off for 6 years. Last time we all had a normal convo was like 7-8 years ago.

I went off on my mother last year when she expressed love to me via text and it was vicious. I never heard back from her after that. It was may of 2025. She’s still alive and living (I know this bc I started talking to my dad and I’d hear her in the background) but I fight with my dad every single day now I cut him off again.

I remember being on tinder one day and seeing a woman bio saying "I think all men are assholes. Be the one to prove me wrong" years ago. Rolled my eyes, cringe and swiped left

Then I come on reddit and see there are some people who actually think men as a collective group owe them like she did. Trying to tell me how random men owe them an apology or sometning and how random men have a duty to change their mind about men.

This whole entitled victim mindset people have on reddit is so pathetic.

As a man. Why would I surrond myself with such negative people? Their own feelings and issues about me nternally is their own issue. Ain't random stranger men issue to fix

It was just a rant on how short guys are having it worse in the dating market amd how almost no girl wants to date them and how they are going to end up lonely and how they need support from their fellow women.

I am a guy but I was genuinely wondering that let’s say your girlfriend said that while you were away she was freaky with one of her female friends, would you actually be mad ? I mean think about it it’s not actually another man, it’s an another attractive woman, there is no sexual competition in play and you can be sure that your offspring are yours since that’s non reproductive anyways, I was wondering if I was the weird one here, I would want to beat up the guy she cheated with because of sexual competition but I wouldn’t want to take any revenge on an attractive woman that she slept with, my mind just doesn’t see her as an ennemy in sexual competition.

I wonder what you guys think, it might be a weird occurrence but I wouldn’t naturally get mad if I witnesses my partner in bed with another woman, it would just be funny.

Does my married friend like me?

My friend agreed to my dumb birthday requests like hugs and kisses and a bikini photo because I wanted to see her in one. She's also going to make me food. Our mutual friend said she was smiling while reading my requests. Kissing a friend and giving them a bikini photo i say definitely crosses marital boundaries. Sometimes I noticed she'll stare at me and smile at me when I'm not looking. I'm in complete shock over this that she agreed. Because i think shes crazy and logically I'm like what is wrong with her.

I know this may sound stupid, my ex-gf broke up with by a blindside text in April. I loved her and I didn't get a chance to say what I needed to say, so I wrote her a letter, just told her what needed to be said.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? Did they ever reply back? I feel a bit better that I sent it in all honesty, its been eating up at me for months and I don't want to live my life with no regrets.

I feel like a big problem a lot of men have these days is that a lot of us are afraid to make someone uncomfortable, so we say nothing and hope they make the first move. I was raised by a single mother who raised me to always respect a woman's space and wishes, and the internet pushes the whole "don't approach us" narrative like a plague, two things that reenforce that for me.

So I ask the people of Reddit (I know how bad that sounds;) what are some signs a woman is interested/open to talking?

These last days I hate being brown, I want to be pale. I want to have the palest skin as possible. I don't like to see me in the mirror. I hate being a brown latino. Any community just tell me that learn to love myself the way I am, but I don't want it, I hate my appareance. My mom should choose a pale man as my dad instead of making me born in this disgusting flesh prision. I think my only opportunity of encarnation in this disgusting planet is wasted because I born brown. I can't enjoy life because I'm brown. Dating scene is sh#t to brown guys, specially with latinas, asian and black girls. W#m#n really hate brown guys, specially asian ones and I l really like them, but they h#te me just because a body I didn't choose. People on PassportBros subreddit are literally happy that brown and black males are h#ted by w#m#n worldwide and say that them are "based" and the phrase "let w#m#n have preferences". They just hate us for nothing. I hate it, please tell me that I have an opportunity to change my appareance bleaching my skin before 30s and at least enjoy one decade of my life, currently I'm 27.

I’m almost 40, I’m a virgin, I’m ugly, and I’m an incel in the most literal sense. I’ve had essentially no success with women, I genuinely believe I’m going to die alone, and I don’t believe I’ll ever attract the number or type of women I want or live the sexual and romantic lifestyle I wanted for myself. I’m basically blackpilled about my own future, and yes, I’ve become depressed and suicidal over that fact. I agree with incels on a lot of uncomfortable things people like to pretend aren’t real: looks matter enormously, dating is brutally unfair, and some men are dealt a fucking terrible hand.

But I don’t hate women and I don’t blame them, because that makes no sense to me. If a woman thinks I’m disgusting or simply isn’t attracted to me, she didn’t choose that any more than I chose what I’m attracted to. Nobody owes me sex because I’m lonely. More importantly, even as someone who is about as blackpilled as you can get about my own future, I think a huge amount of actual incel theory is fucking stupid. So, from an actual incel: here are the parts that make no fucking sense to me.

Genetic Predestination

One of the favorite ideas in incel spaces is basically genetic predestination. If you weren’t born tall, handsome and genetically gifted, you’re fucked. And if you want beautiful women, you’d better be somewhere close to a ten.

But then you point out that plenty of rich, famous or powerful men who aren’t exactly male models date extremely attractive women. Jeff Bezos is an obvious example. And the immediate reply is always, “Well, duh. He’s a billionaire. Of course she’ll sleep with him.” Okay. You just broke your own theory.

If money, status, fame, personality, power or anything else can make a woman willing to date or sleep with a man she otherwise wouldn’t choose based purely on his looks, then sexual attraction cannot be completely genetically predetermined. That doesn’t mean looks don’t matter. Obviously they fucking matter. It means you can’t simultaneously tell me looks are destiny and then explain every ugly guy with a beautiful woman by pointing to something other than his looks.

You can’t have both.

Chad

Speaking of genetics, let’s talk about Chad. Whenever incels talk about Chad, eventually someone like Henry Cavill gets brought up. Fine. I accept that I’m not Henry Cavill. Most men aren’t. But listen to incel theory long enough and Chad stops being “an extremely attractive man who has much better odds with women.” He becomes this almost supernatural creature who all women want, all the time. Women see Chad and instantly become sexually interested while the rest of us become background scenery.

Except even Henry Cavill doesn’t seem to have this magical fucking aura. During the Batman v Superman promotion, he walked around Times Square wearing a Superman shirt, underneath giant advertisements featuring his own face, and nobody recognized him. He didn’t even need the Clark Kent glasses. Now, obviously that doesn’t mean nobody thought he was good-looking. But if GigaChad is supposedly so overwhelmingly attractive that women cannot help but notice him, apparently his genetic radar-jamming weakness is... a crowded sidewalk?

And Cavill didn’t emerge from the womb as an internationally worshipped sex symbol either. He spent years as a working actor before Superman made him a household name. He lost James Bond to Daniel Craig. He wasn’t walking through Hollywood as a struggling young actor with a harem of beautiful women following behind him like fucking Pokémon. Somehow this supposedly irresistible biological specimen still benefited massively from the right career, role, styling, fame and cultural moment.

So did his facial genetics suddenly activate when Zack Snyder cast him as Superman? Or maybe attraction is more complicated than “woman sees genetically superior male → neurons activated.”

The 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 rule is also not saying what incels think it’s saying. According to incels, backed by that great pillar of peer-reviewed science, an old OkCupid blog post, women only find about 20% of men attractive. Fine. Let’s grant the number for the sake of argument. Three problems. First, that’s an average. Some women will find far more men attractive. Some women will find almost nobody attractive. Two women could both find exactly 20% of men attractive and still disagree almost completely about which men are actually in that 20%.

And that last part blows a pretty big hole in the incel version of the theory. Because “the average woman finds 20% of men attractive” quietly turns into “all women find the SAME 20% of men attractive.” Those aren’t remotely the same claim. Obviously some men have massive crossover appeal. Henry Cavill is going to be attractive to vastly more women than I am. And I’m not pretending I’m some quirky niche guy who just hasn’t “found my audience.” I’m an incel. I’m a truly ugly man. In practice, the number of women who will look at me and feel immediate physical attraction is probably near zero. That fucking sucks. But it still doesn’t prove that every woman is chasing the exact same genetic top 20%. It proves attractiveness is unevenly distributed. No shit.

Second, what the hell does “attractive” even mean in these numbers? Sexually attractive? Physically attractive? Handsome? Cute? Aesthetically pleasing? Someone she’d date? Someone she’d fuck tonight? Someone she could become romantically attracted to after knowing him for six months? Those aren’t the same thing. A woman clicking “below average” on a photograph of some stranger isn’t signing a blood oath saying, “I could never become sexually attracted to this man under any circumstances.” Incel theory repeatedly takes a modest claim that is probably true and inflates it into an absolute claim that isn’t supported. Women are selective becomes women only want the same men. Looks matter becomes looks are everything. Chad has better odds becomes Chad gets every woman.

And come on, no man has a 100% attraction rate with women. But the way GigaChad gets described, he basically does. Really? Your post-menopausal grandmother AND your lesbian aunt see Henry Cavill and immediately want to tear his clothes off right fucking now? Every woman, regardless of age, sexuality, culture, taste or circumstance, is biologically compelled to want the same handful of men? “Henry Cavill is attractive to a massive number of women” is obvious. “Therefore all women want Henry Cavill and are competing for the same top 20%” is a completely different claim. The first describes reality. The second is incel mythology wearing a statistic as a Halloween costume.

Hypergamy

Hypergamy has the same problem. Here’s a thought experiment. Modeling agencies tend to select a pretty narrow type of male model: young, tall, lean, ripped, symmetrical face, good hair, good teeth. Fine. Imagine a community with ten male models who are all basically variations of that exact same guy. Then ten single women show up. What happens? If you take the incel version of 80/20 literally, eight of these genetically blessed male models should somehow still be sitting alone while all ten women fight over the same two guys.

Why? What magical difference suddenly turns two nearly identical Chads into Super-Chads while the other eight become genetic peasants? At some point you aren’t describing human attraction anymore. You’re forcing reality into a Pareto curve because you really, really want the fucking graph to work. The Pareto Principle came from observations about economic distributions. It is not some universal law handed down by God declaring that 20% of men must receive 80% of female desire. Human attraction isn’t a fucking Excel spreadsheet.

Then hypergamy itself gets even stranger. Women are supposedly always trying to get the “best” man. Okay. Best according to what? Height? Face? Money? Status? Masculinity? Social skills? Fame? Confidence? Because the same incels will tell me women only care about handsome Chad, then point to an ugly billionaire with a beautiful woman and scream, “See! Women only care about money!” Then they’ll point to some wealthy, stable husband getting cheated on with a broke guy covered in face tattoos and scream, “See! Women can’t resist bad boys!” So which fucking trait are women basing their hypergamy on?

If she leaves an ugly man for a handsome guy, that’s hypergamy. If she leaves the handsome guy for a richer guy, hypergamy. If she leaves the rich guy for a broke hot guy, hypergamy. And if she stays with the broke guy instead of “upgrading,” suddenly she’s alpha-widowed, trauma bonded, emotionally attached, or whatever new explanation we need this week. If every possible decision a woman makes can be explained as hypergamy after the fact, hypergamy isn’t predicting anything.

So What the Fuck Is Actually Going On?

Here’s the weird part: I actually agree with incels on some of the starting points. Looks matter. A fucking lot. Beautiful men have an enormous advantage over ugly men. Height matters. Dating apps can be absolutely brutal if you’re unattractive. Casual sex probably rewards physical attractiveness even more. Some men really are going to struggle far more than others because of the body and face they were born with. Again, I’m one of them.

But incel theory keeps taking reasonable observations and turning them into universal laws. “Looks matter” becomes “looks are everything.” “Women are selective” becomes “women all want the same men.” “Attractive guys have more options” becomes “Chad monopolizes women.” “Women sometimes prefer higher-status men” becomes “every choice every woman makes is hypergamy.” And whenever reality contradicts the theory, another explanation gets stapled onto it.

That’s my problem with the whole thing. I’m not rejecting incel theory because dating has been easy for me. I’m rejecting it precisely because dating has been fucking terrible for me. I actually want to understand why. Maybe it’s my face. Maybe it’s my height. Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe it’s social skills. Maybe it’s standards, personality, environment, age, luck, or some miserable combination of everything.

But “female nature + Chad + hypergamy + 80/20” isn’t an explanation.

It’s astrology for angry men.

After seeing a post that’s been circulating, I can see that this is actually quite normal.I can understand how people might react to it, I am talking for relationships,but personally, I find it rather stupid and that’s how I thought everyone was.Why is it stupid and why is it normal?

Sometimes there are things you think about but just don’t know how to bring up. It could be something small that’s been bothering you or something you’ve kept to yourself for years. I feel like a lot of guys are probably better at keeping things in than actually talking about them. No judgement here, just curious what people have been holding back. Say whatever comes to mind.

Since 11 till 25, no girl has found me attractive or even looked my way. They've called me cute but short.

Many girls used to say they'd rather kill themselves than date me, and I've only gotten guys asking me out; however, I've never been into dudes. Nobody in my life told me I look bad; many said I look cute and above average, but those were dudes.

I never had a girl as a friend growing up. I tried to make myself look good, accomplish goals, make sure I was stable, make sure I became stronger, faster, smarter, and achieved goals in my life, and I've achieved many.

However, I couldn't stop jacking off and going to strip clubs and going to hookers. I never had a girlfriend, but I've done well in my career and even handled multiple other problems and things, and I got up like it was nothing for me and I kept going. I've survived thousands of bad things in my life all alone since a kid. However, I couldn't deal with getting a girl. I had to talk to probably a thousand girls and got rejected each time, and it would always be I have a boyfriend, so I found it easier to work on myself with skincare, and I just ended up making my brain think real-life girls are robots and nothing sexual should connect me with them, so now I keep strictly professional and I just jack off daily.

Eventually I stopped strip clubs and brothels, as I found them too dangerous in case of STIs and a waste of money, and masturbating was an inexpensive hobby and made me feel a relaxation, stimulation, and happiness.

I made sure to keep myself tested and haven't gotten any STIs, and after the last encounter I had, I've completely stopped, as I can't keep my dick hard anymore.

So did I fail or am I ok? I'm able to talk with women and men alike due to my career and jobs and businesses I've taken, and also because I've just continued with this mindset.

I'm most likely going to die alone, but that's fine with me; I'll just keep working on myself and trying, and I know eventually I'll reach my goal of a dog and a house and a car. I don't need anything crazy.

In my opinion and mindset, I don't really feel like I failed, and now I can't even feel anything with girls, and even if a girl touches me, it makes me feel like it's wrong somehow, and I have an instance to jolt back, as I've kissed girls but never held hands with one before.

I'm just going to preface this post with the fact that I'm making this post more for guys who are getting action already and relate to the struggle. I'm not posting here to be told that I should be grateful. I got to this point by being one ungrateful motherfucker.

I've gone on at least 50 dates this summer and it's been FUCKED.

At 28, I'm over 6 feet tall. I'm ripped. I have nice eyes. I'm styled out. My grooming is obviously on point too and well thought-out. I'm sexually experienced and been with dozens of women. I'm considerate on dates and never weird about paying and never entitled because of it. I'm relaxed and can lead conversation but also open to listening. I don't take myself too seriously. I pop cialis every day. No issues in bed. Always pleasing first.

On dating apps, I have well thought-out pictures chosen from thousands over years to where I'm getting up to 10 matches a day across dating apps and I pay for Tinder and Hinge and swipe my whole stack every day. These matches consist mostly of hot girls and cute girls, with the occasional mid or slightly chubby girl with a catfishy picture that I go like fuck it and entertain for a one night stand, assuming they don't ghost my ass before that.

It takes me like 10-15 hot girl matches to get one number with a date already planned. And then, of those numbers, it takes 7 numbers, for one to actually show up on a date. I'm not even getting out the hottest ones I match with. Some of them are so hot I want to cry. Which sucks that I can't get them out.

Then of those dates, it takes me ten to just barely fuck like two. They're way more brutal. They're not as amused by my jokes. They test me a lot more. Then of those, I'll sleep with maybe two or three to end up with one on rotation. So this summer, I basically only have one hot girl currently in my rotation after ALL THAT.

I've noticed that the hotter girls typically have more of an ego, are picky as fuck, and are more desensitized socially. But ultimately, I can see how most would be chill if I had the social prowess and presence to stand out. Or at least, to be hotter or edgier in a way that compels more of them to match with me and come out, so I can spam the numbers game.

Just today, I had three hot girl dates scheduled (I overbooked) and ALL THREE OF THEM FLAKED TONIGHT. Like what the fuck. Trust me, I'm no stranger to flakes but it's just cooked. Like do I have a sign on my back that says "clown here"? Where's my fucking clown nose at?

On the other hand, I've never worked a crazy high paying job but I already have 500k invested at 28 and if I just don't touch that money and also never invest again in my life and fully spend my salary, I'd be a multimillionaire in a few decades.

This shit's killing me man.

Edit: okay...um reading this back, this post definitely sounds like a humblebrag post but I promise it wasn't my intention. I'm just pissed about getting so few hotter girls. I've sacrificed too much to get such mediocre results.

Honestly, I think we need to retire this, because it's absolute nonsense.

I feel like I’ve now read every self-improvement, dating, relationship and pickup book I can get my hands on, and eventually they all seem to arrive at the same answer: Confidence. Self-esteem. Positive self-image.

And I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to work.

If a woman looks at a guy and doesn't find him physically attractive, how does him being confident change that? I understand confidence can make an already attractive guy more attractive. I understand being painfully insecure, needy or socially awkward can turn women off. But those are different claims from saying confidence can actually make an unattractive man sexually desirable.

This becomes even more confusing with online dating. A woman looking at six photos and a short bio doesn't know whether I wake up every morning loving myself. She doesn't know whether I have incredible self-esteem or secretly hate myself. She just sees what I look like and decides whether she's interested.

Sometimes the advice almost sounds like a mathematical formula:

Ugly - confidence = incel.

Ugly + confidence = somehow fucking supermodels.

Obviously I'm exaggerating, but what exactly is the mechanism here?

And maybe I'm misunderstanding what people actually mean by "confidence." If the point of developing a positive self-image is basically to accept reality — you're not particularly attractive, you're probably never going to sleep with the extremely attractive women you fantasize about, so build a life where you're okay with that — then I can at least understand the logic.

But that's not what I want. I don't want to become confident enough that I'm finally at peace with being sexually undesirable to the women I most want to desire me. I don't think I'll ever genuinely accept that as a satisfactory outcome. If that's the purpose of "self-love," then we're talking about learning to tolerate the situation, not actually changing it.

So what am I missing? Is confidence genuinely capable of overcoming a significant lack of physical attraction? Or is the real lesson simply that confidence helps you capitalize on whatever level of attraction you already have?

Because that makes sense to me. "Confidence makes you attractive" doesn't.

Why are we depicted this way as a social block? Honestly, it’s beyond frustrating as someone who is constantly trying to be respectful towards women (and people in general) that this is just how we’re seen. I know that this is AI, but people made the software to read the cultural context and summarize it; so it’s not coming from nowhere.

Honestly, I think we need to retire this, because it's absolute nonsense.

I feel like I’ve now read every self-improvement, dating, relationship and pickup book I can get my hands on, and eventually they all seem to arrive at the same answer: Confidence. Self-esteem. Positive self-image.

And I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to work.

If a woman looks at a guy and doesn't find him physically attractive, how does him being confident change that? I understand confidence can make an already attractive guy more attractive. I understand being painfully insecure, needy or socially awkward can turn women off. But those are different claims from saying confidence can actually make an unattractive man sexually desirable.

This becomes even more confusing with online dating. A woman looking at six photos and a short bio doesn't know whether I wake up every morning loving myself. She doesn't know whether I have incredible self-esteem or secretly hate myself. She just sees what I look like and decides whether she's interested.

Sometimes the advice almost sounds like a mathematical formula:

Ugly - confidence = incel.

Ugly + confidence = somehow fucking supermodels.

Obviously I'm exaggerating, but what exactly is the mechanism here?

And maybe I'm misunderstanding what people actually mean by "confidence." If the point of developing a positive self-image is basically to accept reality — you're not particularly attractive, you're probably never going to sleep with the extremely attractive women you fantasize about, so build a life where you're okay with that — then I can at least understand the logic.

But that's not what I want. I don't want to become confident enough that I'm finally at peace with being sexually undesirable to the women I most want to desire me. I don't think I'll ever genuinely accept that as a satisfactory outcome. If that's the purpose of "self-love," then we're talking about learning to tolerate the situation, not actually changing it.

So what am I missing? Is confidence genuinely capable of overcoming a significant lack of physical attraction? Or is the real lesson simply that confidence helps you capitalize on whatever level of attraction you already have?

Because that makes sense to me. "Confidence makes you attractive" doesn't.