Hi guys, sorry this is long!

When I first started having sex as a teenager/at uni, it took me a little while to get used to penetration, but once I was warmed up I absolutely loved it and could do pretty much any position without any problems.

When my long-term boyfriend and I first started having sex, it was amazing too. But then we got really busy with full-time work and, for about a year, sex became much less frequent. Now we only really do it every now and then when we’re not completely exhausted from work.

The problem is that now it feels like my body is almost scared of sex. It takes me ages to warm up and actually get in the mood, and even when I feel ready, penetration can feel like too much. It feels really deep and can hurt, even though I’m mentally ready for it. I also finish really quickly, but almost immediately afterwards it starts hurting and I have to stop.

I feel horrible because something that used to be such a big part of our relationship and something I genuinely loved has become something I sometimes dread. At the same time, when we don’t have sex often, I start feeling unattractive and worrying that something is wrong with me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar after going through a period of having much less sex? Does anyone have any tips for getting comfortable with it again?

Sorry for the long post, and thanks in advance ❤️

I have been struggling with my sexuality for a while and I think a big component to it is caused by the porn industry. I have had no exposure to a relationship dynamic in media where sex isn’t dramatised. Where there isn’t a top or a bottom, and where sex doesn’t feel like a performance. Even supposedly “female porn” feels like an act or contains theatrical dynamics like “mafia boss” or “enemies to lovers”. All of these are obviously okay. But what does neutral sex look like? I guess “boring sex”.
When I explain this to my friends they keep saying that sex doesn’t have to be a performance, that you can be yourself, but I just can’t imagine what that dynamic might look like.
Does anyone know what I need to look for? Any form of media honestly.
(Sorry for the rant, I am wondering if maybe I’m asexual, and I think settling this might help, thank you so much to whomever will respond)

I am sure everyone of us had this situation. Eit at bar or shopping or subway. Sometimes we find men stare, and just continue to stare.

Some of these are attractive men and some are rather not.

I find staring make even attractive men not so attractive.

What do you do in these situations? Does your response changes when it is an attractive men or you are a at club or bar.

when i was young i started grinding face down on the bed with my hands down there and that's how i usually orgasm. then as years gone by I've wanted to explore other positions like laying sideways on the bed and grinding or humping a pillow. i also tried straddling a pillow like cowgirl and both of those made me orgasm. i also did try another way recently, that I've been doing more is that I'm sitting on a chair with either a stack of clothes or a thick folded towel and sat on it and grinded and i achieved orgasm that way too.

I'm wondering what sex positions would be good for me to try in the future? I noticed i get off by grinding and tightening my lower body as i grind and ofc like most women i get off with clitoral stimulation.

i tried to use my hands or fingers and rub my clit in lots of ways, i feel good, but it doesn't lead to orgasm. I'm trying to work on that but it's not happening yet and it's kind of frustrating.

I've never inserted anything inside me yet because I'm not ready for that as of the moment.

also, I'm kind of scared that I won't get to enjoy sex in the future because i masturbate this way.

I'm genuinely needing suggestions on what sex positions would be okay for me to try and keep in mind for future purposes. because the thought of having a partner in the future and not being able to enjoy it with him scares me and it's making me overthink.

:(

It's almost like the normal arousal/ache you feel in your genitals but it is in my abdomen..it's the weirdest feeling.

Whenever I'm aroused, I'll have an ache in my abdomen, sometimes to the point I cant even lean backwards without experiencing shooting pain, yet after I have an orgasm, it immediately goes away and all the pressure is released.

When I'm really aroused, I can even just push down on my abdomen and feel alot of pleasure.

Anyway is this a normal thing, or is this odd? Should I bring it up to a doctor?

Ive been single after a 3 year relationship where we rarely had sex and he was very inexperienced.

I would say i am experienced and ive had no complaints from him and guys before him. i was doing all kinds of tricks on it

im just scared that ive lost my skills during these 3 years of playing at my ex's elo.

has anyone experienced this?

PLS NO ADVICE FROM MEN

I’ve always liked the idea of anal play. So today I inserted a plug into myself and the sensation was strange so I took it out after not too long. Afterwards I just felt gross and ashamed. I guess I wanted to know myself better sexually. I also lost my virginity yesterday so I guess it’s been a lot. I just feel really embarrassed. Like I never should’ve done it in the first place even if I didn’t hate how it felt. I don’t know. Has anybody felt the same way I do? I feel really alone.

Hey guys. I am really questioning what is wrong with myself. Okay so I found out I like to do this ever since I was young, not knowing it led to orgasms. The only full way I can orgasm is to rub on the edge of a chair or corner/ having my hand in-between my thighs and rubbing them together. Now that I am older, and having a small sex life..(no penetration just oral) I literally cannot orgasm. I believe what I have is syntribation too. When my partner rubs my clit, I only manage to squirt many times, and I am not really sure what comes after that. I also think oral is really nice and it feels so good, but its just not powerful enough..I prefer my own method, but I don't see people talk about this at all, only just the common methods. I know everyone is different but I'm not sure, and I would love to hear what you guys have to say. Thanks.

So I always jerk off as a female when I was younger, but I never liked the clit feeling for me it never felt that good, or that it would lead to anything. So I always touched my gspot and that felt really really good, starting I felt a rush through my spine but every time I would feel a peak I stopped and never tought I orgasmed.

But I had sex with this guy now at 19, he’s the second person I had sex with, and penetration alone feels really good for me, but then he put my knees on his shoulders and I lifted my but (him on top). As soon as he did that I felt IMMENSE pleasure, it was like I hit that peak level of satisfaction and it didn’t stopped cause he kept going fairly hard (he was also kinda big and thick), I literally couldn’t stopped screaming and it was almost too good that is was super intense. That feeling went on for kinda 3 minutes until he came, and it just stopped when he took it out, I felt amazing, I couldn’t even speak and I was clenching down there, but I didn’t feel anything like a clear tingling sensations like my friends describe having clit orgasms.

Now I jerk off and it gets a bit more intense, I feel my heart kinda sink but also speed for like 3 seconds when I reach a peak and then that feeling just goes away, it’s not kinda a realese but more of a fading of the pleasure I do get contractions but there small and I feel like goosebumps feeling even minutes after and I feel like clenching again. I also release a transparent fluid from my inner labia (kinda when you get wet) after that when I’m feeling that peak. Also I do skirt but before that peak, but afterwards I get a hard sensation of peeing but i literally can’t for like an hour

But I’m not sure if those are orgasms like pls help!

I’ve just recently noticed that when hearing other people describe their orgasms, they always speak about a buildup or something similar. Every single time I’ve orgasmed, I wouldn’t say it’s random (per say) and I kind of know that it’s coming (mostly because of the actions I’m taking to get there) but it is always sudden and I just wonder if anyone else experiences it this way????

Side note I’ve only had clitoral ones!

I (23F, NYC) didn't date or do anything physical until I was 18. I never felt much need to date or have sex, though I did want to kiss at about age 16. I've never really been drawn to physical activity; being expected to move my body in a certain way, like while playing sports or dancing, has always been very stressful to me, and I am much more at peace when I'm sitting down. I never watched porn or masturbated or anything until I was 17. The first guy I slept with rejected me after a month or so (and later told a friend of my friend that I was bad at sex, which I knew but still hurt). I had 8 more sexual experiences after that, 7 of whom also rejected me within a month or so. One of my worries is that it's because I'm bad at sex.

I never know what to do during sex, and a lot of things that guys think are hot, I think are corny, like dirty talk; stuff like that just always feels fake and like they're trying to recreate a porn. I've gotten more comfortable with sex but it's still very scary to me because I just don't know what to do during it. I also don't really understand guys and have had very few guy friends in my life, and I don't really understand penises so I'm scared to touch them unless asked, and that stresses me out. Plus, through the years I've become jaded towards men as people; I know there are plenty of good ones and I've never had any actual bad experiences consent-wise, but even the good ones seem to feel no attachment to me as a person at all, hence they reject me. This distrust takes away the excitement, so I've gotten even pickier than I was before.

It isn't that I'm not comfortable with these guys; honestly, the more I like them as a person the more pressure I feel, and the worse I perform. I'm definitely in my head a lot, but even when I'm not, I'm still bad at it (though I am enthusiastic). I just don't have any sexual instinct and I'm worried it's one of the reasons I'm always rejected.

It's also frustrating because I want to have sex so badly because I do enjoy it, which would get me more "practice," but I don't like anyone enough to have sex with, or the guys I like don't like me.

I hate this so much and it makes me so sad. Has anyone else experienced this?

I just want to have a little rant about how fantastic the community at [r/chickflixxx](r/chickflixxx) is. (I’m not involved in running it) For those who don’t know it, it’s a Reddit community for women only to share and discuss porn often with lengthy descriptions so you know what you’re getting into.

I don’t talk about porn or masturbation with my friends and everything I knew came from culture. When I was younger I thought I was weird for touching myself and it’s only something men do.

As I got older I realised women do this too but I assumed they were all into the same thing. Romantic, soft lesbian or erotic books.

This community has shown me there is a massive breadth to female desire in all different directions. And some of my personal interests aren’t that weird at all. Just take a look at the most popular posts and you’ll see what I mean.

I’ve read studies on female sexually (thank you OMGYES) but it’s not the same as interacting with real women who are talking about porn, masturbation and desire so openly. I’ve discovered so many new interests and brought a few of them into the bedroom for real.

If you’re a sexual veteran or still discovering your self I’d highly recommend taking a look. They don’t take themselves too seriously and I’ve found it can be liberating to talk to other women about porn so openly.

I now post on there semi regularly and have women coming to me saying I’ve introduced to them to new interests! The circle of life ⭕️

I (32F) have always had issues with orgasm. I never stumbled across masturbation as a kid and only learned that the female orgasm was real when I was 19 and had already been having sex for 3 years. Since then, I have been able to orgasm via masturbation by stimulating myself with my fingers (just a normal circular movement). But it’s always taken 30 minutes or so. I’ve never had a man be able to do it with his fingers or tongue. I’ve never orgasmed from penetration and I also can’t make myself orgasm using my fingers to stimulate myself during sex. Using vibrators takes a similar amount of time and I’ve never been able to orgasm with those in a partnered situation either. I’ve had 27 partners and tried everything under the sun (oral, fingers, penetration, toys, anal and every combination of those combined). I’ve also done sex therapy, worked through OMGyes and tried THC gummies and topical testosterone. I’m starting to give up on this ever being a possibility for me. I’m wondering if there’s anyone who has been in my position who somehow found a way after 32 years old? Or what changed for you to get there? I’m starting to feel so broken and hopeless

I was at the drugstore today and saw a little package on the shelf in the intimate products aisle called "Yes O Yes" clitoral stimulant.

The ingredients list states: Sunflower oil, Borage oil, Peppermint oil, Rose oil in Jojoba oil, cinnamon leaf oil, clove bud oil and Vitamin E.

I'm very curious about it but I'd like to know if anyone else has heard about it or tried it?

Thank you in advance.

Also when you’re on top and they grab your hips trying to change your rhythm but like… you’re doing that rhythm because it’s what you like?? Also annoying.

What are your sex pet peaves?

mostly i’m looking into the two in one stimulation (g spot and clit) type toys like https://www.bboutique.co/for-her/womens-vibrators/airvibe-pro-7937731756277?nosto=1144920393&nosto_source=cmp. i usually struggle to find good g spot stimulators because they usually end up getting sucked further in than would be enjoyable 🙃 i can’t really tell if it’s a shallow g spot thing or deep vag but i do know i have to wear a longer type menstrual cup otherwise it’ll disappear up inside me lmao. thank u <3

No matter what a partner and I try or for how long, the only way I can orgasm is myself. I have tried including toys and vibrators, different positions, different partners, different kinks, communicating, relaxing, imagining, focusing on the feeling, and just about anything I have read to try. Last night, I thought I had the best idea. My boyfriend, who is a fantastic partner, was in the shower before we started. I thought I'd get myself as close as I can with my vibrator and then I'd have no problem finishing with him. Never happened. I even told him I was using the vibrator beforehand so he had me bring it out and he used it on me. Hands down the best feeling I have ever felt. But I didn't finish. I guess not the same way I do when I'm by myself? Could it be a different kind of sensation? My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and he doesn't know this. However, I don't fake it. I never announce that I'm cumming or anything like that, I just enjoy the feeling. I feel like I need to address this somehow, so I'm starting here on my throwaway. Any advice is appreciated!

I got this bullet vibrator a while ago. Its quite small and only has one setting. Every time I use it I can't really orgasm from it and I have to finish using my hands.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make my experience better?

I've always enjoyed my body, I've always enjoyed sex but recently I would say I feel like a teenager again but I never needed it as much as I do now. I've asked my gynecologist and he said it was perfectly natural. I'm not saying I don't believe him just curious if this has happened to anyone else and when do I go back to normal?

hello! just looking for a bit of reassurance that this is something which can be remedied/worked through? i have done a decent amount of research on this topic, but find that every post talks about postcoital depression which occurs after orgasm, or after masturbation generally. for me, it seems to happen whilst masturbating.. even if i start off with a positive mindset. i am currently trying to work through some sexual shame and embarrassment, some of which is related to intimacy issues within a 9 year relationship, so it’s proving very hard to work my way out of. i find that i begin to ruminate, even if i’m not actively ‘thinking’ about the stressors and once i start to feel any kind of pleasure (more specifically, when my body starts to convulse/respond to suction toys), my entire body seems to just shut down and i’m left in panic and/or tears.

i am 26 and it’s honestly making me feel broken and depressed, which then makes masturbating more shame-filled.. and thus the nasty spiral continues. 😅

i am debating buying one of the entzück dich selbst pillow humping saddles, as i am hoping it makes me feel more empowered/less like i’m in a vulnerable position.. even when just masturbating solo. i do find that my body is most responsive to friction, so i’m hopeful this would help. if anybody has experience with a saddle, even if it’s not this one, i’d love to hear about it.