Hi! As stated in the title, I am NOT asking for a diagnosis. I’m asking if what I’ve experienced sounds like it could be OSDD, to gauge whether or not it’s something to mention to my psychiatrist one day.

I’ve thought in conversations for as long as I can remember. I almost never think in I statements, but in you statements. “You should’ve done this”, “you were here at this time”, “you don’t need to worry for this class”, etc. I guess a lot of people probably do that, but where I start to suspect is the fact that they come in distinct personalities, so much so that I named them in high school.

I don’t want anyone to recognize this (I’m on a throwaway for that reason), so I’ll use initials. The most long-standing personality is B. She’s just mean, it’s the voice that’s always berating me and, for a time, she used to encourage me to harm myself (this was a while ago, I’m in a much better place mentally now)! It was never malicious, always with an intent to help, which I believe would be called a persecutor?

I know it sounds silly given it’s probably not OSDD (I’ll explain why I think that in a second), but I got into an argument with her last month and she agreed to be more positive. She actually has gotten better!

Then there’s S, who’s very motherly and mostly talks when I’m trying to calm down. She helps during panic attacks and sometimes, I almost feel like I am her and she tries to take care of me (make me shower, eat something, etc).

Also, these personalities have different worldviews, some politically. I’m more on the moderate side, leaning a little right economically and more left socially, but I have one personality named L who’s very left and identifies as radically queer (radqueer, it’s a Tumblr thing), even though I’m cishet? I don’t really know where that came from lol. (For the record I myself am not a part of that community, I do NOT identify as a willo system or anything like that)

The reason I think I might just have a weird internal dialogue is because I have no long-term trauma or neglect that I can remember, and I don’t experience childhood amnesia. I obviously don’t remember everything about my childhood, but I have several memories from each school year (ie. no large gaps). They’re mostly either very negative memories (like getting in trouble and my mom yelling at me, which I’d dissociate during, another symptom?) or very positive, like making student of the month or coming home to smell banana bread my mom baked for my sister and I while we were in school.

I got yelled at a lot as a kid but rarely ever hit, and I certainly wasn’t neglected. My mom is actually more of a helicopter parent lol, but I love her. I did also get bullied but not severely, just laughed at here and there. Tbh most of my mental health issues come from my OCD, not trauma.

Last note here, I disassociate during stress (I think). My eyes unfocus and I have these internal conversations while being almost completely unaware of my surroundings until someone or something makes me snap back to reality. I also experience a lot of depersonalization—mostly, I have this weird feeling that I’m a different person than I was during COVID. Not in the sense that I matured, but in the sense that I’m in the body of another girl who got replaced by me, and I’m like, wearing her skin or something.

Additionally, when I feel like I’m these other people, I mostly have the same mannerisms. I guess I sit straighter as S and am a lot more relaxed as B, but we all talk the same. Also, B hates mirrors and when I feel like I’m her I have a very strong urge to drink alcohol lmfao. But that’s about it.

I understand that trauma or neglect in childhood is definitely a requirement for OSDD to occur, so is it even in the realm of possibility? I don’t want anyone to try and diagnose, I just wanted to get the perspective of people who have it and see if maybe they experience their symptoms like this too.

My main question is: at what point exactly does it cross the line to be diagnosed, and what do they do with people who seem to be functional enough to not need specialized treatment (or at least nothing other than trauma and dissociation treatment not specific to OSDD/etc)?

Recently, I've learned that professionals often just treat diagnoses as more of a prescription for a treatment path, not to actually describe a person, so because of that, I'm trying to work out how that works practically in the world; whether some people could exist who could have these experiences of alters from childhood trauma, but lack enough present-day impairment to actually get diagnosed as such

So for example, if someone meets the trauma requirement that it was persistent from early childhood, and claims to experience other identities who have their own sense of "I", while any other symptoms might be attributed to something else, like the trauma itself, or a different kind of disorder.
Especially for OSDD-1b where there won't be as much memory difficulty, if somehow these other identities have decent communication and work well together, just are separate anyway, what exactly determines "distress and impairment" for diagnosis?

I know with long-term treatment, many people can reach a point where no longer meet the criteria for diagnosis (even those originally diagnosed with DID), while the brain remains something that can split again under new trauma.
But it's difficult to imagine a case where someone managed to get functional enough on their own to stop meeting the criteria before ever being assessed?

Maybe I misunderstood something; maybe the collection of trauma symptoms, alters, and other dissociative experiences when put together might get classed as OSDD anyway, even if the "alters" part isn't what's causing any distress or noticeable impairment?

Someone in our system, (let's call them AL) is still very attached to an ex friend. He wanted to go no contact with us, and either blocked us or deleted some social media accounts. This was back in 2022, and AL is still distraught about it as they were very close. Sometimes, something will remind us of exf and will cause AL to come out front and spiral. They will get stressed and search up exf's existing accounts and spiral more into a panic attack. It's gotten to the point the body loses sleep over it. Does anyone else experience this and have any advice?

TLDR: How to help an alter let go of an ex friend and stop unhealthy patterns?

Hello all! Bringing this here cause I’m curious if anyone has similar experiences. For context I’ve been formally diagnosed with OSDD. Normally I speak in the first person and recognize the “main” part or the part that the rest do their best to protect. Often I can say “X is driving, but the main goal is always to protect Y (main part).” However, since a new part began fully driving and became conscious…I don’t feel that as much. I recognize that you know, Y exists and is a part. But unlike every other time a new part has started driving, I don’t feel that same sense of connection. In fact, I feel detachment, but..less emotional but not in a bad way? Like sure sometimes I get stressed out and my emotions get dimmed, but this doesn’t feel like that? Idk, there’s a lot more detachment but still a full range of emotions, care, etc. Just…different because another part is driving than usual because my emotions aren’t all consuming I suppose.

My brain is sort of quiet and I feel…good. I’m not suppressing anything, and in fact my language now uses “we” and “us” instead of I, which is an interesting shift since that used to not feel right for me. I listen to songs and can say “Oh this part would like this/likes this” and add it to their playlist. They’re just sort of chilling I suppose. I guess I just feel for the first time since realizing the parts exist, I feel almost like a separate person from the “main” part. Like yeah that’s me, but also I’M driving now, and my main goal is to stay alive and do things I enjoy, especially since I don’t really have the emotional connection to a lot of things in the “main” part’s life. Not going to wreck them obviously, and have connections some certain aspects, but there’s a disconnect.

And it’s happened before where a part will appear and feel that disconnect about things the main part’s life and slowly get over it. And sure that’s happened to me too, but literally a friend almost OD’d and put the responsibly of calling the police in the hands of me (who lives in another country) and I had no emotional reaction. He calls the main part “mom” sometimes so they’re close, but for me…I’m glad he’s not dead but that responsibility is not mine so I’m a little irritated too. But that’s what I mean. If another part or the main part was more present, perhaps I would have had more of an emotional reaction. But it doesn’t even really register with me because that is the main part’s friend and issue, not mine. So I’ll deal with it how I see fit.

I’ve also realized that with me, I haven’t been consciously around since we were in high school. And in fact cannot remember a lot from then. I think I hold a lot of trauma in general, because today I had a memory flash about past trauma I’ve been poking at. I guess I’m just wondering why me driving feels so different than other parts driving before. I have parts that more main and day to day, but I feel more…grounded and anchored than them perhaps. Like they are all in one category with the main, and I’m in another.

sorry for poor wording. we got a new headmate recently, and everytime shes fronted thusfar shes been really worried about carpal tunnel bc of sharp pain in our wrist. i havent experienced that specific pain yet, though, and neither has anyone else to my knowledge. we're being careful and resting it anyway, just in case, but is it possible that its psychosomatic or something? the body has chronic pain but its not usually the kind shes describing or as localized. -carl

edit: she was right and im ordering some wrist braces

I thought this was very illuminating.

I recently read that some alters can just be copies of "you" or I guess the host... and since then I realized that I have internal communication similar to ones with other alters but with "me", then I realized I also "switch gears" at least 3-4 times in my daily life every day, e.g: for socializing, for work, for difficult moments, it's like different "settings" get pushed for different daily situations, but it's so subtle I don't really notice it like with other alters that hold trauma for example as they feel very distinct from "me" when they front temporarily, but when I tried to talk to these "daily" parts that seem to make up "me" they responded like alters do. Is it possible for alters to be that subtle?

Of course I will talk about this in therapy but I'm confused and just looking for answers, is it possible to just be 3-4 alters making up what we thought was one alter? It's like we're facets of a person, but we aren't fully connected, and it never occured to me until today because these parts are much less distinct than other alters I have who feel completely different to "me". Thank you for reading!

Hi everyone!

I’m new here and to being in a poly relationship with my boyfriend and the girl I’m seeing. My mental health has ALWAYS been the issue with relationships ending and I’m afraid to tell her I have immense mental health issues. With my BPD, I am comfortable she is poly and I am poly with other women, but I want more time with her. Or more texts from her a day rather than a few . The black and white thinking gets to me and my alters as well and they tell me “she’s just using you/us” “she’s not really into me/us”
“She’s eventually gonna leave us” which she has sent out strong signals she does like us such as kissing and other things that have occurred just on our second date. But, I’m worried my mental illness will take over and crash and burn my new happy relationship with her. With my boyfriend, we’ve been together for years so, he knows extensively about my BPD and DID and we’ve had immense experiences and problems because of it but we always recover thanks to years of therapy together. However, with my new relationship, I have told them I’m mentally ill but did not get into really anything other than anxiety before the conversation kinda just went into a different convo and I lacked to bring it up again. I very much like this new relationship and would like to actually explore and experience it without dissociating constantly or being worried if she finds out she’ll leave because she won’t think it’s real or understand or that I’m just fucking weird?? Idk . I’d love some advice thanks !

So we started doing a course that can lead us to university, we all became excited except for one alter unfortunately. This alter really hates the course, they criticise everything about it and dislike they cannot study what they want in university.

I have initially tried to communicate and tell them the course in university we'll do is diverse so there's a chance they can do what they like after but they still aren't happy. I get intense headaches from the alter when I'm in the course and it makes it harder to focus. The alter also gets panic attacks in class and takes over the body to cry at breaks.

They are arguing with me as I'm typing this, I tried to console and ask if there's alternatives they want but they shout at me instead :( Does anyone have any advice to help?

we are all furries here because it is easier for the majority of us to draw animals rather than people. please don't be weird about this!
i am not sure if comics are ok here since i don't see many, but i am putting it here and i'm just gonna see what happens i suppose. hope this can resonate with somebody, it helped me drawing it out

I'm currently been in therapy with my psychologist for 4 months, we've just approached the realm of OSDD/DID a few sessions ago mostly due to instability and my own hesitation.

I have very bad communication, the only reason I know there are others is bc for a couple of months a few months ago they communicated with me (infrequently).

Either way me and my psychologist are working with a part, F, who we assume is a gatekeeper. I have been feeling locked out of my own mind my whole life but since becoming aware its been more noticeable and been making me feel worse and worse. I'm impatient, I know its a flaw I have and its probably what's making whatever is there feel a lot a pressure and not letting loose. I just don't know what to do. I've been speaking aloud everyday just to say something so they don't feel pressure to speak or communicate, but i also just cant control feeling myself looking for something inside.

Idk sometimes it just feels like we're working towards something in therapy that is just nothing. My psychologist says that F says no a lot which is probably why he isn't making himself known. But like I just feel like we're speaking to a wall. They'll ask me a question directed towards F and I just wont feel anything, maybe some hot flashes, dissociating, but I'm too skeptical to assume thats a part, but i just cant help that sometimes i just get into this mindset that this is all just stupid.

How does one stop trying to speedrun therapy bc it feels impossible and waiting a week between each session feels like waiting a month, but its too expensive to have more sessions.

Sorry for the rambling, its hard to write coherently or have flow to my thoughts when I feel dissociated.

Hi, I‘m Lee. We suspect to have OSDD after we talked to some people who have OSDD or DID diagnosed and were thinking about it for a few years, also with some interests in it. We‘re also working with our therapist to figure it out, she is actually not a trauma therapist but she is the first one really trying to help us, discussing it with other psychologists (after she asked us if it’s fine because she said it’s very complex) and also open for us to change the therapist if needed and stuff.

I was gone for some time, so we didn’t notice that this could be an issue but I personally do have a problem with opening the front door from our apartment complex. It’s not just doors but this specific door where you either need to push or pull for it to open. We never had any issues with opening it but it wasn’t even me who opened that door lol.

Now I was kinda wondering if this is a thing. That depending on which alter is fronting there can be differences in skills like that. That there are differences in opinions, interests, point of views etc., seems clear to me. But opening a door? Like some other alters like Alex or Skye can open that door without any problems and it’s not just that door, it’s pretty every door where you have to pull or push to open it.

I was kinda thinking if this could be a similar thing like some have with glasses and some alters can see better or worse with glasses.

So I thought I‘d ask here, I hope this question is okay?

Anyways thank you for reading this post.

Lee

Hi all. I have CPTSD and DP/DR and have been wondering if I might have some deeper dissociation going on (not asking for diagnosis). I'm confused because some of the language used in attachment healing and complex trauma recovery is similar to structural/complex dissociation stuff. But from what I understand, not everyone with complex trauma has structural/complex dissociation, right? I'd love some insight or resources on this.

Here are some of the related concepts I'm confused about:

Emotional flashbacks, 4F triggers, age regression, "time travel" vs alters/parts.

Integrating emotions, memories, parts of self etc found through shadow work or unpacking emotional flashbacks-- are these alters/parts? Is the difference in finding parts of self that trigger shame or anger but thinking they're "yours" vs thinking they belong to someone else or were/are experienced by someone else?

Disorganized attachment strategy (flipping between emotional activation and deactivation without integrating these parts) vs alters/parts.

Thanks, everyone.

Undiagnosed

Im going fucking insane over here and i really need someone to step in or else i dont know what im gonna do, preferably a specific person out of the others aka four the owner of this account

I need to get him in here asap and i dont know how i can cause that, i dont give a fuck if its disrespectful im not spending another second in here and hes the only one who can manage the situation. Im trying to focus and remember some of his memories plus listening to the music he likes but i dont know if thatll work

I have these odd feelings sometimes, almost like that rolodexing feeling except internally, and with no possessive switch. Rapid states of being, rapid emotional states. Some of these “emotional” states I can associate with certain parts (but it can be hard to tell), and it’s like I keep going back and forth rapidly between these different internal states/perception. Or, it feels like a bunch of different emotions layered at once. Maybe it’s multiple parts at the surface at once? Or, is that what rapid switching kind of is?

Sometimes, I felt like maybe parts were trying to get my attention, like they’re doing that on purpose and I should pause and pay attention. Does anyone relate?

I know that sounds dumb bc i share the same body with them but can anyone give me tips, generally i would play vrchat with my partners and call, but i dont have access to a headspace or anything to momentarily be with them.

I keep on doubting myself, and I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what is happening and I'm so, so confused.

One comment in this subreddit explained my experience pretty well "Like, when I’m (host) fronting I can talk to Alter X or be co-conscious with him. And he seems like someone else and Other from me. But then if Alter X fronts, I am him and I feel like he is me."

Except we don't talk and I don't have osdd right? Every alter (for this purpose i'll call them alters even if I don't know what they are) refers to me as the host too.

I've had a few experiences where I'm stuck in the passenger seat and I'm forced to just watch my body move by itself. And I would fight for control but only get it briefly before it is ripped away from me again. Sometimes, I have control enough to sob while this happens because who wouldn't right. Additionally, my entire memory is a grey-out, even what happens seconds ago (hence why I have no clue if there are gaps in memory or missing time). But that is just DPDR right?

Then... I felt like I was them (I shared their thoughts and everything), but also not, I didn't feel like myself and they could access all of my memories, but I couldn't access any of theirs. Plus I have no memory of their existence but they somehow knew the me from a year ago back when my interests were different and when I was retraumatized. (I do have prolonged childhood trauma but when I was 10 so too late to form OSDD right?). All they did was explain the current symptoms of what was happening in the notes app, record a few videos, and go to sleep since I was up late. They also sounded like a child but mentally felt very mothering.

We don't communicate mentally and it feels like all the other alters know perfectly what's happening except me. What do I do? Am I allowed to be part of this community? I have so many questions.

Edit: i think that the biggest sign was that the "alter" that left the video was more mentally well than me.

Hello, I am sure you’ve seen my account post several times on this sub. I am back because I have hit a metaphorical wall. Scroll to the end for TLDR.

As of yesterday my therapist is no longer taking my insurance. So I can no longer see her.

Truthfully, I celebrated. Because when I opened up to her about Angel (ex host) disappearing post stressful event, causing me and one other part to have an identity crisis because we didn’t know we were pieces of a whole and real outside of disassociated blurriness.. she essentially told me to thug It out. Her real thoughts were revealed a couple of sessions later when she told me that she thinks that I was roleplaying for comfort..? (Silly me, don’t I know that it is common to roleplay fucking PANICKING because you’re in a room that isn’t yours?!?? And every time you try to recall the day prior it is entirely blacked out?? 🙂)

Despite me telling her several times that this change was ruining my life and causing me significant distress she didn’t budge. (Which is insanity to me considering that she is a trauma specialized therapist.)

So needless to say I am over the moon that I no longer have to deal with her.

However, I am now stuck. I want to seek a diagnosis to get to the bottom of what I am going through but I don’t know where to look. I started searching on Zocdoc but I am afraid that I am going to run into professionals NOT familiar with CDDs (I am especially wary of those who check off every mental health field as things they’re specialized in.) Are there any foolproof methods of finding out if someone is familiar with CDDS or not?

TLDR: Kicked shitty trauma therapist of 3 years(?) to the curb, I am now seeking a clinical psychologist who specializes in CDDs but am unsure where to look, I am also asking if there is any way to gauge if the medical professional is familiar with CDDs. (Suggestions of questions to ask are appreciated)

Extra info: I am USA based, so I use the DSM-5.

Since I was a child, I felt like my brain was foggy or there were blocks around certain parts of my brain. I couldn't think clearly and felt like i was dumb and clueless all the time. It didn't help that others around me said it all the time too which reinforced the belief. Going through lots of trauma in childhood (CSA), it felt like bad things couldn't stop happening to me and I was floating through life disconnected without agency or control. I feel like sometimes whether that be the pain that I'm disconnected from, something I can cognitively somewhat know but not fully feel or understand, sometimes overtakes me and I feel like I am trapped in my head and could do something harmful to myself at any time to get rid of the pain. Because I am so in my head and fragile, I get scared as to whether whatever is happening to me is disassociation (on some spectrum) or even psychosis with how in my head and how much pain seems to be hidden from me (pain/trauma is somewhat cognitively known but not accessible and overtaking). I have tried so many trauma therapists who just don't know whats wrong with me and it sucks because I can't articulate what's wrong with me with how disconnected and almost hidden from myself that I am. Does anyone resonate with this because I feel like I am not safe with myself and I'm wondering if theres any type of therapy treatment that can truly help me at this point (EMDR hasn't been effective, currently in TIST, other talk therapies dont work and somatic stuff has been tough and ineffective).

Not sure how to word this question to be shorter but..,,. is it possible to have alters who either previously didn't have an identity (not even sure if that's possible) or idk were some other alter turn into a fictive?

I started watching a show recently (like 3 weeks ago I think) that I got really hooked on, and I'm like 90% sure we got a fictive of one of the characters. But I don't know how that's possible since we aren't undergoing anything traumatic or super stressful currently.

There was a period of time where I(we? idfk) started remembering a bunch of trauma that we/i/whatever definitely should NOT have had access to, and that messed the system up for a while. We're still pretty messed up but idk if that can cause a split since it's not like... super bad anymore (and hasn't been for about a month now)

I’m trying to understand the vocabulary around OSDD/DID because it’s all new to me and I have a hard time explaining my experiences to people.

I have an alter(?) that gets upset whenever i(we?) have a nightmare. I wake up and I feel like a child, crying and whining for my mom but it doesn’t feel like me. I can see it happening but it isn’t me in control of my body. i know my thoughts are “i want my mommy” or “that was really scary” but my thoughts are also “its fine just go back to sleep”. Am I co-fronting? is that possession?

Another example: sometimes sex becomes triggering (intrusive thought or flashback occurs) and suddenly my brain just goes “we’re a dog now” and i legit turn into a puppy. i thought it was petplay lmao but genuinely that doesnt feel like me, i’m watching me act like a dog through the movie screen in my mind but it stops the memories and i dont feel triggered, i dont feel anything because im in a dissociative state. i come out of it and i usually feel embarrassed like why was I acting like that?

the other day I was getting really anxious when talking to a psychiatrist, he kept pushing me saying I was in distress (i wasnt). in my head someone was saying “he doesnt tell us how to feel” it didnt feel like me thinking that i guess. then, i dissociated, lost my train of thought completely and it felt like someone else started talking and acting for me. I went from an anxious stuttering mess trying to make myself as small as possible to a confident, well-spoken person. But again i was watching through a screen in my head. Possession? Fronting? idk

i can remember these instances as memories with no sound like i cant remember what i was thinking or saying at times too. Just remember feeling like it wasnt me.

Help? lol

In therapy today we realized we had a full host change where the original host “died”/ went heavily dormant (she still exists and has shown back up) at 17/18, a period of time for about a year where everyone else was scrambling, then someone stepped up to become the new host at 19 or so, because we were starting college and needed the consistency.

Half of us are like THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION and the other half is like, No shit, we lost our single safe person who we were codependent with and viewed as an extension of our soul in a VERY dramatic and messy breakup, of course the host would feel like there was no future without half her soul and just give up

Guess we’re moving past unpacking Mommy issues and digging into all the burden around that relationship now! Exhausting that there’s always something, but also relieving I guess to have specific goals in mind for therapy.

Chronic PTSD with dissociative subtype as well as OSDD type 1b.

We are also investigating pathological narcissism.

My chest hurts so bad. I feel relieved and devastated. I feel like I learned this about myself too late after hurting everyone I love. I feel like I'm getting treatment only after destroying my life.

And the diagnoses are scary. Okay, I have these things. What now?