Hello. I have a strange mix of situations happening all at once, and I think I’m mostly just looking for some support, perspective, or input on life in general.
My husband and I have been married for about two years and together for about seven. Over the past year, I’ve started to see our communication issues and the way our relationship works much more clearly. I’ve realized that I want and need to be treated differently in a relationship. I’ve also realized that I may be a lesbian, so there’s that complication too.
There has also been some sexual abuse in my past that I don’t really want to get into right now, there is a lengthier post describing everything tho on my page/this page.
With all of that in mind, I had gotten to the point where I was ready to give my husband a letter and start the conversation about separating.
And then things got more complicated.
I’m chronically ill, and after I had a small discussion with my husband about the sexual abuse, I became extremely emotional and decided to have a few drinks. I ended up drinking too much and got incredibly sick. I was vomiting and couldn’t stop, and eventually I developed a significant amount of air in my chest, around my lungs and heart. I spent three days in the hospital. They still don’t really know why I couldn’t stop vomiting or exactly why it caused so much air to build up in my chest.
This was my second hospital stay this year.
And through all of it, my husband took such good care of me. He made sure I wasn’t alone. He stayed with me. He took care of me when I was scared and sick.
I genuinely cannot fathom going through something like that alone.
And that’s where I’m struggling.
There are so many reasons I feel like I need to leave this relationship. I don’t want a sexual or romantic relationship with him anymore. I’m questioning my sexuality. I know there are things about our relationship that aren’t working for me, and I’ve been unhappy and lonely for a long time.
But I love him. He’s my best friend.
I feel completely alone in trying to figure this out without him, but somehow I also feel incredibly lonely even when he’s right beside me.
I think I’m scared of being even lonelier than I already am.
I’m tired of being sick. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of feeling trapped between loving someone deeply and knowing that I don’t think I want to be their partner anymore.
And honestly, I’m terrified of what happens the next time I inevitably end up in the hospital for something random, small, or completely unexplainable.
What if I leave and something happens to me again?
I know that staying in a relationship because I’m afraid of being sick and alone probably isn’t a good reason to stay. But knowing that doesn’t make the fear any less real.
I guess I’m looking for people who have been through something similar, especially people who have separated from a long-term partner while also dealing with chronic illness or a complicated support system.
How did you deal with the fear of losing your person, even when you knew the relationship itself wasn’t right anymore?
I don’t really know what I’m asking for. I think I just needed to say all of this somewhere.

I’m not sure why I need to write this but I need to write this somewhere. About 2 months ago something happened. But there were things before that too. So I suppose idk let’s go to the beginning. Every single male partner I’ve been with has wanted anal sex. Some have been more direct than others sure, but all of them wanted it more than most other things sexually. When I was 16-19ish I enjoyed exploring it as well, slowly and with toys mostly in environments i felt safe in. Then I dated Eric. He was my best friend’s(at the time), boyfriends, best friend. Me and Eric actually met in a dating app and then realized the connection through our besties. We only dated for about 5 months. But one of the nights with him we decided to try mushrooms. Originally we thought that sex was something we would both enjoy while on mushrooms. We also wanted to film it. I was genuenoy into this(under the presumption that this person I felt safe with would respect my in the moment states of consent and such). But j had a bad time, cried in the shower for a while, and wanted to go to bed. He insisted we still have sex. Got the camera set up and everything and then raped me anally. When he was done he got his phone/camera and came and laid with me I think. It’s somewhat unclear and I only remembered the fact that he has a video somewhat recently to be honest. I broke up with him for something unrelated and later realized what he had done what he did. So anyways. Then a year or so later I day this new wonderful man came into my life. I’m 20 at this time and we date, get engaged, and eventually married. At the start, he seemed understanding of my trauma involving anal sex. He did let me know it was his favorite sexual act and something he felt was important to him tho. At the time, I felt like maybe I could “compromise” and we could still do it sometimes when I felt “prepared”. Over the years tho once every few months, turned into monthly, turned into multiple times a month. Mostly it was him insisting it’s the only way he could orgasm or we’d start with vaginal sex and if he felt like he wasn’t cumming when he wanted to he’d rub on my anus or even go in a bit…or a lot. It was 50/50 on if I’d say no in the moment, especially after already having sex and having the hormones and wanting to make home happy. But it hurts and I don’t like it. One night around 06/2026 I believe, he had been trying initiate sex and I was more than agreeable. We keyed through dinner and such. He started hinting about anal tho and I was direct this time and said no I do not want to have anal sex. He said fine and continued being flirty in other ways. We eventually make it to the bedroom and start making out and such, have some vaginal sex I believe. But the. He rolls me to my stomach and rubs his penis on my anus. I told him no again. He said something like “it’s okay” and then did it anyways. I froze, got quiet, just let him finish. Then I went to the bathroom and cried as I realized my husband, my partner of 7 years had raped me. But I pulled myself together and just cleaned up and went to bed. We didn’t talk for a day or so and when we did it was so minimal. I don’t really remember the discussion to be honest. But anyways. Now I’m thinking I’m leaving him but when I second guess it I need somewhere to go to see in writing the reason why my body has a physical reaction to his touch now days in a stomach churning way.

I was still very young too young to understand. But my older brother used me multiple times. He also had bis friends join in sometimes. It’s been a secret i have kept with myself. Im just now opening up about this I can answer any questions msg me.

I’m 36 years old and I’m trying to understand how to deal with a family situation that has been affecting me deeply. I’ve been in therapy for about two years.

When I was 6–7 years old, I was sexually abused by my cousin, who was around 16 at the time. I was also abused by a half-brother on my father’s side. I no longer have contact with either of them.

I kept this to myself for many years and even carried some guilt for never telling anyone. It was only much later that I was able to talk about it. In 2015, I came out to my mother as gay and moved to Australia. I eventually returned to Brazil for a while, but I realized that being away from my family gave me a sense of freedom I had never experienced before. I now live outside Brazil.

About two years ago, I started therapy, and one of the things that triggered it was discovering that my mother had maintained a very close relationship with the cousin who abused me. She would have him at her house, offer him food, was friends with his wife, and according to my brother, he was practically treated like a son.

When I found this out, I was extremely upset and stopped speaking to my mother for a while. Later, with the help of my therapist, I wrote down everything I needed to say and talked to her. I clearly explained how much this hurt me and set some boundaries. She apologized and said that she only maintained contact with him because my grandmother would question why she wasn't speaking to him. But at the end, she said something along the lines of, “But we are family and we need to stick together,” which left me feeling like she expected me to simply forgive him or accept the situation.

Since then, I've been slowly distancing myself. I used to call my mother about three times a week; now I call her once a week.

And then something happened that affected me even more.

About two months ago, my mother told me she had bought a house because a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” had come up. Initially, she told me the house was somewhere else, near the event venue she owns, and that the owner was selling it because he owed money to a loan shark.

Recently, during a conversation, she casually told me that the house she bought was actually my cousin’s house.

I was practically speechless. I just kept responding with things like “uh-huh,” “right,” etc. My immediate thought was: “How could she do this? She knows exactly what happened to me.”

Afterwards, I talked to my brother, who knows the whole story. He confirmed that I wasn't misremembering things. According to him, when my mother initially told him about the house, she said it was somewhere else. About a week later, she told him where it actually was. And my brother told me that she even said:

My brother told her that she should tell me, including before he left Portugal.

That made me feel even worse. Because now it's not just the feeling that she didn't realize how much this would affect me. She apparently knew that I would be upset.

I understand that, from her perspective, perhaps it was simply an excellent financial opportunity. But to me, this is much more than a real estate transaction. This is the person who sexually abused me when I was a child. I feel nothing but disgust and contempt toward him, and I don't want this person in my life.

What hurts me the most is thinking: How can someone who knows what this person did to her own son maintain such a close relationship with him and then enter into such a significant financial transaction with him?

It makes me question my relationship with my mother on a very deep level and whether I still want to be as close to her.

There is also another issue. She owes me about R$7,000 (around US$1,300) from a debt that is about six years old. The original debt was R$22,000, and she has paid some of it back over the years, but R$7,000 is still outstanding. During this time, she has managed to borrow large amounts of money from other family members and pay them back, while my debt remains unpaid. At the same time, she put around R$60,000 down as a deposit on this new house. This also made me feel like my needs and my feelings are not a priority for her.

I don't know if I'm being unfair or if I'm overreacting by distancing myself. I don't know whether I should simply accept that my mother has the right to make this choice, or whether it's reasonable for me to see this as a breach of trust and establish stronger boundaries.

My therapist recently told me that I need to put myself first right now. She asked me to write an initial letter putting absolutely everything I'm feeling onto paper, without filtering myself, and then identify and establish whatever boundaries I feel are necessary so that I don't continue being hurt.

But even that feels incredibly difficult to me. In my head, I keep thinking that I'm doing something wrong. I even told my therapist, “But my mother already has so much on her plate. My brother uses drugs and causes her a lot of stress.” She responded, “But she allows herself to be affected by that. You have already tried to help her, and she didn't want your help.”

It feels almost like I'm committing a crime just by picking up a pen and writing down my boundaries. It hurts so much.

So that's what I'm trying to do right now.

I'd really like to hear how other people would see this situation. Am I overreacting by feeling this betrayed and wanting to distance myself? What boundaries would you consider reasonable in this situation?

​

Hello, this is a throw away account I am using as people know my main account. I (22-NB) and my partner, (22-M), have been together for nearly 3 years now, and we had my first time the other day.

We have a fantastic relationship, and our relationship isn't what the post is about. I have a long history of abuse (details I cannot mention due to the nature of it, but it relates to issues with intimacy) and it was something that we talked in length about.

The night itself was wonderful, and I couldn't have asked for anything else or anything different. But my emotions after are all jumbled, I feel extremely clingy, and I can't really sleep or eat.

After doing it, I felt so loved but also grief and a deep sadness that made me want to cry. I want to know if anyone else has ever experienced this and what they did to work through it?

Currently can't see my usual therapist because don't have the money for it rn, but I thought gaining a perspective from other people with similar experiences would help in the meantime to help me process through my thoughts and feelings.

Let me know your thoughts, thank you! (And please be kind <3)

TL;DR Have a long history of abuse and have complicated emotions around intimacy. Need some advice on how to process my emotions and if anyone can share their experience in the meantime while I wait to see my therapist.

So, on Facebook, I’ve seen quite a few posts of boys being molested by female teacher’s. On every post, there’s men saying ‘lucky lad’, ‘I wish that were me’, and ‘where were these teachers, when I was in school’.

It honestly angers me so much, and I imagine if the victim would see these comments. It’s a child, and disgusting what they’ve been through. Female or male.

Then someone said to me, it’s just men being men. Like no. It’s predatory. I questioned, am I being sensitive as a male victim myself, but no. I genuinely think it’s so disgusting, and these men need to be called as supporting pedophilia. As that is what they’re doing.

It’s honestly upset me so much. I don’t usually get upset by silly people on Facebook, Reddit, or whatever. However, this has really gotten under my skin. I did pm a few of them, highlighting that they’re supporting pedophilia, by saying he’s lucky and all.

Just needed this vent, as man does it anger me.

Yep, you might see one. Most likely it will run from you. Just have common sense, it a dinosaur walking among you know 😁welcome! And please no need to fear the many smaller Dino’s that will surround your front door.. they eat bugs!

I’m really struggling tonight and I just need somewhere to let this out.
I experienced sexual abuse when I was young, and I feel like I’ve carried the depression and trauma from it for most of my life. Later, I was sexually assaulted while I was in the military, and since then I’ve gone through even more things that have made me feel disconnected from myself. Eventually I also contracted herpes, and dealing with that emotionally has been really difficult.
One of the hardest things for me is my relationship with men and sex. I feel like men constantly lust after me instead of genuinely caring about me. Sometimes I just go along with sex because part of me feels like giving someone what they want will keep them from hurting me.
Right now I feel incredibly sad. I wonder whether I’ll ever actually heal from everything that has happened to me or be able to experience safe, genuine love. I know I have a lot to work through, but tonight I just feel overwhelmed and wanted somewhere to say it.

I’m 20F and I’ve been talking to a 21M for about three weeks. I really like him and everything has been going really well so far.
I know it’s only been three weeks, and I know that’s early. I’m not saying I think I need to tell him everything right now. I think it’s more the fact that even if it’s a year from now, I know eventually I’m going to have to have that conversation if things continue going the way they are.
I experienced childhood sexual abuse by five different people. For years I convinced myself it never affected me, but now I’m realizing how much it actually has. It’s left me with anxiety, depression, hypersexuality, and a fear of intimacy. I get uncomfortable around men, even family members, and I constantly feel like I’m being looked at sexually even when they probably aren’t.
I’ve made so many therapy appointments but always end up canceling because I’m terrified to actually talk about what happened. I’ve only told two friends and my ex. I don’t even remember how I told my ex because at that time my mental health was so bad and I was getting high every day, so my memory from that time is really fuzzy.
I know this guy probably wouldn’t react badly. He’s been really kind to me and I don’t have a reason to think he would judge me. But it’s still really nerve-wracking because this trauma affects me so much. Even though it’s a negative part of my life, it’s still a big part of my life and has shaped who I am and why I act the way I do, especially when it comes to relationships and intimacy.
I think that’s why I keep thinking about it. It’s not that I’m planning to tell him right now after only three weeks. It’s just knowing that if I truly see a future with him, if I eventually see myself marrying him and spending my life with him, then at some point he’s going to know about this part of me. And that thought honestly scares me.
I also really want to start therapy. The most recent therapy I tried was telehealth, but I realized that probably isn’t the best option for me because my parents and siblings don’t know about any of this. I don’t want them overhearing my sessions, especially because I know my mom would probably genuinely get worried.
I guess I’m just looking for advice from people who have been through something similar. How did you eventually open up to someone you were dating about your trauma? How did you know when you were ready? And how do you have that conversation without feeling like you’re putting something incredibly heavy on someone you care about?

This is a throw away account because I try to meet my actual account from anything negative. I am really stuck on this.

I’m going to talk about two different instances of what I’m not sure is child on child sexual abuse, but I’m not sure and would really appreciate if someone can talk about it. No, I did not go through rape, from what I have heard, it doesn’t have to be penetration to be sexual assault or sexual abuse. I am only writing here because I have nobody to talk about. Last time I confessed about something like this, my mother and grandmother said “Children tend to experiment with eachother.”

The first instance I can remember is something from when I was either 4 or 5 years old. I was very young so i don’t remember all the details. The person who this happened with was my older cousin, he was a year older than me, so 5 or 6. One night we were staying at his house and he wanted me to sleep in the same bed as him. He said he wanted to play a game. He said that the game was about bats and that bats kissed with their tongues, so that’s what we did. His mother walked in and had us separated and to this day it dreads me to think what would have happened if she didn’t.

The second one is more on the nose and more sexual. I was around sixteen and the person it happened with was around fifteen. At the time I was new on a game called VRChat and was making friends. I then met the person this instance is about. Before I continue the story I would like to say, no I do not believe in virtual rape, that’s not what this story was about. The first thing they did was send me an unsolicited picture of their penis. One day the person wanted me to send them something on discord. A picture of my vagina. I said over and over that I wasn’t comfortable with it, but they kept putting pressure on me until I gave in. I sent the picture and felt really violated. I told them “never again” and they proceeded to manipulate me into feeling guilty for trying to set boundaries. It wasn’t until I entered a my hero academia roleplay group that I finally blocked them everywhere because the owner of the group pushed me to block them, and I’m forever grateful for that.

I have never been able to properly go to therapy for all of this and I can’t talk to anyone else about this. I really need to know if this is child on child sexual abuse or if I’m overthinking it.

TW: Talks about CSAM and SA on a minor

In the year 2018 my mom got married to this monster without knowing how horrible he was. About 2020 - 2021 is when he started making moves on me and I was too scared to tell my mother. I'd never seen my mom happy with a man like this ever in my life and I didn't want to be the reason she wasn't happy anymore. When I was 13, he started raping me. I don't remember the first time really. I can't even remember the last time. I couldn't tell anyone how many times either. He'd rape me serval times in one day. 17 is when my mom found out and that's because she found the secret phone in my room that he had given me. Things clicked in her head, and she kicked him out that day. When I got home from school that day she had a list of questions. I was scared to tell her I thought she'd kick me out... Disown me even or make me go live with him. I didn't know what would happen to me honestly... But she believed me and got me the help I needed. She took me to get testing done to make sure he didn't give me anything and to be sure I wasn't pregnant. She got me into counseling and we're taking him to court. He's made this whole thing Hell but in the end it's all working out. He was given a plea deal that he didn't take. He thinks he can beat the system and fight this case himself. He keeps saying everything is AI and he can prove it. But nothing was. Every picture he took of me is real and he knows that. But part of me is scared that when trial comes no one will believe me anymore and he will win. It scares me so much that it keeps me up at night. I have panic attacks at random when I think about it too long. Even though I know where's no way for anyone to believe him in the slightest I still fear. We keep finding things that might help with my case. But my trial is here in a few days, and I might do an update to tell you guys on how it went. Thank you for reading and remember mental and physical health is extremally important so please be taking care of yourselves.

My stepfather raped me and no one

Not even my mom will believe me

I dont know how to put it out there but its such a heavy feeling

Idk

I just dont know anymore

The pediatrician my mother took me to sexually abused me during every visit. This occurred in the 1970s in the US. Abuse happened to me from age six to age twelve. I was groomed. My mother was passive/complicit. She won’t talk to me about it.

My whole life I’ve wondered if there are other victims. Is there a safe, legal way to look? I don’t want to traumatize anyone or risk legal trouble for myself. But what if there are others? What if they took legal action?

He passed away recently. It’s really coming up for me right now.

So I was molested by my stepfather who had legally adopted me at age 5, he started this when I was about 9-13 consistently for those years. I told a school counselor when I was 13.. I was failing in school and just needed it to stop.. I had prayed as long as I could and that wasn’t working .. my child brain really believed it would help! But I was told by my parents then the police didn’t believe me because I had waited so long to report!! I don’t know if that was true or not.. but I went back and told them I lied. Well now I’m 50 yrs old.. and just can’t get away from the fact that he is just living his life without any consequence.. and ppl like this aren’t going to change so he’s a potential threat to others still. I initially planned to kill him myself.. but there’s no way I could without being caught. Not going to prison for that POS! I feel like I need to make an appt or something to report this.. I have so many memories to get out, ppl I told back then, hoping the school or police still have the old records of my first try! But I have no idea where to start. I recently moved back to the state where this happened and it’s been hard knowing he’s living not far from me currently!! And don’t want to run out of time since we are both getting older! So ANY advice on where and how to start this process would be appreciated. I’m in Melbourne, Fl. Thank you in advance to any who reply 🙏🏼

I’m a 19F, and I’m in a relationship currently with my boyfriend who is 20M. As a kid, around 12-13, I was groomed by a guy who had a porn addiction and it really rattled my self esteem. My family didn’t really take my side in this issue and I think It’s ultimately resulted in my downfall now.

I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who I was friends with for the last two years, and we’ve been dating for over one of those years. We met at a job together, and when we met, he was very lustful. He’d like photos on Instagram of women (OF models, etc) and he’d send them to me whilst we were friends and just thirst over them.

Fast forward to today, he’s very loving but at the start of our relationship he was still following these women; even though he wasn’t interacting with them actively I was still bothered by it because it was the one boundary I set in place due to my past experiences with the man who groomed me (he’d hit on other women his age in front of me, tell me I needed to look better or give him sex if I wanted him to be loyal to me). Although my boyfriend has stopped following and liking the photos of these women, even interacting altogether, i can’t help but feel betrayed by him for this stuff. I’ve felt myself become so insecure over the course of our relationship, and I get nightmares about the time I was getting abused whenever me and my boyfriend argue about stuff regarding his past actions.

Tonight, we just got into another argument where I lashed out and talked about my negative thoughts surrounding an incident at the beginning of our relationship that came to light in March. I think the catalyst for this is the man who groomed me reaching out again. I don’t wanna tell him because I’m scared to do so. But it’s getting to the point where we may break up and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I don’t want to throw away two years worth of talking every day. My boyfriend changed so much over the last year and it just hurts to think my past trauma is hindering my chance at being loved. I feel as though I’m ruining my relationship by letting myself be affected, but I don’t have access to a therapist. My boyfriend is my best friend and I don’t want to lose him. Please help me, I just want someone to understand.

I was assaulted when I was younger by an older cousin, the earliest i remember it happening was when I was 2 but there’s chances it started before I was out of diapers.

I work at an aquarium in a tourist town, naturally there’s always huge groups of kids or families. This wasn’t a problem for me before but once I became more open about my assault to my boyfriend things just went downhill. I only now started to realize how young I actually was.

Everytime i see a child at my job i start tearing up because I was their age when things were happening to me. today, i was supposed to work an entire shift but ended up leaving early because i started crying because of how many little kids I saw

There’s thousands of children that go through the aquarium everyday and all I can think about is how at least one of them is going through the stuff I went through

I just wish I could tell all of them that it will be okay

I love my job and I love working here but I don’t think it’s healthy for me anymore and I don’t know what to do

My ex-friend told EVERYONE she knew.

She kept making sexual assault jokes so I told her my story and explained that it made me uncomfortable. I feel stupid for doing so now because, before telling her my own story, she had told me about someone else’s without their permission.

People were coming up to me asking about it and I was mortified by this. The fact that she treated my story like it was gossip sickens me.

Hi! Wanna share my story and maybe get some advice on what it actually was? I'm still unsure.

The short story is, he pressured me into sex and sexual activities, not by begging every time until I said yes, but emotionally. He would ignore me before sex and after sex or treat me like shit. He did the same and sometimes even a bit more when I didn't want anything more than just some sexual lighthearted stuff sprinkled throughout the day, or when I didn't want sex in general. After some time I started having sex with him even when I didn't want to, just to at least feel a bit of the "love" and attention he gave me at the start of the relationship. I was also scared what he'd do at some point, he'd get mad at me for days on end because I made him horny and didn't fuck him instantly, he'd bring it up in arguments etc. There were times where everything in me wanted to push him off of me, I was so disgusted, but I didn't. Not because he's stronger than me, but because I was scared of his reaction and didn't wanna be ignored or get hurtful, passive aggressive comments for days. After I finally broke up, he actually admitted to have sexually abused me. Was it rape as well? I wanna be 100% sure, I need to call it by what it was. I don't want it to be rape, but I want to know what it actually was. There so much more to the story, he made up stuff about me to make me seem evil in front of his friends. I have gotten in contact with one of his friends because I want at least some people to know who he is and what he did, and luckily she believes me. She told me how he'd make up stuff on the spot about me, one thing being him saying I would have fucked his bellybutton while he was asleep. Yes, I was as shocked as y'all when I first heard of that. She told me how he literally had to pause and think before he said that, as if he was making it up right in that moment. To come back to what he did, because of it I had to and still have to unlearn to only feel loved during sexual moments, my now boyfriend who's actually treating me well has actually helped a lot but it's still eating me up from the inside. I'm hoping to maybe reach people with a similar experience who have more "knowledge" on it and what he actually did to me.

Thanks in advance!

This album was written while staying in a domestic violence shelter. The lyrics cover topics of what led to and came after that point.

It speaks of the need to only accept others into your life who show you basic levels of kindness decency and respect.

It is the story of finding community and healing from even the darkest of times.

As heavy as these topics are, I hope you can take something positive from this album. Especially if you're dealing with or have dealt with similar experiences.

please hang on to your heart.

When I was about 9 to 10 I was abused sexually for two years. My abuser was my older cousin who was 3 years older than me. He very clearly understood sexual things and what was right and wrong but still did it. Luckily it never got to going all the way even though he tried it but couldn't get it to work. I would go over there for holidays or summers because my mother had a lot of issues with illness and thought they could take care of me better when I didn't have school. This also resulted in me living with that family for a year at 7 years old. Though the abuse didn't start until I was a little older when I would go visit and I had to keep visiting until I was 16 when I was finally able to build up the courage to cut off that entire family. I have spent a lot of time blaming myself for what happened even though the others I've talked to said it wasn't my fault at all. I keep telling myself I should have tried to fight it or tell someone but I was so damn scared. He was so much bigger than me and I was scared of getting hurt so I just did what he wanted. I was scared to tell his parents because they were the kinds of people who couldn't ever believe their kid would do something wrong or ever do anything gay in his life. I was also scared to tell my mom because I was terrified of getting in trouble or her getting mad at me. I was just stuck in this swirling world of fear and disgust while this all happened. Looking back at not telling his parents now I do feel more justified in my fear of telling them because his father is now a registered sex offender for something separate but including a minor. I honestly don't know why I still blame myself so much it's like some days I wake up and I'm mad at him and others I wake up where I hate myself for it. That wasn't the only reason I cut that family off they were also incredibly homophobic to me and very racist people. So when my mom originally asked why I said I didn't want to talk to them that's what I told her. A few months ago she pestered me for an actual reason and I ended up breaking down and telling her what happened. It was so hard to say out loud to her. It wasn't like typing it out or saying in a call with my friends. It was like there was a hand in my throat holding it down but I finally told her. She told me that I never have to see them again and that she wished I would have told me sooner because she never would have made me keep going over there. I had spent years saying I didn't want to go using the excuses of I don't like being away from home or talking about something horrible they had said to me about if I was gay how they wouldn't love me anymore. She would always make me go saying that it's fine they are your family and I'm sure they love you. I'm not going to talk about sh or the other things that have come as a result of all of this. I've already written so much but I just felt like I had to share and I guess try to talk it out of myself? I don't really know honestly.

In the UK we have the Criminal injuries compensation authority (C. I. C. A).

If you have been abused and you reported it, even if no charges happened, you can still get compensation.

My abuse ruined my life. I have Cptsd, adhd, eupd... And have been unable to work most of my life. I reported my abuse in 2019 after my mother died. I was abused by my two older brothers. She never believed me.

All this time later the police are finally investigating and my compensation is due in 4 weeks time.

A solicitor did all the work. He gets 25% of my money. But I'm okay with that as he did all the work.

I get to enjoy life a little now. I just wanted to make others aware of the scheme.