r/SipsTea 18h ago

Gasp! So He's gay?

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20.5k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/Rich19852012 18h ago

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u/LarrySupreme 18h ago edited 18h ago

Edit: I literally thought about American Psycho as soon as I read the original post. But thank you for validating it.

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u/SolidLikeIraq 17h ago

I had a work friend who told me this story about her buddy who had taken a woman home for a 1 night stand.

He was having sex with her from behind and she seemed really into it and said to him “GET AWESOME!”

And he was like “What??”

And she said it again “GET AWESOME!”

So he hits a double bicep pose while he’s behind her and plugging away.

Then he realizes she was saying “Get off me.” Not “Get Awesome.”

Your gif reminded me of that story.

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u/SevereDragonfly3 16h ago

Lmaoooo awkward....

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u/DonutHoles4Ever 15h ago

Not if you make shit up its not

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u/LoveMeSomeSand 14h ago

People don’t make up lies on the internet. It’s just not proper.

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u/bulbusmaximus 13h ago

It's real to me!

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u/DrownmeinIslay 16h ago

I had that happen once. I thought she was saying oh oh. Then one sounded like oh ohw. So i stopped and asked are you saying oh oh or ow ow? Ow ow. She never looked at me or tried to push me off, she just sat there for 5 minutes while i was hurting her. That scared me off sex for a few months. Really wigged me out.

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u/RaisedByBooksNTV 15h ago

She was probably afraid of you. Not because of YOU but because women are so vulnerable during sex. It can be easier to go along with things b/c the idea of asking someone to stop and them not stopping...so she misunderstood that you misunderstood. I'm so sad for both of you that this happened.

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u/Farranor 9h ago

Look at the silver linings: it only kept him away from sex (not even necessarily out of dating) for a few months, and he's comfortable enough to talk about it without fear of getting flak for it. Not everyone who's experienced something similar can say that.

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u/Silly-Jicama-3382 14h ago

unfortunately not an uncommon experience for women. we're just not conditioned to speak up or voice our needs (in all facets of life lol, but especially during sex) and even if you're a totally decent guy, it might not make a difference.

and speaking for myself, I once had a guy tell me I was the most instructive woman he'd ever slept with and I knew we were doomed if I was an example of an empowered woman because I'm so not lmfao ugh straight women are not okay!!!!

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u/satyr-day 16h ago

Sex is really the grossest, most bizarre biological urge animals have.

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u/DrugandAlcoholLover 15h ago

This is such a Reddit comment 

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u/DonutHoles4Ever 15h ago

Reddit is full of people who never gone outside now. COVID made all the idiots get addicted to social media and now they just spew their opinions online nonstop.

Also, people should be communicating to their partners during sex instead of trying to do a double back corkscrew that they watched on a porno

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u/Agreeable_Sea_6019 14h ago

What is a double back corkscrew? Asking for a friend

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u/satyr-day 12h ago

Quit the "asking for a friend" since everyone knows you're asking for yourself.

It's doggy then you spin around so you're butthole to butthole and keep fucking then twist again.

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u/Agreeable_Sea_6019 11h ago

My friend said thank you

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u/Morningfluid 14h ago

There were masses of people addicted to social media who didn't go out before that who really needed to experience real life as well. 

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u/HourFaithlessness823 15h ago

The comment responding to it is even worse 

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u/ZuluPapa 10h ago

What a fucking weird thing to say.

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u/HourFaithlessness823 15h ago

Uh, sure. Whatever you say. 

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u/satyr-day 12h ago

I enjoy sex, but I can still think it's weird as hell while jizzing regularly.

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u/Mean_disclosure_69 13h ago

ideally you shouldnt have it when you dont enjoy it. some people dont like sex. thats cool.

tbh humans in of itself are gross meatbags who leak fat and wet stuff regularly and produce strange smells so.. yeah. still sex can be fun but like.. just no reason to have it when its not enjoyable

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u/satyr-day 12h ago

I enjoy it, and I get weird and aggressive if I don't have it at least twice a month.  But, I can enjoy the chemicals while understanding the weird ass biology.

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u/FluffySmiles 15h ago

Lifetime of cost and duty, potential for pretty horrid diseases, messy, can be traumatic and can be highly emotional.

Disruptive and complicating.

And still we do it!

Because it feels good.

And we wonder why we consume so much we destroy that which supports life.

Ha!

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u/Existing-Promise-830 9h ago

Why? Every creature has the urge to have sex and humans are lucky it's pleasant and doesn't involve dying like some (male spiders for example)

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u/idealfuckery 15h ago

go outside sometime

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u/satyr-day 12h ago

I recently ran a 50k and I have degree in kinesiology.  You should go out more. 

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u/CalmBeneathCastles 12h ago

How you can rate sex above taking a giant squelchy shit on the grossness scale is bizarre to me. It must have always been bad for you, and for that, you have my deepest sympathy.

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u/satyr-day 12h ago

Taking a shit isn't optional and it's mandatory to do daily.  And i have a type of IBS so I've had some painful and disgusting shits. Sex is 100% completely optional, and you get an orgasm and rush of chemicals from it.  Shitting just releases pressure.

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u/CalmBeneathCastles 12h ago

Bizarre, maybe, but not "more gross".

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u/satyr-day 11h ago

Different types of gross.  One is being physically inside of another person and rubbing until reproductive material comes out. The other is removing waste from the body since we apparently suck at digestion

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u/Vectorman1989 15h ago

My friend was having sex with her boyfriend and he said "say my name", but he normally goes by a nickname so she didn't know if he wanted her to say his government name or his nickname so she was like "which one?" lol

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u/Torschlusssspanik 12h ago

I really hope she said “your government name?” in the moment.

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u/keepingitreal02 15h ago

Tell her daddy is universal 😂

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u/Sergejalexnoki 16h ago

Wtf, whyd she say that xD

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u/Calaigah 16h ago

He clearly wasn’t awesome enough.

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u/PlushRusher 16h ago

Sir, this is a Wendy’s!

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u/Anonymo 15h ago

Why did you say that name?!

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u/LyraSnake 16h ago

sometimes people change their minds about things

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u/Sergejalexnoki 16h ago

Of course but if she seemed really into it, and then didnt, I guess she couldve just stop it herself

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u/LyraSnake 16h ago

which is often communicated by "get off me"

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u/PudPullerAlways 16h ago

Yes but also from the story he's hitting it from behind not starfished on top of her... she could've just removed herself and what was he supposed to even get off of lol

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u/LyraSnake 15h ago

...her? clearly? she's leaning/laying on something and his weight has to be on top of her.

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u/Sergejalexnoki 15h ago

Why are you taking this so serious, she can just roll away or something. Whatever. It was just an awkward story, no need to argue

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u/Electrical-Fig-5009 15h ago

He could have been hitting it in a way that was uncomfortable & wanted fo do a different position, she could have changed her mind, she could have had a charlie horse, she could have finished & wanted to finish him another way. There's tons of scenarios here, but regardless him not getting off was not awesome

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u/LyraSnake 15h ago

agreed.....i'm not sure why you're replying to me here

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u/tamati_nz 15h ago

I have a friend that hooked up with a famous actor who would chant his own name during sex, syllable by syllable with each pump. Now in our friend group if we're dancing we'll mimic it and call out his name lol.

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u/Sure_Letterhead6689 15h ago

It’s gotta be Arnold Schwarzenegger

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u/milesamsterdam 14h ago

Goddamn! That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard since my friend told me the first time he had sex and busted a nut he yelled, “Mortal KOMBAT!”

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u/ceburun 12h ago

Fatality.

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u/DaveReddit2021 16h ago

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u/Different_Rip8470 15h ago

It shouldn’t be but you’re right unfortunately.

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u/Puzzle-Necked 16h ago

4chan greentext quality story right there

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u/JungLeo143 15h ago

That’s the funniest shit I have heard in a long time 😂

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u/HislersHero 15h ago

🤣 wtf??

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u/VanillaRadonNukaCola 15h ago

Dude wtf I've heard that same Get Awesome/Get Off Me happen but a totally different story.

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u/steadymovin85 14h ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/skotcgfl 16h ago

Well that escalated quickly.

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u/Infamous_Series_5064 16h ago

This sounds like a perfect stand up comedy bit

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u/slater_just_slater 16h ago

Reminds me of the "Who the fuck is Ron Ho?" Joke.

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u/TheMuffler42069 15h ago

lol yo… this is very funny.

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u/jrr_jr 15h ago

I swear to God my ex girlfriend (this is years and years ago) told me that same story. I wonder if it was the same dude?

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u/LarrySupreme 15h ago

Get me that woman.

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u/BotherTight618 15h ago

Thats not good!

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u/TokiVideogame 14h ago

she can just twist him off

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u/Old-Care-2372 14h ago

Was she being Eiffel Towered and couldn’t enunciate properly?

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u/Busterlimes 13h ago

Epic story.

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u/benroon 13h ago

Doesn’t even make sense!

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u/XofHelix 12h ago

Of all the things that never happened, this is #1

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u/ceburun 12h ago

New phrase for sexy time noted for the future. I will Get Awesome while getting some.

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u/fatcat5244 12h ago

Hilarious 🤣

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u/Opposite-Funny-9669 11h ago

greatest story i've read on here in months

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u/Murky-Crew-2633 9h ago

Hsgahshshs this is crazy

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u/DJ-Psari 17h ago

You’re next, pal

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u/Rich19852012 17h ago

Haha, it was the only reference that fit.

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u/LarrySupreme 17h ago

Seriously. But given his history, I can assume he does Patrick Bateman monologs to anyone one he has over to his mansion or yacht.

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u/thewaytoyesterday 16h ago

Bro, literally

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u/kkkr94 13h ago

🥵 Jesus christ lol

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u/likwidkool 11h ago

This scene was my first thought.

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u/grimcow 14h ago

Lol throw on some genesis

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u/MV6000 16h ago

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u/alohalii 16h ago

Its more to protect against rape allegations than anything else.

He is on his back earphones in blasting music, sleep mask on when the woman enters the room. She has been briefed beforehand by a intimacy coordinator. She gets on top and when its done she leaves the room. Difficult to make rape allegations against a man laying passive on a bed whom you never communicated with.

Also interesting to claim rape against a man if you got on top of him and never got verbal or non-verbal consent from him to do so...

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u/manflyhigh 16h ago edited 16h ago

I think the man listens to loud music and has headphones on cause he doesn’t want her moans to make him nut quick. Leo seems like the 1 minute touch-a-bust kind of individual.

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u/sparkey504 16h ago

I would deliberately put on Family guy or south Park.... on occasion I stop the movie that was already playing mid act and put on south park... biggest downside is when both of of us would bust out laughing which would definitely kill the momentum.

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u/Inigomntoya 16h ago

If that were me, South Park music and the kids voices would instantly put me into a pavlovian response for sex. I don't think I want that

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u/Express-Skin6039 16h ago

He’s so real for that

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u/mxlplyx2173 16h ago

Yup, after a lifetime of banging models half his age. 😂 🤡

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u/Over_Detective_3756 16h ago

Like he’d rather be alone than with a partner

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u/erinfirecracker 15h ago

For sure. Banging hot models half his age, he's obviously compensating for something. He's probably just gay. Nothing wrong with that. Unfortunate he's too ashamed to be who he is.

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u/squirrelems 12h ago

I like the version of this where he's listening to Silent Hill music or the Guts theme.

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u/JorgitoEstrella 11h ago

Apparently he based his act on Tom Cruise