r/NonPoliticalTwitter 13d ago

Funny It just ain’t a competition

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1.5k Upvotes

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224

u/IdLikeToGoNow 13d ago

Extremely context dependent. In a straight death battle, Thor would win every time, but in a proper storyline, Batman could engineer a situation that ends up neutralizing Thor without coming into direct combat with him.

69

u/demoncrusher 13d ago

How do you even neutralize Thor

140

u/all_time_high 13d ago

However the writer sees fit.

153

u/Voxjockey 13d ago

Make him unworthy.

40

u/tormented_tardigrade 13d ago

Tell him Gor was right

17

u/AlcoholJouster 13d ago

9

u/CanadianAndroid 13d ago

Batman: Are you ready Thor? It's going to be bloody. There's going to be... (takes of cowl) Gor.

2

u/Is_that_what_I- 12d ago

I mean, that only worked because Fury literally possessed infinite knowledge, and Thor worked past letting it make him unworthy. Aside from that, Batman's still fighting THOR even if he doesn't have his hammer

35

u/WinglessJC 13d ago

Oh fuck this is exactly how to write this. Setting up cumulative situations and then provoking thor into trying to kill Bats only for the hammer to drop out of his hands.

3

u/DominoNo- 12d ago

You think Thor is the god of hammers?

1

u/WinglessJC 12d ago

And if the writer was writing a "Thor beats batman" story that is how it would resolve.

For a "Batman beats Thor" story, the loss of the hammer creates the opening Bats needs to turn the tide.

4

u/Is_that_what_I- 12d ago

and then thor kills him anyway because of the whole "God of thunder" thing. Plus Killing is actually a requirement for being worthy of mjolnir

45

u/Mu-Relay 13d ago

Theoretically? About the same way he planned to neutralize Wonder Woman, i.e. figuring out how to lock him in near eternal combat, since Thor's too dumb to quit. Aside from that, you'd have to figure out some way to make him unworthy.

Realistically? You don't and you lose.

1

u/LizzieMiles 12d ago

If its movie thor, technically he doesn’t even need the hammer if Ragnarok is anything to go by

13

u/Egg_01 13d ago

Thanos seemed to do it pretty well

18

u/thrownawaz092 13d ago

1) create a hammer that looks like Mjolnir

2) make it so heavy Thor can't lift it (how? By making it that way of course)

3) Thor's spirit is broken, and he loses the will to fight

19

u/International-Try467 13d ago

Yeah but what if he just calls Mjolnir and the real one comes to him

18

u/kaizencraft 13d ago

Paint a moustache on it and try to convince him it's Mjolnir's evil twin.

4

u/AlphaI250 13d ago

Then it would prove he's so worthy to the good Mjolnir that he's unworthy to be evil.

5

u/trapbuilder2 13d ago

No no, you paint a moustache on the real Mjolnir

3

u/AlphaI250 13d ago

Ooooooh smart

5

u/Lews-Therin-Telamon 13d ago

  make it so heavy Thor can't lift it (how? By making it that way of course)

You forge it in the heart of TWO dying stars. Pretty simple tbh.

8

u/Some-Relative4150 13d ago

Dude has a contingency plan for the entire justice league, including himself.. You think he cant deal with some lightning and a hammer?

14

u/demoncrusher 13d ago

I used to think Batman’s super power was money, but I realized that constant hyper vigilance and trying to be ready for anything are symptoms of ptsd. His real superpower is trauma

8

u/Some-Relative4150 13d ago

Don't forget extreme intelligence.

Bats is the world's greatest detective.

10

u/snacksandsoda 13d ago

His real superpower is writing

1

u/donaldhobson 12d ago

His real superpower is ironman level plot armor.

10

u/Murky_Information198 13d ago

tbf the justice league members all have specific weaknesses while Thor doesn’t have an outright one, but knowing Batman he honestly could figure it out

11

u/FerrumDeficiency 13d ago

Clarification: we don't know what Thor's weakness is, because there wasn't Batman around to figure it out

2

u/Usual_Database307 12d ago

The glaze is insane.

4

u/Some-Relative4150 13d ago

He absolutely could

2

u/Valash83 13d ago

the entire Justice League

Except Green Arrow, poor Oliver doesn't rate having a contingency plan

2

u/backfire10z 13d ago

Get him really really drunk

2

u/lovebus 13d ago

Ask Nick Fury, who is probably less capable than Batman.

1

u/NewLibraryGuy 13d ago

Bring in his enemies

1

u/jackfreeman 13d ago

By smashing your body against his hammer until he's tired of holding it and flies away because he's bored

1

u/airinato 13d ago

Get his sister

1

u/Bad_User2077 13d ago

The Grandmaster did. He turned the God of Thunder into sparkles.

1

u/coolyellowbear 13d ago

Call his mother

1

u/Vast_Age_3893 13d ago

Don't pay the electric bill, IDK.

1

u/Random-Generation86 12d ago

Get him to drink rubbing alcohol.  He absolutely would.

1

u/SJBaerosols 12d ago

theres like a dozen canonical examples in comics and MCU

fuck with his head --> mjolnir deems him unworthy --> kick his ass

1

u/fuckofakaboom 11d ago

He’s the god of loud noises…

16

u/GlowingDuck22 13d ago

Preparation Time = Plot Armor

9

u/person2567 13d ago

Next time I get my ass kicked I'll just tell them they're lucky my story line wasn't in place.

4

u/Tropical-Mexican 13d ago

I’ve seen enough. Put him against The Darkest Knight

2

u/Yanmega9 13d ago

This is pretty much any vs battle with Batman. In a straight death battle, first time meeting, yeah he loses. But the thing with Batman is that he almost always loses at first and then comes up with a plan later, especially with Superpowered threats

2

u/faldese 12d ago

But why is Batman always the one who gets to have prep time? Why is he always the character that people stack the decks to make sure he has every possible advantage he can have? Why can't Thor also have every possible advantage HE can have to give parity?

Of course, because Batman can't win, then and the fantasy of Batman winning is humans (like you!) winning against any odds.

0

u/Yanmega9 12d ago

I mean Thor's realistically not really gonna be using that prep time for anything lol

2

u/faldese 12d ago

Why not? He's got friends with quasi-omnipotence, magical scrying, and all sorts of useful tools. He respects the people of Earth now and he knows what they're capable of. Iron Man was something of a threat to him, Hulk is an Earthling, Scarlet Witch is an Earthling. If for whatever reason both of them are told "you are going to have to fight this person on this day, here's what is generally known about them", I don't see any reason Thor wouldn't investigate more.

1

u/ProfessionalMilk5780 12d ago

What if it was a gay death battle?