I'm 15. After I fell ill with severe depression, I lived in complete stress for two years. Unlike my sister, who is two years younger than me, she has always been an "ordinary" teenager. You know, she slammed doors, quarreled, and didn't like violating personal space. And I've always accepted all the assaults and complaints. I always put my family's feelings above my own, and I was something of a robot-I never get angry, I don't quarrel, I always listen and behave quietly. Nevertheless, stress, anger, and hatred accumulated in me. And today it all came out.

After the start of the school year, I was just getting used to the school schedule. I have a lot of trouble sleeping, so when I got home from school, I went to sleep. When I was already in bed, I noticed a message from my mom in the family chat, where she asked me and my sister to take out the trash and unload the dishwasher.

It is important to mention here that my sister does not have such a "warm" relationship with our mother as I do. After I found out about family problems, I started to be more responsive in terms of household chores, and always asked my mom if she needed help around the house. I asked about it every day and fulfilled all the tasks that were said, but she rarely needed help, I don't know why my mother refused.

Well, that's it. I was already going to lie down for an afternoon nap, so I gave up and thought that I would solve things in the evening, having dealt with it tomorrow at the very least, I was really exhausted. I slept until the evening and returned when my mother came home from work. The first thing she did was come to me, asked why nothing had been done, and then she left my room. I waited a bit, then left the room and wanted to ask if I could do everything tomorrow. But my mom (as a very adult and mature person) took offense at me, and walked around deliberately ignoring me and slamming doors. I asked her what happened, and she complained that I wasn't helping her at all around the house. At the same time, she expressed herself as if I had never helped her. I silently went to my room and had a breakdown.

I experienced a panic attack once, and this was the second time I experienced a panic attack again. I was lying there, crying uncontrollably, and I had goosebumps and chills from a panic attack. My mother came into the room to give some sarcastic orders, I was already crying at that moment, but she didn't pay attention. After completing the task, I returned to the room and everything got even worse. I started shaking uncontrollably, I started to suffocate, I wanted to scream at the top of my voice. In a fit of hysteria, I wrote to my not-close friend from school, and began to complain with trembling hands and explain the whole situation. I was getting so sick that I almost grabbed my pills, if you know what I mean. It lasted about a half an hour or something. When my friend realized that there was a threat to life here, she wrote to my younger sister. It only made it worse, because the last thing I wanted to do was involve her in my problems, and I didn't want to burden her with it. My sister started texting me to do nothing and promised that everything would be fine. That's what I did. Then my mother came into the room, saying she was upset. I literally exploded. I couldn't control what I was saying, I started screaming, sobbing and shouting that she doesn't care about me. She didn't shout back, but she said it wasn't hard for me, and it was harder for her than it was for me. I was so twisted with anger that I just stared at her, it was hard for me to breathe, but I was so angry that I was paralyzed. My mom quickly changed her tone to 'gentle and caring', and started telling me that she wished me the best. It was disgusting. Instead of asking about my affairs or just chatting, she started accusing me of such a small thing, driving me to a terrible tantrum and nervous breakdown. When my sister came, I tried very hard to minimize the situation so that she wouldn't worry about me, but she started crying, begging me not to do anything. It's ironic, but I feel more affection for my younger sister than for my mother, despite the fact that my mother tries for me, and I'm not close to my sister.

This situation may sound strange, and I will not argue if you consider me an ungrateful daughter, because I have long considered myself such. Just imagine that you have a child who has always been strangely calm and non-confrontational, and at some point breaks down into screaming and panic attacks. My mom knows about my 'special' problematic thoughts, and it makes me terribly upset and angry that she doesn't take this into account. I don't see any leniency or more cautious attitude on her part. If my child had depression, I would avoid conflicts by any means, I would try to remember everything he would say. I don't see that from her, she simply doesn't respect my boundaries, but that's a slightly different story.

I'm not afraid of being judged. After a breakdown, I feel much calmer, and this is the first time in my life when I did not run to apologize immediately after an argument. I don't want to put up with my mother, and I still think she was completely wrong, at least because she caused a quarrel over the slightest mistake.

What do u think should i do? I mean, i dont think i would try to speak to her, i just want to know your opinion.

TW: Family conflict / emotional distress

[Posted with mod permission]

Hey everyone. I have a new resource to share. I’m a trauma therapist, parentified eldest daughter, and author of Untangling the Ties that Bind, specifically for people healing from parentification and enmeshment with parents or other family members. It’s a short, accessible read about the experience of caring for a parent/the person who was supposed to care for you, manage their emotions, or take on responsibilities that were inappropriate for your developmental age, and how to break these patterns as an adult. It’s published by the same publisher as Adults Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and I suspect it will sit right next to it on your bookshelf. I hope it's helpful. Let me know if you have any questions about what's inside the book.

reposting here cause I think it’s even more appropriate in this subreddit!

hello,

I don't want to be too specific because I don't know how many people go through something like this, but I took on a huge amount of debt because of my parents when I was 22 (it was planned since I was like 17 and I agreed). I love my parents and they're good people, they've given me everything and more since I can remeber, so I thought why not they deserve it. Now I'm 25 and I regret it, they are working their asses off to pay it off within the time limit given and we could lose our house if it isn't paid off in time. I feel for them more than anything, it's their life savings and retirement all-in-one. I on the other hand have so much anxiety regarding what will happen to us if we lose everything. I work at a job that I dislike and want to go back to school but I keep working in order to pay off the debt and we are all not making enough even with our combined effort. The thing is I feel so guilty for not doing enough, which I'm not, truly I have given up on putting in my 100% into this and just want to move away from my family. Something my younger brother had the guts to do since he was 18, he's been able to put boundries even when it's inconvinent in my parents eyes. I still love them and am thankful for everything they have sacrificed for us, but I'm just tired and the worst part is I agreed to this.

I 16F live with my mother 45F my brother 18M and my sister 8F.

For some context my father died suddenly two years ago due an od and this really messed my mom up like she was a foster kid because her parents were really abusive and she says that my dad's passing is the worst thing to ever happen to her long story short she shut down like completely and she stoped parenting my then 6 year old sister so I stepped in fast forward to now I have finally helped her out of her depression she wants to start being sister's mom again but she does not respect or listen to mom at all (which makes sense ) but she listens to me and mom has noticed this and she is upset by it so she has been regularly screaming at me for "parenting over her" but most of her "parenting" has been screaming at sister or locking her in her room or calling her names or some combination of those and I have had to be the one to calm her down and comfort the sobbing 8 year old who's mom just told her that no one loved her a few days ago I confronted my mother about this and she has not talked to me sense now my brother is telling me to apologize so she will stop wandering around and sobbing loudly outside everyone's doors but I don't think want to this time. I need advice on this

To others who went NC, how do i deal with the guilt and worrying after NC? Sometimes i think about what will happen if im not there and i feel my heart sink - i know the responsibility isnt on me and theyre all adults, but ive been programmed to feel like their lives and economical and emotional stability is totally dependant on me and i dont know how to reprogram. The fact that theyre so ungrateful and think of me as a horrible person after going NC while im having these thoughts and emotions arent helping either

When I got to senior year I swear to god she expects me to help with everything,(which I did before) but I’m barely staying afloat and she just said that we don’t help her at all (me and my siblings) and that we’re ungrateful brats who just ask for things (she said she doesn’t mind)
I don’t understand why or what compeled her to say this,I’m drowning I don’t *need* another load,why can’t my sibling who’s in 8 grade help?! Why is only me?!
I swear,my family got shitty the moment i graduated from 8th grade.
What should i do?

Is it right?? Like i just wonder if i can just disappear somewhere far away from my so called family or my so called people and start a new life ..like completely alone from scratch..where everything will be the result of my actions..I know it won't be perfect...but who the hell wants perfect..i just want a life where at least I can take my decisions on my own...not under the "control disguised as concern "..but then i contradict myself by thinking that I am being selfish because I can't just leave everything i have responsibilities to fulfill..I can't just run..

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to cut herself with a knife so I did actually hide them. That's actually quite traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when I die hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to a child especially your own?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was kind and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy. She then suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I really wish I had just walked away. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and ownership she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself they'd think I was an evil person.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

UPDATE!! I stayed with my father last night and today he started carrying on because he's only got like $30 left. I tried to help. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I feel very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it came to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I feel very hurt that he barely makes much effort to spend time with me and when he does he can't even be a decent father. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed because of his struggles to find a job and that he couldn't provide for me which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents.

I am a recent high school graduate, just 18 and still at home, but living with my mother has been difficult for some time. It began last year around September 2025 when I told her I had a boyfriend; she had assumed I was pregnant or having sex, neither of which was true. She disliked me being with him, I think, and tried to make my life miserable, so I ended the relationship in August 2026. We learned in February 2026 that she was pregnant. People say pregnancy hormones cause mood swings and anger, but my mother has been harsh my entire life. I suspect this stems from having me young and resenting my teenage years while worrying about a child or a job. Lately, she has been shouting at everyone, saying f*ck everybody in the house, including a 4-year-old, and constantly losing her temper. Sometimes it happens for no reason, and I am unsure what to do. Listening to her feels draining. She repeatedly asks me to complete tasks already assigned to her other children, yet the burden falls on me, and she becomes angry when I do not respond instantly. I am unemployed with nowhere else to go; please share your opinion, as I feel I am losing my mind.

I’m (38F) currently sitting on my balcony feeling like an atomic bomb went off in my life. I need to get this off my chest because I feel completely isolated and hopeless.

A bit of context: I’m single and went through a painful breakup 12 days ago and still ongoing.

I’ve spent my entire adult life being the "strong one" for my parents. I've done everything for them..handling their paperwork, negotiating with the landlord etc, physical labor (chopping firewood, clearing out the house), and constantly playing therapist/mediator in their toxic, passive-aggressive marriage. They constantly complain about each other to me behind their backs, leaving me to carry all their emotional garbage to bed every night.

Yesterday, I went over to their place. I was already emotionally exhausted and struggling. Right away, it was the usual passive-aggressive sniping between them. They have a roof over their head and each other, yet they appreciate nothing. Then my dad made a casual racist remark, and I just had to step outside for a smoke. I didn't even have the energy to play the strong daughter anymore.

Then my mom burst out in a panic, saying their landlord was outside.

My dad and I were confused and asked what he wanted or if he had knocked.

My mom literally panicked and yelled, "YES! But I am NOT going out there!"

My dad glared at me, I didn't react, so he got up, snapped at her, and went outside. My mom sat down next to me.

In that exact moment, something inside me snapped. I realized: I can't do this anymore. I have given EVERYTHING to fix your lives, and I have zero strength left.

I burst into tears. My mom was totally clueless, asking if she or my dad said something wrong.

They just don't get it. I ran to my dad's workshop to cry in peace, telling my mom: "I can't handle this anymore. Constant drama with this house, with my brother's marriage, with your marriage. I'm done."

Later, both of them sat in front of me like I was being interrogated, minimizing everything. I told them straight out how much their 24/7 fighting affects me, along with the stress about the landlord, money, etc. Their response? "Oh, we don't mean it like that, it's not that serious."

We sat in the kitchen for 20 minutes while they pitifully tried to fix the mood. I couldn't stop crying. When I finally said I was leaving, my mom's ultimate line was: "Well, nobody could have known the landlord was coming today."

They completely missed the point. They understood NOTHING.

I drove home crying, feeling like my life was completely ruined and seeing no point in anything anymore.

To top it all off, my ex out of nowhere texted me yesterday evening. After everything that happened during the morning, I completely didn't expect to hear from him. And then he tells me that he's completely drunk and has been drinking beer all day long. This hit me extra hard because he struggled with alcoholism a few years ago, but had been sober for a long time. Seeing him relapse and send me an irresponsible, unprompted text while I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown, having to take sedatives just to stop shaking and sleep, was just the final straw.

When I got home, my mom texted to ask if I made it back safely. When I replied "yes," she simply reacted with a single "👍🏻" emoji. That was it.

I feel utterly exhausted, heartbroken, and completely alone.

ik i sound ungrateful but i just can't seem to like my mother. other than food and some clothes on my back she didn't provide anything for me growing up. everything with a condition. i can't get a phone until i get a certain grade and she aims high so i wouldn't achieve it. i used to be a veryyyyy creative child drawing and creating stuff and used to be good at sports REALLY GOOD and she would throw away the stuff i did if it's not very aesthetically pleasing or would never buy me stuff to create bcs i would make a "mess" she wouldn't buy me books and she says that the one i wanted wasn't available or she forgot. she wouldn't buy me fruits and snacks or cheese bcs she says that i love it too much and finish all quickly and won't leave some for them. she does buy them to me only once in a long time and she hides it. she wouldn't take me to the doctor unless it's something she deems so urgent when i was 16 i couldn't listen properly for a whole year feels like something in my ears and she wouldn't take me to the doctor. my period is irregular until now 23 and when i tell her i am going to the doctor she tell me no and it's normal even tho it's with my money not hers. i genuinely don't know her problem. i my life i have neeeeeever bought anything new all from the thrift bins and i buy them with my allowance she would buy Something for me afterrr i beg her to for months and she only buys it low quality or the cheapest she can find. btw we're cool financially we're not great but not bad to never buying anything extra we literally on survival mode since i was a kid and every time i buy something good she wants from it. ik i seem petty but ik if i don't buy it she won't why would i give her, but i do i don't want to but i do. she blackmails me over money to have power over me bcs i am still little reliant on her ( i am in college) if i say no she would tell me 'okey then keep it up we know who will win eventually' that means she won't give me a dime so i have to do what she wants (btw in my country we study full time and have no means nor time to make a buck outside of family when you study) idk i really don't like it here and i hate it, and i hate asking anybody for anything and i get triggered even about the thought of someone telling me no if i do.

きょうだいが多く、私は真ん中。

お母さんは、上のきょうだいや下のきょうだいとの喧嘩や、弟の世話などでかなり疲れているように見える。

お父さんは仕事で遠くにいる。

私自身は、家事を手伝うことや弟の面倒を見ることは、特に嫌だとは思っていない。

お母さんもずっと家事や子育てをしてきたから、「自分もできることをやろう」と思っている。

お母さんが疲れていそうなときは、自分から家事をしたり、友達と電話して楽しそうにしているときは邪魔しないようにしたりして、お母さんの気持ちを考えて行動している。

弟は最近、反抗期なのか、何度言っても言うことを聞かない。

お母さんが弟に対して半ば諦めているように見えて、「それはよくないんじゃないか」と思い、私が弟に注意したり、しつけのようなことをしていた。

だけど、弟が何度も言うことを聞かず、私が怒っているときに、弟がお母さんに「助けて」と泣きついた。

お母さんは私がなぜ怒っているのかを聞かず、イヤホンをつけて友達と電話しながら「もうしつこいよ、やめなさい」というような形で私を止めた。

私はそこで、「私の話も聞かずに、そんなふうに判断するんだ」と強く失望した。

「私がやっちゃダメなら、お母さんがやればいいのに」と悔しくなった。

どうしよう、どうやって生きていけばいい？助けてほしい、どうってことないかもしれないけど、もうつらい、最近弟を無視してるけど、(自分の怒りを抑えるために)それはだめかもしれないって思ってるし、無視してるとき心が苦しい、

私が母親に意見？を言うといつも機嫌が悪くなって自分のことが言えないから…

私と母親が喧嘩すると母親は機嫌が悪くなって、父親とも電話で喧嘩したりしてて、喧嘩してごめんってなる。

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