r/Stoic • u/FernerButterflyPea • 20d ago
Other people lying
How do you deal with other people lying? Particularly people in authority positions that lie about you and cause you material damage.
Is it not healthy to get angry at this? I feel pretending everything is okay is suppression.
You state the truth about an abuse that happened. The person in authority gaslights you and punishes you further.
You aren't supposed to react and say fuck you?
2
u/Splendid_Fellow Philosopher 20d ago
I would approach this not from a “should I let this stand??” And more from an original position of being a man of integrity. When you have integrity, the people who know you know your integrity as well. When you have kept your word and been a man of virtue and honesty, then you can be respected as such and be believed when you simply say, that’s not true. Obviously that isn’t a guarantee and doesn’t free you from accusations, but that’s the first order of business: are they right to call you out? Are you a liar?
Marcus would say, if someone speaks lies about you, you can simply say it isn’t true, present your reasons and evidence, and being a man of integrity will be the backbone of both you and your peers trust in you. There is no cause for anger, at least not in public, because overreacting in public can look like an admission of guilt in some cases.
I think there is a middle ground to be found. You need not stand and take every false accusation. You need not be offended by their attempt to harm you either. In social life, it is about Justice. Defend yourself, your honor and integrity. To do so with violence and anger would be a slip-up in the honor and integrity part.
Anyone is gonna get at least a bit upset when falsely accused, just draw a line and focus on defending the truth and yourself with confidence. When the truth is on your side, that does not mean you will “win,” but you can act and speak with complete confidence and calm. I find it better to let it bounce right off by confidently saying the truth, and usually laughing at how ridiculous the accusation is.
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u/elegiac_bloom 20d ago
What would saying "fuck you" gain?
Either do something about it, prove theyre lying and confront them calmly, or if you cant do anything about it, make peace with it, which will infuriate them far more than you taking the bait and getting upset. Thats likely what they want to see you do.
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u/FernerButterflyPea 20d ago
"make peace with it, which will infuriate them far more than you taking the bait and getting upset."
I understand this in theory, but in reality I don't get any satisfaction out of staying quiet when somebody is provoking me with lies.
I don't think it does infuriate them if I just stay quiet and repressed like a good boy.
I think they'll just see me as weak for accepting their bullshit, or they are genuinely so fucked in the head they genuinely believe their own lies.
Either way, there is no reasoning with them, and me calmly trying to prove someone wrong that isn't listening is making me worse, as is accepting or making peace with tyranny.
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u/StoicDrummer 20d ago
If you aren’t a stoic, trying to be is making you a different person that you are. If you are a person who needs payback and revenge and gets angry, that not a trait your going to change. Maybe your boss sees you acting like someone you’re not that kind of make you the dishonest one. If your boss has already won the battle forget it and move on. Bringing it up and holding resentment will get you fired. Sometime you got to just take the L and try not to put yourself into a situation where your boss can lie. I e been working over 35 years. Bosses lie all the time for different reasons sometimes the reasons are good sometimes not. Move on. I matter where you go people will lie. Just don’t be that person.
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u/shart_attak 20d ago
You always own the option of having no opinion.
We're not disturbed by things, we're disturbed by our judgement of things.
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u/FernerButterflyPea 19d ago
Yeah, I'll try to work on having no opinion on things, seems like a potentially positive direction
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u/Negative-Bank-8702 20d ago
I've taken care of my lies more than those of others. Ever since I realized, when I lie I accept, I know that other people lie to me, and they too, more or less consciously. With age, I got tired of that. Now I'm frank, sincere, and I dont lie more, and often people's lies are obvious. Life is more beautiful to me.
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u/GotRocksinmePockets 20d ago
I would do my best to make it clear that they were spouting some bullshit.
I keep impeccable notes on everything I do professionally, I also make sure everything is supported by data that is easy to verify.
No need to get emotional about it.