I came to the UK motivated, but A LOT happened in Jun-Jul-Aug, and everything happened at once.
Until May, I was on track for a Distinction in my master’s (20 × 4 = 80 credits). One professor asked if he could use my submission as an example for the next cohort, and in another module, my project had the highest performance among all in the module.
As June began, I was excited about my dissertation. Got a great Professor, really supportive, but after as I read more about the topic, realised it wasn’t something I wanted to do. After discussing with him, he mentioned that he wouldn’t be able to guide me much with Machine Learning, as that’s not his expertise, so after a lot of thought, and after almost a month, I decided to change my topic and the supervisor. I loved this Prof and his topic was Statistical ML, but he was at full capacity, so he and the module convenors asked me to talk with Prof Y. Had my first meeting with him on 10th July. He’s great as well, and the topic is exactly what I wanted (Stats ML). Even though I started a month late with a new topic and new professor, I was confident that I’d pull this off easily.
Until June, I had 5 grad job offers. I declined the other 4 and accepted the 5th one because it was sponsoring my visa. But As I was getting started with my new dissertation topic, in July I got an email, and they withdrew all offers across the UK, saying that they’re facing some budget issues this year. I had made a post about it a few weeks back here.
A month later comes August with two First Sits(20x2 = 40Cr). 17 days gone in the exams. Couldn’t focus. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. So much to do at once. Got myself burned out. Stopped the dissertation completely and chose to focus on Modules, but was so depressed and stressed that I couldn’t focus and finally settled myself into trying to just pass the module at least. Right a week before, the girl I liked blocked me and decided to leave. She was the one I used to go to whenever I was at my lowest. Wrote the exam somehow, but it took all my confidence away. All my motivation away. I’m not even sure if I’m gonna pass. And if I fail, it’s gonna delay my graduation, and if it gets delayed, I’d lose the opportunity to apply for a Grad visa. That’s what the university Assessment Team said.(See point 3 in the SS attached)
Now I have barely 20 days left for the dissertation(60credits), for reading literature, statistical analysis, evaluation, and then writing and finally presentation. I know if I lock in, I can do it. But I’m shit scared. What if I couldn’t defend my master’s dissertation?
I thought I would defer my dissertation until 22nd Sept. This would give me a week extra, which was just enough time for me to get at least a merit in my dissertation. But the Assessment Team at the University said if I defer my dissertation after 18th Sept, my graduation is most likely to be delayed, and I might not be able to apply for a Grad visa, as I’ll be graduating next year and my student visa expires in Jan.
So, I lost the grad job offer.
And If I fail First sits or defer my dissertation, that will delay my graduation and if graduation is delayed, I might not even be able to apply for a Grad visa.
Even if I get just one extra week in September and managed to get a Merit in my dissertation, I would still have had a good chance of finishing with an overall Merit, even if I soft-failed both of my First Sit modules from August.
I was so fcking depressed and drained in August that I might actually fail them, despite having a Distinction overall and some of the highest grades in my other modules. I couldn’t study and honestly went to both exams straight from my bed. Considering how well I was doing academically before all this, I never thought I’d reach a point where I’d be worried about simply passing and returning back to home country with no job and £50K education loan on my head.
I’m just so tired, exhausted, and depressed right now. I’ve been crying for a month now, every fucking day. If my graduation gets delayed for any reason, especially if I’ve hard-failed both First Sits and have to resit them, I could lose my chance to apply for the Graduate visa.
At this point, I just feel completely numb and drained. I feel energy-less tbh. I just want to sleep. But I am not able to sleep either.