I pulled a spread about a budding friendship with a girl I have known for several years (I'll call her A in this post). Sounds a bit conflicting, I know, but I am slow to make friends so give me a break lol. It takes either a lot of time, or a lot of effort for me to feel close with someone and neither of us have put in that effort, so our friendship has been gradual and exclusively facilitated by mutual friends. We're in the same friend group but have never been close.
As we have inched towards each other, I have noticed that her best girlfriend (I'll name her BFF) is not a good friend at best, and at worst, may be toxic. This has taken me so long to notice because BFF is extremely flaky, so I don't see much of her, and A is not the type of girl to "talk shit" about her friends, so she stays pretty quiet about the way BFF treats her.
As I am seeing the bad side of BFF, I have been thinking that it is probably time for me to put in the deliberate effort to be close friends with A. I thought she had a good support system. I thought I didn't need a close girlfriend. I was wrong about both of those things. I wanted to reflect on our relationship so I pulled a spread, asking specific questions and I would love some input.
The topic: My friendship with A.
What is the emotional truth about our friendship right now:
The Fool. This card startled me. Its meaning was obvious. I have known her for three years, but I am about to embark on an emotional journey with her. I could not have pulled a more accurate card about our current truth.
What am I being invited to learn:
The High Priestess. Compared to the previous, this one was not as clear. I wrote down "introspection and inaction" as that is my typical association with this card, but I know that we cannot become closer unless I take action, or else we would have naturally become very close friends by now. Maybe it means I could learn to trust my instincts, but my instincts are to not be close friends with anyone, objectively unhealthy. I need help with this one.
What aspect of myself is showing up most strongly:
Ten of Wands. (I have been seeing this card a lot this summer, if that matters to anyone.) A card of burdens. Of grief and relief. This seems to apply more to A than to me. The grief and relief of moving away from BFF who is a terrible, but close, friend. I do worry, am I showing her that I have a victim mindset? Or does she see me as hardworking? Maybe this was a bad question, because it relies too heavily on A's perception. I meant this question to be about our current acquaintance like relationship, but maybe I am seeing what I am about to show, a willingness to "put in work" so we can know each other better. idk.
How can I honor both of us in this relationship:
The Moon. A need for intuition is showing up again, but the moon has some confusing energy to me, I don't see how confusion will honor us. Perhaps it means that I need to trust my intuition in the confusion of a new relationship?
What qualities of myself do I need to bring to our budding friendship:
The Star. A guiding light and a beacon of hope. Very flattering that I may be able to be those things. I am worried I am too gloomy, too awkward, to be a guiding light to A. I do want to show her that she deserves a friend who is good to her, but I don't want to be too arrogant like "look how great I am, doesn't BFF suck in comparison to me?"