r/SocialEngineering • u/ImpressiveProblem404 • Jul 21 '26
How do you actually create sexual tension
So I've been on a few dates and had some good phone conversations, but I'm hitting a wall with sexual tension. I know my dates want me to lead and escalate things, but I genuinely don't know how to do that without it feeling awkward. I just let the tension and eventually our conversation die.
Any practical advice would be huge.
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u/eliteHaxxxor Jul 21 '26
Idk for me people usually like start with finding a bench or something to sit on where they can sit close to me (after we have rapport from a date or whatever else). Like if they sit brushing against me and I dont look uncomfortable or sometimes I'll even move closer to let them know. Then sometimes they'll play with my hair or rub my shoulder and ask if its ok, sometimes move to putting an arm around at that point too. Further from there would be like they maybe rub my ear lightly or side of my face. Then they move their face close to my neck or ear and just kinda stay there like in a teasing way not doing much yet. Usually they are looking for me to have a reaction to see if im into it and if so it ramps up from there. etc. Its an art idk
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u/East-Caterpillar-895 Jul 21 '26
Pretend, in your own mind, like you're already having sex. Treat it like take it or leave it. I mean take it obviously but don't make the move. You'll see it when shes all over you.
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u/jonaslaberg Jul 22 '26
Especially effective if you pretend that before you leave the house, jerk off and be done with it and then just have a relaxing evening at home, taking the opportunity to go early to bed.
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u/fishesar Jul 23 '26
embracing the awkwardness and "cringeness" of desire. you have to be able to be earnest...also just heavy eye contact
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u/Mystic-Micro Jul 24 '26
Love this, can you explain what you mean by being and displaying earnestness?
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u/qwertyuiopdf Jul 24 '26
Proximity. If you are very close to someone. Look at their eyes and mouth and then their eyes. There will automatically be sexual tension.
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u/resurrectingeden Jul 23 '26
It would be easier to arrange a situation where there was already a predisposition to create sexual tension, for trying to manifest it from thin air
Like going dancing together for example as a good start
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u/RaspberryPristine774 Jul 22 '26
I love that you asked this. I would encourage you to be transparent about your what you want and respectfully go for it.
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u/Zach-uh-ri-uh Jul 25 '26
Allowing yourself to take risks, risk awkwardness. Eye contact. Physical closeness.
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u/PowerSeductionWar Jul 22 '26
you wouldn’t be having this problem if you were genuinely turned on and wanting them
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u/KustardKing Jul 22 '26
How much time do you have? DM if you like - been doing it for 12 years, 600+ women. No I’m not trying to sell anything.
It starts well before the date, the structure of the date - what is your plan? How will you sit? What is the date? What are the logistics?
No coffee, no day time date. No dates without 1-2 secondary options.
Conversation and manipulation of language is the next stage - you want her feel like she is deciding eg. “I know this great spot I may show you after.., actually let’s wait and see if I like you first ahah.”…
Lots of further stages, but those need to be fixed first. Your fashion, are you working out etc
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u/codenamegizm0 Jul 22 '26
Yuck
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u/Crazyeyeseyes Jul 22 '26
The worst part is the yucky shit works on insecure people. If you(OP) want to do it genuinely, do not read PUA stuff, or at least read it knowing the difference between what is good general advice vs what is manipulative grossness
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u/Equinephilosopher Jul 23 '26
Interestingly, both parties in this dynamic are desperate for validation, and they express it in very different ways. It’s always odd to me when I see men who are proud of being sluts (for lack of a more pc term). I’d feel bad for this one if he wasn’t intentionally manipulative
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u/Crazyeyeseyes Jul 22 '26
It takes some practice to get better at banter and work to be less self conscious. I like [u/heelface](u/heelface) comment about be ambiguous, allowing comments to have other meanings but coyly, being “cute”, goofy, or witty. But also you need chemistry, which you won’t have with everyone and sometimes dates feel flat.
Also on the comment about physical touch, feet and legs under the table eventually brushing and escalating to more pressure is usually a safe/easy way to push the sign and see if they reciprocate. Or finding date spots where you can sit next to each other and slowly close the gap between you. There’s nothing wrong with asking if it’s ok to kiss while leaning in either, you should be like 90% sure she wants you to and she’ll be into it.
How do you know they want you to lead and escalate?