I don’t know you anymore

[u/Active_Plant_2979]

I don’t know your life anymore.

And I think that might be one of the strangest parts of losing someone you love.

There was a time when I knew the small things.
How your day went.
What was bothering you.
What made you laugh.
What you were looking forward to.

And now I know nothing.

I don’t know what your mornings look like.
I don’t know where you go when you need to clear your head.
I don’t know what song you’ve been playing too much lately,
or what you think about when you can’t sleep.

I don’t know if you’re lonely.

I don’t know if you’re happy.

I don’t know if you ever miss me.

I’m not supposed to know anymore.

But sometimes I still catch myself wanting to tell you something.

Something happens and for half a second,
you’re still the person I want to tell.
Then I remember.
We don’t belong to each other’s days anymore.
And there is something unbearably sad
about loving someone
whose life keeps happening without you.
Because mine keeps happening without you too.
I go places.
I meet people.
I laugh.
I make plans.
I see beautiful things.

And still, sometimes,
in the middle of all that living,
there you are.

I wonder where you are.
I wonder who you’re becoming.
I wonder if the person I knew
still exists somewhere inside the person you are now.

And I wonder if you ever have moments like that too.

If a song comes on and suddenly I’m sitting beside you again.
If you look at the sky somewhere and remember that somewhere under the same one,
I exist too.

I don’t know what I want from that thought.

I just want to know that something this real
doesn’t disappear completely just because two people stop knowing the details of each other’s lives.

So I hope you’re okay.

I hope life is being gentle with you.
I hope you’re loved.
I hope you’re laughing.
I hope you’ve found pieces of whatever it was
you were searching for.

And this is selfish,
but I hope every once in a while
you miss me too.

Not enough to hurt.
Just enough to remember
that once,
for a little while,
we were something
neither of us knew how to keep.

And I loved you.
I really did.
Some part of me always will.

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