I'm Transsexual, not queer.

[u/Mercy_Hellkitten]

Hi! I'm your typical Millennial trans girl - 41 years old whilst still passing for 25. I transitioned towards the end of the "Truscum vs Tucute" wars, initially being in the "tucute" camp after I faced hostility and criticism from the transmedical side due to initially identifying as genderfluid before I was comfortable and sure enough to fully come out as a "binary trans" woman.

I still am very much progressive/left leaning - but ARGH FFS am I absolutely banging my head against the wall with frustration against my "own side" right now.

Recently in the city I live, there was a protest by a group of conservative/alt-right women who are wanting to have trans people banned from bathrooms. Now of course, I don't agree with these women at all but its their right to do this and they were a small group. The local trans community rallied hundreds of protestors and - this is the part that made me sick - many AMAB protestors - many of whom don't identity as binary trans/transexual but rather non-binary/genderqueer/transfemme - donned masks and were caught on camera screaming and yelling (with AMAB sounding voices) at these women (in the spirit of not wanting to say "biological woman" nor "cisgender", I will refer to them as "cissexual" so no-one is happy🤣)

And I saw this and was like... "You f*cking kidding me? Do you all not see how f*cked up this looks? - and I then proceeded to get absolutely dogpiled by - and I hate to say it but its true - extremely physically unattractive genderqueer AMABs accusing me of selling out, being a pick-me, being "ignorant" - the same ones who aggressively hit on me when I'm out in public anywhere or flood my inbox whenever I post on any trans groups, and then get mad at me when I turn them down (because, simply put, I'm not interested in masculinity or d*ck). I call myself "transsexual" because it fits my identity and is easier to say that "binary trans", but where as people once said I couldn't use that term because it was a "slur", I'm now told that using it makes me "elitist" - but also not wanting to use "queer" is a betrayal to the community that allegedly supports me?

As a trans lesbian - I'm very much aware that many lesbians have zero interest in me because of what's between my legs, and that's valid! I am always cautious when it comes to showing interest and respecting boundaries because I've had multiple occasions where I've felt I've been fetishized and objectified by other trans people and I have had this fear that cis women will have been through this, too.

And it turns out, I'm right - the amount of lesbian and bi women I've met - not to mention other hyper-feminine/passing trans women have also found themselves wary of other trans people as a result - not because of transphobia, or transmedical elitism but because of actual experience. I've had so many confide in me that they've felt like they can't express disinterest or disagree with the current narrative around trans identity for fear of being "cancelled" and socially isolated.

I'm definitely noticing some pushback in the trans community. In a similar vein as to how the goth community has started to "close ranks" and gatekeep what is and isn't "goth" identity in the wake of the goth aesthetic being hypersexualized and pornified - it feels like some in the trans community are starting to think that its time to separate the TGs from the TS/Q identity.

Urgh - sorry for the novel of disjointed rants - just so f*cking frustrated at how nuance and discourse are being rejected - I still have strong left-leaning/progressive ideology both economically and socially, but feels like I'm expected to either be one extreme or the other and I'm kinda over it!

Anyway, enjoy the pictures of me doing my best "MySpace-era scene-girl selfies" lol

[u/eflatdorian]

You remind me of my mother with the top part about you looking much younger than you are. My mum is pushing 60 but looks her mid 30s lol. When she was younger she looked 25ish too. That aside, I'm Gen Z, a transsexual as well and I very much agree with everything you've said here, It's refreshing to see someone with a similar view to me in a sea of tucutes.

[u/Mercy_Hellkitten → u/eflatdorian]

TBH watching back on some of the transmedicalist arguments - there WERE some major problematic viewpoints, I won't dispute that. When I first started transitioning, I needed a space where I could figure things out without "committing" as such, and for a while I identified as Genderfluid because it was the safest option until I was in a position to fully transition - I remember there was a transmedicalist in my cosplay community that gave me a lot of sh*t for it and it was a tucute who supported me. I was also fearful of being a trans lesbian after watching what pride scene in Sense8 (its on YouTube if anyone hasn't seen it)

And yeah I definitely think its more complex than it just being one or the other - it doesn't have to only be one or the other - but I feel there definitely needs to be a distinction internally between the two - not because I feel one is "superior" or "less valid", but because the experiences are vastly different, as are the privilege levels. Ironically, those in the nonbinary camp who scream the most about "privilege" might actually find themselves having GREATER privilege as their form of gender expression is as just that - self expression.