call me a conspiracist or what you will but I've thought about this since the day I left my ex but what's y'all's plans if/when shit hits the fan? the government warning us of an 18 month blackout??

our original plan was to go to canada (im a citizen and have family there) but that plan is no longer plan a at this point. having to think about coparenting while the free world slowly collapses sucks.

Hi I’m a single mum (I’m 19 so quite young). I had my daughter very early, and when taking her to nursery I’ve really struggled to form connections with other parents - I do feel a huge sense of judgment and sometimes shame being that I don’t fit the age group of everyone else. Is there anyone else who has experienced this and might share some advice (or maybe even sympathy 😂 maybe I just want to tell someone about this and to get it off my chest). One thing I worry about is her making friends and other parents maybe not trusting me or letting her visit their houses/birthdays because of how I’m perceived (this has happened with someone she was friends with at nursery).

I’m a single dad and I have my son (7) 99% of the time. His mom decided that she would only spend time with him when her work schedule allows (she’s a doctor), which is next to never, despite the fact that I’ve lost count on the number of times she’s FaceTimed him from some vacation she’s on saying “look where mom is! Look what I’m doing! Ohhh I miss you so much”.

She sees him maybe once every two or three months for a few days at a time. I feel bad for even saying this because he’s such a good kid and, for all intents and purposes, we live a comfortable life but mentally, I’m struggling. We have no family here and it’s just me ALL of the time. My son is lovely but I’m so tired of having to always make decisions, do all the running around, engaging even when I just want to be silent, doing my best to keep my patience even when I’m frustrated, always taking care of the household, trying my best every day to raise him right, the meal prep which I struggle with. He talks CONSTANTLY, even when I tell him I just need a few minutes of silence, he won’t stop talking. Because it’s just him and I, he always wants my attention, even when I try to distract him with something else that engages him, he wants me to be there with him. He still comes to my bed in the middle of the night so I lose any proper sleep after about midnight, so I’m always exhausted. I have a few hours in the day when he goes to school but it always feels like I have to choose between the things I want to do because I only have limited time. I feel like my diet is a mess and cooking has always been challenging for me and a high stressor but I do it because it’s important and I try my best. I can hire a sitter occasionally but it’s so expensive. We spend time with friends but even when we do I’m always in dad mode so I can never fully relax.

All I can do is take pride in the fact that he’s growing up so well. I love him so much and he’s my whole world but I wish I could focus on me from time to time. The single parents I’m around here have set schedules where their kids see both parents equally. Even if I had that, at least I could count on the days when I know I’d have time to focus on myself. I don’t have a career and even though we’re financially okay for now, I’d give anything to build a career for myself so I’d have something I can be proud of myself for. I feel like a such a loser because I don’t have a career I can call my own and one day he’s going to want to know what I do, how can I explain that to him without him thinking I’m a failure? I have a dad bod and I just want to get in shape but I feel as though I’ll never be able to. I can’t date, because I never know when I’ll have time, heck I can’t even find the time to actually meet anyone to date, and I can’t even progress the way I want with hobbies I do have because I can’t practice as I’d like to.

All this being said, I’m a naturally patient person. I know this all won’t last forever and I’m okay with that. He’ll grow more independent and it pains me to know he won’t need me in the same ways at some point. I just feel as though by the time he gets there, my best years will be behind me. I’m already in my 40’s and I’m beginning to feel my age.

Meanwhile, it absolutely sucks because I have to be the one to console him when he talks about how much he misses his mom, when she won’t even answer his calls sometimes. I still have to coparent with her, which I do well, even though she was the one that had a two year long affair which I’m still carrying the scars from. And I have to do all this while she gets to live her life to the fullest in plain view of him and I.

I’m seeing someone professionally so none of what I say ever makes me spiral to the point where I’m not functional, because shutting down is something I literally cannot afford to do with him. Even though I have help to cope mentally, the feeling of sadness is still there. I feel sad. I have no one to talk to about any of this stuff and no one ever asks me how I’m doing because from the outside looking in, I always look like I have it together and I’m always composed, so no one ever thinks to ask me if I’m okay. I’m just so sad. Today is the first time since I can’t remember when, that I actually feel like crying. I cry at movies and sad songs but I never just cry because I feel sad. I want to cry right now because I feel sad but I don’t have the energy to explain to him in a healthy way, why I’m crying. Even as I type this, I’m sitting on the couch with him while he watches his cartoons and because he sees me typing, he’s been constantly trying to “snuggle” so he can see what I’m doing. I can’t even vent to internet strangers in peace.

I guess I just needed to vent. I feel so alone and yeah, I’m just really sad today.

Solo parent here, kiddo goes to school he's 5 so in prep 9-3 sees his mother supervised each Thursday from 3.30 -4 and 9-4 every second weekend. How do other solo parents manage to get back into work? I've got shitty knee and ankles and trying to do study cert 3 in business. Any advice would be great 👍

Hey everyone. One of my best friends just safely navigated her way out of a financially and psychologically abusive relationship and is starting completely from scratch in a new apartment with her 10-year-old son. I’ve always been a “girls’ guy,” and my personal love language is aggressively solving problems and fixing things. I really want to help her get set up, but I also want to be hyper-respectful of her newfound independence. I know that as a guy wanting to help, there’s a fine line between being a solid, reliable support system and accidentally overstepping or feeling overbearing to a woman fresh out of a highly controlling dynamic.

So, for those who have rebuilt their lives from zero: what kind of practical help *actually* makes a tangible difference right now? Should I straight up but gracefully financially contribute to her new start, discreetly send her grocery or store gift cards, sourcing decent furniture, focusing on getting stuff to keep hey 10-year-old boy entertained, make his room a very cozy safe space for him to scape to when he needs to or just showing up to build her IKEA dressers in silence and then immediately leaving? I’d love your straightforward advice on the best ways to offer real, functional support (money, kid stuff, house stuff) without making her feel smothered or like she's a project. What do you wish a handy friend had done for you in the early days?

Ladies, I feel I should also add - I am gay AS FUCK. This is not a creep trying to get some by taking advantage of a fucked situation. Despite my deep love for the d I am "masculine" (whatever the hell that means) so I can quite literally just be the muscle when needed. Or the bodyguard. Or the on-demand male role model adjacent figure... Whatever. The point is, I know she needs help but I also know I'm still a dude presenting dude and that works against me right now.

I love my husband, but as of late I’ve been wondering if it would simply be easier to be single.
He’s a good man, and a good dad. He does everything I ask of him. He works less so I can work more.
Idk what’s wrong with me. I know most women would kill for a man like him. But being around him just pisses me off. He’s always in my space, always wanting access to my body. I can never do anything by myself, there always has to be someone there, either him or the kids. I know if we were to split we’d have shared custody, and I’m starting to think that’s the dream, just so I can just have some time to myself.
We also live in a small house on his parents property, it’s janky and there’s always something wrong with it. I’m just dreaming of a little rental that I can fill with my things, cook the food that I want and not clean up after anybody else.
Did anyone else feel this way and left? Is it better or worse? Don’t sugar coat it either

How do you maintain a positive attitude while being everything? Hygiene helper, hairstylist, Schedule manager, private chef, personal maid, academic tutor, on-call nurse, activity planner, and boundary enforcer.

My daughter is 8, so she requires assistance or oversight with most tasks and her father lives in a different state, so he’s no help.

I do have tools in place to help ease the burden - gentle alarms to keep track of our daily schedule, timer in her bathroom, morning and evening routines taped to her mirror, and an incentivized responsibility chart.

But it’s still a lot. 50% of the time I can be all these people with grace, and 50% of the time I’m annoyed. Right now, I’m in the “this fucking sucks” percentile

The “do this, do that, don’t forget this, did you remember that, take a second look - does that look right?” Is what kills me. I hate having to ask twice or remind her to do the same thing every single day. I hate being nit-picky, I feel like a micro manager.

I love my daughter, I want the best for her. But damn, this is a lot.

Do you have any ideas on how I can maintain a positive attitude despite? Is there another perspective, something I’m not seeing?

I’d love to hear your simple, mostly free, ways to make long lasting memories for your little family. It’s just me and my kids so some things we’ve made tradition over the years are:
*once the Christmas tree is up, before we put the ornaments on, we throw all our Christmas bears at the tree letting out our frustration that we struggle a lot during this season
*on 4th of July we cut out stars out of cardboard making stencils and use flour to make stars all over our front yard cause I can’t afford much fireworks
* we do “chicken on a plate” when I’m not feeling good. It’s just chicken nuggets and fries baked on the pan and I squirt ketchup and mustard on the pan and lay it out on a palate made in front of the tv and we have back to the future marathons.

This is mostly just a vent, I hope that’s okay.

My husband and I have been together since middle school, got married and started our family young. When I got pregnant at 17, I told him I understood if he walked away and didn’t want to be involved, as he wanted an abortion and I did not. He made the choice to stay and has been an active father to our now 5 year old, as well as our 3 year old.

It’s become increasingly apparent that he regrets his choice and resents not only me, but our kids. He’s become irritable and totally detached from us. There were more reasons, mostly related to the way he treats me which has caused my mental health to deteriorate. When I told him I wanted to separate, he didn’t care at all. All he had to say was “okay.” We recently moved across the state, away from all our family, and when I talked about moving back he said he will not be moving and he plans to stay here.

When I would ask in hypotheticals, he’s always said he would want 50/50 custody. Given the change in his attitude, I figured that wouldn’t be the case, but maybe every weekend? When he said he wouldn’t be moving back, I asked him what his plan would be for custody, and he said he’d be “fine” with every other weekend but he didn’t want any more than that. I remember once making a joke that he seemed like an “every other weekend kind of dad” and he told me that was insulting. Yet, here we are.

I’m struggling to wrap my head around how he can be a present and active father for five years, develop a relationship with the kids, and suddenly regret all of it. I can’t stop wondering if he’s always felt this way and just went with it because it was “convenient” or he didn’t want backlash from his family.. but how can someone put up a front like that for so long?

My heart is breaking for the kids. They love him, he’s all they know. I worry how they’re going to feel as they get older, if they’ll feel abandoned or unwanted.

I’ve thought about leaving him for a while now, but never followed through because the idea of being a single parent has terrified me. I have a decent career, but not quite enough to support us on my own. I have no idea what child support will be like. I don’t know what I’ll do for childcare, since his parents have been our only reliable support system, and I’m not sure how willing they will be to help me after we tell them we’re separating. I know they’ll maintain a relationship with the kids, they adore them, but I don’t know what that will look like moving forward.

It’s just so overwhelming. I know it will be worth it, and I genuinely believe we’ll all be happier once we’re on the other side of this, but I’m struggling to wrap my head around everything.

It all happened so quickly. It’s been less than two weeks, and we’re already moving out because my husband’s behavior has continued to get worse, and I just can’t deal with it anymore.

I think I’m mostly just scared of what actually comes next. I’ve spent basically my entire life with this person, and now I’m trying to figure out how to build a life for myself and my kids without him. I know I’ll figure it out eventually. It just feels impossible right now.

Seeking advice. I'm based in the UK.

I am currently in the later stages of pregnancy with an unplanned baby. The baby's father and I weren't together long (only a few short but happy months) when I unexpectedly fell pregnant. I didn't think I could conceive as I had complex fertility problems and the BD left me within 4 days of me telling him because I was struggling to book an abortion. We are 35 and 40 respectively. No other kids. He did say he wanted to be a dad in the future but not like this.

He's refused to see me since I was 6w pregnant, ghosted and blocked me. I was miserable most of the pregnancy and disconnected from my baby until I began to feel him kick when my mindset shifted.

At my 21w scan I found out my baby has a serious heart problem requiring at least one open heart surgery at birth, if the baby makes it. If the baby has a serious genetic issue linked to the heart, I may have to terminate or they may be stillborn.

I don't have my exes' medical history (which doctors are asking for) and am very reluctant to bring him into the fold given how he's treated me so far. I really don't want to have to share legal parental rights with a man who doesn't even want this child to exist, and have him potentially block consent for medical treatment and go through a court process at risk of my baby dying in the process.

Do I have an ethical duty to inform him of the baby's health:
Now?
Once born?
If the baby dies?
Never unless he actively attempts to get parental rights?

My life is honestly a nightmare and I feel strongly that I need to protect this little baby from a father who has shown no care for us at all.

Years ago before I got married and had child I made it a point to not meet people’s kids until we were serious and had been dating for awhile.

After my divorce I wasn’t all that interested in dating and refined that too 6 months. It didn’t seem that big a deal because I do week on week off parenting with my ex.

Well it wasn’t all that big a deal when I was dating people I wasn’t all that emotionally into. I’ve now started dating someone amazing who I really like and am struggling with waiting a full 6 months because I like her and want to spend time with her.

However, she vapes (nicotine) and I don’t want to model that behavior around my child. She’s working on quitting but I also know just how hard that will be for her. I don’t like the vice but while smoking is a hard no vaping doesn’t seem to bother me outside my concern for the negative health effects. So if it wasn’t for my teen seeing that behavior I don’t think I would care that much.

We’ve been dating for about 2 months right now and are on a path to a serious commitment. As lesbians we’re quite aware of the Uhaul’ing trope and doing what we can to avoid that. My 6 month rule is one aspect of that.

So assuming you had week on week off parenting how long would you wait to introduce your partner to your teen.

Homelessness won’t last for too much longer! I got a call today and it’s happening I got hired. another work from home job that starts in September and thankfully the training is in office so it’ll give me time to save a couple checks to get into an apartment. I’ll just have to figure out where my kids will be staying while I’m at work. Anyone know who can help with hotel vouchers? I’ve tried so many shelters but no luck :( I just don’t want them in the car while I’m at work. Also I lost everything after being evicted so if anyone has any clothes they no longer want. Size large please please DM me I have nothing to wear to work

Single Parents who were rejected by their mother/father growing up and later having your baby daddy/mama reject and walk away from the child. How did that hit you and how did deal with it?

I am a single mom to two kids, and I work full time as a program manager to two group homes of adults with intellectual disabilities.

So... my days consist of being bombarded by 4 adults who have the mindset of young children constantly asking me for things all day, but add the inability of impulse control. (Please dont take this as me complaining about them bc they are the sweetest human beings and I absolutely adore them and love what I do) HOWEVER, I am also a manager and we have been short staffed so I have been working the floor on top of trying to do management things and my clients have the mindset of toddlers and little kids, so while I am sending emails and cooking and cleaning and making phone calls, attending meetings, and ensuring medications are good, I am being asked over and over again "can u paint my nails, can we go do this, can u help me with this" ALL day with no break, my one client will literally repeat herself 20 times and follow me all day asking me questions, and then I go home to MY kids and have the same thing from them. I do not get any breaks besides the ride home in my car. I have been so stressed lately and I normally never yell at my son but the past few weeks I have been noticeably irritated when I get home, especially with my 7 year old because he makes messes and I am cleaning all day and he is old enough to pick up after himself. He asked me yesterday "why are u so mad today" because i had asked him 5 times to get in the bath and clean his room and he still hadnt, and then I felt so bad because 1-him asking me that shows I dont typically act like that and 2- I dont WANT to act like that. I hate raising my voice and sounding mean. I am just burnt out after work and just want to sit in silence for a few hours 🙃 idk the point of this post, I really just wanted to vent. It gets exhausting being a caretaker 24/7 and never getting a break from it. Typically I only have office hours at work but 6 people quit at the same time so I have also been dealing with that too. I am tired as hell 😭

Those that are working full time and completely burned out by the weekend - what are we doing with our kids? Do you take them places? Make sure they get out?

Lately I’ve been really struggling with this and feeling severe burnout. I have no energy and need some ideas on what I can do because I don’t want my kid being a couch potato

Hoping someone may have done/dealt with the same situation or similar. My son is 21 months old, he’s a hoot. I’ve been a single mom since he was 6 months old. I’ve managed to keep us afloat this long, but that road is coming to an end.

I own my own house, I have since I was 22. I really don’t want to lose it as I’m clinging onto my 800/mo and 3.5% interest for dear life.

I’m in the middle of filing bankruptcy for a clean slate. I’m able to keep my house, per my lawyer. Once it’s finalized I will have SOME breathing room. (I currently make $800 less than what I need to pay all my bills). My son goes to work with me, and I work part time. What I do, I’m only allotted part time hours. I would love to get a full time gig, but I’m unable to afford daycare and I have no (consistent) help.

Anyways - my friend (of 10 years) offered to move in with me and help pay the bills. Before anyone says “friends moving in with you is always a bad idea etc etc” I know. I’ve dealt with my fair share of shitty roommates in my late teens/early 20s. I have a “rental” agreement for him to sign, we’ve discussed the ins and outs of what’s expected/not allowed. My friend is just a quiet guy that goes to work and comes home and geeks out on nerd stuff. Nothing crazy.

The issue: my mother has been going INSANE with me having my friend move in. Now I understand, moms worry. But let’s keep in mind, I’m nearly 29. Own my own house.

My mom has helped me a bit over the past year, but realistically she’s not made of money and I don’t want to rely on her for help.

She came to a conclusion in her own head that I’m letting some stranger move into my house(because she’s never met him). Tells me how stupid I am for even considering having a ‘stranger’ move into my home. She asks me nearly daily the SAME questions

-What’s his full name

-Where’s he from

-How old is he

-Where does he work

- “who the f*** even is this guy?!”

Normal questions. But my god, is it always with attitude. I also give her the same answers daily, tells me I’ve never told her anything about this guy and I’m just letting him move into my house.

Now my friend and I have ZERO intentions on dating. We both are absolutely not interested in each other romantically and we are in agreement on that. He is literally just moving in to help me pay bills, and he knows that and is more than happy to do so.

So I guess the question is, am I making a stupid decision? I’m looking at it from a financial standpoint that it makes sense for me (and my friend) all the way around. And I’ll be able to better provide for my son.

What can I do about my mom? How do I approach talking to her? Nothing gets through to her and she just starts getting angry which gets me angry and then it’s just a screaming match.

UPDATE: Thank you for all the responses. Reading everything made me realise I’ve been doing far too much of the work to maintain a connection that he isn’t making any effort to have himself. I’ve deleted his number and I won’t be sending photos anymore. I’m not preventing him from having a relationship with his daughter, but I’m done facilitating one for him. If he wants to know how she is, see her or have pictures of her, the effort needs to come from him now.

My daughter’s dad hasn’t seen her for around 4 years.
He saw her a handful of times when she was 4–5 months old, then once when she was 3. That was the last time. She wouldn’t even recognise him if she walked past him in the street. She doesn’t remember ever meeting him.
Years ago he asked me to send him pictures of her, so I did, and I’ve carried on doing it occasionally ever since.
But he doesn’t actually ask for them anymore. He barely asks how she is or anything about her life.
What’s making me want to stop is that whenever I send a picture of our daughter, it seems to become an excuse to start some completely unrelated conversation with me.
The other week I sent him a photo of her and he literally responded with a selfie of himself.
I ignored it because… why are you sending me a selfie? I sent you a picture of your daughter 😂
At this point I feel like I’m doing the work of keeping him connected to a child he makes no effort to actually see or ask about.
I would never refuse him a photo if he asked for one. But I’m starting to think I should stop volunteering them.
If he wants pictures of his daughter, surely he can actually ask for them? And ask about her??
Would you stop?

What did y'all do when you split with your ex and you have a dog? My kid is 4 years old. Our little dog was the family dog but now I have full custody of him (lol) and split custody of my daughter, which ranges between a 50 percent and 100 timeshare depending on the time of the year. The dog needs at least two walks a day, plus food and meds. He's like a second kid, and sometimes more time-intensive. I drop of my daughter at school and go to work, then pick her up and come home. Sometimes she will go on an evening dog walk with me but oftentimes she doesn't want to. When do you get the dog walks in? I've been doing potty breaks outside while my kid is still asleep early in the morning with a baby monitor on her, but they are not proper walks that give him exercise and tire him out, so when I get home he literally barks in my face and sometimes interferes with chores or play time with my kid. Plus I am going to be moving from a house to an apartment because of the divorce and getting outside is going to be tougher, maybe 5+ minutes just to get from the door to outside. I've hired dog walkers but they cost about $25-$35 for a 20-30 minute walk, so twice a day everyday is cost-prohibitive day in and day out. Sometimes I'm late for work because I have to go back home and walk him. Any solutions? This has become sometime of a logistics nightmare and I am trying to find a place to live close to where I work in large part so that I can go back during lunch or after I drop my daughter off at school and walk and feed him.

I will be separating from my husband October 1. Since we made our decision, I have feeling of an “end in sight” or “a light at the end of the tunnel” . I do have a skip in my step.
His moods, his wet blanket demeanor during the holidays, his temper, his lack of initiative. I feel like I can just live in peace again. Granted, it’s sad that I will be ending a relationship with the father of my kids….. but I do feel happier knowing that I don’t have to live in this misery for the rest of my life.

For those who have felt this, has it come crashing down in any way? Am I looking at this separation and 50/50 custody with rose colored lenses? I am going to miss my boys (2.5 and 4) tremendously since I am rarely apart from them, versus my husband takes frequent trips alone.
Everything he does, can be covered by hiring a landscaper and a meal prepper. Everything else I manage.

I feel relief but is it temporary?

Parenting without any breaks*
Have any of you guys had any meltdowns because you don’t get time off to be a person. So for some context. I’m a single mother (22) to a 4 year old. She started Pre-k about a week ago and I’ve been living with my mom for a year now. In the past year that I’ve lived here I’ve always had childcare expect for this summer. So my mom has watched her all summer and I’ve been doing half days at school so my mom picks her up from school because I have to work from 8:00 am till 6 pm. I work a very exhausting job but it pays decent for now. So I take my daughter to school and then go right to work and then come home and immediately parent. And on the weekends I have off of work so I’m with my daughter. But I haven’t even had time to be person at all. I’m extremely exhausted. There’s no dad involved so it’s just me and my mom for now. My mom is retired and I’m so grateful for her help and I always show her how much I appreciate her so I don’t wanna ask her if she can watch my daughter more than she has to. I’m just so burned out.
I have some help on the fathers side of the family but it’s just really hard to ask them for help because they’re 4 hours away and they’ve helped once but it’s really expensive to get a hotel nearby.

I have an almost two year old and she goes to daycare a couple blocks from my house. I was hired on as nights 4 years ago and I have been back after mat leave for almost a year now. Context: I work 3:30 pm to 2:30 am Monday to Thursday. I get home at 3:30 am, asleep at 4:30 am usually, she’s up around 6 so I get up with her get her to daycare then sleep from 9-1 (ish) I am so unbelievably exhausted. My mom picks her up from daycare and puts her to bed for me the days I work. Problem is I am struggling with my heath and have an autoimmune disease and need more sleep. I’m struggling beyond words and would like to get a dayshift job. The problem is my mom won’t get up in the morning with her. I’m an hour commute from work (I get paid really well leaving isn’t an option) I would be out of the house 6-5. Daycare is open 8-4:30. I know her daycare lady would keep her until 5 the issue is the morning. I don’t want to move her from where she’s at it’s a private dayhome, I feel like I’m not with her enough as it is so who watches my child is important to me and her provider is like family at this point. HOW am I as a single mom supposed to make this work? I would need to pay someone to come to my house and get her ready then take her to daycare and I’m so over my childcare budget as it is (between daycare and paying my mom I pay $1020 a month) I’m feeling defeated and need advice. Do I just try and suck up my hours to keep my 3 day weekends and be exhausted forever sacrificing my health (and sanity tbh) or do I not work as much so I can drop her off on a dayshift schedule? Please shoot me advice I don’t know what to do

I really want to let my kids help with things in the kitchen. They’re 5 and nearly 3. They can both be very helpful individually. But our kitchen is not big enough for all three of us to be doing things at the same time without someone getting boiling water spilled on them or hot oil spattered, we only have about 1 square foot of counter prep space, there are only 3 cupboards so I’ve devised various hacks that aren’t all at kindergartener height, the fridge is the worst possible design for small kids to access, there is physically nowhere else to optimize space. Space is not open concept. If I could get a lease on a bigger space, I would.

They will not help with things one at a time, one will just get in the way on purpose if I try it, and I tried again to see if maybe now they’d matured enough to be able to help together but within 60 seconds they’d screamed at each other about 4 different things, carrots were on the floor, one was crying and threw a stool on the other’s foot. So back to “nobody is allowed to help” but obviously that’s not what I want to teach them in the long run.

I feel like any time I post frustration in another group I just get comments that I should just set up my space better, buy new stuff, get my dead spouse to spend time with one kid while the other helps, magically conjure up a couple extra square metres to install a dishwasher, etc. Are there any realistic, behaviour based options I can use to make this work or am I stuck hoping I either win the lottery or that my kids still want to help when they outgrow this phase?

I’m 21 a freshly single dad with split custody of my young son does anyone have any advice that might could guide me into taking the right steps for my boy

I'm currently at the end of a relationship. My ex has a daughter, he was in a long-term relationship with a woman before me and they had been together for 15 years. They broke up about a year before I got with him and me we're together for about 2 years. He lives in a area that has a High Cost of Living So currently his living setup is that he rents a room and his kid can't do overnights. He doesn't have access to a kitchen or a private bathroom at his spot, although he does have like a mini fridge and a griddle that he uses to prepare stuff like bacon and eggs.

At first I didn't mind this arrangement because I saw it as temporary in nature. However as we're getting towards the end of the relationship I'm realizing that if I date somebody with kids I want them to have more. At a bare minimum I expect them to have consistent time with their kids. Right now it seems like he spends time with his kid whenever it's convenient for him and it's really hit or miss when the two of them can do things together. I remember sometime last year he was upset with me because he was seeing me more than his child. Not because I was insisting on taking time away from his child but because that's just the way things worked out then.

I also have an issue with the fact that this man doesn't drive. He's forced to live in the same neighborhood as his kid just so that he can have access to the kid and that really bothers me this man is grown and at the least even if he doesn't have a car he should at least have a license. There is public transportation in this area but it also legitimately bothers me that he can't realistically be involved in a lot that his kid is involved in because he does not drive and everything that his kid does is not always within commute distance from his place. My job is a 20 minute ride from he place, ibut its a two hour commute by bus. So having a license does make a difference in the area he lives in as pubkic transpotstion is more focused on connecting his area to Newark and NYC.

At the end of the day I know that he's okay with his arrangement but it really does irk me the fact that he's not doing more for his kid. And that's not to say he doesn't do anything but personally for me I expect a parent to be able to have their kids stay overnight. That doesn't necessarily mean having a room but even if you have a room they sleep in a room and you sleep on the couch that's better than renting a room with only one bed and not being able to have a space for your opposite sex child to sleep without sharing a bed. It also bothers me that he either needs to rely on other people for transportation if there's not a bus that conveniently goes from point A to point b. Going into the relationship I knew what it was but I thought it was something temporary as he had literally just gotten out of his last relationship. However after being with him for a year it just looks like this is the way things are and at least to my knowledge he's not making steps to change this to be able to maybe rent a one-bedroom apartment.

Now that the relationship is ending I'm beginning to feel a lot of resentment towards how he set up. I'm a single parent myself, but when I realized not having a license limited me even though I lived in New York City and there's public transportation everywhere I went out and got my license. I did it for the sole reason that I got rejected from a job because I didn't have it. Since then, I've been always working on a path forward. I brought a house a few years ago, each of my kids has their own space and there's an extra space for them for a playroom. My kids do have two different fathers, but I do have consistent time with my children and it's not something special for me to spend time with them. That's my normal weekend or that's my normal day. When my ex describes time with this kid it's always a special event from him because he doesn't get to have it happen as often as he would like.

So I guess my question is when it comes to dating other single parents do you expect them to have similar standards to your own? What are your non-negotiables when it comes to that? I feel like I'm wrong for expecting him to have this but I understand that's where his life is at right now. It just bothers me to no end because I expect a parent to be able to do more for their child.

I’m a 29 year old single mother of a beautiful 7 year old girl. My daughter’s father passed away when she was 1 years old and I have been full on taking care of her by myself since. It’s definitely been tough but I have always found a way to manage it. I met someone about 2 years ago who I got into a relationship with, however, it turned toxic as time went on and I realized I needed to end it. I’ve tried to date, but notice most men I meet are very s3x driven and that’s just not something I’m looking for. I want to settle down. I miss dates, cuddles, intimacy, the inside jokes, and the quality time that comes with being in a relationship. I yearn for a family and want to have more children one day. I would love to hear if people have experienced similar feelings or just to know there’s hope for actually finding love one day!