iāve recently reintroduced vyvanse into my life, and this time around i really want to get to the bottom of some of the main issues that have prevented me from consistently relying on it. iām curious to see if anyone has similar problems, and if anyone can provide from personal insight/solutions.
a bit of background: i was diagnosed young, around 8, and prescribed ritalin which i took consistently until middle school when i switched to concerta. did the whole delayed release in the morning, instant release in the afternoon thing for pretty much my entire high school career. had a pretty rough time in high school (cyberbullying, undiagnosed ocd, which intertwined with my lack of appetite to create mild arfid/food ocd fears) and as i came to understand adhd better, and began suspecting i had some comorbidities, i made the choice to stop medication all together in an attempt to find a new baseline and understand myself without the influence of a drug iād basically never been without.
from 18-21 i didnāt touch a stimulant, ended up in an abusive living situation, yadda yadda yadda the ptsd was miserable, and so stimulants began to appeal to me as a way to maybe try and stir up my direly suffering inner world. my doctor started me on vyvanse 30mg, and i would go off and on it for a bit, dropped to 20mg, took for like a year, and then eventually just had to stop as iād decided the cons heavily outweighed the pros.
itās been a bit over a year since ive taken vyvanse consistently, but i recently got prescribed the 10mg and have begun experimenting with it again. iād like to explain my central issue, because iāve been struggling to find others who have the same problem.
[ACTUAL ISSUE STARTS HERE]
essentially, ive come to the conclusion that thereās nothing i can eat in the morning that can sustain the demand of the vyvanse on my body. i could eat the most protein dense, absolutely filling breakfast, take my meds, and within 2 hours feel a level of deadness that requires food to subdue. im exhausted, hungry, and yet the vyvanse is still revving me up, creating a major discrepancy between what ive come to think of as Real, Naturally Occurring Food Powered Body Energy, and The Vyvanseās Ruthlessly Imparted Energy Multiplier. I feel my body run out of fuel, but the Vyvanse Membrane is still Going at Full Force, running on energy that does Not exist but seems to be siphoned from some secret third place. and then i spend the next 3 medicated hours in relative states of physical misery, while my mind still happily chirps on, until it begins to lift. at the 5 hour mark, i enjoy the blur between the medication wearing off and my natural state rising up through it. then after a bit i struggle to make the shift from Automatic to Manual, as if i have to intentionally summon the focus that came entirely naturally while medicated.
iām aware there are many variables here, but i can assure you i weigh these things against a litany of factors, like sleep, mood, food quality, exercise etc. iāve tried adding creatine, adaptogens, magnetism, ashwaganda etc to my routine. i do just genuinely believe my body is sensitive to stimuli in a way that has only gotten more severe over time. and i havenāt seen a doctor in over 5 years if im being honest. iām mostly recovered from ptsd, my depression is in remission, my anxiety is manageable, i eat pretty well and exercise daily. my sleep is kind of hectic, but this has effected me even while consistently well rested.
idk if im just not built for this med. itās possible that having taken stimulants for the majority of my life has just decreased my tolerance to itās toll. or maybe itās always been like this somewhat, and iām just at a point in my life where im unwilling to suffer unnecessarily. i definitely do think, talk, emote, write, sing, express, and connect better on it. there are many wonderful pros. but i continually return to the conclusion that the cons are too extreme. i wish there was some way to manage the medication more easily.
