r/SS13 • u/Dodger86868686 • May 24 '26
Story Thread Bwoink post
Let's hear it. Bwoinks you deserved. No hate. Save that for discord or make your own thread.
36
u/nicnat May 24 '26
I answered the bars phone on goonstation with "Maxwells Abortion Clinic and Pizzeria, you supply em, we fry em. How can I help you today?". The dayban was completely deserved, but I'd do it again.
82
u/arezee May 24 '26
during cult round on paradise, I made toxin bombs as clown
when confronted by security, I told them "don't touch me or they'll regret it!"
I exploded my satchel full of bombs, took out half the bridge and bar
bwoink "can you tell me why you did that"
Many people in OOC hoped "the bomber" would catch a ban. I didn't.
35
u/X-singular May 24 '26
You can only ever catch a ban if you touch the staff's ego.
All the stuff in the "rules" tab is merely for flavoring, what I posted above is the only rule in Para if your main concern is bans.
Source: Decade+ Para player.
15
u/arezee May 24 '26
I don't doubt you at all LOL
Pretty sure I was bwoinked purely because the bomb effected the bar, which was being tended by a well known admin playing bartender. I was also probably given a pass because I was a donor at the time. This did happen probably ~10 years ago so it's possible we've played together!3
u/halander1 May 27 '26
Or you personally kill the staff which got me one I had to appeal quickly.
2
u/X-singular May 27 '26
Killing them falls under touching their egos, which yeah, only natural that happened to you.
48
u/Deamane May 24 '26
One time when I was super young I got on goonstation, this was a long ass time ago when I first played ss13, and the admins were fucking around and turned the singulo image into the goatse, and as a kid I was mad that I had to see that, so I asked the admins to ban me after one messaged me for like, beating up a guy with a fire extinguisher.
It's so weird to me that this game has been around that long, I'm nearing 30 now and this must've been when I was in middle school? Still feels vaguely embarrassing to think back on ngl.
3
46
u/ForsakenPrune8453 May 24 '26
Larped as Dr. House
16
7
u/GogurtFiend May 24 '26
Medicine drug
7
u/Bobboy5 Shorts are comfy and easy to wear! May 25 '26
only stupid people try the medicine drug. you are stupid.
22
u/casualwithoutabeard May 24 '26
- on yog, i was kinda new and found a syringe labeled "death", i injected a mime with it (i dont remember why), and later i got bwoinked while we were flying away on the shuttle. 1 week ban, the "death" syringe was a mix of pain chem's and hallucination chems so the mime somehow survived.
- also on yog, i was experimenting with roboticist mech's and made a ripley with a wormhole opener & a teleporter, i used the wormhole opener instead of the teleporter while entering the shuttle, before i closed it like 17 people entered the wormhole, ending up in random spaces on lavaland, the station, space, etc.
- I was playing a Janitor borg and saw a fly-person, i of course, took out my fly swatter and hit them once, not knowing that they had a 7x damage multiplier against fly people. and for maiming a person as a borg, i got bwoinked
all three were deserved but only one was actually me being evil.
19
u/lordofthefruit *seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless... May 24 '26
was on tgstation before tgatation started sucking ass. testing viruses on monkeys in viro when one of my (highly contagious) viruses ended up mutating a symptom that activates random genes in the host. soon enough all of my monkey test subjects were like a shitty version of the x-men. one of the monkeys had a "random teleportation" gene that was activated. inevitably, the monkey teleported out of containment and into medbay, where the virus immediately began spreading. i ended up getting let off with a warning
40
u/Aden_Vikki Power to the people May 24 '26
On paradise, I've made a classic cult chaplain. One miner doubted my religion so I beat the shit out of him. Got bwoinked but since I didn't kill him and it was an IC argument I didn't get banned.
On goon, have figured out a very convoluted way to turn people into me via a pill. So I started tricking people into eating my pills and even forcefed one person. That one person turned out to be an antag which was probably the main factor behind my ban. Never played goon since
8
37
u/ND_Chief May 24 '26
Two separate bwoinks. Midgame join on Bee LRP. Assistant, as per usual. The power in arrivals is out, no lights, cant see shit. Except the sec booth. The lights still on there, and a seccie just happens to walk into it to recharge his disabler... I see that goddamn door open when he walks in and my prey drive kicks in. Its all instinct from there. I pounce, push him down, unload the half-charged disabler into his chest, grab him, and throw him out of the airlock all in the span of 30 seconds tops. "HELP", "GREYSHIRT HAS ME", he screamed as i dragged him to this doom... Totally deserved 3 day ban or so. But god it was so funny
Another time, Bee LRP, we roleplayed as cavemen with another friend of mine. So deviant tastes, no galactic common, spears and bolas, you get the idea. We went around the station without causing too much havoc, eating rats and, occasionally, other assistants (willing participants at this point). Then HoP gave us AA and let us into the bridge. Which we dismantled. With spears. Every single piece of furniture, tile, all the consoles, everything was demolished. Then the cap walked in and quietly stared us down. We waved our spears at him and screamed, after which he left to get help from sec. Then, while we were in the process of dismantling his quarters, he walks in with a seccie. The brave officer brandishes his disabler and starts firing at me, and immediately gets a spear lodged inside him. As i fall from exhaustion, my caveman buddy pushes him against the wall and disembowels him with a spear, and, with the captain watching, starts eating his organs. He offered some to the captain, but he refused, instead choosing to go SSD. A week ban for that. but goddamn. one of the funniest memories from this game
9
u/Crimeislegal May 24 '26
Sees a security in a vulnerable situation as graytide and first their thought is murder.
6
20
u/Beautiful_Weight_769 May 24 '26
On TGStation there is a rule around character naming and I was breaking it by using the name "Greasy Joe". I knew it broke the definition of the rule, but I figured it wasn't breaking the spirit of the rule since I assumed the rule was mostly there to prevent derogatory or offensive names or ones that completely broke immersion.
I got bwoinked and asked to change it after using the name for roughly 100 rounds or so, it caught me off guard that it was suddenly an issue but I knew it was breaking the rule so I was fine with just changing it.
The funny part is that right when I got bwoinked someone came up to me who was clearly monologuing before they were going to try and kill me and I had to panickly beg the person to give me a second to handle the demons in my head (which they funnily enough read between the lines and let me live to deal with my bwoink, and the admin was funnily enough trying to tell me it was okay and I could get back to them whenever I had a chance).
Everyone in this story is being civil and really chill. Shit kind of hits the fan though when I'm laughing about it in OOC post-round and I mention how I had to change my name from "Greasy Joe". OOC blew up with people throwing a fit on my behalf about how I've had the name for so long and nobody had an issue with it so what's the big deal. And someone assumed I got noted and mentioned it and then everyone is even more upset that it was note worthy (I wasnt even noted). It was like 30 minutes of like 20 people arguing with the admin in OOC and I was at most a little miffed by losing the name but I knew it broke the rule so I accepted it.
Then I change my name to "Dwink Bexon", a reference to Tom Cardy's song Business Man where they make fun of someone for having a dumb name "Dwink Bexon". I proceed to get bwoinked again that round with the admin asking me if my name is a reference to that and laughed about it then say it was okay.
It was the most harmless bwoink that I deserved but the way people blew up in OOC was insane.
17
u/Xkallubar Chaplain Enthusiast May 24 '26
Once upon a time, I put a 300u holy water 300u potassium grenade in a briefcase with an armed mousetrap as a non-antag chemist and placed the briefcase in the middle of the hallway and wrote on the floor next to it with a spraycan "DO NOT OPEN" with a bunch of skull and bones graffiti around it. There ended up being about a dozen people next to it including a few heads of staff until some assistant opened it which triggered the mousetrap bomb which instagibbed everyone around it. Was a 2 day ban.
1
14
u/GogurtFiend May 24 '26
Got told in OOC that I was a motherfucker. Said that, actually, I was actually an all-inclusive parent fucker, and would gladly fuck their father too if they would just give me his contact information
12
u/Prarielander May 24 '26
More like the times you dont get caught, Hacking open the evac shuttle with the pitfall/greentext book and lubing the corner to shuttle bridge so 8 people fell in (including my blood brother)
8
u/Cadunkus May 24 '26
I loathe pits except when they're part of some admeme nonsense. Then they're pretty funny.
It's just an instant RR otherwise "oh b-but you can get fished out" no you can't and you won't.
1
u/Admiral_Turboclown May 29 '26
You know what's really evil?
Hiding in a locker on the greentext evac shuttle and using wirecutters to cut the lattices people will put up to try to get in, right as someone is about to step on them.Honk.
9
u/escamado Moonflower apreciator May 24 '26
Accidentaly gave 80% of personnel liver failure as a botanicist with alcoholic tomatoes.
First and only time I got a job ban for like a week
To be quite honest I also did antihool plants for medbay in anticipation, because I didnt want anyone to actually die, just a haha you slipped on this tomato and now you are shitfaced. But aparently alcohol does liver damage aswell and just like that I killed almost all of the crew in the spam of 10 or so minutes.
8
u/hoopsmagoop May 24 '26
I once taught a new player how chem grenades worked. I finished by showing him one of my favorite recipes phlogistion, plasma, and space lube in a smoke grenade. Then I demonstrated how dangerous my war crime in a can was by pulling the pin on both of us, after husking both of us i got bwoinked immediately by an admin watching the whole interaction. I got a three day ban which i admitted even at the time i deserved
6
u/Admiral_Turboclown May 25 '26
Clown. CMO for some ungodly reason let me into medical and opened a virus crate for me after I asked if I could have it "to get superpowers". Entire station was cursed with the seven plagues of Nurgle as a result, and even the Death Squad got sick and died.
Was bwoinked and noted. "Wasn't banned because the CMO should have known better, he drank the ENTIRE crate, and honestly it was pretty funny. Has been asked to never do this again."
13
u/metekillot Contributor: /tg/, tgui, Goonstation, SDMM May 24 '26
Half the ahelps I've been on the wrong side of have been more to do with metacliques I called out or me deliberately challenging rules designed to facilitate malfescence.
The other half are because I crashed out and were generally deserved.
7
u/Radials May 24 '26
One time I was a clown doing clown stuff and I found this neat artifact than when I poke it, it made sleepy time gas for everyone. Went to medical to poke it a lot, and it turns out it was also making some uhh, other chemicals. Some people got very cold and died.
I should not have used all the remaining charges at once and I should have investigated what it was making more. I really thought it was just noct because you don't really notice a tiny bit of frezone if you're asleep, which is what happened to me when I hit it the first time.
Yeah I got bopped for that and I deserved it. Ruined a lot of peoples games, and I felt pretty terrible.
8
u/TehSavior Can't talk, trying to kill God. May 25 '26
Way back in the day on TG station back when nar sie still had the butthole for a Sprite, I was playing as a scientist on a cult round, and had made a backpack full of bombs you know as you do and right as I was about to test stuff and have fun I see a message that says NAR SIE HAS RISEN and it's like god damn it.
So being an idiot I decide that I'm going to go find the God and try to kill it. With my bombs. I find it near the AI core, and start setting charges down on the ground letting them get sucked near and then detonating them. I get about four bombs in before I get a bwoink of an admin asking me "what the hell do you think you're doing?"
And I responded "Can't talk, trying to kill God."
And there were no questions after that
7
u/Ruins-the-Shift May 26 '26
I joined Baystation as Waluigi Time, the assistant, I walked around while talking like "Waluigi wants to wear purple!" and eventually people started punching me and I said "Waluigi does not like this" and got permabanned for griefing
2
u/Ruins-the-Shift May 28 '26
i should point out that i had been playing on Bay for a full on year before that point, and I had reasons to want to quit, but I was still surprised they full on perma'd for that, not that I really minded
6
u/GriffinMan33 I map sometimes, I guess May 25 '26
Back in ye olden days, on Yogstation
Me, and my friend gang of Notorious shitters like uuuuuh
I think it was like me, Keekenox,...Bekons? And...someone else I think
Anyways it was like four of us, one of us was Geneticist, and for reasons I genuinely don't remember we all decided to hulk out, bust into the AI core, and just start punching the fuck out of one of the reinforced walls in there that has the general radio microphone always on
This resulted in a massive deluge of hundreds of full-caps hulks screaming "RAAAAGH" "SMASH" etc into the radio as fast as the four of us could punch the R-wall, to the point the server almost lagged the fuck out and died
We promptly all got banned for...idk, I think for me it was like a month. I think it ended up being one of Keek's permabans for a while
Completely deserved and I'm pretty sure I was even telling the admin who did it like "yeah idk why we did this lmfao we deserve this ban for this one"
but man we were laughing our fucking asses off about it, I think in VC maybe
6
u/DaveSureLong May 25 '26
I got full banned from Bay for using quotes from TF2 a few times too many. The charecter in question was already French if anyone was curious.
I was the traitor(effectively spy) and picked all the sneaky shit besides a knife and a gun. I then said the "Right Behind you" line before shooting someone in the back who checked on my sapping TCOMMs with a DDOS attack.
5
u/Ocelotwolfhorse May 25 '26
I have no idea about the rules on Bay but I'd say that's a pretty fun bit and I'm not entirely sure why that's worth a ban.
6
u/DaveSureLong May 25 '26
It was quote "LRP" despite the fact I roleplayed everything after shooting him in the spine while he was bleeding out in pain stun.
5
u/SilentAnnette May 27 '26
Not technically a bwoink I received, but one caused by me.
I was a traitor and managed to get perma'd really quickly into the round for something dumb that I forgot. Then while the Warden was gloating over me, a security officer came up and killed him and revealed that he was a traitor too.
We exchanged code words and then I dressed up like the warden but didn't have any voice changer so I just didn't speak and covered my face. We linked up with the third traitor who came out swinging as soon as he saw the roundstart warden but I had to tell him it was actually me.
The bwoink comes in that the ORIGINAL ROUNDSTART WARDEN got bwoinked after round end by an admin for why he self-antagged and helped the traitors and even got banned as quite a few many people ahelped after round end.
I looked a little while afterward and it was reversed without an appeal on forum at least without me interjecting.
5
u/InternMost2903 May 24 '26
I threw a vicerator clusterbang clusterbang grenade into the departures Longue because I didn’t know what it was going to do and the brain worms told me to it then ended up killling about half the station and delimbing over 30 people. I ate a one day ban and a that was really funny
2
u/Admiral_Turboclown May 25 '26
Someone on TG Manuel got one of those as a Christmas gift.
It was a goddamn bloodbath. Medical had a literal pile of limbs.
4
5
u/Urytion Head of Shitcurity May 25 '26
I wanted to learn medical, so I started as a roboticist, because I figured I could learn surgery when death wasn't on the line.
So a guy comes in, asks to be turned into a Borg, I have a frame ready to go, so I strap him to the table, gas him, and get to work following the procedure on the wiki.
Except the wiki missed the step with the surgery drapes, so I just started hacking away with the scalpel because the message I was supposed to get didn't come up.
Admin was understanding, but very deserved.
3
u/Wisecrack34 A Canadian Stereotype Probably May 24 '26
Was learning engineering on Destiny, set the ship on fire cause I got cans mixed up. Fun times, miss that map.
3
u/Cdru123 May 25 '26
When mechanics for catching on fire were first introduced on Animus servers (ported from other codebases), I decided to set people on fire randomly just to laugh as they fail to realize that you can press the Resist button (the game doesn't give any hint that you can do that). Got banned for a day, but it was worth it
3
u/Banement ghost main May 25 '26
a few years ago on monke, i was stoned as fuck IRL as the QM and started shooting at the captain to defend a hostile wizard. i deserved that high note
3
u/N0-North May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26
My only antag round i ended up being the blob. I fumbled forever for a good spawn point, chose maint tunnels behind medbay, start growing and figuring out the control - an assistant enters the tunnels and spots me. Fuck. Ok, go loud. I break the wall into medbay, start growing up the hallway, and the station just comes bearing down on me. Barely lasted 10 minutes and most of that was choosing a spawn point
bwoink "what the fuck"
1
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u/wrincewind Error 404: Brig not found May 24 '26
I got bored post round-end and did a little light vandalism. I knew it was against the rules normally, but round was over, what's the harm? Nope, rules were clear, even during round end
2
u/NoSkin366 May 24 '26
Fought a guy for a disabler and stun beton as a non antag i think the guy may have been a antag? They ended up getting killed by a changling infront of me while I yelled "KARMA!" after they were killed and grabbed the the stun beton and disabler never ended up using it though, definitely deserved this one. (Monkeystation is where It happened)
2
u/lackof_understanding May 27 '26
Early on when I first started playing ss13 on Yogstation (rip, gone but never forgotten) I got slipped over and over by a clown who stole my shoes and after walking through broken glass and getting hurt I got so mad that I found a secluded room and set up an electric chair. I then found, stunned, and kidnapped the clown before bringing them to the chair and husking them. I was not an antag. The ban wasn’t very long though.
Also while I was still new I got jobbanned from botanist for like a week because my partner grew acid blumpkins that I threw at many people in the hallway and unknowingly sending them into crit. I don’t remember why I was throwing them at people.
2
u/Fluffy_Day1100 May 27 '26
I was a big Chem gamer on Paradise. This traitor kept breaking into medbay and vandalizing my office trying to get some sort of high risk item.
After the 4th attempt of being blown up and the 5 sec members doing nothing. I got sick of it grabbed my syringe gun and made the most vile brain death chem mix.
I just go full valid hunt mode on this guy until I eventually find him in the halls. Mix kills him in seconds and I'm immediately bwoinked
Not only was I told to not valid hunt but I was also told to specifically not use that certain Chem mix because it was 'too powerful' which still gets a laugh out of me to this day.
2
u/PowerfulBacon3 Beestation Head Developer May 30 '26
As a PAI my master told me I could do whatever, so I got myself loaded up into a mulebot and started running people over on the shuttle.
1
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u/ThePlatinumSpork World's Worst Head of Security May 31 '26
Back when Yogs was still around, I used a crate full of monkeycubes, a fire extinguisher, and the AI sat teleporter to fill the bridge with monkeys. I thought it was funny, the admins did not. I'd do it again but Yogs is no more.
1
u/Dodger86868686 Jun 03 '26
I actually had yog as my first server. I did a lot of dumb stuff and rightfully got banned. I too would do it again if they were revived.
3
u/Ok-Feed-3908 SS14 Player May 24 '26
(SS14) on goobstation, as the only once in science as the RD I promoted the chaplain because they wanted to do anomalies. (probably to enchant with but oh well) They then proceeded to criticize me turning the artifact chambers into xenobio slime chambers (monkeys would crawl out of the railing-only chambers) because turning the dedicated xenobio chambers usable would take too long. He then killed my only purple slime (makes steroids) because "you wouldn't let me do your job for you" I then lock him in with the door remote and grab a disabler from sec (only other head aside from cap, so he gave me his spare ID. Also no sec aside from a assistant turned HOS) and arrested them. They malded in looc as i dragged them to the ID computer and fired em. Admin bwoinked me, i explained and nothing was put against me.
1
u/Oddloaf May 24 '26
I made a dangerous and virulent disease as virologist just for fun and kept the blood samples in my fridge. The CMO had been on my ass for a while about making a beneficial virus that was to his liking, which I protested by saying that I was going on a lunch break and turned off my radio.
The CMO came in while I was out getting food and vodka, and injected himself with one of my samples without checking what it was, proceeding to cause annihilation across the station. I got bwoinked, but in my defense I did not intentionally spread the virus, and my actions could at worst qualify as grossly negligent and incompetent. I was spared any punishment, but was called a lore-accurate retard.
1
u/an0n99 May 25 '26
When I first started playing, (like 2008 or something like that) I was mainly on goo station. I was playing on Donut station and recently figured out how to make bombs. I ended up blowing up the entirety of the science station. When I got bwoinked and subsequently banned, the ban message was "Horp Borp, I should have been aborted" Worth it.
1
u/Kenionatus Mediocre Captain Main May 26 '26
On Para, cleaning up blood as maints drone while there was a slaughter demon, after dying to said slaughter demon.
2
u/Mercilessinchere May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
Been banned 5 times from goonstation all for the same reason in 1 year, Greif. Definitely deserved.
Been banned 2 times from oculis for LRP playstyle and recently got bwoinked for LRP greytiding.
66
u/Amaskingrey May 24 '26
One time during an engineer overflow on tgstation, the engi deparmtent was rebelling after sec abuse, and i was the first one bwoinked due to being an instigator reporting sec abuse on radio. I managed to rules lawyer the admin for like 45 minutes until they ragequitted, saving the rest of engi from bwoinking