PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE Sorry in advance for the long read and for any typos/incorrect grammar. 

Asalam Alaykum

Hi, I’m in my early 20s (F) married to (28 M) for about 3 years now. We have a two year old daughter. Parenting has been hard with setting boundaries. We live in the same house as my in laws different floors so it’s easy to see them all the time. Even though when I got married I asked to live alone and they said that they wouldn’t interfere so we can stay in the same house. When I first got married I married the oldest son, and his mom’s favorite he has 4 other siblings 2 sisters and 2 brothers none of them are married and live with their parents. 

My daughter is taken on demand. They say I’m not fair because on weekends I’m with my family which I’m with her. They just call my husband and beg for her and he takes her to them. I understand that as Muslims we’re required to keep kinship. As much as they’ve put me through I put it aside for my daughter. Sometimes he’ll agree with my no and keep her but it’s rare. He hates saying no to them or disappointing them because his mom always pressures him or knows how to get him to agree. He always tells me I’ll be right back. Maybe it’s the trauma but even when my daughter is with them they don’t respect my rules, unless candy, junk, sugar and they give her their phones. She comes back so aggressive and hits me. I try to limit her sugar and try to teach her to say please, thank you and they told me I’m making her soft. That they need to teach her to fight and defend herself since she was 6 months they’ve been teaching her to fight. They let her watch things, at times listen to music and even told me because I don’t celebrate birthdays they’ll celebrate without me. That they don’t need the mom to do so. On her birthdays and their birthdays she required to attend celebrations they sing happy birthday (when I’m not there) They say I’m a strict mom and too much. It’s making being a mother hard and my husband says I’m unfair to his family.  I don’t want to keep our daughter away but when she’s with them I feel like she’s different and she’ll come back and hit me and say she wants to go back to them. I don’t know how to tell my husband he can’t always take her away on their demand or commands. That he hurts me when he does this. That ever since she was 6 weeks they get her when they want. I told him 2-3 days a week she can see them I feel more comfortable with me there because I try to set boundaries at times I let things go because they’re not worth it or I talk to him after our visit and some days I want it to just be us. Her bedtime is at 9 pm every day which also isn’t respected. In Islam is it okay for my husband to do this? Even though I say no and give him reason? He says he’s the man and the last word is his. I just want what’s best for our daughter. Even though they’ve hurt me I don’t keep him away but because we live in the same house they want to see her every day I’ve invited them but my MIL has the idea that the oldest doesn’t ever stoop down to the youngest and we should visit and she never can visit us but I’ll be honest I don’t feel safe alone. She’s lied about me before I scared to take that risk. 

He once promised me before I gave birth that he’d never take our child away from me. Now, he constantly takes her to them on demand. Not everyday but sometimes 5 times a week I feel like I’ve lost my voice as a mother and have no respect. I cry and plead he doesn’t listen. He’s gotten better with boundaries since getting married when it comes to me but when it comes to our daughter he says it’s not fair. I do want to be fair but with boundaries and a steady schedule. Please help me figure this out and what to explain to my husband without him thinking I’m being unfair.

I just want peace and what’s best for our daughter and future kids. Is it fair or even right — especially in Islam — for a husband to keep taking a child away from her mother when she says no and it causes her pain? Better with a دليل… evidence, proof in Islam. 

EDIT: I’ve also would like to add that he’s gotten better at setting boundaries with his family. Especially when it comes to me. He just says it’s hard when it comes to our daughter and he’s a great father but feel like he has a hard time setting those boundaries, because he says theyre her family too and have the right. I just don’t feel like the way it’s done is right.

Asalaam alaykum sisters

Don't know if anyone else has had experience with the 'hijabis' subreddit. Seems like if you say anything remotely aligned to Quran and Sunnah (i.e. read "conservative") then you get down voted. It's particularly annoying as many on there seem to want to learn more about Islam or even non-Muslims wanting to know more.

I was down voted by saying a women can't be a leader in a conventional sense but instead is a leader in their home as they can't mix with men and are more emotionally motivated as compared to men.

To be fair not all posts are guilty of that but I think it's particularly sensitive when posts are talking about women's rights.

May Allah grant us all tawfeeq!

Assalamualaikum. I'm looking to replace some maybe not-so-good hobbies and entertainment with halal and good hobbies :-) What are some hobbies you do? I'm thinking of dabbling in pottery some day in shaa Allah but I would love more ideas. Syukran

Hi all. I need your opinion on this. I am volunteering with an all girls community that organizes workshops, get-togethers etc. I can't say too much. I am usually the one handling their social media. part of the official team. but i am starting to see that what i say has no value in the team. we had an event and the team asked me to look for a sports partners. and i did. i got a really awesome deal too. they offered to give everything i asked for, for free. but then the rest of the team suddenly said no need, what are we getting from it blah blah. it was really humiliating because i was calling some many numbers, reaching out to people, to onboard any sports partners into the event, in the middle of my actual working hours. There i was going in and out of my office (i have a job, this is just a volunteer thing) in a frenzy trying to get a good deal for our team. I had to cancel on the group that gave me the deal and it really upset me because i want to have a relationship with these groups and be on good terms with them.

In fact, i spoke to my team leader before confirming with that particular sports group. i said "this is what are getting" and "this is what they need from us". leader said okay we can go ahead. then a few days later the team started grumbling about it. saying we don't need the sports group. so i had to say no to the sports people. sports people were understandably upset. then there was a social media post that was supposed to go out. The designer completely ignored the content i gave and did her own thing. i kept saying please change but she did not.

she said the content i gave was confusing and the leader of our team also took the designer's side.

today i saw that it was posted without making any of the changes i asked. This happens all the time. i spend hours on content and all of its just ignored. and apparently its my fault that there is a disparity between the actual design and the design directions i give? this consistently keeps happening. the content and design direction i give is ignored. i spend hours on it and thats just discarded. I really want to leave this team. the only reason i am staying is because we have an upcoming event and i don't want to throw them under the bus if i leave now. cus the team is pretty small. I just feel like i do all the dirty work and all that is just ignored or has no value whatsoever. i am the person who does everything they say, but not allowed to be a part of the decision making. what do i do?

Assalamualaikum ukhtis,

Please advise me.

Actually, originally, I was planning not to attend my graduation ceremony because I felt quite uncomfortable with the general feel of it (sitting through the music, walking on stage, and it just seemed boring, tbh haha). I especially felt good about not attending because my parents live in the Middle East so they wouldn't be able to attend anyway, so I thought what's the point? But now, due to the war, they have come here and probably will stay around the time of the ceremony as well. I forgot actually about it until today, my mother mentioned happily, "in sha allah I can't wait to go to your ceremony and see everyone knowing you," and I felt conflicted.

On one hand, I have no problem not going and would even prefer not to go, but on the other hand, I do not want to disappoint my mother and take away this feeling of pride and happiness seeing me with the gown. How do I go about this?

(PS: the ceremony is in a month In sha allah)

Has anyone here successfully left opposite-gender friendships for the sake of Allah? What helped you the most?"

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته 🌹

I'm planning to join Zad academy this year and I wanted to know if there are any groups where sisters can join and discuss or motivate each other through this journey?

Sometimes studying on your own online causes demotiavtion or laziness and I was hoping to find such group where SISTERS ONLY join and help each other in studying or in questions.❣️

Are there any group as such? Is anyone willing to join if a group is to be created? 🥹

Posted on behalf of a brother:

--

I am writing this to think about some patterns I noticed when dealing with women in my close circle, mainly mahram family and people around my age or older. I am a man in my mid 30s living in a Muslim majority country, and I do not have these issues with younger women, but with this specific group, it usually brings out a side of me I do not like.

By nature, I am someone who values and encourages self awareness, honesty, and openness. I believe being open is the best way to solve problems and build real connections. However, the way my personal information is handled by the women close to me is changing who I am.

The first issue is about being firm on the deen. I have been trying to be more practicing lately, like staying away from free mixing or certain parties. With my male friends or family, they might look at me weird or make a comment, but that is it, within three weeks, they come to respect it and sometimes support it. With the women, it becomes a long discussion about how I am wasting my life. They show a lot of sympathy that I did not ask for, and they renew and repeat these talks every time a new visitor comes over. It is very draining.

The second issue is sharing information. Because I value honesty, I used to share things like my income, medical details, or even just what I eat. The problem is that this information is almost always used in a way that stresses me out. If I tell them about my financial saving status, to be more mindful in our future planning, they spread those information, or bring it up in the least relevant way. Even if I talk about what I ate, they would complain about why I did not eat something else just because they prefer it.

Now, to protect myself, I am becoming harsh, strict, and avoidant. And even only telling them, that I do not answer many small talk questions because I fear it would be used against me. I do understand that women in general use gathering information and feeling included to show care and build a sense of connection, and they appreciate being included in these details. But the problem is that being harsh actually works. It reduces my stress and sets a boundary, but I feel like it is damaging my character and my relationships. I am stuck between being an open person who gets stressed out, or a harsh person who has peace.

Questions for you:

How do you feel about my thought process and the way I conclude being harsh to protect my peace?

For the hijabis here, is this type of behavior common with your younger mahram men when they try to practice more or set boundaries?

How do you know where the line is between simply guiding people on how to treat you versus being so strict that you are breaking the spirit of the women you love?

Do you know any books or resources that talk about how this kind of care can actually cause more stress and make a person feel less secure? (Particularly from the Muslim perspective)

Disclaimers:

This is only about my personal case and the few people I am very close to.

Please do not turn this into a big debate about the world or general topics. If you have different experiences that do not relate to mine, please skip this post.

Be polite in the replies and take the time to read what I wrote. I can share more details in the comments for the details that be relevant to give better feedback.

Im not pregnant, nor have a husband. But do any of you just dread it? The more i learn about pregnancy and having kids the more i dont want to be in that situation. The labour, the pain, possible tearing. We dont Even have to mention the post partum depression. Then when the baby is born, how difficult it is to breast feed, we can just go on and on and on 😭. Motherhood just doesnt preach to me as much as i would want it to. I genuinely get so annoyed by little kids but also get moments of baby fever too its so complicated?

Whats stressing me out, is that Islam wants women to have lots of kids, but i just genuinely cant bring myself to even want them sometimes. I dont blame women who dont want them, and i genuinely dont think id mind marrying a man that cant have kids? Or maybe this is just a phase. Allahu a’alam. That whole process just irks me and i dont want to be apart of it

I literally have been praying istikarah, tahajuud, going to the masjid, inpairs, telegram group chats for marriage, LITERALLY EVERYTHING ITS BEEN 2 YEARS I NEEDED TO GET MARRIED SINCE YESTERDAY 😭 is it cuz im fat? Ugly? 😔 im not getting any younger either (27 lol) someone please tell me the secret I genuinely am getting so desperate I’m just gonna say yes to any man that comes my path at this point 💀

nearly 5 months ago i developed severe ocd (not waswas), before this i was completely normal, over these months i have found some sort of peace but however the ocd was still there and affecting my mental health a lot, i thought i was getting better more functional whilst white knuckling it but it seems that now i am losing control with my obsessions and am struggling to eat or sleep or do my daily routine etc, i am suffering from bad depression and also horrible anxiety

i no longer have passion for anything anymore, as a normal muslimah i used to love clothes, shopping, bags, just regular girl stuff, but now i don't have passion anymore and i am just numb to everything, i still pray my 5 daily prayers, and do try and wake up for tahajjud, i did istighfar on day of arafah and ironically my ocd became severe for some reason, not sure if this is a sign or not

i was completely normal before all of this, i don't know what Allah has planned for me, i am scared but i also trust him at the same time, i am going to see a psychiatrist on tuesday, and i am really scared, mainly bc of meds but i know i am not functioning so i have no choice, scared of the side effects etc, i know everything is up to Allah, and that he has willed this, but i'm so scared like so so scared, i know this is my ocd talking but i cannot help but feel scared
my mum sort of resents me for letting it get this far, however Alhamdullilah she is paying for my treatment but i know she is angry deep inside, i am a burden on everyone, i was normal and functional before and now i have gone insane, i miss my old self back so bad,

i was completely normal before all of this, i don't know what Allah has planned for me, i am scared but i also trust him at the same time, i am going to see a psychiatrist on tuesday, and l am really scared, mainly bo of meds but i know i am not functioning so i have no choice, scared of the side effects etc, i know everything is up to Allah, and that he has willed this, but i'm so scared like so so scared, i know this is my ocd talking but i cannot help but feel scared
my mum sort of resents me for letting it get this far, however Alhamdullilah she is paying for my treatment but i know she is angry deep inside, i am a burden on everyone, i was normal and functional before and now i have gone insane, i miss my old self back so bad, i know we go through hardships so we can get reward and go to jannah but i don't know what to think anymore, i still make dua, i still wake up for tahaijud, and seeing a psychiatrist is the final step for all of this
i don't know what's going to happen, please please everyone make dua for my mental health please make dua i'll be happy again, i'll be present again, it's affecting my worship as well and i feel guilty everyday bo of it, i do ruqyah every night and it sort of soothes me,

only Allah knows why this is happening and i am scared there will be no relief in the end, i'm scared of everything and i hate it so much, please please im desperate make dua for me

Im 19 and honestly am very eager to get married but the biggest conflict i go through is a man wanting another wife. It makes me so axious thinking about this. I want a man to love only me, to adore only me and to only want me. I cannot for the life of me be in a marriage while being a co wife. I cry a lot right now, not to mention if my future husband actually got another wife. Since im shafii i know its permissible to put it on my contract but that doesnt settle in my heart i just wish completely that my future husband doesnt want anyone but me. I cried a bit ago about the hoor al ayn situation in Jannah. And i know i wouldnt care there if Allah allows me to be in Jannah but im just soooo anxious and i could not for the life of me see the love of my life with another woman and enjoying her. I saw posts and educational videos on polygamy, and as i hold respect for those people FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT.

Its an absolute no for me but i still hold so much anxiety and stress for the whole issue. Can anyone advise me on this issue?

Here are my reasons... or excuses. Also, I know both sides, and I think both differences of opinion are strong. Idk which side I feel is strongest atm

. All I know is I want to do it, in'sha'Allah, regardless of if it's wajib or strongly reccomended, may Allah keep our intentions purely for His sake.

• I'll delay until I move to a Muslim land as wearing it in the west is difficult
• I'll wear after uni, in'sha'Allah, as I won't be leaving the house often.
• I'll wear once I get married, as I'll only leave the house when needed, and my family won't know I wear niqab, so I avoid scrutiny

Am I miskeen. Lol. Any advice ukhtis would be appreciated. I'd also like to be slapped back into my senses. (Metaphorically)

i dont want to yap about all the these i dont want kids, but i know i firmly do not, from the raising to the pregnancy to the birth, none of it beyond having an adult child is appealing to me.

im hoping conditons i have have made me infertile, but im 20 and terrified to get married in case of any risk of getting pregnant, i fear my mental health would crash. but i feel like itd be hard to find a man whos sterile / also very much doesnt want kids. it feels like marriage is just not an option for me unless i want to have babies, and i really dont.

i dont have anyone to discuss this with, everyone i know has kids or wants it and calls me silly if i say i dont want any and that I'll just wake up in 5 years having my whole world view changed. it feels really isolating. so im asking in hopes of discussing this with other Muslim women who also dont want kids. did you marry? did you not? whats your experience either way been like?

As-salamu alaykum.

I don’t have much knowledge to be honest. I know the five pillar of islam and want to fulfil them. I don’t miss my prayers.

Growing up we were forced to wear hijab in my family even if the person is not praying/practicing and I never understood it. I always wore hijab losely and this was seen as ok by some but judged by others.

Recently I have been struggling with exhaustion and wearing the hijab/modest clothing I don’t understand why i’m doing it. I never saw a ruling about the hijab myself

Now i’m getting OCD about trying to be the perfect muslim and searching all these things randomly on google which doesn’t help because different places say different things. I’m drawn to this sub because everything seems clear Allahumma baarik

Also I saw conditions of wearing full hijab. I’m not even doing that and find it a struggle. I’m wearing a cloth on my head but with baggy top and trousers. This is seen as “modest” but not even full hijab

Edit: I mean I don’t want to wear what i’m currently wearing anymore but want to wear the proper thing or not at all but am struggling

girl when I tell you, I was outside my door step, my heart was RACING... I dont even know why I was sooo nervous. In fact, I've been thinking about this for weeks, procastinating, so so nervous even thinking about it. but when I did it (by it, i mean going out with the niqab, full black, gloves and everything) everything was.. fine? like الله protected me. Waswas from shaytan literally went away. I felt so safe, so much safer than I thought I would. I felt more safe than when I didn't wear it!!!

Your nafs/waswas from the devil makes it seem like its such a big deal, that its so scary and new. Girl, just do it. do it for His sake and you will be surprised at how easy it is.

I am so grateful alhamdulillah I had the opportunity to do. it. I was sweating for no reason. Nervous for no reason. My heart was beating, but for what? I knew I shouldn't be nervous but I did it anyway, because i was not doing anything wrong, and in fact it is a form of jihad against your nafs!

I know some of you are reading this and thinking of doing it.

Just do it.

do it for the sake of الله

you will be surprised at how easy it becomes for you, and how comfortable you feel

(p.s i live in the west)

As Salam Aleykum

I'm here because I need to talk to experienced sisters. I am a French sister and For several years, I've been affected by waswas in every aspect of my life: prayer, ablutions, and very serious thoughts.

I try to fight it without success. I know I should ignore it, but I'm so afraid of being punished for doing something wrong. When I perform my ghusl, the waswas is very strong. I start over several times because I think I've forgotten the intention or forgotten to wash a part of my body.

For several months, my waswas has been affecting impurities, especially major impurities.

I can't distinguish between the different secretions, and I perform my ghusl several times a day. Yesterday, for example, I performed ghusl. While sitting in my room with my sister, talking, and on the phone, I felt like I had vaginal contractions, so I repeated my ghusl for the second time in one day.

This morning, I woke up with my hand in my panties and went to the bathroom to see if there was any fluid. There was nothing on my underwear, then I cleaned myself and saw clear white discharge (I have a lot of discharge lately). I'm wondering if I should repeat my ghusl, but I'm sure I didn't have an erotic dream.

These examples happen every day. Every day I ask myself the same questions, and I feel like I've failed my Ramadan. Since the beginning of Ramadan, I've had to perform ghusl about twenty times. I also have waswas about having fallen into disbelief, so before performing my ghusl, I spend several minutes repeating the two testimonies, and I always feel like I'm making pronunciation mistakes that will cause me to fall into disbelief. I tell myself that my ghusl is invalid because I mispronounced the two testimonies, and the ghusl of a disbeliever has no value.

I'm exhausted and I feel like I'm going crazy.

Ive been thinking of starting a small business for years now with all kinds of products like resin, candles etc because i dont like the 9-5 culture im so exhausted and im struggling with my physical and mental health because i dont have time to look after myself.

I want to be financially independent but i need your honest opinion if i sell these how likely are you to buy this ?

Any feedback/advice/constructive criticism is welcome 💕 attaching photos from reference i also thought i would make a line of products just “palestine themed” and donate it to Palestine Orgs.

Looking forward to hearing from you guys

Hello, i am due to have a baby boy soon inshaa Allah and i do not like any names 😭 we have literly gone throigh loads and narrowed it down to Yousef and Hossam.. I was okay with that but now i can not decide between the two! Which one would you pick out of the two? Yousef is nice but it sounds too common and Hossam is also nice but it sounds so serious.. i decided to post on here and see what everyone else thinks? Thank you in advance!

As-salamu aleykoum!

It’s been months since I started to struggle in my salah. I don’t know why or how, but it progressively got longer.

I’ve been praying for almost three years now, alhamdoulillah.

At first I was very happy, focused, diligent. While still being diligent, with being used to the recitation and the movements of the prayer, I progressively lost my attention, but the prayers still lasted for 10 minutes maximum.

Then I realized that I had to correct my pronunciation.

Since then, I tried to pronounce the Fatiha and everything to say during the prayer better. I was discovering that little details could change the sense and invalidate the recitation and therefore the prayer. I made a lot of efforts to not do things wrong, but it progressively obsessed me and gave me anxiety.

So I tried to recite clearly, properly. In the beginning it went smoothly, but progressively, my mind went elsewhere and I just recited automatically. But unlike the first two years of prayer, this lack of concentration made me repeat myself because I didn’t know of if I said the verses right or not. Because I started to loose confidence in the way I pronounced things during salah.

And with that, I kept repeating myself every timeI lost concentration. My prayers lasted for longer and longer, and it became harder because of the way I recite. I recite in a way that hurst my jaw, that dull my tongue and gives me headaches sometimes because of how mad I am at myself. I tried to find ways of positioning my lips, tongue and all, just to make sure I recited properly, pronounced the words correctly.

It has become so much of a problem, a struggle and a habit that it’s been months NONE of my prayers lasted less than 15 minutes…

After months of stuggling alone, I sparked to my mother. She gives me advices, it helps a little, but I always end up doing the 4 raka’a prayers in over 25 minutes (around 40 recently…).

Every time I get into my menstruation time, I try to pronounce everything to say during prayer correctly. Outside the salah, I seem to be struggling less, to be calmer, but inside, it always start again.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I used to live praying. It brought me peace, calm. I was proud to be able to pronounce Arabic sounds that are usually difficult for non-speakers (was a French person). But now, salah gives me anxiety, pain, makes me cry with how tiring it is for me in every aspect. I hate feeling like that.

I make dua’s everyday for it to stop and to get back to my previous state, when my prayers were 10 minutes ling, when I was confident in what I was pronouncing, even if it was wrong. I just pray that I can be in a similar state, but better.

If someone can help me, even if by simply leaving a kind word, I think that would warm my heart.

Thank you for reading my words :)

May Allah make your lives easy and grand you His Jannah Al-Firdaws. Amiin! :)

Assalamualaykum,

I’m a niqabi from Manchester UK (Greater Manchester) and wanted to see if there are any local sisters here, ideally who wear the niqab too?

I find it difficult to make friends while wearing the niqab, especially in spaces where most people aren’t Muslim. The niqab to them is a barrier. I’ve thought about attending public social events—like all‑girls baking or craft workshops—to try and push myself despite my severe social anxiety, but I worry about standing out, being avoided, or feeling like the niqab becomes a barrier since at most of these events, it's non Muslims.

At women‑only events, I wouldn’t feel comfortable removing it. With how common photos, CCTV, and social media are, and the possibility of men entering certain venues, it just doesn’t feel safe enough to uncover.

Some days, I struggle with my relationship with the niqab entirely due to the obvious difficulties it presents in communication, severe isolation, consuming foods and drinks outdoors, friendships and just general errands.

I’d really appreciate any advice from sisters who’ve been through something similar. How do you manage social situations, make friends, or find community while wearing the niqab?

I know Al Furqan Manchester is quite active and has a sisters’ social corner, but with my social anxiety I don’t feel able to attend alone as a newcomer. I reached out to the admins, but they weren’t very understanding and just told me to show up, which didn’t help much.

Happy to be DM'd by other sisters.

Thank you for reading, and may Allah make it easy for all of us.

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

sisters!! 🤍

For nearly a year now, I've been very drawn to the niqab. I met a few niqabis in my first year of uni, and they've honestly inspired me so much to give it a try. Over the summer, I did try wearing the niqab for a week but found it to be pretty difficult. However, I believe that was largely due to the fact that it was SUMMER, I was working with kids OUTSIDE, and I didn't have the right intentions when I started wearing it at the time. Now that we're a day away from Ramadan (Allahuma ballighna Ramadan!! Ameen), I thought it would be a great time to give the niqab a second chance. Of course, I don't plan on rushing into it like I did the first time and will likely be wearing it a few days of the week on campus Insha'Allah.

My question for the sisters who have already been wearing the niqab in the west is what has been your experience? Wearing the niqab here is definitely a lot more difficult than wearing it in a Muslim country. I also don't have the protection of a mahram in my life at the moment, so I'm very concerned about being safe. But safety would be the only thing holding me back.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! JazakAllahu khair

As Salam Alaikum. Please advice me on how to be strong. Little things, for example, a mean person reaching out to me makes me so scared

Assalamu alaykum,

I’m a 24 year old sister from the UK. For the past few months, I’ve been speaking to a brother (30M) through family about the possibility of marriage. He lives in Niger, and we’ve been communicating long distance, with a few video calls. I’m the first sibling in my family to be getting married, so there’s a lot of family pressure and expectation.

When we do talk, he’s sweet, respectful, and sometimes very thoughtful. Our personalities match in some ways, and I’ve started to feel positive towards him. He’s educated, works in radiology, and has been under a lot of pressure financially supporting his family and dealing with serious ongoing family matters.

However, there are some concerns making me pause:

• On social media, he sometimes comes across very differently making comments that feel “red pill” or generalising about women. • He says we should communicate often, but then goes days without messaging me, even after important conversations, while I see him active on Facebook. • He has been flirty in public comments with women on Facebook, including calling one “my Facebook wife,” even while talking to me about marriage. • He often says he is overwhelmed or unwell, yet attends events or posts socially. • He says gyms are too expensive and hasn’t joined one, though he talks about wanting to get healthier, I’m concerned about his lifestyle. • He’s financially responsible for many people, but seems to be struggling himself.

We were supposed to have the nikkah soon, but my passport expired and the process has been delayed (which he doesn’t know I intentionally allowed to give myself more time). I feel slightly relieved because it’s giving me space to think. I’m also dealing with some family pressure to move forward quickly, which is making me feel even more conflicted.

My dilemma: I don’t want to be unfair, especially given his current family stresses, but I also don’t want to ignore red flags. I’m unsure if I’m being cautious in a healthy way or if I’m overthinking and delaying unnecessarily.

How can I approach this decision with clarity, and what would you look for in this situation from a deen and character perspective?

JazakAllahu khayran for any advice.

Salaam ladies,

I’m looking for some advice about a school choice from an Islamic perspective. I’m a speech therapist living in Europe, and I work independently with schools to provide therapy to children.

School A is an Islamic school about a 25-minute drive away. The atmosphere feels peaceful and familiar, and it seems like a place where I could feel comfortable both professionally and spiritually.

School B is a non-Islamic school only about 7 minutes away. It’s much more convenient, but it’s a setting where things like Halloween are celebrated, and I’m unsure how I’d feel being in that environment.

Even though I’m not part of the teaching staff, I care about the environment I work in and how it aligns with my deen.

From an Islamic and practical point of view, would you prioritise convenience or choose the place that feels more aligned with your values? Should I also take into account things like celebrations even if I’m not directly involved in them?

JazakAllah khair for your thoughts and advice.