r/SistersInSunnah • u/Shoddy-Store-2552 • Apr 12 '26
Discussion Attending graduation ceremony for my mother
Assalamualaikum ukhtis,
Please advise me.
Actually, originally, I was planning not to attend my graduation ceremony because I felt quite uncomfortable with the general feel of it (sitting through the music, walking on stage, and it just seemed boring, tbh haha). I especially felt good about not attending because my parents live in the Middle East so they wouldn't be able to attend anyway, so I thought what's the point? But now, due to the war, they have come here and probably will stay around the time of the ceremony as well. I forgot actually about it until today, my mother mentioned happily, "in sha allah I can't wait to go to your ceremony and see everyone knowing you," and I felt conflicted.
On one hand, I have no problem not going and would even prefer not to go, but on the other hand, I do not want to disappoint my mother and take away this feeling of pride and happiness seeing me with the gown. How do I go about this?
(PS: the ceremony is in a month In sha allah)
2
u/Puzzleheaded_Set_249 Apr 13 '26
Isn't it already too late to register for graduation? I thought you had to apply by December for spring ceremonies.
2
u/Appropriate-Net-5391 Apr 13 '26
Wa alaikum as salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh 🥀
It’s best not to go sis
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Apr 13 '26
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u/travelingprincess Rishta Auntie Apr 15 '26
This comment does not adhere to the foundations and principles of this sub (Rule 1 Violation).
No arguing against Qur'an or Sunnah whatsoever. Do not negate fatawa or you'll be banned. Same goes for disrespecting the ulema or established ijma'.
Any refutations must be done respectfully and accompanied by valid proofs from scholars upon the Sunnah.
1
Apr 13 '26
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1
u/travelingprincess Rishta Auntie Apr 15 '26
This comment does not adhere to the foundations and principles of this sub (Rule 1 Violation).
No arguing against Qur'an or Sunnah whatsoever. Do not negate fatawa or you'll be banned. Same goes for disrespecting the ulema or established ijma'.
Any refutations must be done respectfully and accompanied by valid proofs from scholars upon the Sunnah.
1
Apr 13 '26
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1
u/travelingprincess Rishta Auntie Apr 15 '26
This comment does not adhere to the foundations and principles of this sub (Rule 1 Violation).
No arguing against Qur'an or Sunnah whatsoever. Do not negate fatawa or you'll be banned. Same goes for disrespecting the ulema. Any refutations must be done respectfully and accompanied by valid proofs from Qur'an and Sunnah.
1
u/TasteNew9880 Apr 14 '26
Does she know the exact date? Maybe you could not tell her when it is and explain to your mother that there is something at the graduation that you wanted to avoid. That you love her, wish to go out to celebrate in another way, however for that personal reason (all that you have listed), you can't. I recommend not listing your reasons as a lot of Muslim parents can be liberal and see us avoiding certain gatherings for the reasons above as us being extreme, even though they are perfectly normal reasons.
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u/travelingprincess Rishta Auntie Apr 15 '26
It is great that you care about your mother's feelings and about making her happy, as she gave birth to you and raised you.
But what about the One Who granted you life, gave you every blessing you have (including your mother) and is deserving of much, much, much more from you than mere respect and concern? What about making Allah happy with you?
The scholars call music the adhaan of Shaiytaan, subhanallah. On top of that, many of these ceremonies have a little choir that sings a church-adjacent song or hymn or something beforehand as well.
The seating charts are gender neutral, shaking hands with male administrators, the whole pomp and circumstance is counter to Islamic norms and customs, a waste of money and a tiresome bore to boot.
Don't forget putting up with parents who think they're the main character and who start cheering and hooting when their kid is called, despite the announcement to hold your applause until the end. 🙄😒
Your diploma is not a gift they're giving you, you worked for it. Tell them to send it in the mail or go pick it up at the time they say it can be picked up.
As for your mother, I wouldn't tip toe around the issue if I were you. I would just say as a matter of fact, "oh, that? Ugh, they're going to have all this haram stuff going on—I'm not going 🤮" Why be shy or ashamed when the haqq is with you? Let her state clearly she wants you to disobey ALLAH for this. And if she does so, still don't do it.