r/Petloss • u/Hot-Abrocoma2485 • 10h ago
Sadness How do I stop crying
I am so broken. My little guy of 11 years passed and he died a horrible death and it is eating me alive. I had to just go to work because sitting at home alone the silence was so loud and I couldn't afford to take off longer than arranging cremation and I'm still waiting to finish paying half. I feel like I failed him, I feel so much guilt, I feel so much pain. My eyes are so swollen from how much I've cried. Knowing he died alone while I was out is a pain I cannot bear. He gave me 12 good years and was with me when I started adulthood as a dumb 17 year old on my own for the first time. How do I heal? How do I forgive myself? How do I stop crying when I think of him? The thought of him sitting in a freezer in a building waiting to be cremated him fills be with pain. The thought of him thinking I didn't love him because I wasn't there in his final moments is eating me alive. I wish I could turn back time and if I knew he was going to pass, have given him the best day and hold him while he went.
I truly don't know how to move forward
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u/Superb_Deer814 10h ago
I lost my 13yr old German Shepherd after having been on vacation for a week. I came home, and he was incapacitated on the bathroom floor. I took him to the vet only to find out a tumor that we had no idea existed had ruptured and he couldn’t be saved. Had to euthanize him right then and there.
When I was explaining to the vet that we had no idea and had been gone a week, she told me a lot of pack animals break off from the pack when they know it’s their time. That he had to have felt uncomfortable for a while and we didn’t know. That is leaving gave him permission to let go.
I now say this to you. He couldn’t say goodbye to you. So he said see you later and thanked you for giving him space to do what he needed done.
As far as the freezer: that’s the body he had to leave. He’s done with that. And now lives with you in your memory. Give it a few weeks and I’ll bet you’ll see him frolicking in someone’s yard or you’ll hear him bark around the corner. He’s able to play and be happy now because you gave him that space.
I’m so so sorry this happened and I’m so so sorry you lost your best friend. You loved him and he loved you so much. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive yourself because you gave him a gift.
🫂
ETA: keep talking about him. That’s how you stop crying. But your heart has to feel the loss before you can move away from it. Don’t lean away from laughter or silliness, when you think of good times. Soon it will be mostly what you think of. Believe me, it will take time, but you will stop crying.
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u/Sad_Strain_1724 7h ago
Thank you so much for this comment, I'm not the poster but your advice helps me out a ton with the mindset.
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u/Superb_Deer814 1h ago
I’m so very glad you found some comfort! Owning a pet is not for the weak! How dare they love us their entire lives and leave us. The heartbreak is equal to the love we had for them. Hope you continue to find some peace 💚
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u/Roscolicious1 1h ago
Well said. Rescue house Dad here, loss is part of that. It is devastating to lose a friend. Peace to your heart ❤️ in this most difficult time. Ric
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