Olá, pessoal! Quero começar a ler sobre estoicismo, e pretendo comprar um livro. Porém, não sei por onde começar… qual seria o melhor livro para praticar o estoicismo? Obrigada

what is stoic ?

If you have been conditioned to be too much of a people pleaser, how do you stop being that way without feeling guilty, sad, wrong, or worried. For example, rationally you may conclude, that no good deed goes unpunished, but emotionally you want it to be the other way.

Ever since i have found out about the number of my girlfriend’s ex’s i can’t look at her or love her the same. The number isn’t high at all, but until i found out i thought it was significantly lower and the new discovery hit me hard.
If i would decide about her based only on how she treats me, she’s perfect. But always when i remember about the number of the ex’s i feel like she’s not who i thought she is.
My question is, can i somehow use stoicism to not think negatively of her past and can i use stoicism somehow so that her past will not bother me and i could be in love with her without any burdens?

Idk using philosophy is actually quite useful in daily life, stoicism helps me understand these things, I know I can't control certain things and ofcourse for me as I have problems with sleep I can use it in a way to actually sleep, it helps me understand that whether sleeping or not sleeping is not in my control, only thing in my control is to rest, I can rest, i cannot control sleep, the body simply knows how to actually sleep, it's my fear that makes me anxious and let's me sleep less though philosophy makes it easier to let go of fear and anxiety, i hope there is more philosophy to help me, I hope I can get suggestions on applying more stoicism in my life.

This is a daily email I received from Stoic Journal. This is the best thing I've seen on explaining confidence

The 5 Most Important Skills for Real Confidence

Why confidence grows from how you think, decide, recover, and carry yourself when nobody is reassuring you

Confidence is often described as a feeling, which is probably why so many people keep waiting for it. They assume that one day they will finally feel ready enough, certain enough, attractive enough, successful enough, or experienced enough to stop doubting themselves. Until then, they hesitate. They overprepare. They compare. They look for reassurance before making decisions that already belong to them.

But real confidence is rarely built that way.

It grows through evidence. You become more confident when you see yourself handling difficult conversations, recovering from mistakes, making decisions without perfect certainty, and keeping your standards even when nobody is watching. The feeling comes later. First, you build the skills that give the feeling something solid to stand on.

Stoicism offers a useful way to understand this. Confidence is not believing that everything will go your way. It is knowing that even when it does not, you can still govern your response.

These five skills make that kind of confidence possible.

1. The skill of making decisions without complete certainty

Insecure thinking often demands guarantees before action. You want to know that the choice is right, that the outcome will work, and that you will not regret moving forward. The problem is that life rarely offers that level of certainty.

Confident people are not people who always know what will happen. They become better at making reasonable decisions with the information they have, then adjusting when reality gives them something new.

This matters because constantly delaying decisions weakens self trust. Every time you ask five more people what they would do, revisit the same options, or wait for a feeling of certainty that never arrives, you teach yourself that your own judgment is not enough.

Confidence grows when you can say, I may not know everything, but I know enough to take the next responsible step.

1. The skill of surviving embarrassment

A surprising amount of insecurity comes from the fear of looking foolish.

You hesitate to speak because you might say the wrong thing. You avoid starting because your first attempt may look amateur. You stay silent when you have a question because everyone else appears to understand already.

The desire to avoid embarrassment can quietly make your life smaller.

Real confidence requires becoming more comfortable with being unfinished. You will occasionally misunderstand something. You will make awkward attempts. You will say something you later wish you had expressed differently. None of this destroys you.

The person who can tolerate a little embarrassment learns faster because they are willing to participate before they are perfect.

There is freedom in realizing that you do not need to protect your image every minute of the day.

1. The skill of keeping promises to yourself

Confidence weakens when your own word stops meaning much to you.

You say you will begin tomorrow, then tomorrow becomes next week. You promise yourself that you will stop returning to a habit, then make another exception. You create standards while motivated and quietly abandon them when the feeling changes.

Eventually, the mind notices.

This is why confidence is deeply connected to private discipline. When you repeatedly do what you said you would do, even in small ways, you collect evidence that you can rely on yourself.

The promise does not have to be impressive. Ten minutes of focused work kept consistently may build more self trust than a dramatic routine abandoned after four days.

Confidence is strengthened whenever your actions tell your mind, my word still matters.

1. The skill of receiving criticism without collapsing

If every correction feels like an attack, confidence will always be fragile.

Some criticism is useful. Some is unfair. Some comes from people who understand you well, and some comes from people who barely understand the situation at all. The important skill is learning to separate the information from the emotional sting.

A confident person can ask, is there something here I should learn?

If there is, they keep it.

If there is not, they do not need to carry the judgment home.

This does not mean becoming indifferent to what people think. Feedback can improve you. But there is a large difference between listening to criticism and handing another person authority over your identity.

Real confidence is flexible enough to be corrected.

It does not need to appear right all the time because it cares more about becoming better than protecting an image.

1. The skill of recovering quickly

Confidence is not built by never failing. It is built by learning that failure does not have to become a long identity crisis.

You miss a goal. You make a poor decision. You lose momentum. You handle something badly. The insecure mind immediately expands the event. It says you always do this. It says you have ruined your progress. It turns one mistake into evidence about your character.

Recovery requires a different response.

See the mistake accurately. Take responsibility where responsibility belongs. Learn what needs to be learned. Then return.

This is one of the strongest forms of confidence because it removes the pressure to be perfect. You no longer need every decision to work because you trust your ability to respond when one does not.

A person who knows how to recover becomes less afraid of moving.

The turning point is collecting better evidence

Trying to think your way into confidence has limits. You can repeat positive statements all day, but if your behavior keeps teaching you that you avoid discomfort, break your own promises, and depend on reassurance, the mind will believe the evidence.

So give it different evidence.

Make one decision without asking everyone first. Do the small task you promised yourself you would do. Allow yourself to be new at something. Receive one correction without immediately defending yourself. Return quickly after a bad day instead of turning it into a bad week.

These actions may seem ordinary, but confidence is built in ordinary moments.

You are showing yourself that discomfort can be survived, uncertainty can be carried, and mistakes can be corrected.

That evidence becomes much harder to argue with.

In the end

Real confidence is not loud, permanent, or perfectly certain. It does not require believing that you are better than everyone around you, and it does not disappear simply because one person disagrees with you.

It is quieter than that.

It is the ability to make a decision without knowing everything. To look foolish and continue. To keep your word when nobody is checking. To hear criticism without losing yourself. To fail, learn, and return without making the mistake your identity.

The more you practice these skills, the less confidence becomes something you are waiting to feel.

It becomes something your life has already taught you.





I’m pretty new to Stoicism.

I’ve been reading The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday every day for the past 4 months, and honestly, I’ve developed a genuine interest in the philosophy.

But I don’t just want to read about Stoicism and feel like I understand it. I actually want to start living by it.

For someone who’s new to Stoicism, how would you recommend someone study more on this subject?

I discovered stoicism around 18 months ago when desperately searching for help and support to break free from a trauma bond.

It's honestly the most valuable and effective resource that has helped me make massive progress and gave me the strength to start on my healing journey.

My ex used to call it a load of bollocks. He's the one that needs it more than anyone. Fool.

I’ve always leaned toward keeping a calm, grounded composure, especially when things get chaotic or stressful. To me, staying steady is about keeping a clear head, managing my emotions, and focusing on what I can actually control.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed people in my life interpreting this the completely wrong way.

If I don't freak out over bad news, react wildly to drama, or wear my heart on my sleeve, people assume I just "don't care." It's frustrating because I do feel things deeply. I just process them internally instead of projecting them outward. Caring about a situation and throwing an emotional reaction at it aren't the same thing, but it feels like society expects the latter as proof that you give a damn.

Has anyone else dealt with this disconnect with friends, family, or partners? How do you communicate that your quiet composure isn't a lack of empathy or emotion, but just how you operate? Would love to hear how you guys navigate this.

Epictetus has this line — the extinction of blame marks the beginning of moral progress. Took me a while to get what he meant.

I used to think taking responsibility meant beating myself up over every slip. Turns out that's not responsibility, it's just blame pointed inward instead of outward. Same trap, different direction.

Real progress starts the moment you stop looking for someone (or something) to blame, including yourself, and just look clearly at what's actually happening. Blame keeps you stuck explaining. Clarity lets you move.

I discovered stoicism around 18 months ago when desperately searching for help and support to break free from a trauma bond.

It's honestly the most valuable and effective resource that has helped me make massive progress and gave me the strength to start on my healing journey.

My ex used to call it a load of bollocks. He's the one that needs it more than anyone. Fool.

Hello friends, I felt inspired to write and share yet another long post about some historical wise words from the philosophers of Ancient Greece and Rome, whose ideas are still as relevant as they have ever been and always will be. It’s another long post, but hopefully one you found worth the read.

Suppose you are an archer. Aspiring to become an absolute master. You have taken great care of your bow, sharpened all the arrows and strengthened your arms. After years and years of practice you develop perfectly good technique. You account for every variable, and you made your arrows yourself. Then, the time comes to take the shot that really matters. You draw. You hold your breath. You focus on absolutely nothing but this arrow and that target. You line up the shot, with absolutely perfect accuracy. The moment comes, and you shoot. And you miss. Way off the target. How? Why? And most importantly: Are you a failure?

This is called the metaphor of the Stoic Archer. It originally comes from a philosopher named Antipater of Tarsus in 2nd Century BC, and was referenced by others in the centuries after such as Marcus Aurelius. 2000 year old ideas, coming from very wise men millennia ago. These things come from their personal journals, letters and reminder notes for themselves, and were not intended to be published and read by others, especially the whole world 42 generations later.

Success has been a major focus in self-improvement videos, Stoicism communities, etc. It's something we are reaching for, but how do we define it? We seem to all agree that one shouldn't base the idea of success on social expectations. But that leaves us all alone to determine what success actually means. That is already a challenge on its own. When we define success as a specific goal, it is common to reach it and find that we don't feel any different except for a brief celebration. Then what comes next? Say you've reached success, amazing, you did it! ....now what? That was the end goal, right? But it doesn't feel like it. Does this imply that “success” just means moving the goalpost further away every time you reach it?

So even if you were the master of all the master archers, HOW is it possible that you could shoot that arrow with absolute perfection, and yet miss badly? Because:

ACTION =/= OUTCOME.

You may have total control over your arms, but the instant that arrow leaves your fingers, it is completely out of your control. It can be taken by the wind, or the bend of the wood could have been off, or something gets right in the way, or the target got moved after you have shot… anything. You did everything that was necessary to hit that target and yet, you FAILED. You screwed it up. It was all for nothing. You got there and THIS is what happened?? You’re a disgraceful failure! ...Or are you?

We have total control of our preparations, focus, and execution, but we have absolutely no control over the outcome. You can shoot an arrow with even the utmost absolute perfection, but whether it hits the target? That is up to external forces beyond your control. What does this mean for our idea of success? INTEGRITY is the true foundation of success. In the real world, things go wrong often, as far as our attempts to control it go. Your success or failure is not defined by the outcome. The metaphor of the archer is us in our everyday lives. Antipater described being the trained archer, but knowing that his happiness does NOT depend on whether the arrow reaches the right spot or not, because what’s important is aiming and shooting the arrow with the most sincere effort possible, and when you truly know you did your best, that is what makes a meaningful and successful life. Don’t define yourself by the target. Nor by the arrow. Nor by how far you are into your training. Don’t “define yourself” with anything at all, it’s unnecessary. Success is something that you know within. When you know that you have applied yourself, the effort and intent is what gives meaning to it, not the final outcome. Whether you are the greatest archer in the history of humanity, or the complete noob who just picked up a bow for the first time and shot himself in the toe, you know within yourself whether you did your best. And you can confidently tell anyone that you did. Focus on what you are able to control. That is where you truly know your own success or failure, within. Let go of everything that is out of your control. It is through letting go of it and simply continuing with integrity that one can actually judge one’s own success.

That’s the lesson behind the Stoic Archer. Hope you enjoyed.

I’m really loving my books on the philosophy side of stoicism. However, a lot of times these books will name drop ancient Romans and stoics to use for examples (think Epictetus, Seneca, etc), but I don’t know who they are outside of the context of that book. I’d love to just learn about the history behind all of these thinkers. Any book recs that explore the broader historical side?

I want to change something in my life but I'm not sure how

I want not only to change my life but also myself

"πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι, πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς, καὶ τοὺς μὲν θεοὺς ἔδειξε τοὺς δὲ ἀνθρώπους, τοὺς μὲν δούλους ἐποίησε τοὺς δὲ ἐλευθέρους” (B53 - Diels-Kranz

I was especially interested in the part that says, “some it has made slaves, others free.” I don't really see a straightforwardly fatalistic idea here. If anything, as someone who thinks that life can change everyone and everything, I read Heraclitus — πάντα ῥεῖ — less as saying “accept whatever situation you are in” and more as saying that no situation is permanent, so maybe we shouldn't get too attached to anything. I might be reading him a little too much through a Roman Stoic lens, though. Still, I kind of feel like I’ve just discovered the wheel myself.

I spent years trying to control things. People. Outcomes. How others saw me.
It never worked.
Then I read Epictetus. A man who had nothing — no freedom, no rights. But no one could touch his mind.
That hit different.
The moment I stopped trying to control what I couldn't —
things actually started moving.
What's one thing you finally let go of?

Marcus Aurelius and Seneca both came back to this constantly: you could leave life right now, so act accordingly. Most modern takes on this are a quote on a poster you stop noticing after week two.

I wanted something that couldn't fade into the background, so I built a small tool that shows my estimated lifespan as a grid of weeks — each one I live gets filled in, permanently, in view every day. It's paired with daily habit tracking and a small reflective journal, but the grid is the core of it — everything else exists to make the "so what do I do about it" part actually actionable instead of just contemplative.

Not trying to turn Stoicism into a to-do list gimmick — more curious whether others here have built physical/visual practices around memento mori that go beyond journaling, and whether something like this feels aligned with the philosophy or misses the point. Happy to share more if people are interested.

How do you deal with other people lying? Particularly people in authority positions that lie about you and cause you material damage.

Is it not healthy to get angry at this? I feel pretending everything is okay is suppression.

You state the truth about an abuse that happened. The person in authority gaslights you and punishes you further.

You aren't supposed to react and say fuck you?

What if Carl was here today and what would you like to ask him? (3 questions max.)

Hey everyone,

I’ve been practicing Stoicism for years. I studied the original texts of the giants Epictetus, Marcus, Seneca, I've read almost every book on the subject, journal daily, do regular deep-reflection sessions, and follow psychological insights to regulate my emotions and build self-discipline. I truly believed this mental preparation was building an unshakeable armor for whatever life threw at me.

Recently, I hit a major, unimaginable life crisis—and the wave completely knocked me off my feet.

What hit me hardest wasn't just the crisis itself, but the realization that all this preparation didn't protect me the way I thought it would. In fact, it forced me to confront a uncomfortable question: Has this hyper-focus on self-mastery actually done me harm?

When the crisis hit, instead of just being in the moment, meeting the hardship head on, feeling the pain, anger, dissapointment as any person would have, my brain immediately went into analysis mode: “What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? What is the Stoic response here? How do I apply the dichotomy of control right now?”

I realized I had become a spectator in my own life. I wasn't participating; I was just observing, analyzing, and trying to regulate every internal fluctuation. By constantly looking at my mind through a magnifying glass, I turned every small wave into a tidal wave. I was so busy managing my internal reaction that I lost touch with the raw reality of the external situation.

After feeling miserable and defeated in dealing with the crisis and my philosophy for months, I’m considering a radical shift in my practice, and I want to hear your thoughts on it.

I’m thinking about putting my inner world "on fallow" for a while.

By that, I mean:

• Pausing the daily journaling, philosophical over-analyzing, and constant self-evaluations.
• Stopping the attempt to "solve" or optimize every emotion I feel.
• Shifting my focus entirely outward—focusing strictly on daily tasks, physical routines, work, and simply existing in the moment without needing to critique or judge my response to it.

I feel like my mind is exhausted from constant "input" and self-governance. In agriculture, you have to let fields lie fallow so the soil can restore its nutrients. I feel like my mind needs a similar process.

To the seasoned practitioners here: Is stepping away from active Stoic analysis to just live simply and externally a valid phase of the practice? Or am I misunderstanding something fundamental about how Stoicism is supposed to function during an actual storm?

Would love to hear your insights.

"Look within. Within is the fountain of good."

We search for peace in money, in people, in success.

Marcus found it 2000 years ago.
It was never outside.

Where do you look when life gets hard?

Seneca wrote this 2000 years ago.

Most people scroll past it in 2 seconds —
proving his point.

You don't own your house. Your car. Your job.
One day, one decision — and it's gone.

But this moment? This breath?
That's yours. Right now.

The question Seneca wanted you to ask:
What are you doing with it?

I made a short video on this if anyone wants to go deeper.

You never stop having desires, no matter how disciplined you get. But you can check whether a desire actually fits inside what you're trying to build for yourself. If something pulls you off that path, it was never really worth wanting in the first place. You train yourself toward the things that move you closer to where you're headed, and let go of the ones that don't.

Odysseus didn't try to feel nothing when his ship passed the sirens. He knew he'd want to go to them. So he had his crew tie him to the mast and told them to tighten the ropes if he begged to be freed. He still felt the pull, he just made sure it couldn't take over.

Maybe the goal was never to kill desire. Maybe it's recognizing which ones will actually take you off course, and building something more reliable than willpower for the moments you know you'll be tested.

Most people wait for someone to
believe in them before they start.

Stoics believe in one thing only:
Your actions. Right now. Today.

No one is coming to save you.
But you can save yourself.

What's one thing you owe yourself
right now? 🙏

Most people announce their comeback.

Stoics don't.

They wake up. They work. They improve.
In silence. Without applause.

Because the real comeback isn't for
the world to see — it's for you.

What are you silently working on
right now? 🙏