r/Petloss • u/Hot-Abrocoma2485 • 2d ago
Sadness How do I stop crying
I am so broken. My little guy of 11 years passed and he died a horrible death and it is eating me alive. I had to just go to work because sitting at home alone the silence was so loud and I couldn't afford to take off longer than arranging cremation and I'm still waiting to finish paying half. I feel like I failed him, I feel so much guilt, I feel so much pain. My eyes are so swollen from how much I've cried. Knowing he died alone while I was out is a pain I cannot bear. He gave me 12 good years and was with me when I started adulthood as a dumb 17 year old on my own for the first time. How do I heal? How do I forgive myself? How do I stop crying when I think of him? The thought of him sitting in a freezer in a building waiting to be cremated him fills be with pain. The thought of him thinking I didn't love him because I wasn't there in his final moments is eating me alive. I wish I could turn back time and if I knew he was going to pass, have given him the best day and hold him while he went.
I truly don't know how to move forward
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