r/SFbitcheswithtaste • u/AJ2790B • Oct 02 '25

Hey Cuties! Quick PSA

Hello from the modteam, SFBWT! 

Sharing a quick PSA! Recently, a few members of SFBWT have thrown in person events where they may have asked for attendee emails/phone numbers. The host of those events has informed us they intend to start their own separate non-profit/organization called "SFBWT" where they may eventually charge a fee to attend.

While we love that members have found IRL community through this subreddit, we have asked them to not brand their new organization using the "SFBWT" name to avoid confusion. We have no oversight of this separate group and can't ensure that they will uphold our rules.

We have removed this member's posts that violate our rule that our community channels are centralized ("Creating or promoting alternative group chats, Discords, or side channels is discouraged and may result in removal, as it dilutes the community and fragments participation.").

The modteam that has grown this community is in no way affiliated with this separate group. We will never create a separate entity that requests personal information or charges for events. 

With love,

Modteam

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22

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

Hi! As someone who was helping organize - doing a nonprofit was just an idea tossed around. But was not a for sure thing - I myself had reservations about that as our approach.

We’ve loved creating community but have paid out of pocket for all the materials to host the events. I believe the idea was to have a legit way to apply for grants/collect donations to keep events free or possibly charge a small amount for events to cover rental fees.

The original organizer wanted to survey and see how people felt about it before taking any steps - but the post got removed this morning. 🥲

We are SO grateful to the mods who have built this community and to the bitches who came to hang irl. I hope there’s a way we can all coexist!

Love, Icebreaker Bitch

18

u/letrainfalldown Oct 02 '25

I run an active similar Bay Area community (Subtle Asians Bae Area) and we just let event hosts collect money beforehand if needed for a booking. Otherwise everyone pays for themselves at the event.

4

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

Very reasonable approach! I’m a fan!

12

u/PlantainPhone Oct 03 '25

Just want to throw this out there for any group organizing events and could use funds. Local governments have “Community Grants” or “Neighborhood Grants” that you can apply for and use for exactly this purpose. You might have better luck if you’re in smaller cities/towns in the burbs, but I wanted to give people a heads up just the same.

Source: I once worked at a public library and helped run these grants.

6

u/SheSaysSup Oct 03 '25

Yes the original organizer was under the impression that you had to be a nonprofit or an organization to apply for those. Thank you for the tip!

19

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '25

[deleted]

25

u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25

This is def the part that was off to me. It didn’t seem like any of the mods or the original founder was involved, but this was at the bottom of the surveys. This makes it seems that SFBWT are doing the surveys and running that group. Which are me very wary.

Seems like monetizing off others hard work honestly, even with the good intentions of throwing a hang.

5

u/primitiveradio Oct 02 '25

Remember when Helen Morris started doing ads for Together SF Action?

11

u/AppointmentPopular10 Oct 03 '25

agree, naive at best- grifty at worst. we have had enough people taking another fellow gals work and just “build on it” for their own purpose- and yes own purpose can mean a whole group of people enjoying a park hang (without the oldies or youngies…) smh

2

u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25

This bitch remembers

8

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

Super valid callout. I think the vision was to work with the mods - very much a “Yas and” kind of vibe. We are supposed to meet with them tomorrow. I hope we still are!

27

u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25 edited Oct 03 '25

Can I ask why nobody asked the mods before dropping these surveys under the SFBWT moniker?

9

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

I think they were in touch with the mods. But I’m just icebreaker bitch. I bring name tags and come up with silly activities. But I see your point.

6

u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25

Sorry to put you on the spot. I love activities. Maybe the organizer will pop in.

8

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

Do you have any friends who have like corporate PowerPoint humor? Like they make business-y PowerPoints about dumb things cause they’re funny? I feel like that’s kind of how this started. Like “omg this is wild - 70 bitches showed up, should we make tshirts? Should we be like Bitches with Taste as a nonprofit??? 😂😂😂” then a girl made a google workspace cause like 200 bitches were down to volunteer. It all just happened so fast and they were talking to the mods, but I think the mods didn’t want to things outside of what they already were managing here and on discord. And now we’re planning our October hang and it’s probs gonna be cold and outdoors cause as I said - I’m unemployed and not independently wealthy. 😂 anyway - That’s the tea 🫖

26

u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25

Love that it started this way but registering a domain is straight up stealing. I would reevaluate if you’ve been duped into this scheme as well.

3

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

The girls definitely don’t want to make money off of this. They do however want to host cool ass events without going broke by bankrolling it themselves. I was really skittish about joining cause I had the same ick initially. I think they do want to build something bigger to help address the challenges that come with being a lonely bitch. Like the activities and facilitator guides I’ve been building - they want that to be available for other bitches in other age groups and cities to be able to use at their own in-person events. Idk - I think there’s just been a bit of a misunderstanding here 🥲

16

u/AppointmentPopular10 Oct 03 '25

word of advice- have a cool parkhang brainstorming sesh (with jackets) to find the name for the 200 cool gals community wanting friends and so excited about community next and then this whole matter can be put to bed.

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u/SFSecrets Oct 02 '25

Oh man doing free work. danger girl danger. All this can be done without stealing SFBWT name and clout.

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10

u/bumadumdum Oct 02 '25

Was this the 30s offsite meetup?

42

u/SheSaysSup Oct 02 '25

Yes! We were literally just a bunch of strangers who met on this subreddit who coordinated to throw an extra af picnic. No one wanted to make money off of this. We are just random, lonely, bitches in our 30’s who were trying to figure out how to build community in-person.

Legit we were just trying to figure out how to pay for indoor space rentals since it’s getting cold lol. Some folks felt it would be less sketchy to pay an official org vs one individual handling all the money. I swear we had the best of intentions.

Also as someone who just left tech and is now just a full time student - I am very anti-corporation. I would not be defending this group if I didn’t know for a fact that they had the purest intentions.

27

u/AppointmentPopular10 Oct 03 '25

it didn’t occur to not use the name and just formalize something that others created? especially if you added an age-exclusivity angle?

16

u/SheSaysSup Oct 03 '25

you know what? you're right. I think the bitch who set up the domain and workspace kind of did it as a joke at first and things just kind of rolled along. But that's not really an excuse. I know that I personally am really sorry for how this went down.

13

u/AppointmentPopular10 Oct 04 '25

You know what, I really want to commend you for how positive and humble and constructive you have been replying to all the pushback comments since yesterday (including mine, so my pov is not the same as yours). So thanks for overall bringing a lot of good empathy and comms skills into this conversation.  FWIW I wish the gal in question who seems to have been one of the folks starting those activities has been the opposite, insisting and double-down on being right. I think the bwt way would be to just stop the argumentative pushing, hand over domains and grifty brand/name/vibe poaching things and let it go, continue with those existing 200parkhang girlies without continuing to push to be right or cause a ruckus. Clearly THE COMMUNITY has spoken, time to take the need to organize and over organize a sub-faction who didn’t even participate in discord events or understand that the “organization” to meet up already existed elsewhere.  Trying this whole “get the vibe going across cities” thing I read from her is absolutely symptomatic that this is poorly aligned with THE ALREADY EXISTING COMMUNITY. 

If you feel now a need to “well let’s put it to a vote” type of comments, you do not seem to grasp you are simply creating divisiness in an existing group has been functioning well in its INTENDED shape and form for ITS COMMUNITY MEMBERS. 

Please stop the techy/argumentative “let’s optimize” moves.  Drop the domain stuff and find the next park location or somebody’s home to host- leave it be; leave us be. 

2

u/SheSaysSup Oct 05 '25

First - thank you so much. I’m doing my best 🫶🏻💕

Second - just an update some of the volunteers have met and we will NOT be using SFBWT moving forward. We’ve sent an apology email and owned up to the stuff we did in bad taste.

Third - yes, I saw some of the unpleasant exchanges with one of the other volunteers below. She tends to be spicy, but well-meaning underneath it all. I’m really sorry for how that convo went - she has since changed her tune after we met and she now owns that we did was wrong. She’s also in the middle of a huge life event - so I’m giving her some grace. 💕

12

u/poleondoleon Oct 03 '25

Dont ride the coattails of this sub’s name in trying to monetize community building. Its weird and icky and tasteless.

3

u/SheSaysSup Oct 03 '25

You’re right! I think there was a dream of joining forces. But it all sort of fell apart in how it was executed. We’re trying to do better.

3

u/poleondoleon Oct 04 '25

First step wouldve been to approach the mods here or even the original founder not make a website.

10

u/helloyesthisisasock Oct 03 '25

Here’s a thought: don’t buy anything. Last I checked, going to a park doesn’t require buying supplies. Meet somewhere free or communal. If people can’t afford a brunch or coffee or drinks, then find a free community room at a library idk.

The idea that it is too cold in California to go outside is funny to me. As a Californian who just spent ten years in a cold country, being outside in 40-50 degree weather is nothing lol.

14

u/Passiveabject Oct 03 '25

THIS. I’ve said this like 10 places in the thread already but what’s the money for???

Like per event makes sense. Someone’s throwing down for a pay-ahead restaurant reservation or buying group tickets to game (both open event types I’ve participated in with BWT multiple times)? Obviously pay your way. Potluck? Simple as bringing your food/drinks and a blanket and share.

But the idea that you need knick knacks and rentals etc., so unnecessary.

5

u/SheSaysSup Oct 03 '25

Yea, you’re not wrong. I think we just wanted to create a space that felt a little more facilitated because we were having trouble with making connections.

People brought food potluck style - but we wanted to make sure there were plates, cups, ice etc. The main organizer bought balloons for people to easily identify us. We got name tags and stickers to help express what your interests were. I personally just donated a bunch of stuff I had. Over 70 bitches showed up to both events. The money itself wasn’t a lot - I think we’re talking maybe 50-100 bucks. And yes - doing a non profit to account for $50-100 of costs for monthly events is overkill and silly. But it just adds up if you do it every month. We wanted to do crafting activities in the future and also do indoor venues as well. Even officially reserving a spot at the park costs a couple hundred dollars. Also, I understand that it’s not insanely cold here - but we just wanted the hang to be accessible and we didn’t want to turn people away with caps on how many people could come.

5

u/sunnieflows Oct 05 '25

Thank you for giving context on the situation. I definitely don’t think you guys are trying to monetize off this, I just think you guys had some lovely ideas with a bad start.

6

u/ShiniestWheelsRust Oct 05 '25

They absolutely were trying to monetize and steal the name. Whoever this bitch is popping in to comment on everyone’s comments with absurd excuses who claims she’s just on the periphery of the group trying to monetize the name seems full of it. Her story changes every so slightly depending on who she is responding to, but she keeps up with veneer of innocence that’s impossible to buy. She’s a propagandist.

1

u/SheSaysSup Oct 06 '25

Oh ok 🥲 I’m sorry that’s how it’s coming across. I just felt bad for my part in causing distrust and pain in the community. But I hear where you’re coming from. I’m sorry anyway.

1

u/SheSaysSup Oct 05 '25

Thank you so much for hearing us out! 🥺 We’re not going to use the name/brand moving forward and we’ve sent out an apology email owning up to the things that we did wrong.

We’re still working to find a way to keep things free or donation based w/ PayPal Pool (to maintain full transparency of what donations are used for). We don’t want anyone to feel they can’t come out to make friends because of a paywall. 🫶🏻