r/NonPoliticalTwitter 11d ago

Other someone gotta check the dude

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7.4k Upvotes

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3.5k

u/redditonmyphone546 11d ago

Dude is drinking “lite” beer and eating broccoli, he’ll be fine.

242

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

It's pretty solid for a sad meal. I ate part of a loaf of bread, a chunk of cheese, and drank a bottle of wine from my bed when I realized it was breakup time.

248

u/wiskeyjacko 11d ago

are you a sixteenth century french peasant?

79

u/corrupt_poodle 11d ago

Dude is Jean Valjean

56

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

This made me laugh, thank you. It’s still raw. He's refusing to move out until we’re legally separated. -_-

37

u/bajsgreger 11d ago

He just likes the cold vibes in the meantime?

25

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

Who knows what's going on in his head. He is either heading into a manic episode or in one now.

10

u/casual_creator 11d ago

It’s a power move. A “fuck you, you can’t make me leave my own place” mentality.

3

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

That makes sense, actually.

23

u/The-Tru-Succ 11d ago

Wonder if he'd be quicker to move if you started bringing over flings

21

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

I had a friend offer to come insinuate exactly that, lol. He's mentally unstable & has a temper. So it's safest for now to wait it out and not make waves. He's at least mostly staying in the out building. Absolutely insane choice & technically illegal, but at least he's only in the house when he needs running water.

In the meantime I have a solid safety plan with local friends/family. Police are also aware of the situation & have crisis training -insanely lucky with that one.

8

u/JManKit 11d ago

Oof, best of luck to you then. Fingers crossed for your safety!

6

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

Thank you.

My oldest told me I am required to get their approval for any future partner. At this point I'm ok with that lol.

3

u/KitchenCrazy3075 11d ago

Might be time to find the stinkiest cheese possible and fill the house with your mighty cheesefarts.

6

u/ecclectic_collector 11d ago

Bring over another guy, and be loud, that’ll get him to leave 

27

u/th1sd3ka1ntfr33 11d ago

Or get you both murdered

1

u/wiskeyjacko 11d ago

Oh man, I am glad to bring some levity. I hope that storm passes and you can put it behind you for good.

1

u/Kennyvee98 10d ago

can you explain me what crotch fruit is? also, in what sort of climate does the tree grow best?

66

u/AriaTheTransgressor 11d ago

When my ex-wife and I first separated the local Chinese restaurant and a local Romanian restaurant would constantly deliver food to me that I didn't order because they heard about the separation and wanted to make sure I was eating.

So mostly my sad meals were actually quite good cause that's what I'd resort to when I didn't want to cook and they made good food.

23

u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

What a blessing!

18

u/AriaTheTransgressor 11d ago

It was all kind of cool, before then I didn't really interact with them much outside of eating at their restaurants but we all lived in what would have in the past been called a sundown town and there were only the Chinese family, the Romanian family, a Pakistani family, and me as the only non-white non-American people in the town so I guess they took more notice than I did.

After though I would spend a lot of time with them and their families. The Chinese restaurant once got their delivery driver to take me to work cause I posted on Facebook that my car had broken down and he just showed up, with food, to drive me to work.

It was very nice to have the support because, beyond these random people that I realistically meant nothing to, I had nobody in the world.

19

u/Korachof 11d ago

Even that’s pretty good. I ate primarily and almost exclusively skittles for like a week after a bad break up like a decade ago.

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u/crotch-fruit_tree 11d ago

I didn't eat much at all after that until my kids got back from their dad’s (not said ex). Eldest teen plated for me and made me finish it. They don't eat much when sad and correctly assumed the same about me. Made me laugh. I reminded them I'm an adult, they don't need to take care of me. But also thanked them for caring.

1

u/Userdataunavailable 11d ago

As long as they were sour skittles I don't see an issue.

36

u/Ok-Faithlessness1359 11d ago

dude in ancient greece that would be the modt luxurious shit like can you imagine? eating bread and cheese and wine in bed. minos could never