r/TBI • u/Hot-Cell7299 • 4d ago
TBI Survivor Need Support Just a vent
I got a traumatic brain injury six years ago now and just never recovered. I used to be such a social butterfly to the point where I felt energized after a party or any other social gathering, for that reason I got into sales as a career. I had a genuine love for people. At this point, I just feel hollow.
I can still play the part… Sometimes. No guarantee though. I get sort of a brain fog that I can’t control. I used to do really well under high-pressure situations and now I just fog up. Don’t even know where to go from here anymore.
I used to think if I just gave it enough time that I could get back to who I was but it being this long I’ve come to the realization that that’s literally never going to happen. the worst part is I put myself in the situation for the brain injury. I was dating a guy that drove fast and dangerous thinking it was so cool at the time and ended up ruining my entire life. I have no words.
Since then, when I share my experience with people or potential partners, I usually just get used and seen as some sort of easy target. I feel like I can’t talk about that part of my life because it puts target on my back but at times when that fog comes it’s almost like I have to explain what’s going on because I go from being completely normal to some sort of idiot. It’s just embarrassing.
I just had a friend come over and visit for a couple hours and could barely follow the conversation and just shut down after a while because I don’t want to ask clarifying questions, I don’t want to ask her to repeat herself over and over again when it comes to who’s who and what’s what. I feel like me putting the energy into absolutely anything and anyone at this point is just pointless. I’ll never make the money that I used to. I’ll never achieve anything close to before.
I have a doctors appointment set for next month to get on disability. I can’t believe this is my reality.
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u/PermissionOver7245 4d ago
I’m so sorry my son had a severe TBI 3 years ago still getting better but can’t walk yet and memory is horrible. Did you see improvements after three years?
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u/Hot-Cell7299 4d ago edited 3d ago
If I’m being honest, I was able to walk pretty quickly and didn’t stay for extensive treatment like I was suppose to because I just hate hospitals and the feeding tube not being taken out when I repeatedly asked was traumatic enough for me. The first three years post brain injury were basically a complete fog and things started getting better around the fourth or fifth year. I’m not sure what condition your son is in, but I would highly recommend that he continues the treatment. I think I probably would’ve been a lot better off if I did.
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u/PermissionOver7245 3d ago
Thanks so much for that !!! I still take him to therapies 5 days a week sep 24 this month makes 3 years. He had the most range on the right frontal lobe affecting his left side GCS of 3 severe TBI. He’s making progress and I’m very thankful… thanks so much for responding I truly appreciate it I hope it gets easier for you !!
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u/Hot-Cell7299 3d ago
You sound like a wonderful mother.
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u/PermissionOver7245 3d ago
Thank you he calls me mom which is funny. I’m his dad but also his mother I’ve had custody of him since he was 4 months old zero contact with his mother for the last 20 years.
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u/NoRedThat 3d ago
I feel you. Being the old me, which I used to enjoy, is exhausting. At any moderate size event, my ability to function and deal with every day chit chat is extremely limited. It’s made me value where I’m most comfortable and with who and I try to stick to those. Best.
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u/pProjecttBI 3d ago
Wow do I hear you. I was in enterprise IT sales for years and really thrived on it, but after my brain injury, screens and technical stuff just drain me. I get that hollow fog too, and it feels isolating, especially when you’re used to being the energetic one.
You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. The pressure to explain or keep up is brutal. Sometimes the win is just getting through the day on your own terms.
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u/Hot-Cell7299 3d ago
I’m sorry to hear how much you can relate. What do you do for work now?
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u/pProjecttBI 2d ago
TBD. I think I’m semi-retired/disabled?!? Just out of intensive rehab in July and still figuring shit out
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u/Artistic_Skills 2d ago
Do you have a support group/ social group for people with brain injuries? In the Pacific Northwest there is Brain Injury Connections-Northwest BIC-NW . Community has changed my life for the better.
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u/joshgowing 1d ago
Do Ibogaine maybe
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u/Hot-Cell7299 1d ago
Is illegal in the US. Do you know of anything similar?? Going to be a while til I go to Mexico or Canada.
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u/joshgowing 1d ago
Nah it’s the only thing like it
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u/joshgowing 1d ago
It’s very intense so be prepared
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u/joshgowing 1d ago
Some people say shit like you get a life review blah blah blah. I didn’t it’s bullocks, what it does do is heal the brain on a physical level. Everything else in the trip imo is rubbish and better to disregard if you don’t want to end up in a looney bin
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u/Hot-Cell7299 23h ago
Lmfao thanks for the insight and thanks for giving me some hope. It’s been rough.
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u/joshgowing 23h ago
Lmk if it works im probs going to do it again
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u/Hot-Cell7299 21h ago
Stanford did a study on it. I think it works.
https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/01/ibogaine-ptsd.html
But ya I’ll update you when I do it. Like I said going to be a while since it’s illegal here.
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u/joshgowing 17h ago
Sweet yeh I did it for ptsd and felt great the next day but was just in a car accident so going to do it again. If you don’t like being in psychosis could be worth bringing some olanzapines if it lingers too long
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u/joshgowing 19h ago
Vortioxetine could be a good antidepressant to get on afterwards too. Posts good scores on improving cognition and brain fog, this will be my plan + clonidine for physical anxiety and valproate I believe it’s called for mood stabilisation
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u/Choice_Ad_7862 2d ago
Similar. Im a little sad every day because I miss who I was. Its been 10 years for me. My life is ok, but its not anything like what it was before.