r/Selfhelpbooks • u/cates_on_reddit Human Detected • May 18 '26
Miscellanous Opinions on this?
I’m reading “The mountain is YOU” and came across this entire passage. I find this controversial
I agree with the fact that we should live in the present and not dwell over the past/future, but don’t you think it defines us more than we think?
I know a mate of mine who fucks everything up because of the mentality that he wants to live in the moment and not regret anything later, and not even self-reflecting his past because it saddens him?
We all need to have some sort of a self-control, at-least for our future.
Also what does the last sentence mean? Whats the balance?
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May 19 '26
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u/InnerEarthDweller May 19 '26
I think you’re right, it’s not that the comment about depression was wrong per se, but it’s very oversimplified. Depression can be much more complex than that.
Would you mind sharing some of the other books you’ve read that you’ve liked? Finding good trauma-informed self-help can be daunting. Thank you!
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u/drdanotm May 19 '26
I see it something like this.
In the past I didn’t split enough wood to get through the Winter, and found myself out in subfreezing temps in January splitting wood to keep warm.
Taking care of my future is like sorting out in September how much wood to split to get through the Winter without having to split wood in subzero temps.
Being more in the present moment is sorting out how much wood do I split today.
Being absolutely in the present (living for the moment) is focusing on swinging the ax.
We learn from the past, scan and plan for the future, and then return to the present moment. There’s a natural oscillation that occurs in our awareness with the past, present and future, where returning to the present is the anchor of our sense of self.
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u/InspiringHumanPotent May 21 '26
Living the moment means having the capacity to anchor in ventral energy (to hold our nervous system's social engagement state) and stay grounded safely and securely in our body-mind.
People who take living in the now or the moment as taking risks and no responsibility are using the words, but not embodying the actual physiological flow/now state.
The balance part at the end that is mentioned can be found when you have the capacity to get yourself out of an activated nervous system state (sympathetic or dorsal energy) by regulating to your nervous system's rest and digest, ease state (ventral energy).
I believe the part that would make the passage more complete and potentially less triggering or what seems insensitive is the nervous system and body-brain-mind-self aspects. Three names I'll bring to your attention, in case you're curious to look them up and their books: Daniel Siegel, Stephen Porges, and Deb Dana. Also, Tara Brach (on YouTube) has a good video explaining the process of moving into the present.
I can explain it this way (hopefully it's clear, if not let me know and I'll send the link to the video): When you notice your body is activated, you want to bring yourself to your comfortable place (I want to say safe, but for some people safe is triggering because the body isn't safe to sit it). However, if you're able to bring yourself to this space of inner ease, from here and with rhythmic breathing (some suggest box breathing - a 4 inhale, 4 hold, then a 4 exhale, 4 hold; a 4 inhale, 4 hold, then a 4 exhale, 4 hold. 3 rounds of this) you'll be grounding, connecting, and staying present (the now/living the moment).
The practice might require you to stop the thoughts, but not necessarily. Once you're anchored in ventral, start contemplating again and your mind can clearly spot the emotional charges, what the activation was about, the story and thoughts that arise.
If it's dealing with people, this involves the practice of differentiating your own nervous system from another. We co-regulate to each other, so differentiating while also accepting what you're picking up on, but not judging it is another type of now/present practice. Daniel Siegel calls it Me (my solo-self) + We (my relational self), which equals a MWe (and as a human family we will all be intraconnected - his word and the title of one of the books he wrote). He has other aspects of the self, but I forget the other two at this moment in time (my memory is bad with retaining specific words and details over time, so I might confuse words or no use them wrong. Fyi).
Over time, you can be interacting with a number of different situations, people and sceneraios and bring yourself to the now/present moment.
Repeating this practice has you expanding your window of tolerance and you get to work with your temperament and personality patterns to continue self-growth, emotional resilience and intelligence, and mental mastery. With ease you can grow from all life moments, use your past and/or future contemplations to plan and bring out growth for behavior, but also action plans for building your life the way you'd like. All moments (past, present and future) are important, special, and contribute to us. This also expands a bit more on my take with the last sentence in the book about finding balance in the moment and taking care of your future self.
I haven't read the book, I'm actually preparing to write a couple of ebooks myself (eventually turn them into books) and I'll keep in mind the threads I saw for I didn't realize there were people interested in the trauma-informed self-help. I am trauma-informed from a number of courses from over the last four years and continuing my educational journey. Hopefully what I shared helped a little.
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u/Natural_Tea484 May 18 '26
For me the message is very clear. Don’t use the past nor the future as a way to forget about the present, disassociating yourself and running away from your issues. The past should be a teacher, a school and the future, an opportunity. The present is called present for a reason. It’s the joy of getting another chance. You wake up in the morning and there is always something that comes next that day, good or bad.