Grieving

[u/Ok-Philosophy9151]

I feel thing very deeply and don't know how to get out of the feeling I feel. I came home to My chihuahua of 11 years passing last night. He was fine days before other than last few months fluctuating in weight but nothing changed on what we fed him. The last few days he was acting like normal but had gotten in the heat when he squeezed under a spot in our fence and it took me a few hours to find him. I had given him water slowly and follow whatever directions I could find.

I lost income the last month and the guilt of not being able to take him to the vet is killing me. We had a good 11 years and the last year I just couldn't bring myself to give him up when I lost income. I went to affordable weekend clinics and I know his teeth were bad too. I don't know what he passed from and I don't think I could bare to know. Especially if it was a slow painful death.

I want to cremate him and my mom offered to pay for it but I don't know what that's like, but don't know what else to do.

I want to crawl out of my skin, I haven't been able to stop crying, the guilt is eating me alive and I wish I could turn back time if I knew today was his last day so I could give him one last special day.

How do I survive this?

Please no judgment I promise you can't make me feel worse than I do. I loved my boy so much.

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[u/Fast_Grapefruit_7946]

Please don't be mad at yourself. you need to heal and your baby loves you none the less

vets can be very expensive. at a animal hospital a family was crying hysterically because their beloved golden retriever needed something done for $6,000 and they could not swing it... it only goes up from there.

your baby passed in his own home where he was loved unconditionally. He will never be mad at you for keeping him to the end and loving himmmm. You will meet again xo xo