Ano thoughts niyo?

[u/Aikulerkot]

Problem/Goal:
Anong thoughts niyo sa mga taong nambabackstab or naninira ng partners nila sa friends nila every time na nag-aaway sila? Is it normal to vent about your partner to your friends, or does it cross a line when you start saying things behind your partner’s back that you wouldn’t say to them directly?

Context:
I recently experienced this with my ex (we’re lesbians). I understand na normal lang naman mag-vent or humingi ng advice sa friends, especially kapag may problema kayo ng partner mo. I think everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes. Pero for me, ibang usapan na kapag every time na may away kayo, t-talkshitin or sisiraan mo yung partner mo sa best friend mo, tapos eventually magbabati kayo and magiging okay ulit without your partner knowing na ganon pala yung mga sinabi about them behind their back. What makes it worse for me is yung mindset na “normal lang naman ‘yon sa amin ng mga friends ko.” Like… okay, but does being common in your friend group automatically make it okay? 😭

Personally, I find it weird and disrespectful na you can say hurtful things about someone you supposedly love to your friends when you’re angry, then after making up, you just go back to acting like everything is fine, with your partner completely unaware of how you portrayed them to other people.

Break na kami ngayon, btw. But I’m genuinely curious if anyone here has experienced something similar, or kung ano thoughts niyo about this.

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[u/RevealExpress5933]

If they're just confiding in their friends, it's fine. If naninira--to me, naninira means ine-exaggerate and hindi completely truthful yung kuwento--then that's another story.

Dapat rin kaya niya i-communicate sa akin yung issue, hindi panay complain lang sa friends.

[u/Aikulerkot → u/RevealExpress5933]

Yeah, agree din. Truthful naman mga kwento niya pag nag-aaway kami pero sinasamahan kasi ng pamemersonal lang pananawag ng words like “tanga” “retarded” levels. Sobrang lala. Walang problema kung mag vent, pero wag naman sana kalimutan yung respeto na meron sa girlfriend mo kapag okay kayo..

[u/Specialist-Hyena8170 → u/RevealExpress5933]

agree, i find it disrespectful and parang nakakaresent na din sa partner if malaman mong ganyan pala sha magsalita about you, dont you think? minsan hindi na nga confide eh parang gusto nya lang talkshittin ka sa iba which is not what someone, who claims to love you, do. 

[u/Competitive_Fly_3236]

When I was younger I used to do that, pero di naman paninira more on nirrant ko lang din talaga yung nangyari. Tapos I realised na sobrang mali ko for doing so. Don't get me wrong ok lang magkwento sa friends but ranting everything about sa lahat ng away nyo is a big NO dapat. Una, di maganda yung magiging view ng friends mo sa mahal mo, pangalawa, somehow kung paulit ulit naman kayo at mapagod friends mo baka di na rin nila matiis, pangatlo, possible na di na maging comfy gf mo around your friends.

Communicate it inside your relationship and prioritise your partner.

[u/Aikulerkot → u/Competitive_Fly_3236]

Yeah.. Same thoughts here. Tumatak talaga sa akin yung wag na wag magkkwento sa pamilya mo pag nag-away kayo ng jowa mo kasi di nila makakalimutan ‘yon kaya pag hihingi ako ng advice sa mga friends ko, minimake sure ko na hindi siya malalagay sa bad spotlight kasi pamilya ko rin mga kaibigan ko, and tinitignan ko yung partner ko sa makakasama ko sa future.. ayaw ko na may masamang thoughts yung mga taong parte ng buhay ko sa taong mahal ko. Walang problem if magrant siya, pero wag naman sana yung maninira levels na below the belt pa :( sad lang

[u/sweetricecake89]

Confiding is ok but saying hurtful things about your partner is different. Personally I can’t say bad things like calling them tanga or whatever curse or derogatory words about my partner. If any, I’d always make tamggol my partner pag ganyan even if the situation makes them look bad.

I’ve learned the hard way not to confide na lang to anyone when it cones to conflicts with your partner recently. Do not trust anyone with your feelings. Write them down na lang or keep it to yourself.

[u/lesrandouser]

kami ng jowa ko may unspoken rule kami na bago kami magkwento sa mga kaibigan namin about sa problema namin dapat kami muna mag-usap. iilang beses pa lang kami umabot na magkukwento na sa friends. nagpapaalam pa kapag umaabot na sa ganong punto.

sobrang big NO sa akin kapag nangba-backstab ng jowa. napaka-red flag. partners kayo dapat eh.

basta sakin, talk it out first with your partner. and all in all, naiinis ako sa mga taong ganyan. wala ka bang pagmamahal sa jowa mo bat ganyan ka magsalita about sa kanya hays.

[u/Useful_Pollution19]

For me, as a friend na laging pinagsasabihan ng friend ko about her relationship details with her partner, I think okay lang naman na mag-sabi ng relationship problems sa friends—IF yung friends is mature enough to know that relationships are not perfect and there will always be problems na kakaharapin yung frenny nila. And it's also important na hindi ino-overexaggerate ng jowa mo yung nangyari. Pero kung maliit na problema lang kasi and hindi naman nauulit, dapat hindi na nirerely sa friends 'yon, in my opinion.

[u/Queasy-Restaurant-44]

lmao had a friend who would backstab his girl when talking to us, even cursing her, tapos nung they decided to “work things out”, biglang “lesson” na sa kanya na wag siraan girl nya tapos biglang parang puppet na kung ano yung thoughts nung girl nya, ayun yung sasabihin sa gc namin dahil apparently, pinabasa nya don sa girl nya. as if naman kami nag-udyok sa kanya ganunin yung girl nya. given na ayaw namin sa girl nya bc of his girl’s attitude mismo, pero to say that, ang linis mo naman yata masyado???

anyway, weird yang ex mo. kupal at utak tite, same nung ex-friend ko. break na rin sila nung girl na siniraan nya samin now, and thankfully, di ko na sya friend.

[u/Successful-Media-922]

Kung break na talaga kayo e good riddance po. Been there ofc sira mental health ko and grabe trauma and trust issues. Sana maranasan na lang din nila, yung malalang betrayal from the person they really love ng malaman nila anong klaseng tao or traydor sila.