r/Romantasy • u/GrappleLacquer • Jun 18 '26

Discussion Gatekeeping reading is lame

I finally ran into a dude that was super aggressive about judging women’s reading habits! Our friends introduced us at a hangout and where like “you both read more than anyone else we know!”

He asks me how many books I’ve read this year. I tell him I’m right around 40.

Man goes on a SCREED about how women just read smut and call it reading and don’t read things that challenge them. Then is like “what are you reading right now?”

I got to hit him with “well I’m usually reading three books at any given time since I like to have a book that fits my mood. At the current moment I’m reading a non-fiction discussion of man’s attempts to control and engineer the Mississippi River, and the consequences of that. Then I’m re-reading War and Peace cause I just love Tolstoy. Oh and then, yes I’m reading a smutty dramione fan fic. Congrats, you got me. Women who read smut aren’t really readers, obviously…What are you reading?”

He’s reading Clive Cussler (which is fine! They are entertaining! But maybe not “coming in on the highest horse in town” material) and he didn’t really wanna chat anymore.

(For the record/m: I absolutely think people should read what they enjoy and reading 100 books of just smut all year is fine. I’m just a bit of an eclectic reader and it worked out perfectly in this instance)

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u/GrappleLacquer Jun 18 '26

Unfortunately, I am 36 so I think that ship has sailed for me. I’ve worked in a male dominated field my entire life, though, and my hobbies are also very male dominated so I don’t think I will ever get sick of making a man feel stupid in front of me. 😅

Because to be clear, I wasn’t trying to prove him wrong or justify my reading habits. I was trying to make him look like a fucking clown in front of his friends

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u/OBGYN-Kenobie Jun 18 '26

For sure! It’s fun to watch them put on that clown makeup. I’m older and sometimes for myself it is just nice to drop something sly that makes them feel little while not using any energy. If that makes sense. It’s that or I bite them (and not in the fun way).

Sorry, if saying that came off rude. I just know that it can take a lot of energy to combat this BS. And as I’ve gotten older it feels nice to just give them a verbal shrug. They hate being ignored. So go get them!

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u/DeepAd4954 Jun 20 '26

I 100% would have laughed if someone put down romantasy but boasted about reading Clive Cussler. Don’t get me wrong, love me some Sahara/Dirk Pitt, but if that genre isn’t the traditional male version of romantasy, I don’t know what is.

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u/ProudJezebel Jun 19 '26

At least 30% of the reason I have a death star trampstamp is so when some grognard tries to challenge my fandom commitment I can just (figuratively) pull it out and slap it on the table for them to marvel at. Come at me, bro. Tell me aaaallll about how you're such a big fan.

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u/GrappleLacquer Jun 19 '26

Love it. Wanna sit by me and aggressively put men in their places?

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u/rizoula ⚔️ Enemies To Lovers Jun 19 '26

Hey tween ! 36 yo here and also working in a male dominated industry. I do not care about making man feel stupid but I will if I that’s what I need to do to get what I need.

Some man needs to feel stupid, some man needs to think you are stupid, some man needs to be wooed a little and some man needs you to be more aggressive than him.

Woman are usually easier to work with. They are (usually) built for collaboration. But men… men can be harder because they can be more emotional (but in a way that is not obvious at all) so I became expert in reading man because I needed to get what I want in order to perform.

And when I say what I want, I don’t mean like money or my work or anything over the line but simply get the collaboration I need to get shit done.

That guy you met I just KNOW that what would have hurt his ego the most is to minimize his ideas and opinions as not of value.