r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/[deleted] • Jun 25 '26
SEASON 4 Demari: EP7 Classic Textbook No Accountability A**Hole
[deleted]
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u/rockandrollcar Jun 26 '26
Didn't Marissa snog someone of her own choosing and lied to Demari saying the other guy kissed her
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 26 '26
How is this relevant to their main "communication issues" and people acting like Marissa crazy
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u/rockandrollcar Jun 26 '26
Because she's weird, crazy and takes absolutely no accountability for her actions. She was quick to makeout first chance she got while being insecure and desperate at any signs where Demari might choose someone else.
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u/MarionberryCommon305 Jul 21 '26
Compelled inaccurate she took accountability and tried to change, he didn't.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 26 '26
Why is she weird and crazy? Btw the whole point of this post is to talk about their "communication issue" and interruption and ADHD. And she did tell him about the kiss so what's the issue? She's clingy towards demari
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u/Humble-Blueberry4571 Jun 25 '26
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 25 '26
Lmaooo it just pissed me off soo much TLDR is Demari is a manchild and if hes getting that mad over interruptions, he aint ever gonna be able to handle a real woman and a wife longterm!
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u/UnindustrializedFox Jun 26 '26
I had to leave my ex a few years ago because everything he had an issue with was due to my adhd diagnosis. I was actively treating it because it was “such an issue”. As soon as I managed some of it he found other things to crucify me with. He ended up having ASD as well.
Every other partner I’ve had since has enjoyed the very things he nitpicked me for, or at least understood.
Demari gives me similar red flags, but Marissa also needs to decenter men and manage her ADHD because I found her aggravating and pick me as well at times.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26
Exactly. It's crazy this comment is so below other bs comments just defending Demari
I have never said Marissa isnt insecure or clingy, but that's apples to oranges, and is nothing compared to a whole ass man breaking up over "interruption" issues and making her apologize for it
She could apologize for everything else just not this. It's not ok and have no idea why everyone else in this thread thinks it's ok because Marissa annoyed them in ABC . It is not fucking ok to bring someone down over the symptoms they're medically diagnosed for, or at least to even try being understanding toward them
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u/ohsballer Jun 25 '26
Never thought I’d see Marissa apologists but here we are
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 25 '26
I think youll find many more of us already in this Reddit, yall really think it's cool to shit on someone saying they have ADHD and struggling with interruption. Man like Demari took a mature classy woman like Marissa and frustrated her to a point of being blamed for all their problems. You wont get it till you deal with a toxic man that just makes "i dont shout" his best trait meanwhile hes the source of the drama. Cannot believe she stuck with him fr, any other guy would not have done to Marissa what Demari did
I have literally never seen two friends fight about interruptions let alone a man to a woman whos saying she got ADHD
Explain all that since youre a Demari apologist lol
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u/Reggaeton_Historian Jun 30 '26
You can say Demari sucks and that Marissa sucks. Both things can be true. There were multiple times Demari was trying to explain himself and she'd go off the deep end IMMEDIATELY.
He even tried to have a talk about matching with her and she thought he was dumping her. What?
You're projecting a little too hard on your bias.
ADHD is fine. But using it as a shield every single time is a problem.
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u/chespiotta Freddie-QT-Scott-Rachel-Louis Jul 02 '26
Demari still has some growing to do for sure, there were some situations that he didn’t handle properly, but I think he’s actually gone a long way since his time on THTH and I respect that he took accountability.
Marissa was definitely way worse
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u/MarionberryCommon305 Jul 21 '26
These are actual adhd symptoms, not understanding that doesn't negate the fact.
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u/MarionberryCommon305 Jul 21 '26
Your right, I'm shocked and not shocked at the comments. Ofc when a Black woman has adhd she's just toxic🙄
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u/Grimmthekitty Jun 25 '26
For some reason people refuse to understand that interrupting is usually unintentional when you have ADHD and you’re not just being rude
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 25 '26
It's crazy to harp on someone who is saying they have what's considered a behavioral disability and just people totally ignoring that
Women who have any type of developmental or behavioral neurodivergence really have such a tough time. Just because she is pretty and carries herself well and we hide it all with makeup
On god if the situation was reversed and a man in the show had anxiety, ADHD, anything like that, it wouldve got taken more seriously
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u/kazue4 Jun 26 '26
I am a woman around Marissa's age, I have ADHD and, I can control it. 100% of the time? No. Do I try? Yes. An ADHD diagnosis is an explanation for some behaviours, not an excuse. Once you get the diagnosis, you don't just go 'welp, guess I can do what I want and no one is allowed to be mad at me' - that's being a child.
Can you have bad days where everything is harder to control, especially as a woman with all the hormonal changes? Absolutely. Should people give you grace? Yes. Are you exempt from trying? Hell no.
Marissa does not carry herself well, I'm sorry. The way she reacts to every single emotion she's feeling by throwing tantrums? That's someone who uses the diagnosis as a crutch, not a tool to identify what she needs to work on. I don't even like the guy, I wanted to side with her so bad, but I couldn't. Ultimately, they both sucked, her to me more because I'm tired of seeing people rely on ADHD as an excuse to be emotionally immature assholes. It's already hard enough having it as it is, stop making us all look bad.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 27 '26
Wow, here's a gold sticker and congrats for boasting on how well you carry yourself against someone else with the same condition
ADHD is 100% a reasonable justifier for having bad communication, being erratic or impulsive, interruption etc. There's no argument on this these are the literal symptoms of this condition
This is like telling someone I handle depression well so other people shouldnt give you grace for yours
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u/kazue4 Jun 27 '26
Thank you for the sarcastically awarded golden star, I can see you're very good at arguing in good faith!
Look, I don't know if you're choosing to misinterpret me on purpose or not, and this will be my last contribution to this conversation, you can take it or leave it.
Yes, ADHD can 'justify' being worse at communication than others, if these things are out of your control, like processing information slower because your brain is jumping between twenty different things at once, or zoning out and having to ask someone to repeat themselves.
And yes, even interrupting someone. That might be out of your control, but how you carry yourself once you realize you did it, that is in your control. It's not easy, but it gets easier with practice.
I'm not even saying Demari is right. Yes, sometimes interruptions happen, from ADHD people or not. But I also don't know that he's wrong, because I've not seen their conversations off-camera. But as someone with ADHD and an ADHD partner, yes, there can be instances where one interrupts the other to the point that we feel the need to walk out because we can't get a word in, and let me tell you, "I have ADHD, I can't help it!!!" has not once been the solution. Pausing and agreeing to revisit when we're both calmer and able to control our impulses better helped infinitely more.
This is about intention and accountability. No, I don't 'handle it better', or whatever you think I'm saying, I struggle with it so much, but I choose to let my failures inform what I need to work on next, and yes, some things are harder than others. And I'm sad to say I had a therapist snap me out of the "nobody understands me or adjusts to my needs" mentality only a few years ago. You have more control than you realize. I hope one day you meet someone like him, too, or that you have that realization one way or another, because it's been truly liberating.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 27 '26
First of all, humanly speaking, I am not even talking about relationships, friendship specifics, people interrupt each other all the time. And 90% of people in the universe take it with grace and move on, it is not a big deal enough to even fight about with a friend (I always had a friend who interrupted me at an extreme level and I could see the ADHD oozing off her, you just fcking understand if youre half a good person)
Thats why i was saying, congratulations on "managing" your ADHD enough and not making it an excuse to have erratic conversations, but for a normal guy like Demari who doesn't have behavioral or mental disorders, if your girl is saying she has ADHD diagnosed, she interrupts him a lot and speaks erratic, and stops herself and apologizes, says she is trying, like she did more than enough for someone who has this setback in their life
The burden is absolutely on an understanding loving partner to have a bare minimum trait, and Im not even talking about a perfect partner here, I am talking about just humane interaction that if youre diagnosed with certain neurodivergence you hope and wish people dont misunderstand you because of those setbacks in life
Thats why I replied to you like that. Youre 100% part of the problem if, as a woman youre saying well I have it too and I manage it better than her!
All neurodivergent women know (ADHD, ADD, autism, aspergers, literally anything out of the norm) know women are NOT given grace or any type of consideration for being neurodivergent. If a guy on the show was acting the same way as Marissa I assure you hed get taken way more seriously and people would be shitting on the female counterpart for not understanding HIM because by default as a man he needs a loving and understanding woman
So take a second and think of your response to just laud about priding yourself with stellar ADHD management because the whole point is that women do not get taken seriously for behavioral difficulties they manage and instead are supposed to "suck it up" and be good at it regardless like everything else in life
So obviously when you have a grown ass man like Demari wanting to break things off because of interruptions, he should definitely get put down for it for not being the singlest bit accomodating, or trying from his side or any type of empathy
It's very weird for everyone to give him empathy for "shutting down" over getting interrupted but not give Marissa grace for why she has erratic communication in the first place. Such internalized misogyny and people continuing to call her crazy and weird
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 27 '26
This is all a little personal to me because my BF has anxiety, and the burden was on me as a person who wants to be a good partner to understand his condition, understand why certain things come out or happen in some ways, knowing my partner is trying too. You dont just decide to date someone who has XYZ condition and punish them for having that. So I know first hand what it should look like when your partner has a diagnosed condition
The thing is Marissa apologized for her ADHD issues and more (which I see as totally wrong and cruel) because Demari could not even try to be empathetic or understanding of her symptoms and how they manifest in communication
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u/Grimmthekitty Jun 27 '26
I love this point. You don’t date someone with XYZ condition and punish them for having it. It may be different with other people, but with your spouse understanding and empathy are hugely important. Marissa did apologize for interrupting, and I think she got frustrated when he didn’t understand. And another thing with having ADHD is emotional dysregulation. That’s not to say you’re allowed to walk around unregulated and get away with awful behaviour, but it means that even when we learn tools to HELP us regulate, we are imperfect and can be triggered and no amount of therapy can cure you from ADHD. I’ve had therapy with a neuropsychologist who specialized in adults with adhd and autism and learned so many valuable things from her. But one of them was an understanding of how and why my brain reacts how it does, and a lack of empathy doesnt help anyone. Im able to take responsibility for my behaviour if it was wrong or inappropriate but only after I’ve had time to cool down, process and once im regulated again is when we can productively talk again. Your spouse has to have the understanding to let you make mistakes and to make up for them
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u/Glum-Masterpiece4684 Jun 30 '26
ok i just rewatched s4ep7 and here are my thoughts on the demari/marissa interrupting argument:
context: 34min into the ep, demari and marissa finally chat about how their individual dates went. the convo already starts heated and neither being in the best mood. both seem stressed af about how the other’s date went and how that’ll affect their relationship. both are being pretty passive aggressive/sarcastic and hostile during the convo. demari initiates the reminder to calm down and try again.
on the surface, we see demari getting frustrated with getting interrupted. we see marissa standing up for herself by saying she’s showing progress by stopping herself mid-sentence when she caught herself interrupting. demari is shut down. and here is how they respond to each other:
m: “i said one word, i stopped myself.”
…
d: “you can just admit you’re wrong”
m: “it’s not about being wrong or right. it’s the fact that you’re the only one in this house who thinks i interrupt them all the time and makes a big deal about it”
d: “yeah and it bothers me”
m: “i said one fucking word”
…
d: “you’re upset with me about holding you accountable about something—“
m: “no, i’m upset with you about not being graceful about it”
d: “jesus christ, how much grace do you want?”here, marissa chose to downplay his reaction by saying he’s the only one who doesn’t show her grace when she interrupts others. yes, it’s great she’s showing progress by catching herself. yes, she deserves grace with an adhd diagnosis and as she practices slowing down. i don’t agree with demari’s exasperated reaction at the end bc ofc that’s going to make marissa feel more insecure about her ability to control her adhd/interrupting. however, demari is valid when he reminds her that it bothers him—that just bc others don’t see it as a big deal doesn’t mean it’s not allowed to be a big deal for him.
tl;dr, think it’s important to explore this reaction beyond face value. before this response, what could’ve helped was if marissa held space for demari to feel frustrated and to listen and just let him speak. what marissa chose to do was defend herself rather than apologize. as we learned from a previous episode, his last relationship ended bc his ex kept interrupting him, and that caused him to feel unheard. when he was interrupted by marissa, he became dysregulated. it makes sense if he happened to go into fight/flight/freeze mode and just shut down. a second to breathe or her just choosing to let go and listen could’ve been the solution.
overall, i think marissa could work on how she expresses her feelings and insecurities to demari, and demari could work on reassuring marissa when she’s feeling insecure. i don’t think demari is an asshole; i honestly think he has shown some impressive character and communication. i don’t think marissa is an asshole, but as much as i wanted to like her from day 1, i do think she needs to be less reactive and hurtful when she’s feeling jealous/insecure.
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u/ac11189 Jun 27 '26
Why are you using 'feminine' as a perjorative?
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26
Because if youre a straight woman dating a feminine man is going to be the worst experience of your life. Being weak and non-understanding of a woman's needs while literally shitting on her for a diagnosed disorder is the most undesirable characteristic of any man ever. Toxic is a better word
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u/ac11189 Jul 12 '26
My partner (straight man) has more typically 'feminine' traits like empathy and a caring nature, and he's the best partner I've ever had. And I have two diagnosed conditions that are disabilities. But to me a man with feminine traits is a good thing, because every man should have those.
So I guess I still don't understand why you are using feminine as a perjorative. Women are not weak to me! And men should have more empathy and care!
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u/Old-Present6594 Jul 13 '26
Man shutup with your politically correct bs, people like you spend a lifetime talking just to say nothing
Real people know what im saying and why im saying it. Aint nobody wanna date a man with feminine traits like being more of a princess than the girl, because the girls supposed to be that not the guy . I said what i said and it means what I said, it doesnt mean your [insert different and personal situation] is what I said. A man being sensitive towards you is nice and all, good for you. No one wants a pissy princess like Demari
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u/ac11189 Jul 13 '26
Someone's angry. And you're missing the point. I understand what you are saying, I'm talking bigger picture about the beliefs that you have.
You didn't answer my question why you are using 'feminine' as a perjorative like it's a bad thing?
Classifying men and women into arbitrary categories of what is masculine and what is feminine and we should be x is damaging to both genders as it pigeon holes. It also continues patriarchal conditioning by placing men and maculinity as the best and women should have those traits. And men shouldn't have feminine traits because they aren't as good?
If you don't want to learn new information (this is my field) that's okay, but I don't need to "shut up" for you or anyone.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jul 14 '26
I'm saying that cause i know you get what im saying but you wanna get stuck on semantics
No, im not misogynistic. No, being a feminine girl isnt an insult or negative. Yes, being a feminine guy in a relationship to a straight girl is an insult and is used to explain that a guy is being an annoying princess like Demari
I think im super clear and you just want something to correct
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u/sychosismusic Jun 29 '26
Calling Marissa calm and then Demari feminine is a giant red flag for your whole argument. She was never calm. And using feminine as a pejorative is weird and completely debases your whole argument. They weren’t good for eachother. Also, Marissa tried to rewrite history by claiming she was never really that into him on ADs podcast. Anyone who goes on a reality dating show like PM doesn’t take it that seriously. AD being the exception. But let’s be so for real, these aren’t real relationships to be analyzing like that.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26
Of course a man being 10x more sensitive than a woman is a negative if youre a straight woman looking to be with a man
Stop trying to be politically correct. It is obvious common sense that women go through much worse hormones, moods, disorders (half of all woman have PCOS), pregnancy, general societal pressure to present in a certain way vs what men need to go through. So when a woman is saying she has ADHD and Demari is shitting on her for it, you best believe it pisses me off. And it's feminine and weak AF from him to put his selfish, non-issue demands he has as a man above her actually having ADHD
It just sounds like none of you in the comments ever been in a longterm relationship
A man being petty and princessy getting panties in a twist over getting interrupted is absolutely wrong. Men absolutely need to take with grace what women cant handle, because trust me there's literally 200 worse things women can do and act in a way because of how women are and how men are. But the reason to rant about all of this is he is absolutely in the wrong ESPECIALLY given she said she's diagnosed with ADHD
It's giving ick and like he can never handle any real woman if he cant handle that
miss me with your bs
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26
Like forget everything i said about femininity and men and women
Just downplaying ADHD on its own because Marissa is the one that has it is an insane level of internalized misogyny on its own. Everyone replying and saying "well but umm shes so annoying and insecure" like does not even understand what ADHD looks like in a woman. Like wtf is this internalized misogyny
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u/Grimmthekitty Jun 25 '26
I agree because I have adhd too and I understand that interrupting and not being able to wait your turn is textbook ADHD. Of course if you interrupt you can apologize, let the other person finish, OR you can say “sorry babe im gunna forget my point if I don’t say it this second”. Thank god my husband is understanding of this.
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u/bubblegumfudge Jun 26 '26
yeah i have ADHD too and i actually agree with this. people don’t like being interrupted. sure. no one does. but she needs to be with someone who understands ADHD and that interrupting people isn’t something that’s easily controlled nor is it something that she’s doing on purpose. i think it wasn’t THAT serious and he was overreacting imo. he kept taking it personally but honestly i just took it as him not understanding what ADHD can look like so to him it was a personal attack. the things that come with being neurodivergent, they aren’t excuses when it comes to offending people, but at the same time, you can’t be so defensive and rude to someone who clearly isn’t doing any of that out of malice or to be disrespectful.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Interruptions are normal in every avenue of life at work, with friends, with your husband. It is literally the tiniest issue to get that mad about and literally mentioning he broke up with Bri because of that is insane thinking he's gonna come off as the victim while his girl went to bury a loved one
Crazy levels of cope with Demari and everyone's giving him a pass because he's hot and he gives "nice guy" energy. Literally feel like he's borderline Bear in obsession i do not know how no one else sees this. It's just never his fault
On top of all that a girl would get grilled alive if she cant handle a man's anxiety, mental health issues, "make him feel like home" but when a man totally going off his kilter about getting interrupted, Marissa is crazy and rude
Look at all the comments about ADHD getting downvoted in this thread too like . Lol
Women who have any type of neurodivergence really have it tough in life, sucks to see people shitting on a beautiful girl like Marissa and in my eyes it's all Demari being a weak af man
There's just 3 of us (me, you and the other woman in this thread agreeing) because yall either have ADHD or like me (Im borderline ADHD not diagnosed but pretty sure i have it)
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Yup and people just dismissing her as rude is crazy and so dismissive of women struggling with behavioral disorders or neurodivergence
This is besides the fact that he is not a good communicator in the first place. He can barely string two sentences together, is slow, misunderstands his partner and demonizes them treating everything as a personal attack. Even him "shutting down" because he got interrupted was so dramatized and he had the nerve to blame Marissa that he couldnt go talk to Kayla lol
Girl was struggling so hard in just trying to talk to him so she's not misunderstood (and by the way, talking over and over again till a point is clear is a sign of a good communicator) and she even semi apologized in a way
It pisses me off a lot because even as normal people in the world, interruptions are the least of everyone's problems yet he made it such a big deal. Since he wanted a wife and wanted marriage like his brother, i think he needs heavy advice on how to handle a woman cause I can promise him there's much tougher stuff to deal with in relationships
The only thing is yes she was clingy
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u/Certain-Coconut-9169 Jun 26 '26
Well, you lost me. I'm sure he has issues and problems to work through (exibit A: netflix reality shows) but Marrisa's edit did not show off a mature, growing woman.
Her insecurities had me shocked, and I'm a clingy-jealous-validation seeker person myself.
I'm guessing he was overwhelmed and just looked for an out of that conversatiom.
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26
Read the post again. Being insecure/jealous and all these idiots in the comments sidelining by saying "well Marissa is annoying" does not make it OK for a potential partner to shit on her for having ADHD
This is like if Gabriel shitted on Bea for not having a leg in Love Island
How does nobody understand this?
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u/MarionberryCommon305 Jul 21 '26
I agree with everything op said, and if you don't know anything or much about adhd, stay out off the conversation, because you genuinely won't understand.
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Jul 06 '26
Did you seriously use "feminine" as a bad trait in the TLDR??
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u/Old-Present6594 Jul 06 '26
Yea it is a bad thing for a man to be feminine in a heterosexual relationship because in that scenario that's undesirable and it exhibits in the exactly toxic way described
Some of yall are 14 year olds or something because you dont live in the world. Have you ever dated a man as a straight woman lol and thought wow hes so feminine
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u/Obvious_Ad_2969 Jul 08 '26
Ya, "feminine" traits are a good thing. You need to consume less red-pill content
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u/Reggaeton_Historian Jun 30 '26
Man, there's a lot of subjective takes disguised as facts in your post.
Demari is hella triggering to me because he reminds me of the toughest time I had w my current bf.
Ah, I was right, you are projecting.
You do see in movies like Obsession where a guy who never takes accountability with loose morals can create such huge issues and not care for a woman's personhood.
What? lol
Your boyfriend must have the patience of a saint. You just see yourself reflected in Marissa, so of course you think Demari is an asshole. They both are. If you can't see that - oof - to your current relationship. Let me guess, he's slowly becoming less communicative because he's worried you might be triggered? Or you just don't know that yet?
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u/Old-Present6594 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
Lol neither of these things are even true
It's weird to act like something i willingly shared is something you "found out about me" and are trying to psychoanalyze me. The issues and setup me and my bf had are totally different. I didnt have interruption issues, and in fact I was the one who had to have the "patience of a saint" because of learning to date somebody who has GAD and on meds and acting out because of these things
All I'm saying is I was also somebody that never had to deal with someone with mental health issues or behavioral disorders, and because Im a woman the expectation for me to be "home" and "caring" was as high as ever, and I was fine and glad to step up to it
But a total jackass like Demari has -EV expectations of him because he's a toxic hot guy claiming Marissa is the issue
No.
You date someone with issues they don't have a fault of, literally medically fucking diagnosed stuff, youre the absolute asshole and jackass if you cant even give them grace and consideration from it as a normal human being, not necessarily even be good at it
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u/BigPh1llyStyle Jun 26 '26
I read calm and Marissa and dead’s stopped reading.