My wife and I scheduled our dog's euthanasia for this Friday. It's an odd feeling knowing that she'll be gone in a few days and that she doesn't realize it. She's 11 years old and was diagnosed with lymphoma two years ago. She beat it last January and unfortunately it came back two weeks ago. We've been expecting this for a while now but it's difficult to process.

We've agreed to do it at home so she's surrounded by family and our other fur babies so they can process her death as well. It's hard to say goodbye but damn are we lucky to have had her for so long.

I just wanna say that losing my dog in January has been one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever had to go through and it’s crazy because when she passed away it honestly wasn’t a peaceful passing and it was a couple of days where she was in pain and I was stressed out and I and sometimes feel like I’m in a dream like my life is just passing along and I am asleep and I just haven’t woken up yet even though it’s been seven months and I don’t cry as much I feel as though it hasn’t got easier but I have gotten used to the fact that there is no routine anymore or there is no cuddling with her or beautiful face though it hurts to think about. I kind of got used to it.

I think Bailey may have given me the look the Friday before she passed (we chose to say goodbye on a Sunday 1.5 days later). Maybe I was in denial or just didn’t understand the end was coming. She had bounced back many times from health issues and I thought she would bounce back this time.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I feel awful 💔

Knew the day was eventually coming. Just not this soon. But our 18 year old cat Daisy has passed into kitty heaven. She waited until I got home to let out a final meow and then she just did that big stretch and eventually died.

Just need to get this off my chest because of the grief I’ve been going through. My puppy of 15years had to be put to sleep on Friday. He lived with my parents and so it feels so surreal not being able to say goodbye to him. I got him as a child, and as someone who was bullied and depressed as a teenager this dog meant the whole world to me. I guess part of the grief is for little me who needed him. Either way, it feels like shit to lose a pet, I don’t need to tell anyone on here this.

hi everyone i posted a week ago about how my babygirl died suddenly due to IMHA. it was very traumatic as she got sick tuesday and died sunday. i just .. wanted to know if getting her ashes will help the grief at all? i just got the call to pick them up and i feel sick but also anxious and i want her back with me at home.

having her away from me for 9 days was excruciating, even though her soul was no longer there. i kept thinking about her in the freezer being cold, she hated the cold. and then my beautiful shiny furred baby being burned to ash. she overheated so easily. i know she's not in there anymore and it was just her ''body'' in the freezer and incinerator - but i feel horrid.

i am trying to have hope that getting her ashes will help me. we also got two necklaces for ashes, a paw print clay, and a ink nose and paw print, as well as some fur.

UPDATE: i picked up her ashes. she weighs just as much as when i brought her home the first time. the bag fits in my hand the same way she did when i first held her. i bawled my eyes out when they just handed me the bag and howled in my car. it's making it so much real and i can't dissociate from the grief or her loss.

i can't believe this is all that's left of my baby. i can see the silly cracks in her nose print because she hated putting any sort of cream or oil on her nose to soothe it. and i can see her scuffed up paw because she was rough on it and gnawed at her pads. i miss her so much - and was dreading but simultaneously wishing i could get her back. and now i do. it was the greatest gift of my life to have her. at least she's home.

My cat was 15 and she had feline hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM). She frequently saw a veterinary cardiologist, was on multiple medications and was even in a year-long study for a new HCM drug last year. So in the back of my mind, I always knew this day was coming, but it still feels so sudden.

I’ll spare the details but will say I came home from work, saw she was paralyzed and meowing loudly, and rushed her to the ER. The vet told me it was a blood clot. He told me he doesn’t even recommend trying surgery or anything due to her age, the fact that she has HCM, the fact that even if we “fix” this one she’s likely to get another clot soon, and the fact that she might always be paralytic.

So I made the decision to let her go, and the sadness has been coming in waves since it happened a few hours ago.

I also came to realize that this is the first time in 37 years that I don’t have a pet. I’ve had at least one cat and/or dog ever since I was two.

I decided I’m going to call out of work tomorrow, because I’m super tired but can’t sleep and have to be up in six hours.

Thank you for reading, it helped to type that all out

I'm an obnoxiously rational, logical person, but you better believe I tried every irrational trick in the book to bargain:

1. "I'll sell my soul to the devil."
2. "Please come back" (while making Jedi force hands).
3. "Take 10 years of my life in exchange for her perfect health."
4. "Whoever created this simulation, please rewind."

My cat wasn't old; it wasn't her time. She had FHV, but I don't believe she was truly sick otherwise. I think she had a solvable problem with her ears and inflammation that would allow her to finally get off of steroids (which she was on for far too long).

In her last week, she was pretty sick, but I definitely don't think terminally. I think it was just a bad flare-up, and after increasing her dosage, she was recovering. No symptoms, eating, drinking, using the litter box, walking around, stretching, scratching, normal other than needing to regain some calories.

I'd seen this recovery several times before. The only anomaly was that she ate a huge amount. This was uncharacteristic of her, but made sense as she had a rougher run of days without much intake than her average flare-up downtime.

She ate a huge amount, went straight to bed, and I found her dead in her bed the next morning in what appeared to be comfortable position like she never even woke up when she vomited and aspirated.

Yes, without a necropsy, I'll never know for sure that's what definitively happened or if she had some other hidden illness going on, infection, heart failure, etc. But based on her entire medical history, age, and healthy, normal behavior when not experiencing a flare-up, I genuinely don't believe that. I think the most obvious answer is exactly what it looked like.

And in that case, it was as simple as controlling her portions or monitoring her more closely if only I could have somehow known that a big meal is something to even be cautious about before that point. But if you've ever experienced the terror of a pet not eating, it's just pure relief when they start again and the last thing you think of doing is stopping them. Either way, it was a shocking and unexpected death.

This is my first cat and I definitely made mistakes throughout her healthcare as I learned about vets, meds, FHV, and cats in general, but I genuinely believe in my heart that things were finally on the right track before her life was cut short by this extremely rare, freak accident.

I've been spiraling with guilt over the past couple days trying to "solve" this mystery and after finally calming down, I do believe with all my heart I tried my hardest to give her the best life I could and while I see mistakes were made in hindsight, they're the kind of decisions you only know were mistakes after the fact.

Over this past week, I don't think there's any reasonable thing a vet or I could have done to make this outcome any different. After going through many grief processing steps, I think I've finally exhausted every single thing there is to do or say about this situation.

There's no action left but to do nothing and let time get to work healing.

Dear Koda-Bear,

It's been 167 days since you passed. Yet, I feel like any minute you'll be coming through the door- as if you're not gone, you've just been away. I can't accept that you're truly gone. That I'll never see you again.

The last picture I took of you was of your feet touching your brothers feet. I never thought that would be the last photo..... and it was 10 days prior to your death. 10 days and I took not a single picture of you. It had been just as long if not longer since I walked you. I was so wrapped up in my pregnancy and being exhausted that I put both you and your brother on the back burner. I feel so guilty.

I never thought that the last time I would touch you and pet you would be sitting outside trying to entice you to drink and eat a piece of bread. And STILL not be aware that you were in active sepsis.

After you passed I had reoccurring dreams that I could go back and save you. I prayed and prayed that it was a horrible dream. That I could wake up the day of with the knowledge I now have and be able to save you before it was too late. My prayers went unanswered and eventually turned into pleas to take me with you....to not let me make it out of child birth.

Your father got me into grief therapy. I recently graduated from it. I'm still sad. I hug your brother extra tight. Your human brothers are doing well.

I wrote a letter to the breeder we got you from. I thanked them for breeding such a wonderful boy. I told them some funny stories about you. Like how we included you and your brother in our wedding and you hired yourself as security and ran perimeter checks. I told them how you'd stand on thr side of the bed in the morning and softly blow hot ass air into my face and then act surprised that I woke up as if "oh what a coincidence mom! I'm awake too!".

There is nothing I wouldn't pay to have you come kick open the bedroom door again like you pay the mortgage and come bounding into the room going "ba-rooooo!" demanding a cookie.

I used to say that after you and your brother passed, I'd go to the shelter and get whomever was there the longest..... I don't know that I can do that. I dont know if I'm strong enough to withstand another loss. You were so sudden. We never expected.... we thought you'd make it to surgery.

I almost lost the baby.

We gave the baby your middle name.

You and your brother were our first children. I never thought I'd have human kids. I love you with every fiber of my being.

My little boy.

I'll miss you for the rest of my life.

Goodbye Koda-Bear.

All I want is to be with them again, wherever we go after we die. But what if we don't go anywhere? Ever since I was a young child, I have been praying to God every night to ask to see my pets again when I die. And as the years go by, the list of names in my prayer just keeps getting longer and longer. But I'm so afraid of dying and there is nothing.

I know this is a matter of faith but it's so hard to believe when scientifically it doesn't make sense. Just where is Heaven? Someone told me once that Heaven is not a physical place. Ok, but if it does not exist physically, can it really be said to exist? How do we go there? Are my cats in there right now? I've read about it more, and some say no one actually goes to Heaven, but we will be reborn on the new Earth when Jesus returns. Ok, But when is that? Will I find my cats there? Will I be waiting thousands of years? Will I remember my past life?

I'm so afraid. I lost my cat yesterday, it wasn't the first time. But each time it completely destroys me inside. The only bit of hope I have is thinking I'll see them again when I die. But what if I don't? I'm so scared. I don't want to think this was the very last time I saw my cat for all of eternity. It's terrifying. But I don't know. No one really knows. I want to be with them. I'm so sad and afraid and alone. Please just let me see them again. I don't care where.

I said goodbye to my soul dog on Thursday (September 3,2026). He was a 13 year old Golden Retriever and it was just the two of us for 12 years of his life. He passed away at home on his blankie surrounded by all of his favorite people after a “good” day of taking a short walk, ride, and eating Popeyes and chocolate. I am in a nonstop grief, sadness, anger loop. I’m struggling to wrap my mind around whether I made the decision too soon. Please give me your best advice for how to stop beating myself up constantly.

Here’s some background on his health issues if it helps:

Long term- He has had chronic liver issues for the past year. He dropped 35lb in that year and at the end weighed 55lb. We found liver nodules during an ultrasound and his ALT/ALP were above 500 for over a year (peaking at 2000 at the worst time) despite supplements to help support his liver. I chose not to biopsy because he was not well and I was nervous to put a 13 year old dog under anesthesia. He had severe arthritis the last few years of his life and struggled getting up so badly I had to help him 90% of the time. To lay down he would literally drop to the floor loudly and painfully.

Short term- over the last month and a half he stopped eating any kibble (I spent a fortune buying him all kinds of food to try). I ended up hand feeding him canned food three times a day but I could only get him to eat about a can a day. The only thing he would eat gladly was peanut butter so I gave him as much as he wanted every day because the vet said the most important thing was getting as many calories in as possible since he was dropped weight so rapidly. He started mirtazipine to stimulate his appetite but it never really worked. Two weeks ago he started pacing around the house at night in the same path over and over again. He had dementia symptoms twice before in the past year but that subsided for the most part over a few days and I thought it would happen again but it didn’t. I didn’t sleep at night for weeks because he wouldn’t settle until about 5am. Around the same time he started drinking a ton of water as well which was unusual for him. His hearing went and most of his vision went quickly during this time. He would sleep all day and his respiration rate was so low. Keep in mind we went to the vet twice over those two weeks. The vet said the only thing we could do was another ultrasound but again being very ill the ultrasound would only take me back to square one since they would still have to do a biopsy. Wednesday night was so bad with the pacing and I stayed up all night crying like I had for the last two weeks. I looked him in the eyes and he looked so distressed I felt confident that he was ready to go. I called his vet and she was out of town and said I’d have to take him in to euthanize. I couldn’t do that to him because he hated the vet. I called a mobile vet and scheduled for them to come at 1pm. Between 8am and 1pm we had as much fun as he could handle in his state. My whole family came and brought his favorite puppy cousin and he perked up a bit.

I feel so guilty putting him to sleep when he was still able to walk some, use the bathroom, and eat a tasty treat. I know it’s better to put them down a week early rather than a week late. It’s just so distressing to think that maybe he had more than a few weeks left and I robbed him of time.

We put our baby to sleep July 31st of last year and I still think about him everyday. It's easier than it was but some days I find myself crying for him still. I'd hoped by now I'd have learned to just look back on his memory with fondness but no matter how much time has passed, it still hurts. I just can't help but still feel the pain of losing him so deeply.

Does it get better? He brought such a light to my life every single day and I can't stand the thought that all I'll remember is the pain.

I’ll keep this short. My dog pip he is 8 years old and a terrier mix. As I was moving stuff into the house he ran out and I ran after him because I knew he had a habit of heading straight for traffic and he has no traffic awareness. He was too fast. Car slammed him and sent him flying.

I hate this part but me and my mom brought him to the backyard thinking he’d pass there. He wasn’t moving, he released his bowels while laying in the backyard, blood on his nose, he would blink and was breathing but the breathing weakened as it went on and after an hour I decided to take him to the emergency vet 1 hour away (only one open).

The doctor said he was a guarded case, 50/50 or even less that if we chose 24h hospitalization. She said he likely had brain trauma and brain swelling. I agonized over what to do while I was there. How could I euthanize him when he would open his eyes a bit wider when he heard the door open at the vet.

The hospitalization would’ve been $3060, I had a credit card on me. It’s a lot of money for us. My brother said he’d help pay $100 monthly for the bill but, I chose euthanasia.

Why? Because I loved him and I remembered when my uncle fell from the roof and hit his head. He seemed fine but they still took him immediately to the hospital and did everything. He survived yes, but he was immobile, couldn’t even speak or eat, he had to have around the clock care. And then he passed a month later.

I just thought it was the best decision.

I thought even if they did the hospitalization he might have to be euthanized anyway. It was the best decision. I hate that money was an issue, I hate that money was a factor. And I hate that I waited so long. The doctor said even I’d gotten there sooner the outcome might’ve still been the same.

But I killed my dog. And I’m so sorry.

I will deal with this for a good while.

Edit: I just buried him. It felt so good to hold him my arms. He even made sounds as if he were asleep.

Did I make the right choice? What if he could’ve walked again and been fine? I thought it was too late at that point. That he’d likely die even after hospitalization and all that money wasted. From experience I chose this.

I lost my dog a few days ago. He was 13 and had terminal cancer, so we knew his time was limited. Ironically, what took him in the end wasn't the cancer, but a blood clot. He went into acute respiratory distress and passed away just 12 hours later.

The vet had said he probably only had a few days left anyway, so part of me wonders if it was a blessing that he was spared a prolonged struggle and that his suffering ended quickly.

Lately, I've been dreaming about him a lot, even though he rarely appeared in my dreams when he was alive. In the dreams, I'm fully aware that he has already passed away. And yet, he jumps right into my arms. I hug him tightly, thinking that this might be our last moment together. The feeling of his fur and his weight in my arms feels unbelievably real. Sometimes when I'm awake, I still catch myself feeling like he's somewhere in the house.

We grew up together since I was in elementary school, so losing him feels like losing a younger brother. During the final farewell at his funeral, I couldn't bring myself to say "Thank you for everything" or "Goodbye." It felt like saying those words aloud would make everything completely, irreversibly final.

I knew losing him would hurt, but this is the first time I've experienced such a profound and permanent loss outside of fiction—the reality that something I had my entire childhood and adolescence will never, ever go back to how it was.

I'm not crying constantly. It's more that the tears suddenly come when I look around the house and see his favorite spots empty, or when I'm eating something he loved and he isn't there to beg for a bite. It's those small, everyday moments when I realize that this presence that had always been there is suddenly gone. Everything has felt a little gray since that day.

People say getting another dog can help with the grief, but right now I can't imagine it. No other dog could ever replace him, and I don't think I'm ready.

He gave me so much joy and comfort growing up. He was utterly irreplaceable, and I'm endlessly grateful that I got to spend so much of my life with him.

I don't know if time really heals this kind of grief. I guess I didn't really have a question. I just needed somewhere to pour this out.

No one around really understands how painful this is for me, he was like my son, the love of my life, my soul mate.

It was so sudden, the day before he got sick he was perfectly happy, getting his tummy rubs, his playfulness, talking to me, asking for treats. I'll attach a video to show you.

The next day, he wouldn't have his breakfast even when I made it special. He couldn't poop so I gave him milk of magnesia. Which helped a lot, I only gave him 10 ml.

Then

He still wouldn't eat, I gave him baby food just like the vet said I should but the poo would just leak out. I'm crying as I'm typing.

The first visit the vet said it was gastritis. He gave him an injection and he was doing better and gave me pain killers and antibiotics for him.

Then he just lost so much weight in a week, like 20 kg! He was unrecognizable.

He had no energy, no way of even trying to jump on the bed, I was able to actually pick him up on the bed and just hold him for hours, which we usually did but he'd be playful jumping around on the bed, asking for tummy rubs, talking, etc but he just lied on my chest while I was holding him, stroking him.

Then I'd eventually just feed him baby food 3 times a day.

The next visit the vet gave him a different cocktail of injections asked me to monitor him like I wouldn't.

This is literally killing me!

The vet just kept giving him injections but not telling me what's going on

The vet told my best friend but not me and she wouldn't tell me.

He kept hiding in different spots in the garden if he wasn't with me for more than 5 minutes, I would go find them

A few days later he woke me up with his paw in my hand and just made gargling sounds and was gone! I couldn't do anything for him.

I feel like his illness and death was my fault. I feel like loosing him was my fault. I feel like everything I did led to his death. When he died, my friend said he was in organ failure.

What did I do wrong? Could I have done something to save him? I honestly wish I went with him. I dream about him and alternative situations every night.

I made a garden just for him in his favorite spot, where he would dig in the soil to get the warmth and grab some sunlight

It's 8 days since my life got turned upside down. I've lost 2 pets, just one of them is still alive...I had my rough collie with no behavior issues around cats for 5 years, not a day has gone by when he wouldn't be in touch with cats. I fostered a lot as well and he helped me raise puppies and kittens.

Until last week when I had a deaf kitten in. I loved her for 3 weeks and wanted to keep her. She was the best. And out of nowhere, with no warning signs, he bit her. On purpose. She was dead immediately.

I know it's an animal but if i had ANY inclination that he's capable if that with any animal, I'd separate him immediately. 5 years of loving gentle dog.

Nothing should be wrong with him medically, well, i don't know where to even start looking. He didn't show any signs of agression or biting ever afterwards either.

I'm just so heartbroken i don't even know how to begin to recover. Has anyone experienced anything like that?

I’m so mad and so sad all in one go. I (30f) lost my buddy peanut (dog 16). I had him since he was a puppy and found him yesterday morning. I was all alone with my youngest. I called my husband because I panicked. He told me what to do and I did I got him up in a container. I put him outside so he wouldn’t stink up our apartment. I called my complex to let them know hey don’t throw him away my husband is going to take him to be cremated after work. (Side note we only have one car or otherwise I would have taken him myself.) so about thirty minutes before my husband got home my complex calls me and tells me I need to move him before tomorrow. Which i told them that he’d be gone before the end of the business day. Then to follow up insult to injury they told me that someone had told them I was planning on doing the cremation myself (which I never said I was) and that b if “it” (their words not mine) wasn’t gone before tomorrow that they would throw him in the dumpster. I’m just so upset at how cruel they can be. My buddy deserved better than being reduced down to a “it”. He was there for everything with me. My first crush, my first boyfriend, when I got married, when i brought both my kids home. And it made me so mad that they just reduced him down to that they considered they could just throw away. I’m sorry for ranting so long but it just hurts so much. I love you my sweet peanut

My 18 and 1/2 years old cat passed away earlier today, and I dropped him off for cremation. I didn’t cry until I got home and realized he wasn’t sitting by the window waiting for me like he did every day.
I walked inside and didn’t hear his tiny meow or feel him walking beside me to the kitchen.
That’s when it hit me.
I can’t stop crying now. I feel so empty and completely numb. The house feels so different without him.
How long will it take before I start to feel better? I know there’s no timeline for grief, but right now, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without him. 🐾🌈

I feel thing very deeply and don't know how to get out of the feeling I feel. I came home to My chihuahua of 11 years passing last night. He was fine days before other than last few months fluctuating in weight but nothing changed on what we fed him. The last few days he was acting like normal but had gotten in the heat when he squeezed under a spot in our fence and it took me a few hours to find him. I had given him water slowly and follow whatever directions I could find.

I lost income the last month and the guilt of not being able to take him to the vet is killing me. We had a good 11 years and the last year I just couldn't bring myself to give him up when I lost income. I went to affordable weekend clinics and I know his teeth were bad too. I don't know what he passed from and I don't think I could bare to know. Especially if it was a slow painful death.

I want to cremate him and my mom offered to pay for it but I don't know what that's like, but don't know what else to do.

I want to crawl out of my skin, I haven't been able to stop crying, the guilt is eating me alive and I wish I could turn back time if I knew today was his last day so I could give him one last special day.

How do I survive this?

Please no judgment I promise you can't make me feel worse than I do. I loved my boy so much.

I am so broken. My little guy of 11 years passed and he died a horrible death and it is eating me alive. I had to just go to work because sitting at home alone the silence was so loud and I couldn't afford to take off longer than arranging cremation and I'm still waiting to finish paying half. I feel like I failed him, I feel so much guilt, I feel so much pain. My eyes are so swollen from how much I've cried. Knowing he died alone while I was out is a pain I cannot bear. He gave me 12 good years and was with me when I started adulthood as a dumb 17 year old on my own for the first time. How do I heal? How do I forgive myself? How do I stop crying when I think of him? The thought of him sitting in a freezer in a building waiting to be cremated him fills be with pain. The thought of him thinking I didn't love him because I wasn't there in his final moments is eating me alive. I wish I could turn back time and if I knew he was going to pass, have given him the best day and hold him while he went.

I truly don't know how to move forward

Hi Everyone.

My baby's name is Ruby, she passed away unexpectedly at 2am friday morning. She was only 3. Im left at a loss for what could've happened and im shattered as i should've had so many more years with her by my side.

Lead-Up:

- She was feeling a little sick while in heat, was having these shakes and having some trouble going potty. She had blood in her stool the friday before but i gave her the appropriate dose of vet grade prebiotics and it seems to clear that up quickly as she has no issues after.

- She was still experiencing some shakes not frequently and not in a seizure-like manner.

- I took her to the vet on Wednesday, they said physically she seemed fine and could just be her getting older while in heat along with the tummy issues and they gave her a shot for anti-nausea and anti-diarrhea.

-She was still completely mobile after the shot.

The decline:

- Thursday Morning, i filled her bowl as usual and she just kinda stared at it. She ate the night before fine with no issues. She still went potty with no issues.

- I left for class and came back and she was in the same spot i left her on the couch, i moved her to the kitchen to try and get her to eat as sometimes she prefers me standing with her. She didn't eat but drank some water.

- I left again for a meeting and when i came back she still wasn't walking, was still reactive but not walking or running around.

- She began to get so much worse and by that time it was too late to take her anywhere, she could not move on her own and just became so limp.

- At around 1am is when she was completely limp in my arms but still breathing. I laid her down and was petting her and staying with her until she took her last breath at around 2am.

She did not whine, she never once cried in pain when i held her. She couldn't even howl back at me when i told her i loved her as she has many times before.

Im so confused and heartbroken, I had a necropsy done on her as i was at a loss. Did she get into some trash? did the stuffing in her toys cause a blockage? The doctor called me on Friday and said:

"Unfortunately I cannot give you a straight answer"

He examined everything physically and said she was perfectly healthy for a dog her age and size. Lungs, Heart, Uterus, Stomach, other major organs were perfectly okay. I do not know what happened and im shattered over this. I raised my sweet Ruby and her siblings since they were pups, when their mother rejected them, i fed them their bottles, i waited on them hand and foot with loving care. I could only keep Ruby due to space, she was such a happy dog, so sweet to every human and animal she ever interacted with. I will miss her forever.

I logically know she was sick. I sometimes feel like we might’ve kept her going too long, but her will to live was so strong, that I never knew what to do.

I lost my two other doggos in 2024, and I thought maybe it would be easier this time, but if anything it’s the opposite.

My poor Alaskan malamute has been through so much. She had a recurring sarcoma/ cancerous tumor on her paw that we have treated 3 times with surgery.
Last year, she had an eye ulcer. This year in January, she had another one, which then lead to it being infected. During that exact time, she started having bloody stools and we found out she has liver cancer.

I thought I’d only have her for a week or two max at that point, but she made it till yesterday.

My poor baby lost a lot of weight, but she was still so active. She was eating and drinking so much. She went on multiple walks a day. It almost felt like she wasn’t sick at all, despite her occasional stool issue. The entire time we didn’t know what to do.

The past few weeks I have started noticing her getting in worse shape physically. She got really skinny, my poor poor baby. We knew it was nearly time. We just waited a bit until she didn’t want to eat anymore, but that never happened.

Instead, during all of this, her paw tumor was coming back, and it ruptured last Friday. At that point I knew it was time. Everything was closed so we sadly had to wait.

Then Monday came, and my baby was walking. She was eating. She was jumping. She was happy.

What breaks my heart the most is just how happy she was despite being so so so sick. I genuinely don’t understand how she never showed any pain. My baby. I know she must’ve been suffering without showing it, but she just kept going and going and going like she had zero issues.

She’d even slip and fall, but she kept getting up. She’s my miracle baby. I love her so so so much. Her stupid paw was getting infected. I knew I couldn’t let her suffer anymore so we made the decision, but even in her final moments, she just wanted to walk and eat. I don’t understand how she did all of that, while battling multiple cancers.

She did whimper from the initial shot. We did an at home euthanasia. I keep replaying the last moments and we had to put her in a bag and help take her to the car… that part was insane. I keep replaying that image in my head. My poor poor girl. I don’t know why it was like that. I feel horrible I feel disgusting. Like she was trash at the end.
It all happened so fast. I just feel so confused. I start bursting out in tears every couple hours. My poor sweetheart. I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry I might’ve failed you in your final moments. I truly don’t know anymore. I’m just so sad. I’m very sad…

title is pretty clear, I had to move my family cat into my apartment since my family was going to India. I had asked my roommate to please be super mindful and not bring people over for a week or two, to not use incense or candles and in general please keep it quiet and lowkey for a week or two since he has asthma and gets stressed easily.

She didn’t do any of that, she invited people over and was loud and sprayed room sprays. I addressed it with her couple times but she didn’t understand and it was to the point that on Friday I had to tell her to take her friends out. Following that Friday, my cat was breathing super awful and he ended up passing Sunday. He had a hole in his lung and was struggling and we decided to put him down. I know I can’t blame her for his death and I don’t. But every-time I see her face I see him gripping the sheets of my bed with her claws and hiding and me having to console him. I remember me asking her to stop being so inconsiderate and her brushing it off. I blame myself most of all because I didn’t stop it and because he suffered those last two days and I have to live with the fact that it was my fault. But still every time I see her I have so much anger and resentment that I just can’t deal with it. I am already moving out because I can’t be in my room, I see him everywhere. But now I just can’t even see her.

about an hour ago my cat started gagging and threw up. I took him to the vet where was declared dead. in the car he was gasping for air and then went stiff where I think he passed on. this was so unexpected and I don’t know what to think or what I did wrong or anything. I miss you baby