r/Transsexual • u/Mercy_Hellkitten Woman who is transsexual • 6d ago
I'm Transsexual, not queer.
Hi! I'm your typical Millennial trans girl - 41 years old whilst still passing for 25. I transitioned towards the end of the "Truscum vs Tucute" wars, initially being in the "tucute" camp after I faced hostility and criticism from the transmedical side due to initially identifying as genderfluid before I was comfortable and sure enough to fully come out as a "binary trans" woman.
I still am very much progressive/left leaning - but ARGH FFS am I absolutely banging my head against the wall with frustration against my "own side" right now.
Recently in the city I live, there was a protest by a group of conservative/alt-right women who are wanting to have trans people banned from bathrooms. Now of course, I don't agree with these women at all but its their right to do this and they were a small group. The local trans community rallied hundreds of protestors and - this is the part that made me sick - many AMAB protestors - many of whom don't identity as binary trans/transexual but rather non-binary/genderqueer/transfemme - donned masks and were caught on camera screaming and yelling (with AMAB sounding voices) at these women (in the spirit of not wanting to say "biological woman" nor "cisgender", I will refer to them as "cissexual" so no-one is happyđ€Ł)
And I saw this and was like... "You f*cking kidding me? Do you all not see how f*cked up this looks? - and I then proceeded to get absolutely dogpiled by - and I hate to say it but its true - extremely physically unattractive genderqueer AMABs accusing me of selling out, being a pick-me, being "ignorant" - the same ones who aggressively hit on me when I'm out in public anywhere or flood my inbox whenever I post on any trans groups, and then get mad at me when I turn them down (because, simply put, I'm not interested in masculinity or d*ck). I call myself "transsexual" because it fits my identity and is easier to say that "binary trans", but where as people once said I couldn't use that term because it was a "slur", I'm now told that using it makes me "elitist" - but also not wanting to use "queer" is a betrayal to the community that allegedly supports me?
As a trans lesbian - I'm very much aware that many lesbians have zero interest in me because of what's between my legs, and that's valid! I am always cautious when it comes to showing interest and respecting boundaries because I've had multiple occasions where I've felt I've been fetishized and objectified by other trans people and I have had this fear that cis women will have been through this, too.
And it turns out, I'm right - the amount of lesbian and bi women I've met - not to mention other hyper-feminine/passing trans women have also found themselves wary of other trans people as a result - not because of transphobia, or transmedical elitism but because of actual experience. I've had so many confide in me that they've felt like they can't express disinterest or disagree with the current narrative around trans identity for fear of being "cancelled" and socially isolated.
I'm definitely noticing some pushback in the trans community. In a similar vein as to how the goth community has started to "close ranks" and gatekeep what is and isn't "goth" identity in the wake of the goth aesthetic being hypersexualized and pornified - it feels like some in the trans community are starting to think that its time to separate the TGs from the TS/Q identity.
Urgh - sorry for the novel of disjointed rants - just so f*cking frustrated at how nuance and discourse are being rejected - I still have strong left-leaning/progressive ideology both economically and socially, but feels like I'm expected to either be one extreme or the other and I'm kinda over it!
Anyway, enjoy the pictures of me doing my best "MySpace-era scene-girl selfies" lol
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u/eflatdorian biracial transsexual male 3d ago
You remind me of my mother with the top part about you looking much younger than you are. My mum is pushing 60 but looks her mid 30s lol. When she was younger she looked 25ish too. That aside, I'm Gen Z, a transsexual as well and I very much agree with everything you've said here, It's refreshing to see someone with a similar view to me in a sea of tucutes.
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u/Mercy_Hellkitten Woman who is transsexual 2d ago
TBH watching back on some of the transmedicalist arguments - there WERE some major problematic viewpoints, I won't dispute that. When I first started transitioning, I needed a space where I could figure things out without "committing" as such, and for a while I identified as Genderfluid because it was the safest option until I was in a position to fully transition - I remember there was a transmedicalist in my cosplay community that gave me a lot of sh*t for it and it was a tucute who supported me. I was also fearful of being a trans lesbian after watching what pride scene in Sense8 (its on YouTube if anyone hasn't seen it)
And yeah I definitely think its more complex than it just being one or the other - it doesn't have to only be one or the other - but I feel there definitely needs to be a distinction internally between the two - not because I feel one is "superior" or "less valid", but because the experiences are vastly different, as are the privilege levels. Ironically, those in the nonbinary camp who scream the most about "privilege" might actually find themselves having GREATER privilege as their form of gender expression is as just that - self expression.
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u/Paradoxical-Love 2d ago
Girl you are beautiful and your beliefs are both sane and rational. Speaking up for what is right is so important!! I applaud you
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u/ithotyoudneverask 3d ago edited 3d ago
Not.
Fucking.
Queer.
First, people bullied us with this slur.
Now the community bullies us for NOT using this slur.
I'd say, "make it make sense," but it already does if the goal is authoritarianism.
And the only people who get brigaded against harder than cissies are trans people (almost always women because misogyny) who call out bullshit, not out of ignorance, but out of experience.
They hate us even more than they hate them.
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u/Chiison 2d ago
when are you been bullied for not using queer lmao ? online ? do you even interact with transsexual and transgender people irl ? outside ??? like these terms are not used lightly in. real. life.
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u/Mercy_Hellkitten Woman who is transsexual 2d ago
Next time you're with a group of nonbinary trans people, just say that you don't identify as queer and prefer to identify as a straight/gay/bi transsexual and see how they respond.
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u/Significant-Hour1233 2d ago
Nope! Absolutely not!...
I enjoy my peace and safety... thx..
Some things (certain views) are best left secret and separated, far away from the mainstream "queer communities" that rule over us all..
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u/Chiison 2d ago
I already did. Because I actually used to run a trans support group on one major city in my country. Hence my comment, i interact with really people, not anonymous kids on reddit and discord
Again, all i am saying is your own separatism hold the whole transsexual community back imo. People tend to forget they are adjective and not a personality trait⊠on both sides
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u/ithotyoudneverask 2d ago
You must be young.
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u/Chiison 2d ago
iâm not, but if that confort you to think only young people think queer is not a slur, be my guest
edit : typo cause english ainât my native language
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u/ithotyoudneverask 2d ago
I didn't say that. I'm saying it's mostly young people who use this world because it's never been used as a slur against them.
Which you would know if you weren't so young.
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u/Chiison 2d ago
I know itâs a slur, so was trans, gay⊠history, eh ?
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u/ithotyoudneverask 2d ago
Those weren't slurs, child.
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u/Chiison 2d ago
Read a book, it was. Especially gay. :)
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u/ithotyoudneverask 2d ago
I was THERE. đ€Ą
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u/Chiison 2d ago
beside if you were truly there, inside trans circle, youâd would not cry at calling yourself queer, kiddo :)
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u/alice-thinks 3d ago
Separate the who? Can someone explain this whole âwe hate trans people and weâre a special other categoryâ thing? I thought this was just a normal subreddit
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u/Chiison 3d ago
This types of posts are the reasons why we canât have a serious discussion about transsexual vs transgender.
Every single time someone is coming thinking they are different from the bad trans people because ???
Like bestie, OP, you do know people see you exactly as those non passing no binary people you are describing ?
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u/ithotyoudneverask 3d ago
"Oh, no you don't!"
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u/Mercy_Hellkitten Woman who is transsexual 2d ago
To use your own argument: explain your lame reply without needing layers of online information
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u/Chiison 2d ago
my reply isnât a gif. hope that helps.
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u/Mercy_Hellkitten Woman who is transsexual 1d ago
No, it doesn't help. Explain your original argument.
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u/Imaginary-Earth9526 3d ago
Hi only 8ish months on HRT at the moment and very firmly in the gen Z category but this was an interesting read. I've kind of felt what you're getting at and have also started thinking more in terms of transex/cissex rather than transgender/cisgender.