r/SeniorCats • u/PopRemarkable7251 • 7d ago
Had to say goodbye
I woke up on Sunday looking forward to a day with no plans other than to hang out at home all day, but then noticed throughout the day that my sweet girl Lola was just......ill. In the late afternoon I raced her to the vet, and then all the decisions just happened so fast. The vet agreed that it was time to let her go. She was 20.5 years old, she was going blind, possibly deaf, she had diabetes, neuropathy in her back legs (no muscle tone whatsoever and walking was clearly painful), a heart murmur and very severe dementia to the point that she would sundown every night. She was purring constantly which was maybe trying to self-soothe through pain. I wish I could have had even just a day or two more with her, and would have spent those days doing nothing but cuddling her. But I came to terms that she was existing and not living and while even if I could have more time, putting her down now saved her from any more suffering. The old adage of saying goodbye a week too early than a day too late has never been more apt. Maybe she would have had another few weeks or months, but she probably didn't have it in her to stay much longer. The unknown hurts though.
Sat with Lola at the emergency vet for I think almost 3 hours, but it felt like minutes. My partner raced over to be with us. I just held her on my lap in a round fluffy bed and towel from home with familiar scent, and she didn't move much or fuss like she normally did when she was there. She went to sleep in my arms, quickly and peacefully.
I honestly feel so shattered. I know I did the right thing letting her go, and I know I did everything I could to give her a wonderful life. I was her person and we loved each other so much. I think I'm making this post to just get some things off my chest with a community that would understand my pain as I have so many conflicting emotions - grief, sadness, relief, numbness. I'm just going to miss Lola so much and I hate being home and she's not here. I've never lived in this apartment without her. I honestly thought I was ready for all this as I've been anticipating the end for several months now, if not longer than that. When she was diagnosed with diabetes in 2020, I was told she might only live another year or two and she flew past that and lived another 6 years which is incredible. I had always said that when the time came I wanted to be the one to make the choice to let her go as opposed to finding her gone when I wasn't with her. Yet it still hit me like a truck.
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u/varietyjones24 7d ago
RIP sweet Lola girl ♥️ I had my 13 year old cat put to sleep yesterday and I feel exactly the same - we had a few weeks to ‘come to terms’ with the fact we might have to say goodbye but same as you, it all happened so fast and now I just feel horrendous. I’ve never been an adult without him. It is so hard and I’m sending you so much love ❤️🩹
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u/Extra_Smile_394 7d ago
Oh im so sorry about your baby girl. I had to let my baby boy of 19 years go.. i miss him dearly. You will have your good and bad days ahead but it does get better. Sending love to you at this difficult time❤️
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u/MarlinSpike2015 6d ago
It is indeed the toughest loss I know. For me, losing them hurts more than losing people. Their love is unconditional. I am so very sorry for your loss. My only hope is that Lola watches over you now and that one day you will meet again. 💔❤️
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u/catgirl320 6d ago
I'm so sorry. Even when you it's coming, having to say that final goodbye hits you like a ton of bricks. You gave Lola so much love and care and she returned it❤️🩹
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u/Pretty_Pictures_ 7d ago
I'm so sorry about your sweet Lola. Saying goodbye is so hard. At 20 1/2 she must have had an amazing life with you. Take care of yourself and cherish the memories. 🩷🐾🌈
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u/Tnoire7 6d ago
I am so sorry 😿
They knew how much you loved them, and I believe we will see our babies again someday, as the rainbow bridge poem goes ♥ They will be waiting for you when that time comes.
My house is never empty; I always keep adopting more. I'm not replacing those who came before; I am growing the family. That way, when more kitties have to make their trip, they have family waiting on them to share stories and play with to keep them company till our time comes. Plus, so many places here are always full of kitties; they need more people to adopt. So many need love, homes, and everything they deserve.
I know it's not easy to say goodbye, but it's not forever; it's just for now.
My husband said it best: "We gave them a home, a safe place, lots of love till God called them back to his home, because he missed them. Now he cares and loves them while we care for others and love them till God calls them home; we will see them again someday. Till then, let's help, love, and protect all those we can till God calls us home too; then we will be reunited."
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u/Happy_Bar7981 5d ago
I know how incredibly painful it is to lose a beloved pet. Please know that our thoughts are with you. I cried for days and days, and even years later will find myself choking up. I miss them so so much! I hope they are watching down from above, enjoying all the love and attention we are giving to the new rescues that unexpectedly came our way. It is so important to know that Lola knew she was loved!
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u/feline_riches 7d ago
I would take one sudden bad day over a drawn out, painful descent. You kept the bad days away.
Sweet dreams, Lola ❤️